I have some new and exciting ideas brewing for Long-Awaited Savior. I have been dying to write the last chapter and finish the story for over a year now, and it just hasn’t happened. I know I’m on the verge of accomplishing it though. Part of me doesn’t want it to be over, but a larger part of me knows it has to come to an end. But now with the addition of backstory “flashbacks” for the reader and actually giving her a history, there are some insane twists this final chapter can take, and I can’t wait to write them.
Anyway, this is just me gushing about being excited to write. That’s all. Carry on.
And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, follow the “Masterlist” link on my page to find and read Long-Awaited Savior 😬
Me: So I’m going to rewrite it, add some explanations, fill in some plot holes, whatever. I’m excited.
Coworker: Ooooo, are there flashbacks?!
Me: Like... wait, what? Like to the past?
Coworker: Yeah! Like to the main character’s past and what their life was like before the apocalypse!
Me: Uh... eh... well, no, because I actually hadn’t thought about what her life was like beforehand. I actually... holy shit, I don’t have a backstory for her! I am a horrible writer, I just wrote her present day story and nothing else! Oh my god! She needs a backstory! I need flashbacks! I need to fully build her as a character, my god, this is brilliant!!!
Coworker: *staring at me uneasily due to my sudden excitement* So.... flashbacks. Yeah. Those would be cool.
Guys/ladies/dudes/otherwise, I am WAY stoked to begin building this story and this character even more than I did the first time around!! And also, yes.... one day I will actually write the last chapter, I promise 😬
Characters: Negan (JDM) x female reader, Jovana (OC), Eugene, Daryl, Simon
Word Count: 6,368
HEADS UP: Smut, language, description of physical injuries & abuse
Chapter Summary: You learn the truth about why the Alexandrians want Negan dead. You also share an intimate night with Negan and have a painful conversation with Jovana.
Author’s note: The second-to-last chapter is finally here after a rough couple weeks for me. This has been one of the most agonizing chapters I’ve ever written. I’ll leave it at that.
PART FOURTEEN: LOVE & PAIN
After two hours in the clinic, Dr. Carson was still nowhere near finished tending to Jovana’s wounds. You sat in silence, watching her grit her teeth with closed eyes as he scrubbed her burns clean and bandaged them. The shock still hadn’t worn off. You had to keep repeating the facts to yourself over and over, attempting to make them feel real.
Jovana is alive.
Dwight is dead.
A war is starting.
She had been stabbed in the side – you assumed by Dwight – and Dr. Carson believed one of the ligaments in her knee to be torn. On one hand, you wanted to allow Jovana to rest and recover from everything she had been through, but you also wanted to know exactly what happened after that ceiling collapsed in the building.
Be patient… you’ll know soon enough.
After another hour, Jovana was finally bandaged enough to go back to your room and rest. You walked with her, supporting her weight as she limped painfully in spite of a knee brace from Dr. Carson. Thankfully, Simon had been anxiously patrolling the area outside the clinic, so he immediately offered to help you with the daunting task of getting Jovana up the three flights of stairs to your shared room.
When all three of you finally reached the door, Simon lingered, lightly clinging to Jovana’s hand as his eyes darted nervously over to you and back to her. She giggled softly and turned Simon’s full attention to herself with just a single finger on his cheek. After another moment of awkward hesitation, he finally dipped his head and pressed his lips desperately to hers, his fingers trailing delicately down her neck and across her collarbone. You politely turned your gaze to the floor, trying (and failing) to stifle the grin that immediately spread across your face.
Even with the world gone to shit, love still exists.
Simon clearing his throat brought your eyes back up, and it was impossible to ignore the flush of pink in Jovana’s cheeks, even with the burns present. He patted you on the back and murmured quietly to you.
“Thanks for keeping an eye out for her. You let me know if you need anything, understand?”
You nodded with a smile and thanked him before pushing the door open and helping Jovana into the room, easing her down onto her bed as gently as you could. As soon as you let go, she motioned for paper and a pen. You hurriedly grabbed a notebook from under your bed and pulled out two pens – one for her, and one for yourself. She took the notebook and flipped to a clear page and began writing.
Did you find the knife?
You smiled and nodded, reaching across to write your response.
YES! You’re brilliant. So what happened?
Which part?
After the ceiling fell, I couldn’t see you. When the Saviors got there, they could only find Dwight and he said there were no other survivors.
Jovana growled in anger and began writing furiously. You sat down next to her, carefully making sure not to brush against her bandages and reading as she wrote.
I’m glad he’s dead. The only way out was upstairs. Knew a lot of people were sleeping up there. Tried to save them, but everyone was already gone. I saw Dwight carrying wires and empty gas cans out to the balcony I needed to get to. When he saw me, he attacked me – stabbed me, threw me in one of the burning rooms and barricaded the door. I couldn’t get out. The door finally burned so much that it started to crumble. I crawled out over the barricade. That’s where the burns came from. I went to the balcony and saw him going into the forest. I jumped down – hurt my knee more – and followed him. He needed to think I was dead so I didn’t go after him. He ran back to the building when the trucks showed up and I looked at everything he left there. I knew he started the fire. I left my knife there - hoping you would find it and know I was alive, know what happened – and started walking back here. I didn’t know how bad my knee was, or the stab wound or the burns… that’s why it took me so long.
Your eyes ran over her words again and again. Dwight had tried to kill her. Even worse, he had left her for dead. He was a coward, and it was a good thing he was dead now. Jovana’s pen moved again.
What did Eugene do?
You sighed and pulled the notebook to your lap.
Set everything up. They both wanted Negan dead. Negan was supposed to visit the day before the fire happened, and Dwight had the idea for the fire. Eugene got the supplies and put it all together, probably said it was for the electrical team. When he found out Negan’s plans changed, he called the whole thing off, but Dwight was pissed and did it anyway – and killed as many people as he could. He deserved to die.
Why did they want Negan dead?
It was a valid question, and you still didn’t know the answer. You shrugged helplessly and Jovana reached across you to write one last thing.
Go find out.
-
Three days after the incident, you were grateful to discover Arat had gone back to her post outside of Maggie’s room. Gripping a bottle of water, you boldly approached the Savior keeping watch over the cells.
“Keys, please.”
Joey stared at you with uncertainty, a half-eaten turkey sandwich in one hand and a can of beer in the other. Rolling your eyes, you motioned to the keyring hanging off his belt.
“Can I just grab them? I’ve got water for the Alexandrian.”
“Which one?” Joey mumbled through a mouthful of sandwich.
Daryl must still be down here.
“Uh… Eugene, obviously.”
“Boss said no food.”
“Does water fucking sound like food to you?” you sneered, hoping your boldness would get you what you wanted instead of getting you reported to Negan. You decided to continue with the charade. “With no food, he suffers. No water? He dies. We need him alive. I’m taking the keys now.”
Eyeing you one more time, Joey finally nodded his head, taking another bite of his sandwich. You quickly snatched the keyring from him.
“Which cell?”
“The smart guy’s in Room 2, just down the hall and… no, wait… the other guy’s in Room 2, the one you want is in Room 7.”
Dipping your head in thanks, you tried to control your breathing as you stepped briskly toward the end of the hall.
Room 5, Room 6… Room 7.
Shoving the key into the lock, the handle turned with a bit of effort and the door fell open with a clunk. As light from the hallway flooded the room, you bit your tongue. The Alexandrian lay shaking on the concrete floor, stripped of his clothes. Dried blood covered his face and dark bruises had already shown up on his stomach, back, arms, and cheekbones. You cleared your throat and turned your face away as he scrambled to a sitting position in the corner, whimpering quietly and covering his face with his hands. Pulling the door shut behind you, you clicked on a small flashlight and held the bottle out to him.
“Here… drink some of this, you need it. Hey! Eugene. Look at me, goddammit.”
You almost felt sorry for the man as he continued to tremble, unable to move his hands away from his face. He jumped when you gently grasped one of his hands and pulled it away, looking into his terrified eyes. You shook your head with a sigh.
“Look, I get it… I’d be scared too. I’m not here to hurt you though. You give me the answers to some questions I have, and I’ll let you have some water.”
Eugene continued to eye you fearfully, so you eased yourself onto the cold floor, crossing your legs and holding the bottle out to him once more.
“Negan doesn’t know I’m here.”
His hand was shaking violently as he reached out and took the bottle from you. He twisted the cap off frantically and began gulping the water, downing half the bottle in a matter of seconds.
“Hey, hey… slow down… you’ll puke it all back up, take it easy.”
He lowered the bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and turning his gaze to the ground before finally speaking.
“I w-will do my b-best to answer any questions you m-might have.”
“Fair enough. Big one first: why? Why did you and Dwight want Negan dead? And I don’t want bullshit – please don’t give me bullshit. I honestly want to know. You don’t seem like the killing kind of man.”
Sniffing quietly, Eugene swallowed hard before speaking, his eyes still glued to the concrete floor.
“Dwight and I did indeed have very different morals and codes of conduct, but we both came to the conclusion that Negan needed to be taken out of the picture. It is my personal belief that Negan is evil in its purest form. He kills people to make a point, to establish power… to control. I can say with almost full certainty that he will not be killing me any time soon. No… it is most likely he will use my transgressions as a reason to kill my friends back home. That’s his MO, his modus operandi. He’d rather kill someone close to me than kill me. It’s more painful. Negan lives to control and instill fear.”
As Eugene went silent, you mulled his words over in your head.
“You didn’t answer the question.”
His tear-filled eyes jerked up to meet yours in fear, gripping the water bottle tightly as he began trembling again.
“C-can you please repeat the question?”
“Why? Why did you want him dead?”
“Because I want it to stop.”
“Want what to stop?”
“The death, the fear, the fighting… I want it all to stop.”
“You want the death to stop so you went and killed a bunch of innocent people?”
“That was not supposed to happen!” Eugene shouted, his voice cracking and his face beginning to redden. “Th-that was never part of the plan. The plan was to burn down the Saviors’ residential building while Negan was asleep. Take out the boss and a good percentage of his most dedicated followers in one fell swoop. I never wanted any innocent people to get hurt… I never wanted anyone dead except Negan and the Saviors. That is where Dwight and I differed. He had become more like Negan than he realized.”
Your eyes bore into Eugene’s until he became uncomfortable and looked away, taking a cautious sip of the water.
“Tell me what he did.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Tell me what Negan did to your people.”
You watched his eyes dart back and forth, clearly trying to choose his next words carefully. After an extended silence, you cleared your throat, prompting him to speak.
"Negan's arrival directly resulted in some of the worst events our group has had to endure. He bludgeoned two of our people to death, one of them a soon-to-be father and the other a best friend to many, including myself. He took Daryl with him and... well, I'm sure your aware of that situation."
"I'm actually not," you interrupted. "Why don't you enlighten me since you've spent so many shifts down here?"
Eugene quickly averted his eyes and swallowed hard before continuing in a quiet and monotone voice.
"Dog food sandwiches. Routine torture. Physical beatings. The severity and frequency have increased since the fire."
"The fire you helped start."
"I do indeed take responsibility for my actions," Eugene defended. "I will not argue for one second that I do not belong right here in this cell, because I believe I do. But Daryl is the one paying for my mistake and that's hardly what one would consider justice. It's Negan. He hurts the ones you care about instead of hurting you."
"What else has he done?"
"I helped fashion a bullet that was intended for Negan, but it did not find its mark. An innocent person was shot for that. Another man tried to befriend Negan to overthrow our leader, and Negan spilled his guts - quite literally. I've heard of other incidents. The Saviors leaving a near-indestructible vehicle blasting music at full volume inside the open gates at Hilltop. It drew an admittedly impressive herd of walkers before it could be disabled. His hot iron punishments here at the Sanctuary.”
“Hot iron punishments?”
“Reference the scarring on Dwight’s face, if Negan wants to call someone out for breaking the rules, they get a hot iron to the face. You missed the last one while you were at the outpost. Apart from that, there was the wiping out of the entire male population of a village near-"
"Oceanside?"
Eugene was silent for a moment before he responded.
"Yes, ma'am, I do believe that was their title. May I ask you something personal?"
You regarded the pitiful man with suspicion, then nodded your head.
"Did everyone in your camp deserve to die?"
His question caught you off guard, and for a split second your mind flashed back to the dark shed and the chains rattling against the door. You closed your eyes, forcing yourself to leave the memory behind and focus on the few minutes you had remaining with the Alexandrian.
"A few of them did... well, at least one of them for sure... but there were some good people there."
"How many of Negan's men did you kill, and how many of yours did he kill?"
You furrowed your brow, trying to recall a time you had tried so desperately to forget.
"I don't know," you muttered, shrugging your shoulders with uncertainty. "I don't think we killed any... he probably killed about twenty? Maybe twenty-five?"
For the first time since you entered the cell, the Alexandrian locked his eyes to yours with an unnerving intensity and spoke with conviction.
"Alexandria has killed more than our fair share of Negan's men, there is no denying that. However, I do believe that fact is purely because we are the only ones who have had the true means to fight back and win in some way. The numbers weigh heavily in our favor if you only consider our community... but with consideration of the big picture, Negan has hardly suffered the greater loss."
The resulting silence felt deafening as Eugene’s words hung in your ears. You tried unsuccessfully to shake off the feeling that maybe you hadn’t been able to see full truth since joining Negan at the Sanctuary. Before your mind could question anything further, you snatched the half-empty water bottle from Eugene’s hands and stood up, turning towards the door.
“Does Negan treat you well?”
The Alexandrian’s question caused you to pause, thoughts racing through your head.
Of course he does… he saved me, fed me, clothed me, gave me a place and a purpose in life… he’s cared for me, held me, loved me…
“Yes,” you replied confidently. You could hear Eugene grunt in pain as he readjusted his position on the concrete floor before speaking sadly.
“I hope for your sake it stays that way. He used to treat me well, too.”
You had heard enough. You twisted the knob of the door and wrenched it open, stepping out into the hallway and pulling it shut behind you, once again plunging the Alexandrian into darkness. You stood there for a moment, listening to the sound of your own breathing before regarding the set of keys in your hand and remembering Joey’s words.
“…the other guy’s in Room 2…”
Despite every logical bone in your body telling you to leave, you peeked around the corner to see that Joey had moved his chair to the doorway of a nearby residential room and turned the TV on to play reruns of an old 90s sitcom. Fairly certain he wouldn’t miss the keys for another few minutes, you ran silently down the hall and jammed the key into the lock of Room 2. Shoving the heavy door open with your shoulder, you immediately gagged and turned away, taking a few moments to regain your composure before turning back to the horrible sight before you.
The man named Daryl was laying naked in the fetal position in the corner, his back facing you. The stench of feces and urine was overpowering, and you observed a nearly full bucket in the opposite corner. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his body, unsure if his constant shaking was due to pain or to cold… or fear. Dark purple bruises marred his body, along with both scars and deep, fresh cuts. His skin was caked with dried blood and dirt, and the floor of the cell was covered in the same. It was obvious he had been whipped and beaten repeatedly – and recently. Your chest felt tight and a lump gathered in your throat as you observed blatant evidence of Negan’s rage.
“Daryl?”
His body jerked at the sound of your whisper, and he turned his head slightly towards you without saying a word. You quickly shut the door and clicked on your flashlight again, kneeling at Daryl’s side and whispering to him again.
“Negan doesn’t know I’m here… sit up, I have water… please, I don’t have much time.”
Daryl slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, still huddled against the wall in fear. With his hands now visible, you could see deep cuts and heavy scars around his wrists, the obvious results of being restrained for long periods of time. It reminded you of your own wrists after Negan rescued you from Wesley. Setting the flashlight on the floor, you twisted the cap off the water bottle and brought it to his lips. His bloodshot eyes regarded you with fear for a moment before he brought his head forward and gulped down the water with desperation. A few drops trickled down his chin as the bottle was emptied, and he dipped his chin in gratitude. You couldn’t hold back the questions any longer.
“Why is he doing this to you?”
Daryl remained silent, eyes fixated on the floor as his body continued to tremble. You tried again, softer and with a more pleading tone.
“What happened? Please, Daryl… I’m trying to understand.”
Still refusing to look at you, his trembling lips parted and he finally spoke, his voice low and hoarse.
“I hit him. Maggie ok?”
This is his punishment just for taking a swing at Negan?
You took a deep breath and hesitated before responding.
“Mostly, yeah… the baby is fine. She’s fine. They… they haven’t been feeding her real well since the fire. She’s guarded all the time though, I can’t do anything about it.”
Daryl’s eyebrows furrowed and he brought his reddened eyes up to lock with yours.
“What fire?”
“Eugene and Dwight rigged one of our new outposts to burn… it was supposed to kill Negan, but the plan got thrown off. Eugene tried to call it off but Dwight did it anyway. It killed a bunch of us… I thought it killed my best friend. Would’ve killed me too if she hadn’t helped me escape.”
His eyes flashed with anger at the mention of Dwight’s name, and you could see his jaw clenching.
“That sonuva bitch still alive?”
“Dwight? No… we found out it was him and he tried to attack Negan… tried to attack me… my friend killed him. He’s dead. Negan had him thrown out to the walkers.”
Daryl’s eyes returned to the floor as he nodded with silent acknowledgement. Knowing you had just mere moments left with him, you inhaled deeply and asked your last question.
“Why does Negan need to die?”
You could see Daryl’s jaw repeatedly clenching again, and he finally turned his head to you, a deep fire burning within his bloodshot eyes.
“It’s gotta stop. We’re tired of dyin’… and we’re tired of killin’ people. We don’t wanna do it no more.”
Upon hearing distant voices, you grabbed your flashlight and ran to the door, pulling it open and whispering as you left.
“I’m sorry for what he’s done to you.”
Daryl called out angrily just before the door latched shut.
“If you’re sorry then do somethin’ about it!”
Your ears seemed to be ringing as you hurried down the hall to where Joey had been, and upon turning the corner you found him exactly as you last saw him. Sauntering up with an air of confidence, you dropped the keys into his lap and snapped, “Keep the smart one in line. Wouldn’t stop talking my ear off with all sorts of conspiracy bullshit. He might be losing it.” Joey nodded hurriedly as you marched off down the hall, not realizing you were holding your breath until you reached the stairs and finally exhaled. Tossing the empty water bottle in the trash can of a nearby room, you headed up the stairs and out into the open yard.
You couldn’t help but notice the pool of blood that had seeped into the dirt where Dwight had been before, illuminated by the light of the full moon hanging overhead. You felt a wave of satisfaction that he had been killed, but you couldn’t fight back the rest of the conflicting thoughts swirling in your head. You walked across the yard, stopping just a few feet from the fence, listening to the snarling of the walkers and watching them twist their necks and claw the air in a morbid and timeless dance. You heard the thudding of boots approaching behind you, but kept your gaze forward.
“What’s keeping you up, sweetheart?”
The low rumble of Negan’s voice was both comforting and unnerving. You shrugged and sighed deeply, trying to sort through your racing thoughts.
“Just wondering what’s next.”
Negan chuckled and draped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close and kissing the top of your head gently.
“Revenge, darling. In a few days we’ll be heading to Alexandria, and we’ll teach them a lesson they’ll never be able to forget.”
You lifted your head to look at Negan and forced a smile as you tried to make your question appear eager instead of conflicted.
“How are we going to teach them? Please… don’t spare any details. I want to know exactly how we’re going to make them suffer.”
Negan laughed again and threw you a surprised look.
“Well, babygirl, I must admit… your enthusiasm is hot as fuck. My dick’s getting hard just hearing you talk like that. Then again, it does tend to be very hard in general whenever I’m around you. But I digress… we’ll be taking all three of our lovely Alexandrians with us, and they’re going to help us with a little… ‘demonstration.’”
His dark smile made you nervous, but the lust and dominance in his voice sent chills through your entire body. You could feel unexpected warmth beginning to pool between your legs. Forcing yourself to focus, you pushed past his seductive words to address the issue at hand.
“Let me help.”
Negan regarded you with both surprise and pride, pausing for a moment to consider your request.
“And exactly how would you like to help?”
“You’re going to hurt them… that much I know for sure. I want to help… I want to hurt them too. At least let me have a go at Eugene… he’s the reason Jovana is hurt, he’s the reason so many people are dead. Give me some sort of chance to make things even.”
Negan was silent for another moment before he slowly nodded his head and grinned.
“Fair enough… it’s hard to say no to you, doll. Tell me what you want to do.”
You chewed on your bottom lip for a moment in contemplation.
“I just need a knife, a gun, and two or three bullets. I’ll manage to have some fun with that.”
Negan chuckled once again, grasping your hand and turning you to face him.
“As you wish, sweetheart. I know you’ll make me proud. What do you say about spending a little time together tonight? You know you can say no.”
The fluttering of your heart and the sparks of excitement all over your body gave away your desires. You blushed deeply and tipped your head up to his, tugging at his bottom lip with your teeth and drawing him into a deep kiss. He moaned and pulled you close, his hands traveling down your back to grip your ass before giving it a playfully hard smack.
“I want you to take me completely,” you whispered breathlessly between kisses. Negan froze and pulled away from you, eyeing you with uncertainty.
“I told you before, I don’t want you to do it before you’re ready. I can wait as long as it takes, sweetheart, we don’t have-“
“I’m ready and I want it now,” you interrupted, gripping his jacket tightly with both hands and smashing your lips against his with urgency.
“Fuck, baby…” he gasped eagerly. “You don’t have to fucking tell me twice.”
He picked you up, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist, and walked quickly to the residential building, nipping at your neck and ear the whole way. You tried to contain your noises of pleasure, but it was impossible. You were completely overcome with passion and desire. When you finally reached his room, he fumbled hurriedly with the door handle, eventually throwing the door open and immediately slamming it shut behind you. Your heart was pounding against your chest and you could feel wetness nearly pouring out of you in anticipation.
Negan tossed you passionately onto his bed, immediately climbing on top of you. He braced himself with his hands next to your shoulders, your tongues dancing together as he began to grind his growing erection against you. Quiet moans escaped you as his lips traveled along your jaw to your neck, sucking and nibbling deep love marks along your collarbone. You frantically reached for the bottom of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head in one ragged motion. Negan paused for a moment, staring in awe at your exposed stomach and bra. You only felt self-conscious for half a second before he whispered breathlessly.
“My god… you’re fucking perfect, every goddamn inch of you is fucking incredible.”
He dipped his head down, trailing his tongue across your stomach as he reached behind your back and released the hooks of your bra. His breath hitched in his throat as your breasts became exposed. Groaning heavily with desire, he sat up to pull his own shirt over his head and unzip his pants before fumbling with the zipper on your jeans, hooking his fingers in the beltloops and tugging them down over your hips. The combination of the cold air hitting your legs and the feeling of his obvious erection pressing against you sent goosebumps across your skin.
“Take me, Negan…” you whispered desperately. “Take me now.”
He rolled onto his back next to you in order to tug his pants and boxers off, his firm cock immediately springing forth. He turned his head to lock eyes with you, his chest heaving with gasping breaths.
“All you do is say ‘stop’ and it’s done – it won’t go on a second longer. You have to fucking promise me, baby… I need to be able to trust you. Tell me if you don’t want it anymore.”
As you crawled on top of him and positioned yourself above his cock, you leaned down to whisper tenderly against his ear.
“I promise.”
You gripped his rock-hard member with your hand and lined it up with your dripping entrance, the room absolutely silent as you hovered at the breaking point, both of you holding your breath in anticipation before Negan whispered.
“Only if you’re ready.”
You dropped yourself onto his cock and cried out with a loud voice, your walls stretching to accommodate his size. You pulled in gasping breaths as Negan swore through deep moans of pleasure.
“Oh my fucking god… holy fuck, baby… do whatever the hell you want, you feel so fucking amazing…”
As you continued to ease yourself down, his length pushing deeper and deeper inside of you, you began to slowly rock and swivel your hips. You had never heard such passionate and desperate noises come out of Negan, and both of your moans and shouts echoed against the walls of the room – and no doubt the walls of the hallway outside as well. Neither of you could be bothered to care though, and Negan’s hands slowly made their way from your ass, to your hips, to your clit. He slid his thumb against your wetness before dragging slow, clockwise circles around your swollen bud. The combination of his cock pushing deep inside you and his thumb on your clit caused you to start trembling uncontrollably.
“That feel ok, baby?”
“Fuck, god, yes,” you gasped breathlessly, leaning forward to plant your palms on his chest for balance. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his lust-filled gaze. He began to lift his hips rhythmically below you, forcing his pulsing cock even deeper inside you and consequently forcing passionate moans from your lips.
“Negan, please…” you stammered desperately.
“Just say the word and I can stop,” he whispered through ragged breaths.
You couldn’t even finish your sentence before your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave and rushed over you, throwing sparks of electricity and mind-numbing pleasure throughout your entire body. Your hoarse screams echoed against the walls and Negan gripped your hips tightly with both hands, pushing and pulling you against his cock erratically as he groaned through clenched teeth.
“Honey… goddamn…”
He lifted you up and tossed you onto your back in one swift motion before straddling you and pumping his throbbing member frantically with his hand. Your screams paled in comparison to his primal roar of release as hot cum poured out of him, painting your stomach with blatant evidence of his climax. In an instant, the room was filled with nothing but the sound of your heaving breaths. Beads of sweat fell from Negan’s forehead, mingling with your own sweat already gathered on your stomach. He continued to straddle you for nearly a full minute, delicately holding his sensitive and softening member in his hand, eyes closed and chin lifted towards the ceiling.
You hardly felt him crawl off the bed, his feet softly thudding against the floor as he made his way to the bathroom to retrieve a towel for you. The rush of adrenaline slowed, leaving you in a near-numb state of euphoria with eyelids that refused to stay open. Negan gently wiped his release from your stomach with the damp towel before wiping himself off as well. He collapsed onto the bed next to you, his hand finding yours and gripping it tight.
“Baby, I need to talk to you about something.”
“I’m not ready to be a wife,” you blurted out, immediately regretting your assumption that a proposal would be a part of the conversation. “I mean… every single second of this was amazing, I just don’t know if I can handle-…”
“I love you.”
Your entire body froze as the words spilled from his mouth. The room became uncomfortably silent and you eventually turned your head to make out the silhouette of Negan’s face staring up at the ceiling. He finally rolled onto his side to face you, tenderly stroking the back of your hand with his thumb as he pulled in a deep breath.
“Before the fire, I… I wasn’t sure about it until your call came through on the radio for help, and all of a sudden I didn’t care if every other fucking person there was gone already, I needed you to be alive. I’d always imagined you’d be with me until we’re both old and wrinkled as fuck… I thought about that while we were driving over there, that I wanted you to be around for a damn long time and I knew if I lost you that day, it would destroy me. Life in this shitty world would suck ass without you… and I figured that has to be love, right? When just fucking thinking about living without someone makes you hurt?”
You tried to formulate a proper sentence, even just a few words, but your mind was both blank and racing at the same time. Everything you had learned about Negan came crashing down on you, clashing with all of your feelings towards him… clashing with all the words coming out of his mouth. You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t notice Negan looking at you expectantly.
“Sweetheart…?”
“I didn’t have any flashbacks this time...” you stated emotionlessly. “I didn’t have any thoughts… about him… just you. You got rid of him, you…”
“I didn’t do anything, baby,” he interrupted, pushing your hair off of your face with a gentle hand. “You’re the strong one, you’ve gotten rid of him all on your own. I mean… shit, I’m sorry… it’s just, I haven’t said those words to anyone since… for a long time. And I mean them.”
Your ears were ringing, the weight of his words falling heavy upon you. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out the images of Daryl and Eugene’s bruised and beaten bodies, of Maggie’s gaunt appearance, of Negan walking down a line of kneeling young men and shooting them at point-blank range. You could feel yourself beginning to hyperventilate as your mind tried to rectify the haunting images with the tenderness of the man currently professing his love for you.
“Look, baby, I’m sorry I brought it up, I-…”
“I think I love you too,” you blurted out, forcing your eyes open to lock your gaze with his. His initial look of surprise was quickly replaced by an amused grin and a soft chuckle.
“Thank god, because this was about to get really fucking awkward.”
You giggled before rolling over and sitting on the edge of the bed. Negan crawled behind you, tenderly massaging your shoulders while placing delicate kisses across the back of your neck. Moaning gratefully, you stretched your shoulders before standing and beginning the search for your clothes.
“You know you can spend the night here, sweetheart, I’m not kicking you out…”
“I know,” you sighed, “But I need to get back and check on Jovana. She hasn’t been sleeping very much and I don’t want her to have to be alone.”
“But you’re ok with me being alone, I fucking see how it is…”
You glanced back at Negan to see him grinning mischievously and running his tongue across his bottom lip. You couldn’t help but smile as you walked back to him, running your fingers through his hair and studying his handsome features.
“The thought of living without you hurts me, too,” you whispered, dropping a soft kiss to his forehead and tasting the saltiness of his drying sweat on your lips. “And that’s how I know it’s love.”
Negan planted a deep kiss on the back of your hand before smiling up at you.
“Go get some rest, sweetheart… tomorrow we’re going to Alexandria.”
-
Your emotions hit you full-force on your walk back to your room. Tears poured relentlessly from your burning eyes as you tried to sort through your thoughts.
I actually love him. Shit, shit, shit… everything is complicated now…
Your bootsteps rang out on the metal stairs leading up to the fourth floor.
But do I actually love him if I don’t love all of him? His gentle side is easy to love, but… how can I bring myself to love his brutal side too?
Finally pushing your room door open with exhaustion, you saw Jovana gingerly sit up in bed and regard you with concern. You wiped the tears from your cheeks with the palm of your hand as Jovana motioned to her own cheek.
Why are you crying?
You couldn’t help but surrender to your emotions as you collapsed onto Jovana’s bed next to her, burying your face in her shoulder and letting ragged sobs pour forth as she wrapped her arms around you.
“I can’t do it, but I know I have to… I have to do it, it’s the only way…” you cried against her, knowing she wouldn’t hear the words. It was more of a confession to yourself than anything else. Jovana finally reached for the nearby paper and pens and set the notebook on your lap.
What happened?
I slept with Negan.
Did he hurt you??
No no no… he said he loves me.
Holy shit. Is that a good thing?
Yes and no… I realized I love him too, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Doesn’t make what easier?
I found out why everyone wants Negan dead.
Jovana froze and looked at you, her brow deeply furrowed with concern. After a few moments of hesitation, she finally reached out to write.
Why?
Your tears flowed in rivers down your cheeks as you told her everything – how he was treating all the Alexandrians here, the people he had killed back at Alexandria, the dozens of men and boys he had murdered at Oceanside and your old camp, the iron punishments he carried out here at the Sanctuary. As you wrote, Jovana’s face became deeply etched with sadness and confliction. When you finished, she swallowed hard before responding.
So now what? What do we do?
Your hand trembled violently as your brought the tip of the pen to the paper, the room beginning to blur and spin around you as you admitted what you had been trying to deny for days.
We have to end it.
I have to kill Negan.
Previous Chapter
Fuck. Now do you see why this chapter has taken me so long to write?? Typing that last line was so painful.
Tagging those who have requested to be and those who have inspired me to write. If you would like to be added OR removed, just shoot me a message. Love you all more than you can possibly fathom. Tumblr is sucking ass with tags today so I’m hoping these work....
Characters: Negan (JDM) x female reader, Simon, Dwight, Maggie, Eugene, mentions of OCs
Word Count: 8,607 (I am so sorry & also really impressed with myself)
HEADS UP: Language, graphic violence, description of physical injuries
Chapter Summary: You try to learn how to cope with Jovana’s death, and finally discover who was behind the fire at the outpost. Things come to a head back at the Sanctuary and Negan loses his temper. A member of the community is killed.
Author’s Note: I can’t even describe what it was like to write this chapter. First off, my god I’m sorry it’s so long, but I promise it’s worth it. Definitely read all the way to the end. Shit is getting real... it’s the beginning of the end.
PART THIRTEEN: THE CROSSROADS
You had never felt a numbness so overwhelming, so all-consuming. Despite the excruciating burns covering your body, you felt nothing. The ride back to the Sanctuary was silent, the moonlight reflecting off the drying rivers of tears on your cheeks. If you weren’t mistaken, you could swear you saw a shimmer on Simon’s cheeks as well. The trip could’ve taken minutes, it could’ve taken hours or days - time meant nothing to you. You felt lifeless.
But as the front gate opened, your numbness morphed into a blinding rage and you threw yourself from the truck, stumbling in a furious march across the grounds despite Negan’s shouts for you to stop.
You were going to kill her.
You were going to kill Maggie for what her people had done.
Just as you reached the building where Maggie and Eugene were staying, a strong hand gripped your arm and pulled you back. Swinging your fists, you tried fruitlessly to escape the iron grasp of whoever had followed you. Your vision was clouded with rage, and the only thing you wanted to do was wrap your blistered hands around Maggie’s neck. You didn’t have to ask, you didn’t need a confession from anyone – you knew without a doubt that everyone was dead because of Maggie’s people. Negan had taken her and Daryl hostage, and now the Alexandrians were making it clear how they felt about it. You once again fought to free your arm, to no avail.
“Goddammit sweetheart, I fucking said stop!”
You finally stopped struggling, collapsing into Negan’s arms as silent sobs ripped through your body.
This can’t be real, please god, let this just be a nightmare.
“It was her, it was her people,” you sobbed into his chest. “The whole thing was planned, they cut the power, a-and it all burned so fast, we didn’t stand a chance… we tried, we tried so fucking hard, but Jovana… s-she…”
You couldn’t even finish your sentence and instead gripped Negan’s leather jacket with balled-up fists, releasing muffled screams of agony into his chest. When your voice finally grew hoarse and your eyes burned from the emptying of tears, Negan held you even closer, his voice rumbling quietly to you.
“If it was Maggie’s people, I fucking swear on my life, babygirl… they will pay for it.”
Brow furrowed in confusion, you lifted your chin to look Negan in the eyes.
“What do you mean if it was her people? Who the hell else would it be?”
“There are a lot of fucking people out there who don’t agree with how we do things,” Negan chuckled. “A lot of people who are still learning how this all fucking works, but Rick… Rick is probably the only one stupid enough to fight back.”
“Except for Oceanside…”
“Excuse me?”
Your breath caught in your chest and you swallowed hard as you realized what you had just admitted to knowing. There was no going back now.
“Except… except for the other community that fought back… and half of them ended up dead.”
Negan’s eyes grew dangerously dark and he slowly separated you from himself, clenching his jaw as he showed obvious restraint with a quiet murmur.
“And who the fuck told you that?”
The thought of Miriam and Allie made your stomach drop and new tears well up in your eyes. You shook your head slowly and whispered carefully chosen words as the numbness began to set in once again.
Say what he wants to hear.
“No one… it was no one. She’s gone now. She knew my old group and she mentioned some other community, but… she’s dead now and it doesn’t matter. If they fought, then they deserved to die – just like Rick’s group deserves to die now, right?”
A suspicious smirk made its way to Negan’s lips and he nodded.
“If it was Rick, then he will pay. He will pay fucking dearly for it.”
Gently reaching an arm around your shoulders, Negan pulled you towards the medical clinic where Dr. Carson was no doubt waiting for you. He tucked his chin down and tenderly kissed the top of your head as you walked side by side. As you entered the clinic, Negan helped ease you onto the exam table and ensured you were comfortable before turning to leave, but not before pausing to speak over his shoulder.
“I’m going to get to the fucking bottom of this, and I promise you sweetheart… we will avenge her death ten times over.”
He didn’t even have to say Jovana’s name for you to know he was speaking about her. You barely noticed Dr. Carson peeling your scorched clothes away from your body, muttering quietly to himself as he assessed your burns. Time once again held no meaning as you laid on the table, staring wordlessly at the clinic ceiling as the doctor tended to your wounds. Eventually exhaustion overtook you and your vision began to grow dim as you pulled in shallow breaths. Just before you drifted off to sleep, Negan’s words echoed repeatedly in your mind.
“We will avenge her death ten times over.”
-
It had been nearly a week since the fire. Everything had changed. You hadn’t worked a single day, spending nearly every waking moment in a numb and dissociated state. Jovana’s empty bed greeted you every morning when you opened your eyes, and you weren’t sure how your body continued to produce tears after the hours you spent crying or fighting them back every day.
Even Negan had changed.
There was no joking around, there were no brazen sexual quips, and even his characteristic grin hadn’t made an appearance. His brow was constantly furrowed, a dark and dangerous fire raging within his eyes. He had been making multiple trips to the cells every day, and each time he emerged, his jaw was clenched and his gaze unreadable. You knew the Alexandrian prisoner, Daryl, was still being kept there, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to know what was happening to him or not.
Maggie was on lockdown. She was confined to her room every hour of every day, at least one Savior watching her every move at all times. Her meals were taken to her, and she had no contact with anyone in the compound. As you would wander aimlessly through the maze of buildings during the day simply to convince yourself you were still alive and capable of moving, you couldn’t help the boiling rage that overtook you every time you passed her building. In a sense, you wished she wasn’t being watched so closely so that you could go and dole out your version of justice.
Eugene’s privileges had been limited, but by all observations, he appeared wholeheartedly devoted to Negan and the Sanctuary. He continued to find ways to improve security at the fences as well as doing anything Negan asked of him. You didn’t agree with the fact that he was still allowed to take security shifts in the cells, but arguing with Negan wasn’t even an option now.
The blisters were beginning to scab, and your skin felt tight and scaly. The pain was unbearable at times, but walking and moving seemed to lessen it slightly. You visited Dr. Carson twice every day to apply a combination of burn creams and oils to your body. It seemed the worst was over and it was just a matter of time before scars would be your only physical reminder of the fire.
You had just eased yourself onto a bench near the medical clinic to rest your aching legs when you heard the unmistakable thudding of boots coming from the direction of the residential buildings. Sighing deeply and forcing your gaze up, you watched as Negan approached you and wordlessly jerked his chin towards the empty space on the bench. You nodded and shimmied over a few inches to make room for him. He sat down, exhaling deeply and placing Lucille gently on the ground before reclining back with his arms crossed. Tossing a lengthy look your way, he finally spoke.
“How’s the pain?”
“It sucks,” you admitted, “but it’s getting better. Mornings are the worst, but I still haven’t taken any pain meds so I think I’m doing ok.”
“You know you don’t have to pay for the pain meds, sweetheart.”
You almost stiffened at the term of affection. Negan had hardly spoke to you since you returned, but in his defense, you hadn’t reached out to him either. The lack of communication was maddening at times, especially since Jovana was gone, but you had come to accept it. You sighed again and nodded.
“I know… but someone else will need them more than I do someday.”
The corners of Negan’s lips turned up ever so slightly, and he tenderly slipped his hand under yours, making sure not to put too much pressure on your oversensitive skin.
“Always thinking about everyone else,” he murmured. “I fucking love that about you.”
You froze at the use of the four-letter word he had never uttered in regard to you before, and he shifted uncomfortably on the bench before drawing in a deep breath and speaking quietly.
“Simon is going to take a group to the outpost to… to sort through things. Try to do a proper burial and shit. See if we can figure out exactly what the fuck happened.”
There was a lengthy silence as he paused awkwardly, and you gently squeezed his hand to prompt him to continue.
“Simon asked if you could go along, help him understand how the fuck it all went down and… and locate the bodies since you know where people were staying. Plus he thinks it’ll give you some fucking closure to the whole thing.”
The thought alone of sifting through piles of ash and rubble to find charred bodies forced a wave of nausea over you, and the beginning of tears began to burn at your eyes as you tried to comprehend what it would be like to actually see Jovana’s body.
How will I even know it’s her? How will I not see her face in my nightmares for the rest of my life?
She needs to be buried, and she needs to be buried by a friend – not alone in some mass grave.
“Yes.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yes,” you stated firmly. “I want to go. When are we leaving?”
The stunned look on Negan’s face only lasted a moment before his features softened.
“Everyone is heading out in about an hour. You know you don’t have to do this…”
“Yes, I fucking do!” you snapped. Immediately regretting your tone, you took a breath before continuing. “Look, Negan… she was my best friend in this crazy shitstorm of a world, and she saved my fucking life more than once. And then… then I couldn’t save her. I need to be the one to put her in the ground… she’s my family.”
Negan nodded with understanding before reaching to pick up Lucille and then standing from the bench, offering his hand to help you up. You gratefully accepted it, wincing as your stagnant muscles flexed and began to loosen. Trying to wrap your mind around what you were about to face, you decided to use the moment to ask for something you had wanted nonstop since the fire.
“Let me talk to Maggie before I leave.”
“Abso-fucking-lutely not. Fuck no. That fucking widow is cut off. The only reason she’s still alive is because she’s a valuable piece in this fucking game Rick is trying to play.”
I hate her, but she’s not a fucking piece of property.
Shrugging off your discomfort with his statement, you continued to force the issue.
“Either I talk to her, or I’m not going with Simon. I need to fucking know what she knows before we go try to sort through this pile of ash at the outpost. Give me five minutes with her. That’s all I’m asking for. Five minutes.”
Negan glared at you with a fire in his eyes before finally barking angrily at you.
“Five fucking minutes and that is it. You’ll be lucky if she even fucking talks to you. And I know how much you dislike her right now, but I swear to god, doll – if you lay a single fucking finger on her, things will not be pretty. I need her alive and well… for now.”
Trying not to roll your eyes in frustration, you nodded and hastily set off for the residential building. Trailing your fingers across the handle of the knife sheathed at your hip, you genuinely considered killing Maggie for a split second before brushing the thought from your head.
Killing her now does jack shit for revenge… if she’s going to die, it’s going to be in front of every fucking person at Alexandria.
As you reached the top of the stairs and headed for Maggie’s door, the Savior standing guard stood from their chair. You realized it was one of the female Saviors, and one of Negan’s best. The dim hallway light barely illuminated her caramel skin as she squared her shoulders and faced you.
“She doesn’t come out, and no one goes in.”
“Negan’s orders, I have five minutes with her.”
The Savior chuckled and shook her head before standing her ground.
“If it’s Negan’s orders, then I get them from Negan, not you.”
“Five fucking minutes, Arat, and nothing more,” Negan boomed from the top of the stairs.
Didn’t even fucking see him follow me here…
Arat’s eyes darted from Negan to you and back again before she finally dipped her head and rapped on the door loudly with her knuckles, stepping out of your way as she looked to Negan one more time. You grasped the metal handle and swung the door inwards.
Maggie sat on her bed with her legs crossed, a hefty novel gripped in her hands. She glanced up at you with uncertainty as you walked in, closing the novel and setting it on the bedside table.
Shit…
It was impossible to ignore how much Maggie had deteriorated in such a short time. Her cheekbones were noticeably more defined than when you last saw her, and her shirt hung loosely across her jutting collarbones. She looked ill. Her eyes were ringed with dark circles and her skin appeared pale.
Maybe it’s just the lighting.
Fuck her - even if she is sick, just get what you need and leave.
Dragging a chair across the room, you sat down facing Maggie as she looked at you expectantly.
“I have five minutes, so you need to answer some questions and do it quickly.”
She narrowed her eyes at you, exhaustion written across her face as she spoke quietly in her thick Southern accent.
“You’ll get your answers if you agree to help me.”
Rolling your eyes as you chuckled, you shook your head and locked eyes with her.
“This isn’t a negotiation… I walk out of here and tell Negan whether you cooperated or not. Simple as that. I’m not here to help you.”
“I just need to know if Daryl is okay,” she spouted desperately, her eyes begging you for an answer. “That’s all I want, just tell me he’s okay.”
You chewed on your bottom lip as you thought of all the times you had seen Negan go down to the cells in a boiling rage.
Honesty for honesty...
“No, I don’t think so,” you sighed reluctantly. Maggie instantly looked to be on the verge of tears as she covered her mouth with both hands, fear and grief already written in her eyes. You growled in frustration with yourself for giving into her, but despite your loathing for her people, she was still a person who deserved the truth.
“Negan spends a lot of time down there. Daryl’s the only prisoner I’ve heard of. I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing that’s not a good thing for Daryl. I’ve never seen him though, so I truly don’t know.”
Maggie nodded gratefully as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to slow her gasping breaths. You shifted anxiously, knowing your time was ticking quickly.
“What do you want to know?” she finally whispered.
“How and why did your people destroy another outpost? And don’t try lying, I don’t have time for it.”
Maggie’s brow furrowed as she searched for an answer.
“I… we only took the one outpost, I told you about that… whatever happened, I-“
You flew to your feet and kicked the chair backwards across the room, rage clouding your judgment.
“My best friend is dead!! She is fucking dead because of your people and I don’t want this fucking bullshit, just tell me how the fuck they pulled it off, goddammit!”
Maggie’s eyes widened and she raised her hands in a sign of surrender at your outburst, stumbling over her hesitant words.
“I swear, we only took one, I swear on my Daddy’s grave that’s all we did. I don’t know what happened, but it wasn’t us.”
Clenching your jaw forcefully, you studied her features. She looked genuinely terrified and bewildered, and your time was almost up.
“Another outpost got hit. Burned to the fucking ground in fifteen minutes, and only two survived. I’m one of those two. We’re going back there today to figure out exactly what happened, and if you had a single damn thing to do with it and you don’t own up right this fucking second, I will personally make sure you never see Alexandria again.”
A flash of fear crossed her face before tears filled her eyes and her thin frame was wracked with sobs of helplessness. She shook her head repeatedly as she sputtered out her words.
“I knew a lot of you left to go somewhere, but I had no idea where. I’ve only talked to Eugene, and even he doesn’t know much. Then a week ago suddenly I can’t even talk to him, I can’t leave my room, they’re barely feeding me… look, even if I wanted to hurt more of you, I wouldn’t know where to start. I swear to you with everything in me, we want Negan dead, but we don’t want any more innocent people dead. That I know for sure.”
Why do I want to fucking believe her?
A loud knock on the door indicated that your time was officially over.
“Please find out if Daryl is alive,” Maggie begged quietly. “I just need to know if he’s alive.”
Without responding, you exited the room, muttering a thank you to Arat before descending the stairs and heading for the front gate. The whole conversation swirled through your head, forcing you to analyze every word. The look of fear on Maggie’s face was etched into your mind’s eye, her dark eyes already haunting you.
What if she’s right and it wasn’t her people? Then what?
Shaking the thoughts from your head, you approached Simon and were quickly taken by surprise as he pulled you in for a firm side hug. He glanced down at you as he murmured so quietly, only you could hear him.
“I need you on this trip. We’ll do this together, we’ll… we’ll find her together. We’ll give her the honor she deserves.”
Biting your tongue and holding back impending tears, you nodded quickly and briefly locked eyes with him before shrugging out of his hug and crawling into the front seat of his dark blue truck. As he called out orders, the rest of the group slowly filtered into their own trucks while your mind continued to race.
“We want Negan dead… but we don’t want any more innocent people dead.”
Then why am I on my way to sift through the bodies of innocent people?
-
Your mind assaulted you relentlessly with vivid flashbacks as soon as the truck turned onto the gravel road leading to the outpost, now nothing more than deep piles of ash and ruins. As you slowly rolled through the front gate, your eyes roamed the property with sadness. Iron structural supports jutted up from the blackened debris, and though you had reluctantly forced yourself not to hope for anything, you still searched for signs of Jovana.
As your feet thudded onto the dirt and the sound of doors slamming shut echoed in the eerily still afternoon air, you took a deep breath and looked to Simon. He nodded silently at you in reassurance before addressing the group gathered before him.
We’ll find her together.
“Alright, time to split up. I need a team for each building. Our mission is simple, but really fucking important. Search for remains, and keep an eye out for any signs of foul play. Clear?”
An affirmative chorus of voices filled the air and the group began to divide itself into three search parties. You immediately set your sights on the Savior’s residential building and headed in that direction, Simon following a few steps behind you. Making your way around the side of the building to the back door you and Jovana had entered through, you decided to retrace your steps.
As you gingerly stepped into the ashen remains of the building, you started to make your way through the charred skeletons of walls and doorways. You inched forward, eyes darting back and forth, searching for signs of anything unusual. When you finally reached what appeared to be the end of the hallway, your heart jumped to your throat and began pounding heavily. Turning to the right, you saw the place where you stood when the ceiling fell and you lost sight of Jovana. Swallowing painfully, you glanced up to see Simon and three others sifting through the debris. As you watched, one of the men called out and lifted a blackened gun from the ground next to what appeared to be a metal bed frame.
One.
Lifting your foot, you managed your way over a fallen pile of flooring and ceiling supports. You gulped as you reached out with your hands and began to sift through the debris. Pushing aside ash and charred splinters, your fingers searched for anything foreign. You moved slowly around the area you were trying to canvas. Just as you started to grasp something, you heard two voices call out together. Looking up, you saw one man holding up a hefty blade and the other man, standing about ten feet away, dangling something that glimmered in the sunlight from his hand. You squinted, trying to make out the object as your heart sank.
A necklace.
Two. Three.
Simon nodded and motioned for the men to set the objects to the side before he glanced back at you for a split second. Even from fifteen feet away, you could see the questioning look in his eyes as he gestured to his neck. You shook your head at him.
No, she never wore a necklace.
His features softened with relief and he turned to continue searching. Returning to your own area, your fingers reached through the pile in front of you and suddenly encountered a smooth, hard surface. You dropped to your knees and began to frantically throw aside the ashen remnants of objects to uncover your discovery. As you grasped it with both hands, the butt of a rifle emerged from the pile of ash, followed by the rest of the gun. You reached down and dusted off the barrel, consequently brushing your knuckles against a soft texture. Looking down, you saw the top of a pair of leather boots that had somehow survived the heat. Tucking the rifle under one arm, you solemnly grasped the boots with your other hand and stood, calling out to Simon and moving to place the objects at the front of the building with the others.
Four.
The next hour of the search continued to turn up weapons and personal belongings. It was sobering to dig through rubble near any one of many metal bedframes, knowing the ash you were brushing aside could easily be the remains of a once-living person. Members of the search parties for the other buildings came to talk to you, inquiring about the layout and number of people housed in each room. You numbly counted out loud, and confirmed the numbers with them.
Nineteen in my building.
Seven Saviors and fourteen others in the larger building.
Two on guard in the storage building.
As time passed, the whole situation began to overwhelm you and you excused yourself for some time to process everything. As you approached a break in the chain link fence that wrapped around the back of the property, your boot caught on something, sending you straight down into the dirt with a grunt.
For fuck’s sake.
As you pushed yourself up with your hands, you turned to look near your feet and could almost feel your heart stop within your chest. In the grass lay a trail of wires bundled together, the obvious culprit behind your fall. Standing up slowly, you followed the wires towards the fence, slipping through the opening to continue tracing their path. Dozens of thoughts raced through your mind, and you tried to explain all of them.
It’s probably an old telephone line.
Your bootsteps halted as you approached a dense grouping of bushes, the bundle of wires running into them. You cautiously pulled back the small branches and were met with a sight that flooded acid into your throat.
Car batteries, gas, alcohol, propane tanks, more wire…
This is how they killed us.
You stumbled backwards, feeling yourself starting to hyperventilate from the realization. Grabbing a nearby tree for support, you tried to slow your breathing down just as you heard the snarl of an undead. You pulled your knife from its sheath and held it up, eyes darting between trees. When you finally spotted the walker, you took off at a run towards it. Before it could even turn to fully look at you, your blade was buried in its skull and it was falling to the forest floor with a dull thud.
You allowed yourself to collapse to your knees, dropping your knife and burying your head in your hands as sobs ripped through you. Your heart ached – for Jovana, for Miriam, for Allie, for all those who could now only be recognized by a charred weapon or piece of jewelry. Pulling your eyes up, you ran them along the leaves and branches, attempting to ground yourself in the world around you. An object gleamed in the sunlight, the glare hitting your eyes sharply as you squinted and tried to wipe the tears from your cheeks. Pushing yourself to your feet, you walked over to the object in a daze. It was a large blade, shoved point-first into the soft forest soil. Your heart began to race as a sense of familiarity hit you, and you couldn’t pull the weapon out of the ground fast enough. Running your fingers over the carving on the handle, you suddenly forgot to breathe.
It can’t be...
You began to scream Simon’s name, sprinting between the trees and through the hole in the fence back to the property. You nearly tripped running along the side of the ruined Savior’s building, and you skidded to a halt in the front just in time to come face to face with a bewildered looking Simon.
“What the hell’re you screaming for??”
Gasping for breath, you didn’t say another word – you simply held the blade out to him. He took it from you quickly, tracing the handle’s engraving of Lucille exactly as you had just done before locking eyes with you.
“Where?”
“The forest… way outside the fence.”
“From before?”
“No… no chance… neither of us ever went out that far. It has to be from after… after the fire.”
You and Simon remained motionless except the heaving of your chest for what seemed like minutes, both of your eyes widened with cautious hope. Simon finally handed the blade back to you, one hand on his hip and the other absentmindedly stroking his mustache as he thought out loud.
“So, she’s out there?”
“In the forest? No… no, if she got out, there’s only one place she’d go: back to the Sanctuary.”
“It’s been six days, she would’ve been back already.”
“Not if she’s traveling injured,” you pointed out, remembering the way she limped after attempting to kick out the door during the fire. You couldn’t stop your heart from racing, or the corners of your lips from turning slightly upwards. The tears that slid down your cheeks now were tears of joy and hope.
“How could Dwight miss her if she was in the same building?”
Your smile immediately disappeared as your eyes simultaneously darkened. Your words came out in the form of a growl as your entire focus shifted.
“I don’t think he missed her at all. Go round up the groups at the other buildings – I need to check something, and then let’s get back home.”
Simon nodded and headed for the trucks at the front gate as you jogged around the back of the building. You once again found the wire leading back to the fence, and this time you followed its path back to the building. The grass it laid on was charred and dead, and just before reaching the wall, it split off into two lines – one that led into the Savior’s large residential building, and the other leading to the storage building.
They cut the power to the generator, doused the place in accelerants, and then used the wire to ignite everything from out in the forest… who the fucking hell put this all together? And how the fuck did the guards not see them?
You followed the path of wire through the debris of the storage building, kicking obstacles out of the way. Your pants were covered in a thick layer of ash and dirt, and your entire body had begun to ache, but you were determined to uncover as much as you could. As suspected, the bundle of wires snaked through the entire building before exiting near the front and running along the front fence and gate, straight to the front door of the smaller residential building you had been in.
Satisfied with your findings, you headed for the trucks that had been loaded up with personal affects and weapons found in the rubble. There was no need for a burial – most of the bodies had become part of the ash already. As you climbed into the dark blue truck and slammed the door, you could feel Simon’s eyes on you, but you stared straight ahead as the vehicle rumbled to life. You decided to keep your discovery of the wire and fuel to yourself until you could confirm your suspicions.
I need five more minutes with Maggie.
-
“How much clearer can I be? The fucking answer is no.”
“Negan, I swear to god,” you growled, “It will be the last time.”
“No, last time was the last fucking time, and I shouldn’t have even given you that.”
Groaning in frustration, you paced around his living room, agitatedly running your hands through your hair. Negan sat on his leather couch, legs crossed and arm draped casually across the back. He eyed you with irritated amusement, watching you pace back and forth a few times before standing and blocking your path.
“The only fucking way you’re getting in that room with her is if I’m in there with you. How’s that fucking sound for generosity?”
You clenched your jaw and looked up at Negan, his smirk only igniting your frustration further. Sighing deeply, you crossed your arms and pondered your next words.
“If… if you let me talk to her for two minutes – literally two minutes – then we can do anything you want later tonight. No strings attached, no rules.”
Negan’s smirk disappeared and his eyes immediately flooded with lust. He bit down on his lower lip for a moment before smiling sadly and shaking his head.
“Darlin’, you have no fucking idea how hard I get at the thought of being with you completely. I’d love nothing more than to bury every inch of this cock into you, but I’m not letting you go that far just because you want something. It has to be the right fucking time or it’ll hurt too much. And I’m not even talking about how much my dick will hurt, because that’s a giv-“
“Negan.”
“Sorry, doll, I get a little carried away when I think about exploring that beautiful body of yours...”
“Negan, please… I just need to ask her one thing. That’s it. Then I’ll be able to explain what happened and we can focus on making Alexandria pay.”
“Oh, they’ll pay all right,” Negan chuckled darkly. He ran his hands through his beard pensively and eyed you for what seemed like minutes before finally swearing to himself.
“Fine. Go. I am going to be right the fuck behind you though. You will have exactly one hundred and twenty seconds, so spend them wisely.”
He had hardly finished his sentence before you were scrambling for the door. He called out your name, forcing you to freeze for a moment.
“I wanted to ask… how did the burial go? You found me before I could talk to Simon. I’m sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart, I wish I could’ve fucking been there.”
With you hand resting on the door handle, you turned and locked eyes with Negan over your shoulder as a smile danced on your lips.
“There was no burial. Jovana’s alive.”
-
“Two fucking minutes, doll, and not a motherfucking seco-“
You slammed the door before Negan could finish his sentence and stared intensely at Maggie. She regarded you with an exhausted fear as she sat up in bed, shivering slightly. Your heart once again ached for her, but now was not the time for sympathy.
“One question. If there was one person in your group who would know how to work with electricity, with chemistry and science… who would it be?”
The physical discomfort Maggie was experiencing was etched on her face as her brow furrowed and she massaged her temples. You refrained from yelling at her to hurry up, but couldn’t help the tapping of your foot or the fidgeting of your fingers.
“Now? I… I don’t know who does it now. It used to be Eugene, he helped out with all the…”
Maggie continued to speak but you weren’t listening anymore.
Of course there’s no way an outsider could sneak past the guards and set all that up.
But someone from the Sanctuary could.
Eugene could.
The realization hit you like a brick wall and you immediately flew to the door. Maggie called your name, but you were already in the hall and racing towards the staircase, Negan yelling at you to slow down. You pounded down the stairs and began to run across the yard, shouting as you approached the front gate.
“Simon!”
He spun around just before you skidded to a halt in front of him, Negan mere feet behind, swearing under his breath at you. Your eyes darted along the front fence, searching for the characteristic long coat of the Alexandrian.
“What the fucking hell is your goddamn probl-“
“It was Eugene.”
Both Simon and Negan stared at you silently, waiting for further explanation. You jerked your chin in Eugene’s direction, and raised your voice almost to a shout to ensure he could hear you as well.
“I found wires and car batteries in the forest outside the outpost… gas and propane too. Someone rigged the whole place to burn – laid the wiring between all the buildings, dumped the fuel everywhere, cut the power to the generator so the alarms wouldn’t wake us up, and then set it all off from the forest. Like a fucking coward! Couldn’t even come face to face with the sight of everyone they were killing!”
The typical look of bored neutrality on Eugene’s faced was quickly replaced with pure and total fear. He began to stumble backwards, stuttering scientific facts and weak alibis. Negan, Simon, and you began to march toward him, Negan twirling Lucille in his hand while beginning to whistle quietly and Simon drawing his gun from his hip. You pushed in front of them, yelling at the top of your lungs now.
“And I’ve been told the only person who could pull off such a thing is our very fucking own Eu-gene! The genius who claims to be all Negan, and then sets up the murder of a third of our people. Well, you missed three of us, you son of a bitch, and now? You’re. Gonna. Fucking. Pay.”
You threw everything you had into a powerful right hook that connected with Eugene’s temple with a sickening crack. His body immediately dropped to the ground and he laid motionless. Negan and Simon both grabbed your shoulders and pulled you back as you gasped for breath. Your shouts had drawn nearly every community member out of the buildings and every guard to the front of the compound, including Dwight, who stood just a few feet away. His eyes darted between you and Simon before he spoke into the silence.
“Did… did you say three? Three of us survived?”
“One is presumed alive… until proven otherwise,” you sneered.
You couldn’t tell if the look on Dwight’s face was relief or fear, but you didn’t have time to decide before one of the guards began to shout for extra eyes along the walls and fence. Simon ran to the front gate with Negan following calmly behind, and you sprinted up the side of a scaffold that held a guard with binoculars. You tore them from his hands and pressed them to your own eyes. It didn’t take long to locate movement on the abandoned road leading up to the compound. Adjusting the focus on the binoculars, your heart seemed to stop beating.
“OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!” you screamed, leaping down from the scaffold and landing on the gravel with a thud, shockwaves shooting up into your knees from the height of the jump. You clawed at the gate, frantically trying to force it open.
“HEY! That gate opens and closes on my command! What the fuck is going on?”
You turned and stared desperately into Negan’s eyes as tears began falling from your own.
“It’s her… Negan, she’s alive.”
Before the words had completely left your mouth, Negan roared out the order for the gate to be opened, and Simon sprinted down the asphalt road behind you. You weren’t sure if the pounding in your chest was your heart or the thudding of your boots, but everything else in the world seemed to stand still.
Jovana’s alive.
As you drew nearer, you soaked in every painful detail of her appearance. She almost looked like one of the dead with the way she was dragging her left leg, and she grasped at a darkened bloodstain in her side with both hands. Even from a distance you could see that her skin had been burned even worse than yours. Parts of it looked completely raw, while other areas appeared almost black from heavy scabbing and lack of care. You could see her wincing with every staggered step she took, and you wanted nothing more than to call out her name. Your own breaths came in short gasps as you drew closer and closer, until Jovana finally lifted her chin and looked at you with swollen and bloodshot eyes. You and Simon both called out in unison.
“Jovana!”
Almost immediately she collapsed onto the road, exhaustion finally taking its true toll on her body. A mere moment later, you and Simon were at her side, kneeling to evaluate her wounds.
“Jesus christ, she’s in bad shape,” Simon whispered. “Here, help me sit her up.”
Together you lifted Jovana’s shoulders, causing her head to roll forward and come to rest on your shoulder. You wept openly and cradled her head, her eyes glossy and focused on a different time and place. Simon threaded his arms under her knees and shoulders and told you stand up, lifting her to his chest and turning back towards the Sanctuary gate. You could see Negan standing just outside the gate, with Dr. Carson waiting nearby. You jogged to keep up with Simon, gently supporting Jovana’s neck with your hand as you whispered quiet prayers to a god you had stopped believing in long before the world turned.
About twenty feet from the gate, Jovana groaned loudly and began to struggle against Simon. Gentle words of reassurance were useless, and as she continued to struggle, Simon finally eased her feet down onto the road. With trembling legs and her torso being held up by you and Simon, she finally turned and looked you in the eyes. There was no use trying to stop the steady stream of tears flowing from your eyes. Her face was bruised and swollen, but the corners of her mouth still turned up ever so slightly when she made eye contact with you. She grunted as she tugged her arm out from behind Simon and reached up with a shaking hand to wipe the tears from your cheeks. You couldn’t help but laugh, and as Jovana began to chuckle too, you tapped your hand to your chin in the only sign you knew.
Thank you.
With a wince of pain, Jovana smiled and shook her head, waving a finger at you before tapping her own chin.
No, thank YOU.
The three of you turned to face the gate and took slow steps together. You glanced up at the sea of faces and read the looks of joy mixed with concern, but your eyes were drawn to the one face that was plastered with raw terror.
Dwight.
Just as thoughts began to race through your head, you felt Jovana freeze. Glancing over, you saw her eyes fixed on the crowd ahead – and more specifically, fixed on Dwight. You watched as he slowly began to inch backwards into the crowd, but not before you felt Jovana’s hand at your waist, slipping your knife from its sheath on your belt and letting out a war cry as she launched herself forward. Dwight turned to run, but tripped over Eugene’s now semi-conscious body and fell roughly into the mix of packed earth and gravel. As he scrambled to get away, Jovana threw herself on top of him, her strength somehow unhindered by her injuries as she held one of his arms down with her free hand and his other arm down with a knee. He struggled briefly before falling still as a familiar shadow was cast over him and the knife was pressed to his throat.
“Fill me in here, Dwighty boy, because right now our girl Jovana should be mighty fucking happy to be home and might fucking eager to see a doctor, but instead she seems a little upset with you. Care to explain?”
Dwight’s chest heaved as he eyed Jovana and shook his head gingerly to avoid cutting his neck on the blade.
“I don’t know what her problem is, I’ve never done anyt-“
“Don’t you fucking lie to him!” you snarled, stepping forward to stand next to Negan. “You’ve never been fond of her and then she goes into a fucking burning building to save your ass, and you’re the only one who makes it out?”
Negan gently grabbed your arm and whispered in your ear.
“Sweetheart, let me and Jovana sort this out.”
Negan began to pace near Dwight’s head, twirling Lucille dangerously close to him. A small commotion behind you caused you to turn and see Eugene shakily making his way onto his feet, grasping at the side of his head as he looked around in confusion.
“Ah, just the man I needed to talk to. Eu-gene, my man! I have a little problem here. See, we know that you were the one who created that nice little setup of wires and batteries at the outpost. I sure as shit give you points for creativity! But there’s a bit of a fucking problem with that narrative… see, you were here at the Sanctuary the day the fire went off, so… sounds like someone on the inside was giving you a fucking helping hand. Is that right?”
You watched Eugene’s eyes dart from Negan to Dwight and back as Dwight stared at him with a wild look of desperation. Shaking with fear, Eugene slowly nodded his head.
“That is correct, sir.”
Negan let out a belly laugh at the same time Dwight swore, making everyone in the crowd jump.
“Damn, Eugene! You’re gonna get me hard with all that ‘sir’ talk! So, let me get this fucking straight: you and Dwight both have a problem with the way I run things, and your genius fucking solution is to team up and fucking burn a bunch of my people to death? Help me out here, Eugene - I feel like I’m missing something.”
The Alexandrian fidgeted nervously before visibly gulping and speaking in the way only he could.
“You are indeed correct in implying that I was the brains behind the operation. Dwight here had the idea and I assisted with the setup of the materials. The execution of the plan was entirely his responsibility. However, I did not set up that wire to knock out the entire outpost, no sir. It was intended to destroy one building, and one building only. The sole explanation for the total destruction that occurred is that the materials were tampered with. Seeing as Dwight and myself were the only ones with knowledge of the plan, it would appear to be one of us. I, however, was not present on the day of the fire. In all honesty sir, the event was intended to occur the previous day, but I requested we terminate it A.S.A.P. after several factors changed. I assumed Dwight would comply with that request, but it appears that was not the case.”
All eyes shifted to Dwight, who was still pinned to the ground by Jovana. He struggled against her before gritting his teeth and shouting hoarsely at Eugene.
“You fucking traitor! You wanted him dead too, don’t act like you didn’t! If we waited any longer, someone there was gonna find that shit, and then we’d both be dead. If we couldn’t get to him, at least we could knock out half his resources, but you’re a fucking coward! Now we’re both dead men anyway… we might both still be breathing, but you know we’re fucking dead now.”
The crowd of people gathered remained absolutely silent with their eyes glued to Negan, waiting for his response. He continued to pace, carelessly twirling Lucille as he ran his hand through his beard. He finally came to a halt in front of Eugene. His voice was deep, quiet, and dangerous.
“The fire was supposed to go off a day earlier – you said so yourself, right? So, you mean to say it was supposed to go off on the same fucking day I was planning to visit and see how things were going? Is that it?”
Eugene looked petrified as Negan leaned in closer to him.
“The trip I had to cancel thanks to your friends back in Alexandria pulling some insubordinate bullshit… and suddenly your perfect plan wasn’t going to work anymore, huh? So, you tried to call it off, is that right?”
The look in the Alexandrian’s eyes was one of pure terror. Negan chuckled quietly and began to turn away, but suddenly spun back around and rammed the butt of Lucille into Eugene’s gut. The crowd instinctively jumped back as Eugene fell to the ground, coughing and gasping for breath. Negan stepped forward and aimed a kick solidly at the exact same spot. You wanted to turn away, but couldn’t take your eyes off of everything. It was at that moment that Negan lost all control. He grabbed the front of Eugene’s coat and dragged him to his feet, bellowing furiously in his face.
“You better fucking stand when I’m talking to you, boy! You show some fucking respect!”
Negan launched his fist straight into Eugene’s face, once again causing him to fall backwards into the dirt.
“Stand the fuck up! I let you come here to my house, I give you food, I give you shelter, I give you a fucking job, and you thank me by planning to fucking kill me, and then killing more than forty of my people? I will not let that shit fly! I said stand the fuck up, you ungrateful sack of shit!”
As Negan once again reached down to drag Eugene to his feet, Dwight managed to free his left arm and landed a solid punch into the wound on Jovana’s side. She cried out and fell to the side as Dwight took the opportunity to jump to his feet and charge at Negan from behind.
No one touches my fucking sister.
You sprinted forward and tackled Dwight to the ground before he could reach Negan, wrestling him into the dirt. He threw his head forward and connected with your nose, causing stars to flash in your vision and stunning you long enough for him to pin you on your back and punch you square in the cheek. You tried to look to Negan for help, but Dwight gripped your face powerfully with his hand and yanked it back to himself as he growled at you.
“None of this would’ve happened if you and that bitch had just died like you were suppo-“
His grip suddenly went slack and his eyes glazed over as blood began to pour from his mouth. You looked up to see Jovana yanking his head back, his hair gripped in one hand as she yanked her blade from the base of his skull with her other hand. Throwing him to the side, he landed on his back as blood continued to bubble forth from his mouth. She fell to her hands and knees and crawled over to him, drawing her arm back and burying the blade into his forehead in a final act of revenge.
Everything went silent. Even Negan had stopped yelling. The crowd of people stood absolutely still, no one daring to move. Finally, Simon stepped forward, kneeling beside Jovana and gently lifting her to her feet. A shadow fell across your face and you looked up to see Negan offering his hand to you. You grasped it, pulling yourself up and shaking your head side to side, trying to regain your balance after the two blows to your head. Eugene still sat on the ground, trembling and grabbing his stomach as blood dripped from his nose and a cut above his eye. Negan was the first to speak.
“Arat, take this piece of shit down to the cells. No food until further notice. And Joey… clean this fucking mess up and put it out for the walkers. Everyone else get back to work.”
The crowd obediently dispersed, leaving only you, Simon, Jovana, and Negan in the open yard. Jovana reached out to grasp your hand weakly, and you immediately pulled her into a tight embrace. You were both shaking from the rush of adrenaline and as you held eachother, you tried to slow your breathing and understand everything that had just happened.
Jovana is alive.
Dwight is dead.
A war is starting.
Previous Chapter Next Chapter
AHHHHHHHHHH!! Y’all have no clue how excited I was to write this chapter, and also how much I struggled with it. I honestly wasn’t planning for Eugene to be involved in the fire, but as I was writing, it just seemed to work with the overall story. I’ll have to figure out exactly how these last two chapters are going to play out, but I can’t wait to finish this story with all of you. Your support along the way has meant everything to me. Much love <3
The following people have been tagged either because they have requested to be, have shown support for the fic, or inspired me. If you would like to be added OR removed (no hard feelings) from this list, or I forgot you, please yell at me.
