Im Kai, 30, fat and afraid will die anytime soon. I weigh 195lbs stands 5'2", statistics 42 40 44, fair skinned, not much of a head-turner, too emotional, clueless, naive, very bad in blogging, call center agent, lives in an apartment with my mom and 2 sisters, fortunately seperated from a husband I forgot his name, have a tall handsome equally clueless 5 years tounger boyfriend, cant continue anything i start even book reading, anemic, diabetic (type 2) as far as my obgyne is concerned, struggling with finances, doesnt know how to save or even handle money, works in a very stressful and competitive office, Zero friends, bi polar (as far as im concerned), confused with faith, im not trustworthy and have a big trust issue with others, totally afraid of everything, pretentious, doesnt know what direction to go to, but amidst all these i want you to know, im not motivated... And one other thing, I want to loose the bad things in my life,... now.. So im doing this with you, first on the list, loose my weight, then lifestyle, attitude, personality will all come to a fix altogether, i hope.. Im gdping this with a blog im not sure i can keep up to, but i know i must since all of those articles i read about weight lost is saying to keep track of what im doing... Hey wait a minute im not a literatue or english major student, my articles will be incorrect my grammar will be bad, just bear with me ill get to that soon.. I just have to make sure you get what im trying to say here.. So if you are not interested, i dont really care, i just know, this will be helpful for me or maybe some day it will be to someone else even just one person, i will die with a smile.. Now i have to figure out how i can post a picture... Hmm i dont know how havent figured out yet, let me post my picture taken this morning on my nxt post... So enjoy, laugh at me, say that i cant do it, thats what i tell myself too, but who knows... Lets see... This is me at 2:28 in the morning making myself wake up to have a 20 minute work out with my ever trusted hiphop abs video cd.. Im starting now.. Not later in the morning but now..