#lolspeare

[borgevino]

Richard II: Act 1, Scene ii

John of Gaunt: he's my bro so i wanna avenge him, lady, stop asking. but richard killed him and it's richard who has the power to discipline about it so i can't do anything except pray.

Duchess of Gloucester: omg you are the lamest. your dad was the best and all your other brothers are dead and you're one of the last ones and my HUSBAND IS DEAD NOW, he was REALLY IMPORTANT, he was your BROTHER and so part of you is dead because he's dead, and the memory of your father is fast dying, and you're not doing ANYTHING ABOUT IT. this is despair, john, not patience. you are a coward. richard will have you killed next; you must avenge gloucester.

John of Gaunt: nope. gonna let god handle this one.

Duchess of Gloucester: who am i sposed to complain to then.

John of Gaunt: god's still handling this.

Duchess of Gloucester: FINE. have fun at the duel. i hope your son kills mowbray. i'm going to die here alone.

John of Gaunt: bye.

Duchess of Gloucester: oh wait one more thing. say hi to york for me. okay i'm done. no wait, tell him—um—tell him to come visit me. but there's like no furniture and i'm just gonna die in this corner now.

[borgevino]

'Tis sweet and commendable in your nature, Hamlet, To give these mourning duties to your father: But, you must know, your father lost a father; That father lost, lost his, and the survivor bound In filial obligation for some term To do obsequious sorrow: but to persever In obstinate condolement is a course Of impious stubbornness; 'tis unmanly grief;

translation:

gettin real tired of your shit hamlet

[borgevino]

Macbeth, I.iii

[borgevino]

lilithlaufeyson reblogged your post: GOD that was one of the trickiest things for me:...

BUT did he really go along with Falstaff when he was saying he killed Hotspur?? I was under the impression that he didn’t. I mean, it was obvious that Hal didn’t swallow the lie… Did I miss something? :S 

HARRY: john you did a great job in this battle i'm proud of you bro.

JOHN —seeing falstaff—: WTF YOU TOLD ME THIS DUDE WAS DEAD

HARRY: omg he was TOTALLY DEAD, wtf is going on right now, ARE YOU A GHOST

FALSTAFF: nope, totally me, falstaff is me, and I am falstaff, —throws down PERCY's body— LOOK I DONE KILLED HIM, now make me an earl or a duke cause i'm that awesome.

HARRY —side-eyeing—: dude. I killed him.  you were dead.

FALSTAFF: THAT'S WHAT YOU THOUGHT but NOPE, both of us were STILL ALIVE, we got back up and fought for a LONG FREAKING TIME, check out where I stabbed him, if anyone doubts me he can EAT MY SWORD.  eheh dick joke.

JOHN: this is the WEIRDEST STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.

HARRY: yeah this dude cray.  UGH.  FINE, falstaff, if that's the story you want to tell, I'll BACK YOU UP ON IT, just carry his body with you.  bro let's go figure out who died.

—exit HARRY and JOHN—

FALSTAFF: YAY! if I'm made a nobleman I'll go on a diet.

—exit FALSTAFF carrying PERCY's body—

so it's not so much that he believes falstaff as that he backs falstaff's lie up.

[borgevino]

First of all, you are great, and your Hollow Crown essays are pretty much my favorite things on tumblr. I have a question: what do you think about the discrepancy between King Richard (Act I Scene IV) saying that Bolingbroke hung out with commoners, vs. Bolingbroke as king upraiding Hal, saying it was Richard who kept low company while he himself "by being seldom seen, I could not stir/But, like a comet, I was wonder'd at" etc. ? (Henry IV part 1, Act III Scene II)

FINALLY ANSWERING THIS, IT HAS SAT IN MY ASKBOX FOREVER, i am the literal worst and got eaten by the ocean of feels that is marcel nguyen's face and british male gymnasts, ugh OLYMPICS.

but anyway.

to begin with, lolspeare of that particular section of the speech, starting a little bit earlier, as much for my benefit as for yours to be honest, shakespeare is DIFFICULT FOR ME TO PARSE AT TIMES

"if I had been LIKE YOU and carousing with ALL THESE AWFUL PEOPLE and lowering myself to their level I would totally STILL BE BANISHED RIGHT NOW, because i would have no reputation and opinion would have turned against me.  HOWEVER.  because I kept OUT OF SIGHT, people had no idea who I was when I first chilled out with them, and so I was able to control my OWN DAMN IMAGE by being humble to everyone and therefore they liked me and I got the crown while everyone laughed at richard, who was just partying away in a corner."  (the bolded part is the part you quoted)

richard has this to say on the subject:  "UGH bolingbroke is the LITERAL WORST, we have SEEN his goddamn pandering to the common people it is DISGUSTING, he acts like he is the king.  WHICH HE TOTES ISN'T." (heyo nice structure thing I never noticed before.) 

SO.  what we see here is that henry iv is not necessarily upset by his son choosing to spend time with the commoners but by the way he parties.  richard also was a party king, so to speak, and that's why he's comparing the two.  we also see henry iv being ridiculously condescending apparently.

my current theory though is that eastcheap is kind of a 'practice court' for hal because hal wants to practice having power so he doesn't make a mess of it, like richard did and like henry iv tries his best to avoid and fails at occasionally.  you'll notice that hal makes sure he's in control in every situation in eastcheap.

but that's a DIFFERENT ESSAY.

someonepleasemakemewritethisessaybecauseotherwiseitwillnevergetwritten

[borgevino]

Henry V, II.1

BARDOPH: heyo

NYM: hi

BARDOLPH: dude are you and pistol friends yet?

NYM: idgaf idgaffffff idgaf.

BARDOLPH: dude I'll buy you breakfast if you and pistol are friends, c'mon, we gotta go to france together.

NYM: no fucks given. ever.

BARDOLPH: yeah I know he married your fiance.

NYM: nope I still give no fucks.

BARDOLPH: hey here he is now with his wife!

—enter Pistol and Quickly—

NYM: heyo host, how's it goin?

PISTOL: NOPE DON'T CALL ME THAT, I AM REALLY OFFENDED

QUICKLY: I AM THE SADDEST ABOUT THIS, I can't board ladies without everyone thinking I'm running a brothel

—Nym and Pistol draw their fucking swords, what even—

QUICKLY: OMG THEY GONNA KILL EACH OTHER and then I'm'a marry Nym and THAT'S ADULTERY, SHIT

BARDOLPH: break it up, boys, break it up.

NYM: ugh

PISTOL: ugh for YOU, YOU ICELANDIC DOG

QUICKLY: ugh nym put your damn sword away

NYM: oh fuck off, this is between me and pistol

PISTOL: YOU ARE THE WORST, I INSULT EVERY PART OF YOU AND YOUR BODY, ALSO A DICK JOKE

NYM: dude i'm gona cut you, but because I AM A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU ARE, I'm gonna be fair about it.

PISTOL: O braggart vile, and damned furious wight! The grave doth gape and doting death is near. BREATHE YOUR LAST!!!

BARDOLPH: dude, whoever kills the other one, I'M'A KILL HIM REAL HARD.

—Bardolph draws his sword—

PISTOL: well I'm convinced.

—Pistol and Nym sheathe their swords—

PISTOL: I guess you're pretty cool.

NYM: I'm'a kill you sometime anyway, idgaf.

PISTOL: YOU ARE JUST PISSED CAUSE I MARRIED YOUR FIANCE, go marry Doll Tearsheet instead, because I HAVE MISTRESS QUICKLY. gtfo.

—enter Boy—

BOY: FALSTAFF IS DYING, HURRY UP AND VISIT HIM, also bardolph your face is the reddest.

BARDOLPH: gtfo

QUICKLY: the King totally murdered him by sending him away.

—exit Quickly and Boy—

BARDOLPH: come on, dudes, be friends, we have to go to kill people in france, why are we killing each other?

PISTOL: Let floods o'erswell and fiends for food howl on!

NYM: you gonna pay you the money you owe me?

PISTOL: NO, THAT WOULD BE HUMILIATING, I WILL NOT PAY YOU, FUCKING HELL, ALL THE NO.

NYM: dude I want that money

PISTOL: NOPE LET'S DUEL ABOUT IT

—Pistol and Nym draw their swords—

BARDOLPH: omg we have DONE THIS ALREADY I will kill whichever of you survives and THEN I WILL HAVE NO FRIENDS, I WILL BE SO LONELY.

PISTOL: ugh fine.

—Pistol sheathes his sword—

BARDOLPH: how about you nym.

PISTOL: dude I'll pay you eventually, also we will be THE BEST BROS IN FRANCE, COME ON, SHAKE HANDS WITH ME

—Nym sheathes his sword—

NYM: you'll pay me back?

PISTOL: yep sure

NYM: idgaf but FINE, whatever.

—enter Quickly—

QUICKLY: come quickly, COME QUICKLY, FALSTAFF IS DYING

NYM: oof. the king was NOT NICE TO HIM.

PISTOL: nym you are TOTES RIGHT, the king broke his heart.

NYM: still a good king tho.

PISTOL: yep. let's go.

—everyone leaves—

[borgevino]

HOTSPUR: dude I hate hal so much gonna kill him

PRINCE HAL: hotspur's actually pretty great, wish i was more like him, gonna kill him

KING HENRY: hal i wish hotspur was my son instead of you go kill him

—later—

VERNON: dude hotspur hal said some really nice things about you he might be a good guy actually maybe you should rethink this?

HOTSPUR: DON'T CURR, GONNA KILL HIM

—later— 

THE DOUGLAS:  you are the king I WILL KILL YOU

SIR WALTER BLUNT: dress up like the king, they said.  it will be fun, they said.  WELL, GUESS WHAT, IT WASN'T, WORST HALLOWEEN EVER *dies*

THE DOUGLAS: hey look I killed the king.

HOTSPUR: dude that's not the king. the king's over there.

THE DOUGLAS: WHAT? NO.  LOOK HE IS EVEN DRESSED LIKE THE KING.

HOTSPUR: dude i recognize this guy.  HE ISN'T THE KING.

THE DOUGLAS: well shit.  I WILL KILL ALL THE KINGS THEN.

—later—

THE DOUGLAS: omg EVERY TIME I KILL A KING THERE ARE LIKE two MORE.  are you the actual king? cause I've killed like three by now and I am A LITTLE SICK OF IT.

KING HENRY: yep, king, 's me.

THE DOUGLAS: REALLY?  well.  I totally don't believe you but WHAT THE HELL, GONNA KILL YOU ANYWAY, MIGHT AS WELL.

they fight.

PRINCE HAL: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE that's my dad YOU'RE NOT GONNA KILL HIM

THE DOUGLAS: OH NO I HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO KILL PEOPLE WHO AREN'T KINGS RUN AWAYYYY

KING HENRY: how nice to see you, son.

—later—

HOTSPUR: dude you're hal.

PRINCE HAL: yeah I know. you're hotspur.

BOTH: GONNA KILL YOU!

HOTSPUR: dude I hate you so much

PRINCE HAL stabs HOTSPUR

HOTSPUR: DUDE YOU KILLED ME.  I WILL BE DUST, I WILL BE FOOD FOR—*dies*

PRINCE HAL: —WORMS look see how nice I am I finished your last sentence for you.  YOU WERE GREAT MAN, SO SORRY YOU HAD TO DIE.