i'm not russian or from a similarly dangerous place for queer ppl, so these thoughts come from my impression of eastern european/russian people i've known, russian athletes i'm familiar with, + some russian fans' thoughts that've crossed my dash (namely @dropthedemiurge + this post) and could be off base. but i am not seeing enough dialogue abt ilya that frames him in the full stakes of his queerness
shane's stakes are big, obviously. they're certainly more than an average urban north american person, and he would have some potential cultural baggage being half-japanese. but his fear in ep 6 was that he lied to his parents for a decade + his boyfriend is his professional arch rival. homophobic rejection was secondary, though relevant. his physical safety didn't even cross his mind
whereas ilya. well. the stakes of ilya being queer are his fucking life.
queerness & queer activism is criminalized as terrorism in russia. i'm no expert, so i won't project what the consequences realistically would be. but i know that real russian nhl players are on record abstaining from pride celebrations out of fear of retaliatory action. regardless of whether ilya would actually end up dead, that's what he would be terrified of deep down. i've heard this from most russian queer people i've seen/met, who aren't friggin national icons. even worse, his father & brother are both police he thinks hate him. even if he's legally untouchable, somehow, he probably half-expects one of them to try and murder him for being a fag
his bad communication & flightiness are more than just a dysfunctional closet case. he experiences commitment (and his love, therefore) to shane as a literal threat to his life. all of his behavior makes complete sense when put into that focus
what scott hunter did for him was more than show it's possible for an mlh/nhl player to come out, like it did for shane. it showed ilya that you can kiss a man on national tv and not get arrested or shot. and you can do that as an mlh/nhl hockey captain in the same conference, literally one state over. you can see the terror on his face when he processes what scott is about to do, and then the shock as it all shatters. they kiss and nothing happens. they're safe. ilya's safe. the room is just spinning
it just. hits so fucking hard. other queer people, the community we create, making him feel like it's possible to choose shane. like it's not dangerous to love the guy he's fallen for. like the danger he's lived beneath the thumb of his entire life won't hurt him
and the first thing he does with absolutely no hesitation when the danger is gone is say yes i want to be with you. i'm coming to the cottage. i'm choosing to be queer
then At The Cottage shane planning a future with him. telling him with angry tears in his eyes not to dare marry svetlana even just for a passport. waking him up in the middle of the night with a real long-term option. ilya realizing he doesn't have to prioritize practicality. that he could marry a man--that he could marry shane. that shane will make it happen. no fucking shit ilya was so overcome with emotion he had to confess his love literally into shane's skin right there. whispering it in fucking russian
"does it kill you?" and ilya sobbing into his chest, "not anymore."
not anymore. Not. Anymore. i'm going to fucking waterboard myself