#littlescenes

[dananickerson]

A small scene we found in the woods looking for waterfalls. . . . . #littlescenes #autumnvibes🍁 #newbrunswickcanada #explorenb #canada #waterfallsfordays #raw_allnature #fallscenery #photooftheday #natgeoyourshot #landscape_shots (at Evandale, New Brunswick) https://www.instagram.com/p/CU3nMekLE1g/?utm_medium=tumblr

[dreamydarkblue]

Weren't we the greatest of them all? How could you run off without even looking back?

You hurt me so fucking much that i speak of you just in words whispered in different languages i try to lock away. I'll keep you in this song, maybe, so you leave me alone.

I am desperate, pathetic and unlovable .

But wasn't it too much my baby? Wasn't it not what i deserved my baby? And I'll still love you my baby! A green light hangs over my head. i don't know how to drive anymore maybe the headlights will answer me. tomorrow or today, does it matter? i'll stay with only myself.

today or tomorrow, would it matter? my cat is the only one waiting at home.

- 1st of August, 13.05

[dreamydarkblue]

i didn't know how much you liked summer, now it's august and i still haven't talked to you at all.

would you have wanted to ride a bike with me around the island? would you have wanted to go on a picnic? would you have liked the flowers before they started to lose their colours? would you have made crowns just to pretend?

i didn't know how much you liked summer, now it's august and the leaves have started to fall.

- 1st of August, 12.02

[dreamydarkblue]

And there are somethings you just can’t let go: Like the way candlelight brushed on your features. It was a happy summer, when I spent it with you. I would burn it all away if it meant you would stay A little more.

Let’s pick the strawberries from my garden And we’ll eat them together, fingertips stained with pink. I wanna have a taste, and I hope you’ll let me stay In your arms, against the sun, so far away. Our thoughts are so far away.

I wouldn’t have begged you if you didn’t mean to Make me yours and yours and yours and yours.

Carry me towards the end, where it all began, Sing me the lullabies you know I loved Will they stay the same or will they all change Again and again and again and again?

Will they stay the same or will they all change Again and again and again and again?

- 9th of July, 19.57

[dreamydarkblue]

How would a thorn understand it was painful to the touch, if that's what it knew all it's life?

How could it regret wanting to be loved just like the petals, if the petals were caressed?

It only knows blood, it only gets the affection of the petals when there is blood, so what if it thinks blood is the way of loving?

The petals are red and everyone loves it so much.

Blood is red as well but why does everyone frown when they see it?

Don't they want to love, don't they know that blood is care?

- 9th of April, 2.34

[dreamydarkblue]

Are you okay?

I think so…. I am not sure but if I can answer, I must be, right?

Do you love yourself?

Well, love is a strong word, I don’t know if I can use it that loosely.

Do you like yourself?

Only sometimes, when I can make someone else happy.

Why not all the time, why would you stop yourself from doing it completely?

It’s very undeserving of me to do so, that’s why.

Do you wish to be different?

So much so… but I think it would take too much time to explain why.

Why?

There are just so many good things that could come from being different.

Can you be different?

I try to be.

Will you be different?

I don't think so.

- 5th of April, 2.06

[dreamydarkblue]

i am so happy when i am alone, i only have myself to disappoint. i don't need to matter to anyone else. so when i am with people and finally getting comfortable about myself, it hurts so fucking much to feel the pain and hurt over and over again.

why am i not important next to other people?

i always speak to everyone as they are important, as everyone's special.

why am i not?

please, someone, just tell me the reason i am even abandoned by my family who is supposed to love me so much that it becomes addictive.

the only thing i know is pain, and it's always pain.

It's so hard trying to keep it all together in front of them, and even then my mask cracks a little. no one hears a thing.

i guess she is right when she says i spend too much time in there.

where else can i go?

i am so sorry that i can't be someone to anyone.

I wanna believe people so fucking much when they say they miss me. and i do, i do believe it and that's my fucking fault.

but it's a lie, it's always a lie. how could it not be if the only ending I've ever knew is tears on the toilet seat?

i shout and i scream, don't you hear me?

why does no one care about my feelings as much as i care about theirs?

i truly am unnecessary and unimportant.

i never wanted to believe it but i have always been.

and i guess that's why i try so hard for other people to not feel the same. i know how it tears your soul in parts you can't sew back together.

i am supposed to be hopeful and happy but what is a garden without the care?

- 7th of june, 1.13

[dreamydarkblue]

Was the dime worth more with my blood on it? Every single second is dangerous, every single breath is treacherous. If my hands kept shaking while i was trying to push it away, would i be weak? What if i didn't stop, what if i kept shouting until my throat was on fire? Would i be aggressive? She tried to make me feel like i was the one to apologise, when all you ever did was watch. Does my fury entertain you? Why isn't my hand wiping away my tears painful? Am i wrong? Am i too conceited? Tell me without the hurt. I am used to it, i can take the emotions. Weren't you supposed to protect me? I am just a child, how would i know what is right? My flowers started dying yesterday, all of them just withering away. I think you watered them too much, not listening to my pleas and letting me have this one thing.  But they'll come back. Another spring they will see and bloom once more. I keep wondering, will i get to see the flowers?

-12th of May, 10.32