#lmhtw

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Had an itch to write on Let Me Heal The Wounds tonight.... haven’t touched this fic in over two years.

Someone needs to fix this train wreck. I still love it and can’t ever give it up but also feel like I could never finish it.

Anyway...here’s a snip if anyone cares...

TW: Jay’s death in past-tense

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“It’s...it’s been a long time, H.”

“Then it’s about time to see them all again, no? And I’ll be there with you the whole time, however you need me. I’m with you,” Harry said. He had been encouraging Louis every step of the way this morning.

Louis couldn’t pinpoint the exact feeling he had about going back to Doncaster. Dread seemed like too big of a word, but he couldn’t help but feel like that was the closest he could come. For him, Doncaster wasn’t home anymore. It was the place where his biological father father left him. The place his family left him for. The place where his mom died. The place his family was, and still is, torn apart from each other. He loved Doncaster for so many things, but it wasn’t the same anymore. He, more often than not, wished he could just kind of never have to go back there.

“You’re not wrong, H. But we need to make a stop before we go to their house, though.”

“And just where is it that you’re taking me, Tomlinson?” Harry asked with a hint of knowing in his voice.

Louis couldn’t help but be nervous. Harry was holding a giant bouquet of sunflowers across his lap. Louis might have helped Harry win brownie points on that. If there is one thing Louis knew about the women he called sisters, it was that they all loved sunflowers. He never really asked them though if they all liked them on their own or if it was more a nod to their mother, since they were also hers.

“I’m taking you to meet my mom. I haven’t had the chance to actually talk to her in years. I want to change that today. It’s only fair that you meet her since now I’ve met yours,” Louis said, turning down a gravel road that didn’t look like much of a road at all.

Harry reached over and planted his hand firmly on Louis’s thigh, and squeezed. He stayed silent, feeding off of Louis’s energy. He was grateful he didn’t need to explain more. People who’ve never lost a parent never seem to understand the unbearable heartache that never leaves. They give you too many sad smiles, they keep a distance, they ask too many questions that just keep the wound open and active.

But people who, like Harry, have also lost a part of themselves, they understand that grief never really goes away. There is an understanding that the tidal waves of loss and sadness and anger and longing still come, just as big and devastating as the first time they crashed into you. They also understand that time, while it never heals, definitely helps keep the waves at bay little longer each time they go. They let it be, they wait patiently, they understand when to just reach over and hold on tight because no words will ever make it better.

“On one of her best days towards the end, we went for a drive, just me and her. We laughed and gave each other shit about some of our more questionable life choices. He made fun of me for trying to convincer her my first girlfriend was going to be my wife. I gave her a bit of shit about some of the men she dated. She picked the soundtrack for the trip and it was all oldies or songs from my childhood that we used to dance to in our pajamas on Saturday mornings. Somewhere along the open road with the windows down, while I was driving, I forgot. Harry, I forgot my mom was dying. I didn’t even realize that would probably be my last time alone with her. I wasn’t worried about her blood counts or immune system for the first time in months. We just laughed and laughed as I drove, following her directions of which way to turn and when. Mom simply told me what to do and I obeyed without question, much like the rest of my life where she was concerned. She wouldn’t tell me where we were going, but had me drive directly to here. I still don’t really know how she found this place.”

The road essentially ended at the edge of a small field, surrounded by huge, old weeping willow trees. There was a scattering of headstones of varying shapes, sizes, and distress. Louis turned off the car and reached for the door handle.

“Shall we?” He asked, flashing Harry a small, if not broken sort of smile.

Harry let go and grabbed a lone sunflower from the large bouquet before he set the rest on the dashboard.

Louis reached for Harry’s hand as they began to walk, Louis leading the way. “We didn’t know a single person buried here. But when I pulled up, we got out and Mom took my hand as we walked toward the cemetery.” Louis had to stop his voice from shaking. Aside from a small group of family and friends that had been with Louis on the day of Jay’s funeral, he had never brought anyone else to where they were laid to rest.

“It’s beautiful. Is that weird to say about a cemetery?” Harry said, voice barely above a whisper.

“No. It was my first comment about this place, too,” Louis whispered back. His steps got heavier the closer he got to Jay’s headstone. It had been eleven years since her passing and being here made it feel like yesterday. He let go of Harry’s hand and instead wrapped his arm around Harry’s, almost clutching for support. Harry let him, without so much as a glance down.

Louis suddenly stopped short and gulped for air.

Hi, Mom. I’ve missed you.

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I was tagged a few days ago by the lovely @ham-palpert to post the last sentence I wrote. It’s been a few days so I apologize for the late response!

Instead of any response, Harry adjusted his pillow and closed his eyes. Louis watched him sleep until he, too, fell into golden slumber with nothing but love love love running through his mind.

...what can I say? I’m at a really schmoopy point of my fic. Ask me in a few days and I’ll most likely be back to angst.

I don’t know how many people I’m supposed to tag and I know a lot of people have already done this, but the beauty of this is that writing is a flowing process and hopefully new things have be written! So, I tag @iamasphodelknox , @indiaalphawhiskey , @suddenclarityharry , @theficwritersblock , @homosociallyyours , @allwaswell16 , @becomeawendybird , @lululawrence ...so please do it if you’d like!

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7/7/7 Challenge

Since I was so late to the last sentence game, @lululawrence decided to bring back 7/7/7 instead. Post 7 sentences from the 7th page of your current WIP and tag 7 people.

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“I’m also going to lick you,” Harry said, voice still charged and low. There was no mistake that even while down pleasuring Louis, Harry was most definitely in control. “I’m going to bend you over the piano and be the one on my knees this time.”

Louis could do nothing but whimper in response.

“That’s right, Baby. I’m going to make sure that you’re mine. Are you mine?”

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Hoooo boy. There you go! I already tagged people in the last one, so consider this an open invite from me to do this, regardless of previous tags or not!

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A list of my completed published works on A03. I hope you enjoy. If you do, please consider leaving a like or kudo, or even a comment. Thanks!

From the @larrydrabble​ Winter Challenge:

Baby Cakes Harry and Louis have very different approaches to the day their first daughter is born. (Part one of The Adventures in Children series)(100 Words)

An Awfully Good Boy Harry wishes he could give Louis the world. This holiday season, he'll settle for giving Louis a cottage. (100 Words)

Us, Plus Twelve Harry tries to convince Louis that their first holiday together in months should also somehow involve both of their entire families. Louis, unsurprisingly, puts up a bit of a fight. (100 Words)

From the @larrydrabble Spring Challenge:

Junie Jay Styles and the Must-Splash Puddles Puddles were made for splashing. Just ask four-year-old Juniper Jay Styles. (Part Two of the Adventures In Children series) (100 Words)

Sunrises and Sunflowers A sunflower without sun must feel a whole lot like Louis without Jay. (100 Words)

In Bright Pink (With Butterflies) Louis decides new curtains are in order. (100 Words)

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When you see this, post a snippet of your current WIP.

“Well my loves. This has been joy. But I’ve got an early morning coffee crew that won't wait for me or care much about my hangover,” Gemma announced, slightly slurred and definitely slowed. “So this is me. Saying goodnight.”

“Gems, you’re not driving home like this,” Harry’s speech also slurred and unimaginably slower than normal.

“No shit, you twat. I have a bedroom here, did you forget? My bed awaits.”

Louis raised his glass in her honor as she stood up.

“I suppose I should let you all get back to your lives,” Louis sighed.

“Lou, you can't drive either,” Emma spoke up from her lounge chair. Honestly everyone though she had been asleep for at least an hour by that point.

“I can get a taxi. It's no big deal. I’ll grab my car tomorrow.”

“Or you could just stay. Right, Dad?”

Harry adjusted his throat. “Yeah. You could just do that.”

“No, I really shouldn't. I'll just go.”

“Lou. Stay. We have guest rooms. Dad, make him stay,” her sleepy voice rang out.

“I'm going to let you in on a secret, Louis,” Harry smiled coyly. “Once Emma’s made up her mind, good luck trying to change it.”

What the ever-loving fuck was it about the Styles’s that Louis constantly found himself in these sorts of situations?

“Oh, that's a secret?” Louis laughed, a little too freely after the amount of wine he had consumed. “I mean. I just. I don't have a toothbrush. Or pants. Or a change of clothes for work. Or...well that's about it, actually.”

“I don't know about a toothbrush, but mouthwash for sure. And Dad? You’ve got clothes Louis could wear for bed, right? And you're not that far away from home. You can always get up early and run home before work. You know Niall lets you get away with being late. See. Problems solved.”

“I guess that’s that, then.”

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If you see this, post a snippet of your WIP

“You’re right. Why ruin tonight when there’s plenty of time for activities?” Louis smirked, still rather impressed by his ability to let the almost-fight go.

“If by ‘activities’ you mean a shower and sleep, immediately, then yes. There’s definitely time.”

“You don’t get to have it both ways, H. We either fight or you let me blow you. Your choice really.”

“When you put it that way, I suppose I’ll just have to let you blow me. And then I’ll blow you. And then probably eat you out. And then fuck you until you forget we ever almost fought.”

“There’s a good lad.”

“You gonna follow me?” Harry asked while disrobing on his way to the bathroom, not really waiting for an answer.

Louis watched him go. Thought about how perfect the day actually was. Thought about how Harry had known everything to do to get Louis through his anxiety attack that could have been detrimental. He thought about his mom and how he just knew she blew the wind enough to drop that twig on Harry. Louis thought about the way Topaz kissed his cheek goodbye and whispered for them to be safe and love you.

He thought about it all, and how perfectly full his heart felt after seeing Harry give so much of himself to Louis’s siblings. He thought about how easy it was and how second nature being with Harry truly was once he stripped away his fears.

Enough. Enough worrying now.

“To the ends of the fucking earth.”

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