Jun 4, 2020
My friend keeps calling me "Lo" and it's a jolt of serotonin every time. I do not understand why I find this so genuinely delightful.
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Indonesia
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Indonesia
seen from Türkiye
seen from Singapore
seen from China
My friend keeps calling me "Lo" and it's a jolt of serotonin every time. I do not understand why I find this so genuinely delightful.
The way I am sitting alongside how my blankets are set up and what I'm wearing reminded me of something I did not want to be reminded of, but am remembering anyways.
This general bedtime set up reminded me of a little something that almost everyone would do when... A... Certain event... Happened... -ahem- Passionate hugging, let's say.
Full disclosure, the outliers were Patton, Remus and sometimes Virgil, though I don't blame Virgil in most cases.
Virgil in some cases, along with Roman and Janus in all cases, they would pamper, treat, abandon, then act as though it never happened until the next time. Patton and Remus would always pamper, treat, stay, then reassure before moving on from it, which makes me very very happy. Virgil would do it sometimes.
I can't entirely blame him for the times he was bitter and dismissive, but it still hurts for the most idiotic of reasons...
I have troubles with emotions. That isn't a problem. I am prone to severe emotional breakdowns due to the fact that I am always unsure on how to deal with my emotions regardless. That is a problem. I don't need this, ever. They don't deserve this, ever.
I'm supposed to be the anchor here. When everything and everyone else is going haywire, I am supposed to be there for them and fix it, whatever it is. I shouldn't be allowed or able to be yet another complication to make the mess messier.
I almost always miss them, I do, every last one, almost all the time, but I doubt half the time most of them miss me.
It hurts. It aches. I can't tell what it is anymore, but it hurts and aches. It also yearns. It yearns for them, even though I very highly doubt I will be able to find any of them, regardless on if they're searching for me still or not. But, I know the yearning is ridiculous. I know that it's a cry for attention, since I'm such a seeker, call me a Potter...
I find it interesting how it becomes so much easier to repress my emotions (Yes, all of them.) whenever I am in a Logan kinshift.