Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA - makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the semester learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.
Date: 13 March 2018
Requested: lol
Pairing: Calum + Dallas
Words: 3.9K
Warnings: all of the hostility. more shit goes down, as always. fucking Polly.
A/N: look at me go! another chapter! less than a month since the last 2 ! I am on a roll. Don’t hate me for this chapter. Big Love x
Chapter 22: If I’d Been Told That I’d Be Doing Slow-Burn Exercise to Relieve My Stress Then I’d Have Had a Stroke and Died on The Spot Just Thinking About the Sweat and Heavy Breathing.
It was after three in the morning by the time I snuck back into the apartment. I’d spent most of the time between when everybody left me alone at the docks and arriving home crying, wondering the city and trying to decide if it was going to be worth killing myself over the night’s events. Obviously, the answer was ‘no’, so I settled for walking to the local Krispy Kreme Doughnut café – except I forgot that it was going to take me nearly an hour to get there from where I was, and by the time I reached the doors it was just about two in the morning and it was well and truly closed. I cried some more about that before I finally realised that I had nowhere else to go but home.
I was afraid that Polly would be awake and waiting for me when I walked through the front door. She’d not ripped into me yet, not the way Calum and my sister had. Knowing Polly and what she was like, though, I knew it was coming. And I was really scared that it would be now, regardless of the ungodly hour. But as I tiptoed further into the apartment, I could hear Polly’s soft snores floating through the room and found her curled up on the sofa in the living room, wearing the same hoodie and leggings from before. Her face was puffy, her skin blotchy, and there were used tissues scattered from one side of the living room to the other. But she looked peaceful.
Ordinarily that might have made me feel a little bit better, knowing that at least Polly was having a break and getting at least some peace of mind. But instead, it pissed me right off. I knew for a fact that if I curled up in bed at that moment then I wasn’t going to get a single minute of sleep. And that, to me, wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right that Polly was about to sleep so soundly after everything she’d said to me (and, I suppose, Belle and Ashton). She should have been having just as much trouble trying to process everything as I was.
I hadn’t intended to slam my bedroom door closed behind me, but I didn’t really care that I did when it happened. I stood there for a moment, listening to the slight echo of the noise in the air and taking deep breaths. I was so mad, and I didn’t know what to do with all of the anger. This wasn’t like when I usually got upset, because I really didn’t feel like hiding in my bed for the next week.
“Dallas…?”
I’d woken Polly, and now she was knocking on my door quietly and asking for attention.
“Dallas?” She called through again, just a touch louder.
I stayed incredibly still, staring at the back of the door what felt like an eternity as I tried to decide if I should open it and face her or not. But I think I already knew that I was never going to open the door for her. I had nothing to say to her, not yet – nothing that made sense, anyway. So, I just stood there, not moving a muscle and hoping that if I just stayed still without stirring the air then she would just leave. I barely even breathed until I hear Polly’s footsteps fade away back into the apartment, and I waited to hear her bedroom door click shut before I started to peel my clothes away from my body and drag myself to bed.
I was right, I didn’t sleep at all. I tossed and turned in the dark and wished to God that I would find the sweet release of unconsciousness at some point but I never did. It made my body ache, lying completely awake for all that time. I felt heavy and my legs were on fire from all the walking I’d done those few hours ago, and my eyes hurt from the strain being awake was putting on them, and on top of all of that I could feel the makings of a migraine begin to creep into my temples.
But, the longer I stayed awake, the more time I had to think about everything that everybody had said to me. Usually that was a bad thing, but somewhere around dawn I’d figured out what I would say to Polly if I saw her. I felt ready to face her now, despite how bruised and run down I was. I felt ready for round two. There would be no surprises, not today.
I was pulling myself out from under the covers around seven when I realised that the only thing I felt like doing at that moment in time was run. And it shocked me a little bit; if I’d been told at the beginning of the year that I’d be doing slow-burn exercise to relieve my stress then I’d have had a stroke and died on the spot just thinking about the sweat and heavy breathing. But here I was, pulling on a pair of running shorts and bright green running shoes and planning to run until I couldn’t breathe for a physical reason as opposed to an anxiety-induced one. I’d changed a lot in six months. For better or for worse? Well, I supposed I would find out eventually.
Polly was on the sofa again, when I snuck out of my room. She was awake this time, too, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest. She looked exactly the same as she had last night, black hoodie starting to look kind of gross and her hair seriously looking like it needed a professional wash and blow wave. I thought maybe I’d retreat back into myself and feel trapped when I came face to face with her again – especially since I wasn’t expecting to see her for at least another day or so. But I didn’t. I didn’t walk out on her like what might have been appropriate, but I didn’t cower beneath her gaze either. Like I said, I’d changed a lot in six months.
“Can we talk?” She asked, somehow hopeful and hesitant at the same time. She really did look terrible, and I felt a tiny pang of guilt stab at me when I realised that seeing her this way kind of made me feel a little bit better about myself.
“Why?” I asked her, trying to find some strength to add into my voice to make me sound a little scarier. “What else is there to say?”
“I…” Polly paused to rub her hands over her face for a second, smudging already-smudged makeup. “Dallas, I don’t want to fight right now. I just want to talk, like people. Can we do that? Please?”
I glared at Polly as she unfolded herself from her ball and stood. She didn’t look tired, and she didn’t look sad. She looked stressed, and irritated. And that irritated me.
“I think you lost the right to talk to me like a person last night when you told me to go fuck myself.” I said, choosing my words carefully and purposefully as I tapped into that anger that fuelled my night of insomnia. Polly flinched but I watched her shift, seeing the familiar squaring of her shoulders as a defence. I realised then that Polly didn’t want to talk so we could sort it out and apologise – she had no intentions of apologising for that, or for any of it. She was ready for round two, as well.
“That wasn’t a dig at you and you know it.” She said lowly. I made a face.
“You told all of us to go fuck ourselves.” I reminded her as Polly glared at me. We were standing on opposite sides of the room, but I still felt like Polly was trying to tower over me. I stiffened my posture, anchored my feet. I would not crumble, not for Polly. “How exactly did you think I was going to take that?”
“I was upset!” Polly tried to defend herself. “And hurt. You would know that if you had just asked!”
“I did ask!” I could feel my nostrils flare, my chest feeling tight as I fought to control my breathing. “I asked you if you were okay – more than once, might I add – and you always said you were fine.”
“Well, I wasn’t!” Polly finally yelled. I saw something crazy flash in her eyes and for once, her psycho side wasn’t scaring me. “I wasn’t fine and I wasn’t okay and all I wanted was for you to notice!”
I had to pause to take a breath before I responded to that because I knew that if I wasn’t careful then I was going to say something I’d regret for a long time. I wasn’t sure if I was that brave – not yet, at least.
“Polly, the only thing I noticed was you being a bitch.” I said. I knew it was low to start calling her names, but it kind of just slipped out. And anyway, it was basically payback for her and Belle calling me dumb. “And you wanna know the worst part?” I continued, letting the words kind of take on a life of their own. “The worst part is that you didn’t have to change to be like that! It was like one day, I woke up and realised that the things you say to me actually hurt. All the time. And you don’t really seem to give a shit either, which makes it that much worse.”
“So, I’m a bitch because I hurt your feelings?” Polly seemed to challenge me, eyes dark and cold. She’d become that empty Polly look-alike from last night.
“No.” I said, taking a step forward. “No, you’re a bitch because you don’t care who you hurt with your words. Because as long as you’re ‘telling the truth’ then you’re not the bad guy, right? Right?!” I didn’t realise I was yelling until my throat started to strain. “You’re a bitch, Polly, because you’re just as stuck up your own ass as I am.”
“You do not get to be the victim today, Dallas!” Polly yelled at me, arms flailing.
“I’m not playing the victim!”
“You are!” She threw back, and in a way, I was glad that we were finally coming to a blow. Yelling at Polly was starting to make things make sense. Things that I wasn’t sure about before, like Polly being a bully, I was sure about it now. “You’re making this about yourself, just like you always do!”
“You’re the one who started this, Polly.” I growled. “You’re the one who attacked me first!”
“Because it’s the only way you’d have listened to me! As soon as you decided you had better options, what I had to say didn’t matter to you anymore!”
“No, I stopped listening to you when you had nothing to say to me.” I threw at her. “You stopped being supportive so I walked.” Polly just stared at me, like she was trying to decide if she was going to hit me. I wished she would, because if she just socked me in the jaw or broke my nose again then maybe we’d be closer to being done with all this.
“Do you know what your problem is?” She said after a moment, quietly – almost as if she was threatening me. She took a step closer too, and there was still a coffee table between us but based on the ager deep set in her eyes he might as well have been right up in my face.
“You’re gonna tell me anyway.” I spat. She snarled, a vicious laugh bubbling on her lips that lacked any humour whatsoever.
“Your ‘definition’ of ‘support’ is fucked, Dallas.” She hissed. “Just because I don’t feel sorry for you every time you have an issue, it doesn’t mean I’m not being supportive. It’s not my job to feel sorry for you, regardless of what fucked up shit you get yourself into. I gave you plenty of opportunities to open up to me and ask for some genuine help but you chose not to take them. You did this to yourself. And I will not be blamed.”
I let one tear slip down my cheek before telling Polly to fuck off and storming out of the front door, slamming that one on the way out too. I felt so shit, I’d let Polly beat me. Again. I was ready for her and I let her get to me, as always. God, that was so infuriating.
I leaned back against the door, head resting against the wood as I closed my eyes for a moment while I tried to catch my breath. I wasn’t sure if I was rattled by the things Polly had said or by the fact that I’d told her to fuck off and meant it. Either way, I felt like I needed to run more than ever now.
When I opened my eyes, though, Calum was standing in front of me.
“Shit!” I gasped out, my heart stopping for a fraction of a second. He’d scared the living shit out of me and I glared at him. “Don’t do that to me!” I even clutched my chest for dramatic effect. Calum just pursed his lips, raised his palms slightly and spoke quietly as if he didn’t want to startle me any more than he had.
“Sorry.” He said. I looked at Calum’s face, trying to ignore his body as he stood before me in an oversized muscle tank and some shorts. His face was unsure and hesitant, eyes watching me carefully though they were filled with worry. I hated it. I hated that I’d said those things to him, only to have Calum apologise and worry about be still.
“Are you okay? I heard Polly yelling at you.” He said carefully, and he took a small step toward me as if he was about to hug me. I stiffened my posture and shifted my weight from foot to foot, hoping the movement would deter him from making any sudden movements.
“Uh, yeah.” I hummed out, not really believing it. “Yeah, I’m… how much did you hear?” I made a face, not really meaning to. Calum let out a small breath and gave a casual shrug.
“I heard you tell her to fuck off, if that’s what you’re asking.” He said simply, and I just nodded and turned to leave.
“Got it.” I huffed. “See you later.”
“Wait, Dallas, please…” Calum grabbed my hand to stop me from going and when I turned back to glare at him, he was already glaring back at me. I thought that maybe he was there to make me feel better, but that didn’t seem to be the case either. Round two wasn’t quite finished yet. “Don’t do this to me again. Please.”
“What?” I scowled and for a second, I felt Calum’s grip on my wrist tighten.
“Don’t push me away.”
I pulled my wrist away from him and my lip quivered. Because seeing Calum look at me this way, it didn’t make me angry the way Polly had. It made me sad. But I was too riled up to be gentle – I was over walking on eggshells and pretending to be brave when all I wanted to do was scream.
“Calum, did you ever think that I’m pushing because I don’t want you in my face anymore?!” I finally snapped, and the look of shock that flooded his expression nearly killed me.
“…what?” He didn’t yell at me this time, he barely even looked mad at me. He just looked hurt. And that’s when I realised that I was on the right track. Cutting Calum off seemed to be the best option. You know, for the long run.
“You’re suffocating me, Calum.” I said with a trembling voice. “I’m perfectly capable of suffocating myself without your help.”
“Dallas, what the hell are you talking about?” He questioned.
“If you were smart, Cal, you’d just stay away from me okay?” I told him bitterly. “Didn’t you know? I have this habit of suffocating everybody else I hang around, too.”
I left him there. It broke my heart to do it and I started to cry the minute I turned the corner and started on my way down the stairs. I didn’t want to picture Calum’s face after what I’d just said to him, and I didn’t want to think about how he was never going to forgive me. But that’s what was happening. So, like last time, I just took off running as soon as I set foot outside and before I knew it I was crying so hard that I was working myself to a sprint.
I tried to do the counting thing where I counted down from ten and listed the things that were freaking me out – the things I was supposed to let go of. Doing it in my head wasn’t working out too well, so as I rounded a corner that lead to a big open stretch of park with – lo and behold – nobody on it, I started panting them out loud.
“Ten… uh.” Pant. Pant. Run. Run. “Polly’s a dick.” One down.
I couldn’t make it past that, it was too hard. There were too many things I was pissed off about. The fact that I wasn’t alone on my path to far-away (hopefully, anyway) was one of them.
“Stop following me, Ashton!” I yelled after I quickly glanced over my shoulder to make sure it was him. It was, and his hair was tied back which was why I hesitated to start with.
“You’re not a dick!” He yelled back, his thick Sydney accent calling out from behind me. I panted a few more times, a sharp pain beginning to stab my sides before I finally slowed to a stop so I could bend over and grasp at my liver, wishing that I could squeeze it through my skin ‘til it burst My chest hurt and my throat was parched, and Ashton was standing upright next to me kind of breathing irregularly but in a way that made it look like he was only doing it to be polite about how unfit I was.
“Are you okay?” He asked me as after we’d sat in an uncomfortable silence while I tried to catch my breath. I just stared up at him from my hunched over position, and I didn’t mean my expression to be overly mean, per se, but I got the feeling that’s how I looked when I realised that Ashton looked kind of fearful. I straightened up and shrugged.
“I, uh.” I coughed out the last of my pants (I hoped). “I’ve been better.” Ashton gave a small smile which was more of a quick twitch of his lips, his eyes starting to look a little downcast. I just watched him carefully, trying not to show too much emotion. Lately every time I did that, things didn’t tend to end well.
“Dallas…” Ashton took a small breath, his shoulders relaxing a little bit as he took a couple steps closer to me. “Dallas, I’m really sorry about last night, ruining your date with Calum.”
I was a little shocked at the apology, actually. So much that I actually forgot that I was supposed to be mad for a moment.
“Ash, it wasn’t your fault.” I found myself saying automatically. There was something about Ashton’s puppy dog eyes that had me weak. I couldn’t stand to see him look at me like that anymore.
“It was, I brought your sister there when I knew she was upset.” He said, but he didn’t stop there and I could see his mind going through thoughts faster than I would have been able to keep up with if he had been speaking them all out loud all at once. “Thing is, D, I don’t think she was totally wrong.”
“You… you agree with what she said?” I asked him quietly, and genuinely asking for his opinion. Ashton was the first person to apologise to me at all, let alone start off a conversation with me in the last two days with one. He was also the one person so far who I didn't feel like was out to get me. The way he was standing there with me, talking to me rather than at me; I didn’t feel attacked, so I really wanted to know what was going on in that brain of his so I could figure out how to get myself out of this mess.
“That’s not what I said.” Ashton said firmly, but gently. “I think B was out of order and you didn’t deserve the blow up you got. But… Dal, Polly and your sister… the things they said to you came from a real place of struggle for them and they needed you and weren’t there for them.”
“I…” I felt my eyes prickle with the threat of new tears but I blinked them away. “I didn’t realise that’s what I was doing.” I said simply.
“I think that’s the problem.” Ash said with a small shrug. I heaved out a sigh and we started walking along the path together, now, side by side. Not for exercise or for stress relief. We were just two friends walking – or at least, I hoped we were friends. He’d be the only one I had left.
“Ash, what you said to me that night we had the Tequila Party…” I flinched at the memory, and I think Ashton saw.
“Yeah.” He just said, and if I didn’t know him better I would have thought he knew exactly where I was going with this and knew what I was about to say. I needed to say it anyway, because the longer we walked and the more I thought about it, the more I realised that that was the night that things probably started falling apart for me.
“It hurt.” I finally said. “It felt like you and Polly were ganging up on me and told me I was full of shit and ever since then I just…” I gave a wild gesture. “I was trying to not be. And so, I tried not to be so inside my own head, and when I was telling people what I thought was happening with you and Pol and B, I thought I was helping. I thought… I-I thought…”
I couldn’t really finish the sentence. Because all of a sudden it was like I’d realised what I’d done. I wasn’t helping at all, I was just passing off their problems to the next person because I didn’t know how to deal with them the way I was supposed to. I don’t think I wanted to deal with them. And it made me feel a little embarrassed to think that I was actually doing some good.
“I think you need to apologise.” Ashton told me, and when I looked up to him he was offering a small, encouraging smile. And I knew he was right, I just didn’t know how to do it. “Not right away,” He continued as if he could sense my panic. “But… you know. Soon.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.” I said, kind of pathetically. Ashton bumped me gently with his shoulder.
“Maybe start with B.” He suggested. “She needs her sister now more than ever.”
Cute and sweet, and most gentle of all uke, whips and chains are not for you - you just want someone to love you. You are often spotted in candy shops wearing furry kitty ears, where you are sure to be noticed by the Romantic Seme, whose protective instincts will kick in and will only want to take you home and love and protect you. And you, of course, will be more than happy to spend the rest of your life baking cookies for your seme.
Most compatible with: Romantic Seme
Least compatible with: Sadistic Seme, Don't Fuck With Me Seme
What seme or uke are you? Take the experience at http://www.semeuke.com
Just had a guy insist on flirting with me in the plumbing aisle of Home Depot. I got annoyed enough that I blurted out that I was buying materials to build floggers and restraints.
