April 11th , 2013
It came back,
Those fucked up feelings came back and I was close to losing it.
I couldn't control the thoughts that came to my head. Suicide. I contemplated suicide and for what. I couldn't tell you but I know, whatever it was had me going and I was ready to give in. I was ready to end it and end it fast. The world, my family, my friends and this REHAB would have been perfectly fine without me in it. Those were the exact words whatever it was kept repeating to me.
And just as quick as those thoughts came, the thoughts of harming others sufficed. I didn't want to hurt any more people, then I already had. But it kept pushing and pushing and pushing.
I'm glad that counselor showed up when he did, because if he hadn't and I hadn't found my pills. I was sure I would be seeing the inside of an Jail cell today.
I hate myself, I hate how I am, I hate what I become and I hate how I feel.
- Confession of an Psychopath