A while ago I made a post saying "SHORT GUIDE TO INSTALLING LINUX" which was just some unfunny satire, so to make up for that sin, here's an actual
Beginner's Guide to Installing Linux
Distro? Huh? What?
"Distro" = distribution. Back in the ancient days there were three major distributions; Yggdrasil, Slackware and Debian.
Then Yggdrasil fucking died, Slackware went off grid, and Debian had 5 million children, the biggest of which was Ubuntu, because Ubuntu also had 5 million children.
Some distros are made to be easy, and some are "barebones" (you have more control) but way harder!
You'll probably want to install Linux Mint, or ZorinOS, both of which are spin-offs of Ubuntu and made for newbies like YOU
What physical stuff do I need?
A computer, of course. Make sure it meets the (very small) requirements of the selected Distro
Some external storage device, which most likely will be a USB stick. This is where your ISO file will be burned
(The ISO file basically holds the key to installing Linux. It makes that USB stick into a Linux impregnator for any computer it sticks into. Okay sorry the metaphor went too far
(PS: Make sure your USB can hold at least 4 GB! Some distros can be smaller, but you're probably not installing those beauties)
What stuff do I have to install?
THE ISO FILE. On Linux Mint, on the download page, you'll have to choose between Cinammon (newer computers) and XFCE (older computers) , and then download from one of the mirrors below (doesn't matter which)
As for ZorinOS, go to the download page, and clicking whichever one you want automatically downloads the file for you. Core is the obvious option
But obviously you can't just drop the ISO file onto the USB and call it a day. No, no, you need an app such as Rufus (Windows) or UNetbootin (Mac OR Windows) to release the USB' testosterone and make an impregnation-maniac out of its stick. sorry sorry I keep making the same metaphor...
By that, I mean you make a bootable USB for Linux
However, before you even do that, you'll wanna make sure the ISO file's the right one
This is a "just in case" step and technically optional, buuutt there's always a chance you'll hate yourself over not doing it
On Windows, download 7-zip, right click on the ISO file, and copypaste the line of text next to SHA256
On Mac, just run the following command in your terminal:
shasum -a 256 [file path to the ISO file]
Take the output and make sure it's the same as the checksum on that particular distro's website;
On Mint, it should be the button that says sha256sum.txt
For some incomprehensible reason, on ZorinOS, it's on this site.
If it doesn't match, just delete that ISO file and redownload it. If it does, burn it onto the USB.
How do I US my B?
On Rufus, select the ISO (the first option), GPT or MBR doesn't really matter for you in particular, just choose whatever. Then start.
On UNetBootin, pick Diskimage, choose ISO, and select the ISO file, and choose what type of external storage it is (is it a USB stick? hard disk? etc.)
Okay, my flash can now "impregnate" the computer with Linux, what now?
Here, we have to turn off your computer's condom. By which I mean, boot your computer up, hit either Enter, F12, F11, or whatever button it is that sends you into the UEFI or BIOS
Then turn off Secure Boot. This Secure Boot is basically the condom protecting the computer from the USB stick
Most computers hide it under the boot section. Otherwise just navigate through BIOS' ugly UI until you find it, or look it up.
Finally, turn off the computer,
then plug the USB into it,
and turn it back on
And enter the boot menu. Once again the button for this changes from computer to computer. It's probably either Esc, F12, F11, F8, or F9. Look it up.
On the boot menu, choose the option blatantly named USB.
Okay, you've entered the desktop, but we're not quite done yet...
See that "Install ..." app in the top left? Double click that, and start the installation process. After you actually do that process, you've finally entered the actual desktop! Finally!
You'll be greeted with a message that tells you to activate the Firewall, set up timeshift (archives your entire system), etc. Just like the installation process, it should be easy
And thus, you can switch your desktop environment to GNOME or KDE or something else. You can change your terminal or file manager. You can run Windows-native apps through winehq, winapps, bottles or whatever. You can do basically anything you want. Get ready to experience freedom, motherfucker.
Congratulations on the switch, and welcome to fucking hell!
Actually, wait, isn't hell FreeBSD's thing? Linux is more about penguins...