“You look beautiful, Remus” She had said. Her hand trailed his chest to his back and all over again. She whispered sweet words, full of love and passion. “You’re gorgeous” She breathed into his ear. “You’re lovely” She groaned. Remus didn’t say anything back. He couldn’t. He was busy reading in his sweater while she was wearing a revealing dress that revealed a little too much cleavage for his liking.
She tried to weasel her way in his lap, slipping over his book and throwing her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. Remus couldn’t do it. Not when he was thinking of him.
The him, the one.
and she says you look beautiful tonight
He liked Nymphadora, he really did. Just not how she wanted him to love her. He liked to spend time with her, but not like how she wanted to spend time with him. He preferred sitting and talking about things they enjoyed, sipping tea. She preferred whispered nothings in ears, breathless moans, and being driven over the edge a bit too hard.
and i feel perfectly fine
But Remus didn’t like that with her. He felt love for her as something of a friend. There was only one person who he wanted to whisper things in his ear, moan at something particularly good he was doing, and be driven over the edge by.
but i miss screaming and fighting
They loved each other. Remus and Sirius. They had a different type of love. It was complicated, messy, chaotic, but real. It was an emotional and sensitive. It felt like what love should feel like. But Sirius had told Remus something that broke Remus’s heart. “I wish you were a girl.” He said after a year of being together. He had his hand on his cheek and was crying.
and kissing in the rain
He missed the intimate nights of them being together. He missed the moonlit kisses they had. He missed Sirius.
and it’s 2 am and i’m cursing your name
The last night they were together they both went to bed crying. “What do you mean, you wish I was a girl?” Remus asked through gritted teeth. Remus knew what he meant.
“I just mean I love you but you’re not the type of person I should be dating.” Sirius said, a tear running down his face.
Remus felt his face heat up in embarrassment. He jerked away from Sirius’s hand. “How could- How-“ He didn’t finish.
“Remus I-“
“No.” Remus said. He packed his bag in the night. He didn’t come back. Not for 4 months.
So in love that you act afraid
“Dora.” Remus said, stopping Nymphadora (or Tonks, as she preferred)
Tonks stopped, her dress was coming up and her lipstick was smeared. “Yes?” She asked.
“I cant do this.” He said, his voice breaking. “I love you but i’m not in love with you.” He told her, closing his eyes. Tonks leaned and kissed his nose softly.
“I know.” She said, her voice was sad but understanding. “Go get him.” She said.
Remus didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as he made sure Tonks was ok, he went outside and slipped into his car. The night was inky and the moon was waning.
He arrived at the shared house with christmas lights strung up all around. There were two cars in the driveway, and one motorbike. He recognized one car as James and the others as Sirius’s. He didn’t recognize the motorbike.
His thoughts started to control him. ‘Does he have a girlfriend now?’ He asked himself.
He didn’t move for awhile until the rain started falling. He told himself it was then or never. He walked stiffly up to the door and knocked once, twice. Sirius opened the door, his head turned back. He was smiling when he turned around but it dropped the moment he saw Remus.
“Remus.” He said, his voice breaking.
“Sirius.” Remus choked. “I’m sorry.” Remus didn’t really know what he was apologizing for. Leaving? Coming back?
“Remus.” Sirius said again, this time sounding on the verge of tears.
“I’m so sorry. Sirius, I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I came back, and I’m sorry i’m intruding your time with your girlfriend but I-“ Remus started.
“Girlfriend?” Sirius asked.
“Yeah I saw the motorbike and I assumed-“ Remus said.
Sirius rolled his eyes and grumbled a few words that sounded like ‘bloody idiot’ before grabbing the front of Remus’s shirt and kissing him.
Remus kissed back. This was unlike a lot of their kisses. This was soft and warm despite the cold rain pattering on the sidewalk around them.
Sirius released him and swore. “You’re wet. Come in.”
The rest of the night they spent kissing, and watching movies, and whispering I love you’s in the dark.
and that’s the way i love you
