I think... i have this weird obsessive problem with my boyfriend...
In the past i let someone i thought was special to me go, i did absolutely nothing to try and stop him. I didn't even try. I was too scared to say anything even though i really didn't want him to go. But now i thought about it and realized... it's because he wasn't the one. If i really wanted him i'd do my best to make him stay. Just like how i am with my boyfriend right now...
I care so much about my boyfriend. I've never felt this way with anyone else before. The things that bothered me about other people has never once bothered me with him. I can't let him go... I constantly bother him all day, afraid i might lose him because i said nothing. Just like before how i let that other person go. Honestly i'm obsessed with him. It sounds weird, but i think i fell hard for him lol. Missing a day not talking to him is impossible, it makes me miss him like crazy. When he's mad at me i get depressed and worried. When i see him talk to other girls, he does it in a way to to tease me and make me kind of jealous for some reason lol. And it does work. I get crazy jealous. I never get mad at him. I've never gotten bored of him. I do and have pretty much done everything for him.
He somehow gets me to talk about my feelings. Which i never tell anyone. I have the hardest time telling people my feelings. So i just hide everything, but for him i'd tell him everything. Actually i do tell him everything. Not once have i lied to him. Not about my feelings or what i'm doing or something like that. It's crazy. He actually made me start writing a diary. I guess he wants to understand more of what's going on in my head or something and he wants to read it when i fill it up.
I think i may have gotten to the point where he thinks i'm crazy. He told me that i'm a "crazy psychopath" but he doesn't mind lol. I'm just like this because i'm so scared of losing him. I've never tried this hard to keep someone before. Sometimes i think i annoy him, and i think someone else would be better for him. But at the same time that would be the last thing i want, him to be with someone else.
What makes me so happy and sometimes i don't even notice it is that... even though i'm like this "crazy psychopath" he doesn't mind... He's stayed with me this long. And i feel bad because sometimes i accuse him of things and i forget how much he has to put up with me, he does love me. If he didn't he wouldn't still be with me. He would have left a long time ago. And this is what makes me realize he's what i've always wanted. Someone who is willing to put up with me. I'm not pretty. I have mood swings. I'm weird. I'm not that fun. And there's so much more... but he's still with me, and this is partly why i love him.
Maybe all this is just what it's like to be in love with someone for the first time....