#lord payno

[buckysgrindr]

I just want to say. Learn compassion. Learn empathy. Learn to inhabit online spaces responsibly. I know it's easy to sit behind an anonymous identity and say whatever comes to mind about a person you don't actually know. Especially when they're in the same online spaces as you.

I know this will fall on deaf ears anyway. I know people care more about projecting their higher moral ground and values than actual living, breathing human beings. I know sometimes it's not even about values, but just for the heck of it for some people. I understand that they themselves are deeply troubled individuals that are in need of dire help, and I hope that they get access to that. I really do.

Weep not for the dead, but for the living. Sending my love to the Payne family. To little Bear and Cheryl. To his friends. Hope they find the strength to get through this day and another excruciating year.

[buckysgrindr]

I miss you Liam. I will always miss you. I will never forget this day a year back. I couldn't accept that it was reality and now, a year on, I still have trouble believing it sometimes. I hope you're happy wherever you are. Rest well.

[buckysgrindr]

Happy Birthday Liam! Wherever you are, I hope you're feeling the love. Thinking of you is painful, I feel spent every time I think about how unfairly you were treated the short time you had on earth. I know you had your demons, that you weren't perfect, but you deserved the chance to turn it around, you deserved to get better. All your unfulfilled plans, the memories you were yet to make- I hope your next life leaves you no regrets. The happiness you brought to so many of us, may it be returned ten fold to you in your next life. I'm not religious and neither do I believe in reincarnation, but I have to believe it's true. It's too unfair otherwise, to think you will never get to live those years that were owed to you. I will never forget you Liam, neither will I ever forgive the world for how it treated you when it was clear you needed help. I wish you were here with us, and we were celebrating with you. Happy 32nd, Lord Payno. Hope you're getting to do all the things you always wanted to do. Hope you're singing to a crowd and it's singing your words back at you. That's how I'll choose to remember you. Rest well.

[buckysgrindr]

On days like this, the soft instrumental from Brokeback Mountains plays in the background and I feel like leaving this fandom once and for all because Liam and Zayn were the reason I stayed even after the 'hiatus'. I love them both so much, and I always will. It kills me that our love couldn't reach Liam. Does he know he will always be my teddy bear? He was so funny, so charismatic and so lovable. Looking at his pictures from the past few months makes me horrified because he looks dead behind the eyes. People did that to him. I hope they all get what they deserve in their lives. I know they must not be happy in their lives anyway, to spend so much time hating on someone they don't even know. I feel pity they haven't been loved enough to give it back to the world.

But Liam wasn't like that. And still he had to go while these pathetic excuses for human beings are still here. It makes me want to scream.

[buckysgrindr]

liam had such warm, kind eyes 🥺🤎

I'm sorry I almost forgot about this, but yes. Yes, he did have the kindest eyes. For years I used to think they were brown but they were almost bordering on hazel which is soo!!!

[buckysgrindr]

Can you tell I was thirteen? I was so obsessed with knowing the weirdest information about the boys. The cows really add to the charm, don't they? 🤣

[buckysgrindr]

I find myself rationing pictures and videos of Liam. I feel scared of running out of new things to see or share because that would make this more real. I feel kind of grateful that I haven't been online for most of my time in the fandom so I can still find new photos and videos. To think that there will be a day when I will have looked at everything Liam has ever been in -

[buckysgrindr]

I guess what hurts the most is that I never expected anyone from the band to pass away like this, of course, but even if I had thought about the distant possibility that it could happen in the future, I would never have guessed it would be Liam. I just, he always seemed so bright and alive, always smiling and making people laugh- I just cannot comprehend the arc that brought these circumstances about. Not even in my wildest nightmares would it ever have crossed my mind that Liam could go like this.