I'm tipsy and alone and two thirds into my glass
but THIS SHOULD BE A THING
AND HE IS NOT MINE
BUT ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WATCH MY BOAT GO BY
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY FOLLOW ME HOME LIKE AN AWKWARD PUPPY WHO THEN TAKES MY CLOTHES OFF
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY EXIST IN ROTATING CONCENTRIC CIRCLES
AND HE IS NOT MINE NOT MINE NOT MINE
BUT I THINK ABOUT THE FALL AND HOW IT IS NOT FAIR
HOW FALL IS PERHAPS UNKIND TO ME
fall is perhaps unkind to me
spring and winter and summer fuel me and take me through the dead leaves, the dead parts
spring is cyclical, everything repeats itself
I am not who I was, but perhaps not that different
maybe this is me, still
it's about creating yourself not finding yourself
I want to create better
I want more characters, better theme songs
it is not fair and this should be a thing and it is not fair that you can take my clothes off and not try to call me in the morning or the morning after or the other morning after or at all
it is not fair because I am sick of trying and not trying and not figuring out which works
and it is not fair to me because this should manifest itself differently
and it is not fair because what if someone wants me more and I don't know about it
it is not fair because I want to wake up to him again and he is not mine and has never been, but I treat him as such
it is not fair it is not fair it is not fair
I don't know how to react when people don't feel
I feel too much
not "not at all", although I pretend well I want to swirl you down into my whiskey and look up and have you acknowledge that i fucking exist
I FUCKING EXIST AND THIS IS A THING THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT
AND it is spring again, and I don't just want it to be spring
I want it to be summer, also,
and you will not be far and I will be here
and I don't know why you're not going home, but I am essentially staying for too long anyways
and I thought about flirting with boats during my french film an hour ago
and it is possible it is possible it is possible
you carry yourself differently and maybe I do, too
I try to be more desirable
but perhaps the issue is that there isn't desire
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG, UNIVERSE
HE JUST COMES TO MEEE