#longingforcomfort

[noctiline]

sometimes there are moments like this. where something in me just wishes someone was here a little closer.

not to fix anything. not to say the perfect words.

just to hold me, to pull me a little closer and make me feel like I don’t have to carry everything on my own.

today feels soft but also a little too tender and there’s this quiet ache in me wanting warmth, wanting closeness, wanting to be understood without having to explain myself.

maybe it’s the exhaustion

maybe my thoughts

maybe just my body

but right now…

I find myself wishing for someone gentle, someone safe.

someone who could hold me like a mommy would; soft, warm and without expecting anything from me because I’m just so tired of being strong all the time.

[pandas4life0330]

Being alone has always been amazingly inspiring to this deep independence that grew within me from a young age.

Before I chose this path, it didn't inspire any light into the depths of my core.

Nothing, to me, is more frightening than the darkness of the unknown.

Nothing have I feared quite as much as the pits of emptiness that darkness brings.

Loneliness is my weakness as much as it is my strength.

Who do I chose to be in my darkness, in those quiet empty spaces?

Beginning anew is quite painful compared to continuing along the path that was once comforting and numbing all in one.

Before I would run to the light of whomever I crossed paths with.

Being alone in this icy, mind numbing pit is much easier than allowing it to thaw.

Although the pain does ease as you accept the defeat.

The defeat itself came so suddenly and the questions appeared.

Who am I?

Where do I go?

How do I belong?

Growing and breaking are two things I fought.

Two things I can no longer fight.

Weakness is fearing the unknown.

Fearing who I am without the faith of who I thought I could be.

People can rip you to shreds and lead you to your untimely death.

Chancing this unknown is my hope for a new beginning.

A new future.

A new me.

This is me and I chose to do what so few could.

Allow me to be lonely.