#loo's life

[lastoneout]

I feel like you don't go outside often but that you love adventuring so you do sometimes enjoy going outside and exploring

dslakfjds;lkfj are you in my house or something wtf

But yeah, since I’m disabled and don’t have a car and it’s like 110F here I don’t really get out a whole lot. But I really, really love hiking!! I can’t do it as much anymore due to the chronic knee pain issue but before it got bad I would go hiking all of the time and I loved it. I also probably would get out more if I still lived in Flagstaff. Tucson doesn’t really have much in the way of places to adventure.

As for adventures! Once a few years ago my brother and my best friend and I stayed up all night and drove to the Grand Canyon so we could watch the sunrise. It was one of the happiest days of my life and I cannot even describe the beauty. It’s sad now, since my friend(the guy in the black hoodie) passed away, but I keep the memory alive. Here are some pics! (I’m the one the in red sweater, this was back when I had my hair buzzed!)

(This one ^ is of my brother and me. It seems like we are closer to the edge than we really are, but we took this to send to our mom who was worried we were gonna fall in. She didn’t appreciate it.)

And since I’m in a mood here are some more hiking pictures, all taken in the areas around Sedona and Flagstaff in Arizona. 

(My feet ^ You can’t see it but I am sitting on the edge of the Devil’s Bridge in Sedona. It’s my FAVORITE trail ever and the natural rock bridge is both terrifying and beautiful. I always feel like I’m at peace up there. Below is a pic my godfather took so you can see just how high it is! Just about 400ft! I’m the one in the striped tank top.)

Back to my pics!

Oh!! And the first time I went to the Grand Canyon(also with my friend) we were kinda dissapointed because there was a huge storm at the time so the visability was basically 0. But it was kind of incredible because it looked like what people described as the edge of the world. Rocks and land….and then nothing.

But then….just as the sun was going down and we were leaving after spending a whole day soaked and cold, the sun finally broke through the clouds….and it was breathtaking. 

Anyway, I could go on for hours about how much I love the Grand Canyon and how much I love hiking and Arizona, but I am pretty sure I’m gonna hit tumblr’s photo limit soon. So yes anon you are 100% correct, I do stay inside most days, but when I go out, I go out looking for adventure.

[lastoneout]

SO!!! I found out that my knee pain is actually probably arthritis which is SO FUN because I have been having this knee pain since I was fucking FIFTEEN but all of the doctors brushed it off as growing pains and just had me get an x-ray and said I was fine even though I told them that my mom has had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis since she was little but they were all like ‘well we don’t like to test that on people your age because you’re too young’ and I was always like BITCH??? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME??????

It took me until I was 21 for a doctor to finally listen like actually listen and believe me and he said that I had weak muscles in my knees and that was the issue and I went to PT for a while but I couldn’t keep up with it because ACCCHS only pays for 12 appointments a year and I couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket or to pay for a gym membership and my executive dysfunction was so bad that I couldn’t keep up with the exercise at home so it just kept getting worse and worse. 

And now I can’t stand for more than 4 hours without being in extreme pain, and I can keep standing but it hurts so bad that I’m limping. So I wen’t into see a new doctor and he asked right off the bat ‘well what sports did you do as a teen’ and I had to say ‘I have never been in a sport since I was like 12 because of my asthma’ and he was like ‘well did you dance?’ and I was like ‘no I can’t dance the most strenuous thing I did in school was yoga and I had to sit out on the days that my knees were bad’ and then he asked if I had a history of arthritis in my family and I explained that my mom had been wheelchair-bound with arthritis since she was young and had her knees and elbows and hips replaced like twice, and he was like yeah ok then you probably have arthritis. 

And I was like sad but at least I finally knew what it was so that’s good. And he said that if that’s what it is it isn’t going to get better but we can do what we can to stop it from getting worse for as long as possible. So I’m going to get into PT again and start doing yoga and water aerobics to try to help. 

And like I def have to quit my job because it’s all standing and if I was able to get restricted to just Box or Door where I can sit I would need all of this paperwork and just ugh not to mention that the stool they have is broken as hell and super hard to sit on and it keeps rotating so I have to cram my legs against the counter doors and it hurts almost as much as standing so there is no point in keeping working there. And it sucks cuz I have worked for the theater for like 3 years and I loved it but I just can’t keep working there (not to mention that this new building sucks and I hate it there and they only give me like 1-2 shifts a week which is bullshit but w/e I’m gonna quit as soon as I can.)

But ugh this is just adding to all of the bs I have to deal with cuz now I have to find a job where I can sit and if I go to a Con or a theme park I’m either going to have to take a lot of breaks or bring a wheelchair so that I can actually enjoy myself since its all standing. And I can only imagine the shit I’m going to get since technically I can walk I just want to enjoy myself and not be in pain so fuck me I guess. And now I have to take like so much Ibuprofen a day and that in itself is making me anxious.

Like there is a real chance that in a few weeks I am going to be able to say that I have an actual disability and that is so weird for me because like I don’t have anything against that and because of my mom I’m used to it but....this is going to make my life so much more complicated. 

At least I’m not going blind like I thought I was so I guess I’m just gonna try to go to school for art finally. 

Anyway I just needed to rant about this. Also if you have severe pain and a doctor doesn’t listen to you tell them to fuck of until you find someone who will take you seriously. 

[lastoneout]

A car crashed into my house today.

[lastoneout]

So at the theater I work at we had to get space heaters for the Box Office because the people who designed the building were twats from Phoenix who don’t understand how winter works, so it would get fucking FREEZING in there even with the central heating on. 

Anyway the space heaters looked exactly the same obviously, but on one only half of the heating coils worked for some reason so we decided to name them Fred and George as a joke, and I SHIT YOU NOT, the one we named Fred was the first one to break, while the one named Gorge is still kicking strong with only half of its parts working.

We put Fred to rest (threw him in the trash compactor) last week. It was sad day for all of us.  

[lastoneout]

So the other day I was hanging out with my brother’s friend and I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to the conversation so when she mentions not knowing where someone was I reflexively said ‘lol he’s prolly dead’, not realizing that she was talking about HER MISSING BROTHER WHO COULD VERY WELL ACTUALLY BE DEAD

So anyway I’m trash and I guess I have to kill myself goodbye everyone nice knowin’ ya.

[lastoneout]

It's like we're crying out that we're drowning and everyone keeps insisting that it's because we can't make friends with the people holding our heads under water. It's like trying to reason with the person holding the knife at your throat, knowing that if you die, everyone will say it's because you didn't try hard enough to see their side. It's like handing a room full of weak people a poisonous spider and telling them to work on a common solution. We are suffering and dying at the hands of people who only wish us harm and you have the audacity to claim that it's our fault.

Me, in a rant against a dumbass on facebook.

[lastoneout]

Just incase you missed my fantastic snap story the other day where I got drunk af and tried to make Julia Child’s Hollandaise Sauce. 

[lastoneout]

someone comission me I’m broke and have no food money