#lix rants

[byeolyoong]

it' been making me very stressed how much pressure there is in fandoms (not neccessarily from fans, but the also industry itself) when it comes to consuming media and being on top of everything constantly. I know a lot of this has to do with me struggling with anxiety and depression, but at the same time I just wish everything could slow down a bit because this can't be normal for anyone? the past days I've been so depressed I could barely get out of bed, going onto any social media and being bombarded with stuff I usually love, but now can't muster up even an ounce of enthusiasm for - it really fucks with my head. I'm just so tired and I wish I could enjoy the things I love, but at the same time the sheer amount and tempo of everything (even when I'm in a better headspace) gives me so much anxiety.

[lixdoesntknow]

Moving is so exhausting I never want to move ever again i’m suddenly very acutely aware of how autistic I am and how it affects every single facet of my life and my routines are GONE and I want everything to just go BACK TO NORMAL please but there’s no normal anymore because I can hear the interstate from inside my apartment this was a huge oversight on my part but at least I can afford it.

I can afford it, and it’s mine and mine alone.

Trying to look at the silver linings.

[byeolyoong]

while I'm at it with the brain vomits™️ can I just say it makes me really uncomfortable seeing all the content of chris' abs being on display when he himself has said he feels embarrassed by it and even going so far as to say he needs to be braver about showing them??? it genuinely makes me want to crawl up and rock myself back and forth bc if someone feels like that, they should be reassured that they do not owe anyone anything, specially not their bodies?! idk if it's me being overprotective, but it genuinely makes me uncomfortable how little authority idols seem to have over their own bodies

[byeolyoong]

possible tw/ mental health

not him sending this as im laid here genuinely debating whether or not to wake up tomorrow.

[byeolyoong]

me: drinks two cups of iced coffee for the first time in months knowing damn well it'll make my anxiety act up

*anxiety acts up*

me:

[byeolyoong]

might fuck around and redo my theme in honour of maxident hmmmmmmmmm lots to think abt

[byeolyoong]

i think the anxiety from the past six months finally caught up with me. like i've been feeling it all this time but now that some things are finally falling into place i guess i'm letting myself feel it and i feel so incredibly alone and unlovable