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Letter to my daddy. Part 1

It's been 10 months daddy. 10 long months since you went away. There's some things I want you to know. You were in fact the best daddy a daughter could have ever asked for. I messed up a lot when I was growing up a lot. You know that better than anyone. But as mad at me you were you were always at my side. Through court dates and probation officer meetings. No one was there but you. And while I know I made you cry a lot. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry dad. If I could go back I'd be the daughter you deserved. You didn't deserve all the shit I did to you and I know that. I'm so sorry I hate myself everyday for it. Secondly. I'm sorry for messing you and Patti up. Granted she was a drunk psycho bitch. But you were MY dad. MY best friend. And she was taking you from me. I know you love her. I did too. But I was still a child dad. I had just lost my mom and now some psycho lady was trying to take my daddy and I wasn't having it. So yes I cursed a lot of it. But she did too. I know you know that. And I also know we put you in the middle a lot and I am sorry daddy. You deserved to be happy and I know that now. I had no right to do that. You gave your whole life to making sure I was okay and well taken care of and all you asked for was to have another adult around but I wouldn't let that happen. Third I'm sorry I fucked up my education. I missed 65 days of school while you were in the Bahamas working. You were 68 years old killing yourself working 12+ hours a day so that I could focus on school and didn't have to work. You were trying to make us have a better life and I called you telling you I was going to school and passing tests when really I was in bed. All day everyday. I lid around. I'm so sorry. Fourth. I'm sorry that when you were sick in the hospital I kept people from you. But patti and sonny said some awful things dad. They really did. I'm sure you know that now. But besides that. I know you better than anyone on this earth. I knew what you needed. Daddy. When that nurse called and said you were asking for me and I flew down there and got in your hospital room and said daddy and you looked at me and started crying. The look on your face said it all. You needed me. Just like I needed you when I fell off my bike as a child. Or when ,e and bekah or Alyssa got in a fight and I came to you with all the drama. Or how when I had my surgery and I started yelling I wanted my daddy. That's how badly I needed you. I love you dad. To this day I can smell you or feel you sometimes. I get your urn and just sit silently with it sometimes. I know you're with me daddy. I know you are. This has been weighing on my mind for a while. I'm sure I'll write you again soon. I love you dude. Hope heaven is as cool as you are. Love you dude.