𝙳𝙸𝙲𝙺 » 𝙶𝙰𝚁 ❝ you will get better . maybe not today , but someday . ❞ / @formerlyrobin
𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 . better proportionately , at least . there’s not much to consider better when it comes to this , them , a discarded tool in every instance but the present : dick , stooped down to their eye-level , legs crossed && body hunched as if to make himself look smaller , an animal whisperer trying to tame the wild beast backed into a corner . like they’re made of wicks blooming wildfire && burning down to something worse —— they’re not sure which is ; tool or beast , but what they know for certain is that the worst case scenario lies in a combination of the two .
they want to learn how to be 𝙽𝙴𝙸𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 , so much so their veins burn with it , liquid smoke that chokes them every spare moment . they’re dizzy with it , head spinning on bunched up shoulders , long-forgotten notes still echoing distant drums in their ears . they know kori didn’t mean to . it’s not her fault , anyone’s fault that they haven’t been able to talk about it —— about anything . it still feels too fresh , still smoldering gray coals in the pit of their stomach , the back of their mind . it’s not kori’s fault the radio stations in this district suck , that she scrolled mindlessly through them to find something to make soup to , something soft && light && lax like the sunlight coming in through the windows . it’s not her fault the nearest station she found with anything like that was a classical one , that the cello just sounds like a deeper violin sometimes , that the cadence was just soft enough , light enough , to remind them of fluorescents blaring sharp against the back of their eyes down into the hollow of their skull where something slick && cold pressed against the flesh there .
they feel sick , but only faintly so , now . they’re back to themself , tucked into some back room where the walls are hard enough to leave straggling scratches instead of missing chunks of drywall . dick looks pale , but steady , always steady in the face of everything even if all of them know better . a breathless laugh barks from their tongue , unprompted && a little more hysterical than they intend , like some invisible hand has taken hold of their lungs && started squeezing . dried-out gaze grows wet , suddenly , && it turns on the other man like another switch has been flipped . like they’re treading water && clinging to the nearest life raft hard enough to make it pop . ❝ what , like you ? ❞ it comes out on the tail-end , a weary breath punctuating what they can’t quite call a laugh , not really , ❝ the epitome of recovery ? waking up in the night , if you ever even go to sleep —— staring out the windows like you'd rather be jumping out of them ? when is someday , exactly ? next week , maybe , a decade ? —— maybe next fucking 𝙳𝙾𝙾𝙼𝚂𝙳𝙰𝚈 , when another king of an underworld tries to eat the entire planet again . ‘ we’ll sleep when we’re dead ’ , right ? ❞
they’re not making any sense . they —— what are they even saying , they don’t want to say any of this . human hands curl into fists , uncurl , open palms coming up to press against their eyelids until they see stars . ❝ i’m sorry , that’s—— ❞ they start before dick can , before any of it can stick ( they hope ) , ❝ i didn’t mean any of that . i —— you are . doing better . i know you are , considering everything , && donna . . . ❞ still-wet eyes wince , glance away at the remnants of clawed fingertips instead of the man sat in front of them , as unsteady as the strongest they’ve ever known . ❝ you’re doing better than anyone else would be in your shoes . ❞ && they nod , confident now , the words feeling more && more like their own , sounds of symphony finally fading between each quieter beat of their heart . ❝ thank you . for making sure i didn’t hurt anyone . . . except for you , i guess , i —— i’m really sorry , dick . ❞