#littletinyphantom

[littletinyphantom]

Si-Sickening. 20/4/17

~10.49pm~

So sick, So sick of sad songs And sad poetry, and the sadness Of consumption. So sick, To the stomach with over-eating And under-eating And days without sleeping. So, so sick, And heavy eyed, and lazy bodied, And unarmed. So sick of being left lonely, Less than loving questions And a lack of commitment- Human depravity. So, so sick-sickening.

[littletinyphantom]

Alcohol. 18/5/17

~2.21am~ Dizzy hedonistic pleasure, Let me lace you with seduction Now, Before my lazy tongue tells you Just how lonely life has been. Before my parted lips, Tongue, half awaiting a stranger's embrace, Forget to seal shut and continue to Forget about it. Put your cold hands On my unfamiliar face and caress it. Graze those cheeks, So plump and rosy But with 37% and nicotine. Don't touch my throat. Don't bite my lip, Don't graze my taste buds with eager teeth. Don't choke me up and break me down, Don't move me in warmer directions. If only numbness lasted forever. And hazy mind fog made decisions. If only alcohol caused only pleasure. However, here we have Insanity, no sensibility, and lack of ambition.

[littletinyphantom]

Burning. 7/5/17

~11.51pm~

You set me alight, Like gasoline coated fingers That are slick to the soul With a tingle beyond human toleration. The burning moves, From viscous layer, onto Sensitive skin And starts scarring, And repeats the scarring, And it never ends, And the fire keeps on burning Down to bone. You wear me down to my bones. You wear my charred remains, Like a furcoat on your shoulders, Like a tribal man hunting, Like a trophy wife gone wrong. My purpose is long gone with the wind, And I’m just a bag of sooty bones, And ash coated teeth. I’ve gone anon, and unrecognisable. I am nothing.

[littletinyphantom]

Sore Hearts. 14/5/17

~1.27am~ Do you ever just have A sore heart? The base of your organ throbbing, Throat almost numbing With the dull burning sensation And that bubbling panic? How about that feeling of choking? Like someone has let out your blood, Soaked their own knuckles, Wriggled dirty tips into the wound And let go before you gave up. Have you ever felt it? Have you ever beat it to a stop? Have you ever felt that pain rise? That thudding pain, Swelling up your nerve centre And stopping by your eyes. Tell me, have you ever felt Your heart inside your eyes? Have you ever felt crimson tides Filling your retinas? Have you ever been blinded By a sore, sore heart? By a bloodied, throbbing heart? By a let down heart, Have you ever felt that? Have you ever felt let down?

[littletinyphantom]

Alive? 20/4/17

~11.54pm~ "How do I know that I'm alive?" You whispered from the attic And my lonely bones shrugged, Whispered an incoherent answer, And ran back to my preferred lover. Because you see, I didn't know how to help When I knew I didn't care, About you. Now I'm asking these four walls, "How do I know that I'm alive?" And beating myself, On hands and knees, And taking nine tails to the palms Because I think I deserve it, And that is how I feel alive. That's how I know that I'm alive. Someone told you to stop listening, Stop listening to their words And sad music and sad movies. Someone told you to teach yourself- To be alive. And you didn't know how. How are we alive? How do I know that your alive? How do I know that I'm alive?

[littletinyphantom]

Red Lines. (Reconnected) 18/4/17

~2.23am~

Calloused thumbs Run over textured cheeks, And warm bodies press together. The silence, pregnant, With all those lyrical phrases Waiting to be muttered Into the light of day. Those words that finally surface After too many sunsets, And watery eyes And rainy days, and 2AMs wasted.

Those eyes you know so well, They finally stare back. And not distorted by your bedroom mirror Or the slick sweat that coats your tattered palms. Bag-heavy, and half asleep They stare back in confusion. Finally. Deciphering everything they have missed In months of unread anguish And senseless cries for… Someone? Something?

Calloused thumbs Run over textured cheeks, And warm tears run together. Your mother told you not to be a lover, And abstinence is the only form of protection For a fragile soul, like yours. Everything is waiting, Everyone is waiting For the Roman Empire they have built To collapse, Trojan horses turning two cities Into one.

[littletinyphantom]

Tonsils and Tastebuds 4/4/17

~23.17am~ My mouth tastes like dead men and illness. My tastebuds feel stained from all the coffees I never finished, And all the lovers I never kissed. My throat is dry with insomnia And I cannot bring myself to stop the coughing fits, And I'm waiting on the regurgitated blood. My mouth tastes just how yours would Had you not spoken for over a day, And abandonded all sense of love. And my throat feels like I gargled your salt water, And vomited it up into the mouths of babes Who were hysterical... Truly hysterical. Tonsils and tastebuds straddle the line between forever and ether, And I can't help but feel them fading. I'm gonna miss them when they're gone. The gently parted lips that whisper all I've ever known, They will miss my tastebuds too. They will miss me.

[littletinyphantom]

Mother? Reassure me. 17/4/17

~1.34am~ I do not know how to feel, But my mother said I would be okay. You'll be okay, You'll be okay You'll be okay You'll be okay. And she told me the lions in my dreams They cannot hurt me My mother told me so. She told me so, She told me so She told me so She told me so. And now my face has gone ashen, And there's bile in my mouth, And I cannot stand to look my mother In her beautifully rounded eyes... I am not okay. Let the lions engulf me. I have become my weaknesses.