A/N: Never did I expect for that other post to become as popular as it did. I’m happy y’all enjoy my gross and overly-detailed headcanons. Also, please note, if any of you happen to not like or find any of my hcs to be gross or not what you expected, keep in mind they’re just my headcanons. Don’t take ‘em seriously, dudes. Weird and rude replies will be deleted. ( Gif credit: xxx )
Gaz―
Not much of a curve to it, honestly, he’s pretty straight curvature wise. Distinguishing colors? I’d say his foreskin is the same as his skin tone overall, tip-wise? I’m thinking it’s a bit darker than the color of his lips and flushes an even deeper color when he’s fully aroused, mhm. Hair color of his pubes is dark and also has a some curl and texture to it when he does let it grow out for some time. Balls, too? Hm... I’d say Kyle’s sporting a nice, snug set he prefers to keep smooth and clean more often than not.
Bonus! Kink headcanon is that he adores you paying extra special attention to his balls. Worship them and he’ll be cumming all over your face in no time~
Ghost―
Slight upward curve that stimulates you in the best of ways. IDC what anyone says, man has a mouthwatering cock with a nice flesh-pink tip and anyone can fight me on it. Probably slightly darker than his overall skin tone but not by much. Pubic hair stuff... I’m torn between him being a natural dirty blond or brunet. (I can’t remember where I saw the fanart from, but someone has a headcanon that he bleaches his brunet hair blond and oof, I’m in love, also give him long ass roots since he can’t keep up with his root touch-ups while out on missions) Straight-ish texture to his hair as well, grows pretty smoothly altogether. THIS MAN has a thick vein running down the middle of his shaft, my lord. And finally, for his balls, I’m thinking he’s got a hefty set that he’s quick to push you down to so you can pay them some attention, expect some light tickling from the hair there, too. uwu
Bonus! Kink headcanon is he struggles with being submissive and prefers being dominant the majority of the time due to his trauma. He doesn’t like the idea of submitting to someone -- he’s far too afraid of what kind of consequences it could possibly have for him. This doesn’t mean he’s a sadistic or strict Dom. If anything, he’s hyper aware of your reactions to every little thing he does, also refuses anything hard or physical against you, he detests the thought of causing his partner pain.
Price―
Leans ever so slightly to the right, isn’t too noticeable though. Since he’s circumcised in my previous post, could probably notice a scar that separates light flesh-tone color of his shaft from the faint pink of his tip. Also, despite him preferring to trim his facial hair specifically, I’d see him as going fully natural bush-wise. Man’s got a lovely cushion of brown hair that’s got just the faintest amount of gray speckled throughout. While he looks very textured, I personally think his hair would be soft af. Large set of balls that droops a bit lower now than when he was younger~
Bonus! Kink headcanon for John is - if you’re willing - he’d love to use you as an ashtray when he’s smoking. He’d light up, take a few puffs, than order you to open your mouth so he could tap the ashes off onto your tongue. Ordering you to keep your mouth open so he can see the black and grey specks of ash decorating your tongue before having you swallow.
Soap―
Has just the slightest upward curve to him, definitely jokes it’s great for helping stimulate his partner’s g-spot. Also knows all the best camera angles for top-tier dick pics. Shade darker than his natural skin tone and also has a smidge of hair going up the bottom of his shaft. Doesn’t mind in the slightest though. As mentioned before, he prefers going all natural and doesn’t shave or trim much. Lord, the amount of hair this man has. Has treasure trail, hair thighs, ass, groin, everything. Sorry, I love hairy men, what can I say? Also, when he’s super pent up, his tips turns a deep ruddy shade you love to see every time. Balls are on the larger side with one being slightly smaller than the other, also very sensitive and will have him turning into a whimpering mess if you pay special attention to them.
Bonus! Kink headcanon is he takes every spare chance he can get to take and send nudes and videos of him jacking off. Doing his best to make those sounds you love whilst trying not to get caught by anyone. Those moments are for your eyes and your eyes only~
Rodolfo―
Sobbing because his cock is the same gorgeous shade as the rest of his skin, although can see the head of his cock and his balls being a tad darker. Maybe has a tad lean towards the left. Has trimmed dark hair that feels amazing beneath your fingertips. Balls are a bit on the larger side. Run your tongue over them and his dick will be twitching above your face in no time, also will draw up tight to him when he’s cumming~ Please spread this man’s thighs apart, he’s got beauty marks for days and will fucking tremble if you kiss and run your tongue over them!
Bonus! Kink headcanon is he’s got such a praise kink when it comes to his partners. The hottest thing in the world for him is for him to be showering his partner with compliments, feeling them clench tightly around him as his words register in their pleasured-addled minds.
Alejandro―
Much like Rudy, he’s a beautiful shade of tan all throughout, and his cock head is just as flushed and ruddy when he’s aroused. Much like Rudy, has a lean but his is the exact opposite, veering to Also is hairy just like Soap, but nowhere near to the same degree. If anything, man’s sporting a thick bush, hairy thighs, and legs. Also another man sporting thick veins throughout the length of him that he’s more sensitive about being touched than he’d like to admit. Large set of balls that do sag a bit but doesn’t mind in the slightest definitely likes to teabag his partner as a result if they allow him to
Bonus! Kink headcanon for our man is that he’s a sucker for sloppy oral, giving or receiving, but especially receiving. Nothing excites him more than seeing how ruined and messy he can make your face as he fucks it.
König―
Doesn’t really have much of a curve or lean to him, but rest assured he’s got veins for days lining his shaft. And, if you run your tongue along them, he melts on the spot. Perfect male whimpering audio material <3 The color of him is noticeably darker than the rest of him. That, combined with his beautiful sandy colored curls make for a mouthwatering view. Also has large, yet tight balls that are far more sensitive than he’d like. Overstimulate the big guy right now!
Bonus! Kink headcanon is that due to his size all around, he’s grown to have a liking for size difference with his partner being smaller than his. It’s pretty easy given his height, but more so it drives him feral to see his cock bulging his partner’s belly out with every thrust he gives.
I think the most harrowing revelation is I'm Hindu and I've been making I'm a filthy pagan/heathen jokes for years, and now the whites have ruined even this funny slur for me with hot topic witch shit and cherry picking other people's cultures for a weird spiritual smoothie I'm so lost I really didn't know pagans were just neo hippies now can I have nothing?
SORRY THIS ASK IS SO FUNNY... also idk if you know this but there was real discourse on twitter where someone tried to claim "pagan" was actually a slur
→ Story Type - Multi Part. Out of Order Snippets. Time Travel!AU
→ Summary - The fortune teller said it would be temporary. You should've asked how long was temporary. You accomplished a lot today though. Like social studies and sex ed.
→Notes - yeah I wrote this a while ago and intended to rework it into something longer. Ahhh but fuck it. I'll just scribble these out.
Not a part of the quarantine challenge.
∞
A plume of smoke curled lazily in the midday sun. Resting on the jagged outcropping, you sat high beyond the town, pulling on a crumpled cigarette. It was relieving to be able to wear your normal clothes instead of the rustic, artful pieces you had been lent. But beautiful dresses aside sometimes you just wanted to throw on a (scandalous) pair of shorts and a t-shirt with tall socks in a homely pair of sneakers.
The sound of dragging and clinking drew you away from the gentle chatter of scattered men, standing around a leather backpack. The overlay was barely above the buzz of wildlife.
"I want to see the völva box."
Exhaling, you turned gently with a roll of your neck and peered at the shadowed Viking pulling himself up to sit. Somewhere to your left, the gentlest brother lay under the sun in the grass, holding your smartphone against his chest and scrolling through your library of album artwork to find a song that he'd hear through the wired ear buds.
"Sigurd's using it," you utter redundantly.
"Well now I wish to seek the Gods." Ahh, right. He didn't take turns, he merely imposed his rights.
"Well Sigurd has it so ask him maybe." Ivar snarls, and the sound jets into your ears from the proximity.
He says something else you miss and Sigurd is answering it from his spot, one ear bud in. You tune out their bickering as your let your sight wander back to the scene ahead of you.
Ubbe and Björn are having a solid one sided conversation, e latter waving his broad hands as he gestures with your passport animatedly at the spilled contents of the aforementioned ba. Hvitserk squats crouched in front of it, some books and knick knacks rest in the grass. Hvitserk continues to tumble it more in a quest for additional strangeness, beef jerky in his other fist. His spoils so far include crackers, the jerky, string cheese, a can of soda and assorted granola bars but you're certain he'll find your gum and mints too.
For all your interesting goods dredged from beyond space and time, including your phone, none so was more loved than the shining pair of aviator shades. The ostentatious Ray Bans sit across the beaming smile of Ubbe and you just didn't understand. Was it the 2 way mirror? The shade? The...aesthetic?
Ubbe stood tall in the warm sun, light reflecting off your chromatic lenses. He rolled a tube of jewel toned lipstick in his fingers, occasionally opening the cap to peer inside, sniffing. He'd inspected several tubes and brushes but he was holding the bright red stick with a generous bite mark in it.
His fascination with your various powders and colors ran deep and it explained why you were wearing a flamboyant cat eye and tinted lips.
"Face paints? Show me how these work. I want to see it." When he'd uttered it you knew that hungry smile wasn't a request.
Ivar was now waving a pocket knife he'd claimed, with a flinty look in his eye, and you sighed heavily.
Aside from these absolute treasures in secret, you were all awaiting the return of Ragnar Lothbrok. The King quickly decided the most important items were your various books and pamplets. He enthusiastically parted with your nonfiction works, and informed his sons he'd be back in a few days, shooting off a smile.
You'd say like father like son when Björn waved the leather wallet, but a while back he'd pulled you side to seriously interrogate you on the existence of your sleeve of condoms, free from some event. While his brothers raided your possessions like hyenas, his mind was already formulating all sorts of ideas. Without the thrill of conquest, him and his brothers were men of simple pleasures.
"Begone Ivar. I asked Y/N first and she said I could play the speaker box!" Music player.
"Who cares?", He pointed your pocket knife, "I want to ask the völva questions."
"I don't care about the stupid völva I want to listen to the foreign music." Sigurd speaks as if to convince him with his biting attitude.
"Idiot! It's for speaking with the Gods and you want to play silly love songs!"
"You're stupid! The box sees sagas and you want to ask how deep the ocean goes?"
You sighed again and flicked your butt away, making your way over to Sigurd where Ivar was almost upon him. You lifted the phone from his grasp and to their amazement, split the screen between music player and Google then handed it back. You didn't listen to their huddled wonders before making your exit.
"Don't swallow the gum just chewit. It's not meant to be eaten."
You don't look back too see Hvitserk's expression.
∞
A/N: Hope you enjoyed. I'm drunk and therefore my feelings are invincible. Gifs belong to @whenimaunicorn and @alessa-10
I just wanted to say I really appreciate you and this blog. Everyday I see a million reasons that people hate aspec folks. And this blog gives me a million and one to love myself. Thanks.
So glad to hear this ! its why we are here in the first place ! :D Have a nice day !
Not to send you five billion asks but also I'm bracing for the T E N D E R when around all the games and double talk we face a frank Ubbe (because let's be real, Ubbe isn't here to play 5 layered words games he wants what he wants and throws a lil flair on top) and then we gotta outline the fratboy HIERARCHY which is Ivar then everyone else. Ah. The wistfulness. The longing. The cockblocking. Ubbe you fool. You are a firm hand on the asscheek and Ivar is 2 battery cables attached to the nips
I’m not exaggerating when I say that by the time I got to the last line of this I was CHOKING on my laughter. Will you outline all my stories in this hilarious style?!
I love that you can anticipate what I wanted from this. The fratboy hierarchy is about to be in full effect. Poor foolish Ubbe indeed. He should set his eye on someone else, but the Reader is just too tasty a treat!
