“It’s nothing personal.” Jily angst
Thank you for the prompt!!
The students greeted each other and chatted animatedly as they loitered in the Great Hall. Excitement hung thick in the air before the first Hogsmeade trip of the term. The students, already bored of studying, longed to rid themselves of the stuffy castle and stroll up and down the village streets with no agenda. The news had been so terrible recently, new deaths and attacks reported every day, that they had collectively decided that everyone needed a day off.
Lily stood with her back to the crowd, clicking her tongue boredly as she waited for Dorcas and Mary to join her. She’s only left the common room after making both girls promise not to sleep through the day. Mary had merely grunted, and Dorcas stuck a hand out from under the covers to flip her off.
As Lily wondered whether her friends would ever join her she felt a sharp jab between her shoulder blades. Ouch! She whirled around for the cause of the pain. “Watch it, mudblood,” hissed Rosier as he passed. He’d jabbed her in the back with the point of his wand.
Lily forced herself to stay cool. He wouldn’t dare attack her in the hall, there were too many other students around. Besides, she could handle Rosier.
She watched him walk away with narrowed eyes, then looked back up the staircase towards the Gryffindor common room. It was entirely possible that her two dates had abandoned her after all.
But for Lily Evans another date was always waiting around the corner.
“Alright, Evans?” a voice called to her from across the hall.
She sighed. James Potter and two thirds of his crew meandered through the crowd in her direction.
Sirius glanced behind her, as if he were looking for someone. “You look a little lost without your girl gang, Evans.”
“Yes, well,” Lily winced as she tried to rub the bruise between her shoulders, “some of us had a bit of a lie-in this morning. They never could handle their booze.”
Remus tutted loudly. “Lily Evans, head girl, drinking alcohol!”
“I’m of age!” she laughed, punching him on the arm, “though I suppose that doesn’t make a difference when we’re in school.”
“Careful, Evans,” James wagged a finger annoyingly in her face, “or we’ll report you. We can’t have any troublemaking in the dorm that isn’t caused by the four of us.”
“Speaking of the four of you,” Lily interrupted, “where’s Pete?”
“Detention,” snickered Sirius, “the git didn’t hand in his Transfiguration homework. He’s only barely in the NEWT class in the first place, and you know McGonagall hates when people slack in her class.”
Lily raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “Yes, I’m sure you would know all about that.”
Sirius, pretending to be offended by Lily’s comment, grabbed Remus’ hand. “Come on, love, best leave these two to chat. We’ll meet you in The Hog’s Head, Prongs.” And they wandered away towards the large front doors.
James watched them go with a sappy look on his face. “Those two are so adorable, don’t you think?”
Lily smiled, but realized that she suddenly didn’t know what to say. She and James didn’t usually find themselves alone unless they were on Head duties or studying. She felt her palms grow a bit sweaty, which made her want to smack herself. It’s just Potter, she thought furiously, get a grip.
“Well,” prompted James, who raised a hand to scratch the back of his head anxiously. This movement showed off the muscles in his arms, toned from hours on the quidditch pitch. Stop thinking about his muscles! she berated herself. “I guess we should get going then, shouldn’t we?”
“What?” She snapped distractedly, forcing herself back to the present.
“Hogsmeade, I guess we should head down,” James gestured at the crowd of students behind her. They had begun to make their way out of the entrance hall and down into the grounds.
Lily paused. It was one thing to chat with James in the entrance hall where the whole school gathered. It was another to walk down to Hogsmeade with him. Alone. Where Rosier or anyone else could see.
She took a step away from James. “I better not. People might think…”
James took a small step towards her, the corner of his mouth lifting flirtatiously. “Might think what, exactly?”
Lily felt her insides grow cold. “Might think there’s something going on between us when there isn’t.”
James froze, the smile melting off his face. He tried to puff out his chest and look unbothered, but Lily knew better. “Right,” he huffed, “of course. Couldn’t have people thinking that, imagine the horror.”
“Potter,” she was doing this all wrong, “it isn’t like that. It’s nothing personal, it’s just complicated-”
“No, you’re right. It’s complicated. I’ll see you around, Evans,” and with that, James turned on his heel and marched out into the sunlight.
“Fantastic job, Lily,” she muttered to herself as she watched him go with a hollow feeling in her heart.
She couldn’t expect him to understand. It was acceptable that she and James had grown closer this year, given that they were Head Boy and Girl, but she knew she couldn’t let their connection grow into anything beyond acquaintance. These days, muggleborns walked the halls at Hogwarts with targets on their backs. Lily was already considering going into hiding with her Dad after graduation. She couldn’t drag James into her mess. Life was already complicated enough without introducing cocky, headstrong, pureblood into the mix.
She checked her watch and sighed. Her friends definitely weren’t coming. She glanced one last time towards the front doors, but James had disappeared into the thinning crowd. Lily turned on the spot and headed towards the staircase. There would always be another Hogsmeade trip next month.
