#loolol

[enjinsprettydoll]

whenever I read information about a fave on the official wiki fandom site and it states they have a wife I be like "yeah me, duh 🙄" 😂😘🫶🏼💍

[a-stars-art-blog]

Knight’s a bitch in the comics and I love him-

[zer0pm]

Imagine having an odd sneeze. The people in the keep call you out for it but a charming chancellor swoops in to defend you.

A/N: Woot! Took a small break from writing and now I am invigorated and inspired! Haven’t done an Ardyn piece in awhile so to show my love for y’all and the chancellor (my first muse and king~), I’ve written this based on this ask:

“YA-CHOOO!!”

It sounded like a bomb in an unsuspecting night, your sneeze ringing in the air of the training grounds. High Commander Ravus Nox Fleuret and Commodore Aranea Highwind had the floor to demonstrate Ravus’ new arm but the two nearly slipped at the horrendous boom, ducking as if the keep was under attack. When they saw the coast was clear, everyone was absolutely befuddled, seeking out the source. You, on the other hand, made yourself scarce behind your clipboard, pretending that nothing happened at all despite the shade of red burning ever so hotter on your face. It was that time of year again, you dreaded.

When everything settled, everyone went back to their business. Chancellor Izunia, who was right beside you, was grinning humorously the entire time, chuckling at your predicament.

Ardyn: “I suppose it is that season.”

You: “E-Excuse me, sir?”

Ardyn: “You are excused.”

You continued your work on examining the combat prowess Commander Ravus accumulated with the new magitek arm when you felt the tickle of another dreaded bodily function scratching within your nose. Oh no, please not again! But it was too-

“HAAA CHOOOOOOOOW!!!”

This time, everyone at their stations really did trip over, some even duck low to the ground, others yelling that the Lucians have finally retaliated and that everyone should head to their battle stations. Everyone, save for a few others, including Ravus himself who looked like hell’s wrath itself once he deduced that the sound came from you. He stabbed his sword to the ground and stops over the training floor towards you, a deathly glare in his already harsh eyes.

Ravus: “For the love of Bahamut, what is wrong with you? Are you dying!?”

You: “N-No, sir! Nothing like that! I-I was just- it’s the s-season, you see and-”

Ravus: “Well, do us all a favor, kindly stop or wear a godforsaken helmet. One that cancels out such horrendous sound.“

You can hear some of your fellow colleagues snickering at his comment even though the man does not mean that to jest. You felt the familiar burn in your cheeks as well as a dull sting in the corners of your eyes. How embarrassing...

Ravus: “If you distract me one more time, I will sorely be-”

Ardyn: “Ever so concerned. Why, Sir Ravus, what a gentleman you are.”

Chancellor Izunia steps in front of you, like a wall between yourself and the high commander. You didn’t have to look at his face to know that Ardyn was wearing a cordial and knowing smile.

Ardyn: “How kind of you to be considerate of someone who works so tirelessly day in and out to ensure that people like us can perform at their best. I mean, I am surprised that our friend here has not been stricken with the sneezing flu earlier, it truly shows the resilience of those that place their trust in us.”

The tall man leans back towards you to tap at your clipboard, eyes lazily looking over the scribble taken down.

Ardyn: “And look, data that will no doubt prove fruitful in future combat trials. Your reaction time to loud sounds have exponentially improved.”

Again, snickering and laughter was heard in the background. You swear that you even hear Aranea laughing slightly. Meanwhile, Ravus was to the point where his lips upturned to a snarl.

Ardyn: “Anyways, what were you about to say? Something about distractions and soreness?”

A moment passes and instead of a response, the high commander huffs and returns to the training floor. Aranea who was watching amusedly, throws a smile your way before picking up her lance once more. It seems you avoided a disasterous humiliation, releasing a much needed sigh. You glance at the chancellor who returned to stand beside you, he was lowly humming to himself as if nothing happened at all.

You: “Thank you, Chancellor Izunia.”

Ardyn: “Hm?”

He stops humming entirely to look at you, his eyes wide as if he suddenly just noticed you. You since learned that this was a playful side of him and even entertained the thought that the man was also being humourously humble.

You: “You saved me for what could have been the biggest embarrassment of my life.”

Ardyn: “Ah, that. Well, one cannot help their bodily functions, nay?”

The man reaches into the pocket of his coat and hands a small bottle to you. You take it and eye it curiously.

You: “What’s this? For allergies?”

Ardyn: “No. That is for distractions and soreness.”

You: “I...I don’t understand.”

Ardyn: “Yet.”

You: “H-Huh?”

Before you can ask him to elaborate, the chancellor was already walking away. As the distance between you two grow, you can swear that he was chuckling lowly. Somehow, you’ve been so distracted throughout the rest of the day, that the urge to sneeze never returned.

[crucioslut]

What size is Voldemort's membrum virile?

There's two of them and they're both thirteen foot boa constrictors

[mischiefandi]

2019 BITCHES!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR YALLLL❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[radellama]

Free

Link often wondered if he really was the right choice for Hylia. Trying to impress a goddess is hard enough when you're only a mere Hylian, but Link inwardly curled up inside when he remembers the first time she met him, he had come fresh out of jail. If being introverted didn't make it awkward enough, that sure did. And of course, behaviour was always stiff and polite around her, whether he truly believed her to be a goddess or not. He didn't want to slip up and be rude around her, but honestly he didn't really know who he was after such a long time in jail. It seemed his world had changed more than he had thought, nothing was quite the same as it was. But really, he hadn't thought that mattered all that much; after all, there was no way he'd fall into an old habit if he had to rebuild everything from scratch.

He wasn't quite sure what to say when Hylia declared him her chosen knight, and he didn't dare decline with the most carefully chosen words he could muster while Impa was with them. He hadn't held a sword in years, let alone battle with one, so he was unconfident to say the least. But, she had rescued him from jail, and she didn't live at the temple, so he promised to at least escort her home safely. Promising something to a goddess is something you shouldn't ever do unless you're absolutely sure of what you're promising. Link assumed it would be a short journey with her home but boy was he wrong. At first she started giving directions, commenting on familiar scenery and how things had changed over the years, but Link soon figured out that she did not intend on going home any time soon, and she would hold Link to his promise to escort her the entire time until she got home. At first he felt mad, betrayed even, this woman who broke him out of jail was now being vague enough to make sure he would follow her across the lands on account of his promise. But as time went on and they travelled further with each other, he couldn't stay mad. Not at all. You see, when you're only met with kindness and patience, it is hard to hold a grudge. She really was a lovely woman, full of tales to tell about every location they visited and a smile that radiated absolute warmth. Link had felt like such an empty shell, at first only a stiff and polite man hollowed by pain and isolation; but spending time with someone after spending so much time alone did wonders for him. It was weeks before he began to speak anything other than curt and formal answers, but hearing so many stories encouraged him to start telling his own. It was months before he began to cook, very shy about his limited skills, yet seeing so many strange and intersting dishes prepared for him encouraged him to try making childhood dishes to share. And it was even longer before he finally loosened his posture, relaxing enough to slouch when he was tired and laze comfortably by the campfire with her. Soon the comfort and natural composure of his body began to evolve, moving in closer to her on the cold nights by the fire, hands occasionally brushing each other as they walked through terrains. Soon feelings began to develop, Hylia seemed more enthusiatic about them as always, but he started feeling at ease resting his tired head in her lap and cuddling up closer during the night. He wouldn't have ever guessed that he'd grow so happy at the thought of touch after so long alone and scared, but here he was, looking forward to every touch she blessed him with. His thoughts always seemed to drift, never quite lingering long enough to focus on one thing. Perhaps this was a way of coping he had taught himself without realising, lest he trap himself in a mind that dug holes too deep to crawl out of. Everything seemed janky and mis-mathced when he thought, but after all this time with Hylia, thoughts seemed more fluid around her. He didn't know if he could ever hold his attention to one topic long enough before wandering away, but when he was with her, everything seemed worth lingering upon. There isn't much to say, there never is when it's Link's turn to speak, but he really enjoyed being with Hylia. He still wondered if he really was the right choice, however Hylia had chosen him herself, so he just had to do his best. He hoped the day to draw his sword would never come, as he loved just existing so peacefully with a goddess. It didn't matter if he truly believed, because the one thing he was certain of when it came to Hylia is that he wholeheartedly cared for her. So it didn't matter how many times he'd spend laying with her, filtering through old thoughts and remembering how embarrassingly formal he was to begin with, because he would gladly do it a hundred times more.

[aviqovi]

“Under his control”

[80smikewheeler]

So yesterday, I went along to my local Topshop to find the Stranger Things collection, and after looking around the entire shop, on all three floors, I find out that they literally all sold out two days earlier!!! WHYYYYYYYY! I CRYYYYYY

However, on the plus side, me and the shop assistant ended up talking for like 10-15 minutes about Stranger Things, and we were both literally, DYINGGGGG over it!!!! My mum had no idea what we were talking about, so ended up walking over the other side of the shop, because she was ‘bored’, while me and my new homie DIEDDDDD together bhahahahaaha!!!! Lmao