Mar 25
seen from Tunisia
seen from United States
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seen from Germany
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seen from Maldives
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seen from Malaysia
Another voodoo doll of Coach
On the way home from work at the construction site, Shaun would typically take the route that passed right in front of the new gay club in order to trim a few minutes off his commute.
The gruff construction worker would try not to sneer or roll his eyes each time he'd passed by the club, the sounds of the dance music pouring out of the small building that had a line of scantily clad men outside. Worse was that the older man would attract some lustful stares from the patrons outside. Working in manual labor, Shaun's build was blessed with large muscles-- and his older, muscled bod helped to garner him a lot of admirers.
Like clockwork, during his drive, Shaun's truck passed right by the club. A few of the guys standing outside stopped their conversations to playfully wave at the older man; one of them even gave him a flirtatious wink.
Shaun bristled and stomped on the gas, muttering under his breath.
The booming bass from the EDM music being played at the club grew despite Shaun driving away. The radio station he'd been listening to began to static out until the dance song that had been playing at the club was now blaring inside the worker's truck.
"What the hell?" Shaun grunted as he turned the dial on his radio, but no matter what station he tuned to, the dance song continued to play inside his truck. Even when the man tried to turn off the radio to just drive in silence, the song still played.
Shaun was so focused on his radio that it took him a while to notice the odd sensation on his chest.
The man looked down at his muscled chest and frowned when he saw both of his meaty pecs bouncing up and down to the beat of the song playing over the radio. Shaun's face turned bright red when he realized that he couldn't stop.
"What the fuck is going on?!" the construction worker cried out as he couldn't stop his impromptu pec dance, as if his plump chest muscles had minds of their own.
The beats of the song grew louder and more intense, and as it continued, Shaun felt his muscled body begin to wiggle a bit in his seat as his hips joined in on the dance. Shaun strained his large muscles as hard as he could, trying to regain control over his body, but it was useless.
Shaun let out a small gasp when he felt his cock rocket to life in his pants. Even though he was inwardly panicking over what was happening, the man felt as if his cock was the hardest it had ever been, throbbing like crazy.
At the light, Shaun felt his large arms turn the wheel to do a u-turn and head back to the club. As he drove, he continued to wiggle in his seat and bounce his large pecs. Shaun felt his moth start to stretch into a sly smile as he parked his truck in front of the club.
The man was pleading with himself to stop as he hopped out of his truck, sauntering over towards the entrance of the club. His hard cock pressed against his tight jeans noticeably, and the group of men who congregated outside all gawked at him hungrily.
"Shaun!" one of them grinned as he walked up and clapped the older man on his broad back. "I'm glad to see that you FINALLY decided to come!"
Deep inside, Shaun jerked back and wanted to demand to know what was going on. He'd never had a conversation with this strange man before, yet he knew his name and seemed to have been expecting him.
But on the outside, Shaun smiled widely at the group of men. "I figured I'd come over after work to unwind," he grinned, tearing his shirt off himself to reveal his hairy, muscled torso. He playfully bounced his meaty pecs for the men to see, keeping in time with the beat of the song as he went inside the club to show off all night long, and preferably every night after work from now on.
the night. . .‧˚꒰🩸꒱༘‧
what was once is no more and in it's place is only hunger pairing: Vampire!Hannibal Lecter x Vampire!reader genre: vampire!au • angst comfort • hunger notes: Hannibal is a vampire, and so are you. While Hannibal has already lived this style of life for centuries, you were just turned to the night and now have to deal with the overwhelming changes... which Hannibal notices with ease based on this ask! warnings: blood MINORS DNI!! masterlist join my taglist ─── ꒰ 🥀 ꒱ ───
stubborn hunger
You adjusted your glasses, pushing them up the bridge of your nose as your gaze settled on the body.
Mangled. Bloodied.
Too much.
You had only been turned… weeks ago, maybe.
Time had lost its shape, stretching and folding into something unfamiliar since that night.
Everything still felt wrong.
And you were alone in it, completely.
No one to explain, no one to guide you.
Just the constant, gnawing awareness of what you had become, wearing you down day by day.
You clutched your papers and pen close to your chest, grounding yourself in routine as you forced your focus onto the task.
“Good morning, Dr. Lecter,” you said as he approached.
Hannibal’s head tilted slightly, his gaze sweeping over you.
He has been noticing the change for a while now. The pallor of your skin, the stiffness in your posture.
You looked tired, which was expected, though it still made him wonder just how well you were managing.
“Agent L/N,” he replied smoothly, your name slipping easily from his tongue before his expression shifted, ever so slightly. “You seem exhausted.”
You didn’t know that he already knew, that he could smell it on you as clearly as the blood in the air.
Your senses were still a mess, overwhelming and unreliable, nothing you could trust.
“Rough night…” you mumbled, a yawn slipping out as you pulled your jacket tighter around yourself.
Your shoes padded softly against the ground as you stepped closer to the corpse, though the moment you did, the smell hit you harder.
Thick, metallic, suffocating.
Your vision blurred, your thoughts stalling as you stared for a moment too long before forcing yourself to move, lifting your camera and snapping a picture.
Hannibal watched you in silence, noting the way the blood affected you, how your reactions shifted just slightly.
A vampire, still adjusting, still struggling.
He stood there, his attention remained fixed on you, one brow lifting just a fraction as he observed your efforts to stay composed.
“Perhaps you should have gotten more sleep,” he commented, his tone light, bordering on gentle teasing.
You shot him an unimpressed look, though there was a hint of amusement beneath it.
“You wouldn’t believe it, doctor, but that was my plan,” you replied dryly, letting out a small breath. “I’ve just been… unable to sleep much lately.”
You brushed it off as if it were nothing, turning back to your work as you snapped another photo, then another.
Your hand drifted up, pulling your scarf higher over your mouth in an attempt to block the scent.
A faint smirk touched the corner of his lips as he watched you struggle, taking in the effort, the denial, the way something as simple as blood threatened to unravel you completely.
It was fascinating, in its own way, and just a little bit amusing.
“Ah, so insomnia,” Hannibal remarked lightly, folding his arms as he watched you with quiet interest.
“Or perhaps something else is keeping you awake,” he added.
You exhaled softly, stepping back from the corpse as if the distance might help clear your head. “No time this morning, Doctor Lecter…” you sighed, your gaze lingering on the blood-soaked body. “This is the second victim this week…”
You could see it, what this really was. The pattern was too clear, too familiar in a way that made something like recognition settle deep in your chest.
But you couldn’t say it. Not out loud. Not here. It would sound insane.
“They all follow the same… pattern.”
Hannibal’s eyes narrowed slightly at that, his attention sharpening as he followed your gaze to the body before returning it to your face.
There was something almost pleased in the way he looked at you now, as if confirming a suspicion.
“A pattern, you say,” he repeated thoughtfully, glancing over the corpse once more. “And what kind of pattern is that?”
His eyes settled on you again.
The smell hit you again.
It curled into your senses, thick and metallic, seeping into your thoughts until they began to blur at the edges. Your stomach twisted, something unfamiliar and unsettling rising within you as your focus slipped.
“A pattern…” you mumbled, the words faltering as your mind blanked, as if something had reached in and pulled the thread of your thoughts loose.
You swallowed hard.
“Uh…”
Your gaze drifted back to the body without meaning to, your pupils widening as the scent dragged at something deep inside you.
Hannibal stepped closer, his gaze fixed on you as he watched the subtle unraveling, the loss of focus, the shift in your breathing, the way your body seemed caught between restraint and instinct.
He could almost feel the tension in you.
“Agent L/N. Focus.”
His voice was firm through the haze.
You blinked, forcing yourself back, dragging your attention up to him as you swallowed again. “I… I’m sorry,” you said quickly. “I just have a headache…”
Another excuse. Always another excuse.
You blinked a few more times, forcing your vision to settle, your pupils shrinking back to something resembling normal.
“The victims are left with a significant lack of blood,” you continued, “Almost like someone is draining it from them… as well as… fatal injuries that likely killed them beforehand.”
Hannibal’s eyes darkened slightly at your explanation, something like intrigue flickering beneath the surface.
“Drained…?” he repeated, stepping closer to the body. He crouched slightly, lifting a gloved hand to examine the small punctures near the neck with careful attention. “Curious. Most efficient killers wouldn’t bother with such theatrics after the kill.”
He straightened slowly, turning his gaze back to you, his head tilting just a fraction.
“You’re quite perceptive, L/N,” he said, your name softer this time, edged with something almost approving. “Even through that headache.”
“But tell me…” he hummed, his voice lowering as he held your gaze, “what do you think left those marks?”
And the way he looked at you when he said it,,,
It didn’t feel like a question.
It felt like he was waiting to see if you would dare to answer truthfully.
Your stomach turned, sharp and hollow, the sensation twisting deeper the longer you stood there.
You hadn’t had blood since you’d been turned, which, you were beginning to realize, was a very real problem.
“I… I don’t know,” you said, your voice quieter than intended, forcing a shrug. “It could be various things… I’ll probably have to wait for the autopsy results.”
An excuse. A deflection. Anything to shut the conversation down before it drifted somewhere you couldn’t follow.
You cleared your throat and slipped your camera back into your bag, the motion quick, almost abrupt.
Your gaze flickered across the scene again, searching for something solid, something human to cling to. You gestured toward the head wound, forcing yourself to focus.
“I assume he was… bludgeoned to death,” you continued, grasping for reason, for logic. “Head trauma, and then… drained for his blood with needles. Black market, maybe? Something like that.”
Anything but the truth circling relentlessly in your mind.
“Fascinating theory,” Hannibal mused.
He crouched beside the body, gloved fingers hovering near the wound, not quite touching, but close enough to study. “Notice the symmetry,” he murmured. “The insertion follows a controlled trajectory. This spot must have been carefully selected and chosen.”
He rose slowly, turning back to you, and only then did you realize how tightly you were clutching your bag, like it was the only thing keeping you upright.
“You’re avoiding something,” he said softly.
Your throat tightened.
“Autopsy reports won’t tell you what your instincts already do,” he continued, his voice lowering, smoothing into something quieter. “Something about this scene feels familiar… doesn’t it?”
You stayed silent..
“…Like hunger recognizing its reflection.”
The words landed somewhere deep, somewhere you didn’t want to look.
You exhaled slowly, though it did nothing to steady you, your mind racing, calculating, restraining, denying.
Your gaze flicked back to him, your brows lifting just slightly as you forced something like confusion into your expression.
“I don’t think I quite understand,” you said, though your grip tightened around your coat, betraying you.
He watched you, and it felt like being peeled apart layer by layer, bare under his gaze.
“Don’t you?” he echoed quietly. “Or are you afraid I might be right?”
He stepped closer.
Once.
Twice.
The space between you shrank until it felt suffocating.
“I…” You swallowed thickly, the word catching as your instincts surged again, sharp and overwhelming.
You took a step back, turning away before you could betray yourself further.
“I think I have everything I need.”
Stepping over the tape, you nodded briefly to one of the officers nearby. “We’re done here,” you said, your voice steadier now.
But the smell…
It followed you.
Clung to you.
Sweet in a way that made your stomach twist harder, your throat tighten, your entire body react in ways you couldn’t control.
It was unbearable.
Hannibal watched you go, his gaze fixed on your retreating figure, something flickering briefly across his expression, gone as quickly as it came, replaced by something far more composed.
He could smell it.
Your hunger.
Raw. Unfed. Growing.
By the time you reached your car, it felt like you were barely holding yourself together.
You slipped into the seat and shut the door quickly, the enclosed space doing nothing to help as you leaned back, your head falling against the rest. A shaky breath left you, your stomach twisting sharply.
Hungry.
God, you were hungry.
You squeezed your eyes shut, your hand pressing to your head, trying to steady the pounding ache splitting through your skull, as if you could physically hold yourself together.
It didn’t help.
Nothing did.
Every sensation felt too loud, too sharp, your body turning against you in ways you didn’t understand.
From a distance, Hannibal watched.
He had a perfect view of the battle unfolding inside you, and he found himself caught between intrigue and amusement at your pathetic attempts of composure.
He could hear it.
The low, insistent rumble of your stomach, even from here.
He could see the way you slumped in the driver’s seat, your posture collapsing inward as though you were trying to make yourself smaller, contain something that refused to be contained.
It was almost pitiful.
Inside the car, your stomach twisted violently, rebelling. The human food you had forced down that morning sat wrong inside you, doing nothing to quiet the gnawing emptiness that clawed at your insides. If anything, it made it worse.
You tried to breathe through it.
But it surged too fast.
The door flew open before you could stop yourself, and you stumbled out, barely making it a step away from the car before you doubled over, the nausea overtaking you as you retched onto the pavement.
It burned.
It hurt.
And it did nothing to help.
Because it wasn’t what your body wanted.
Vampires could eat, yes, but it was hollow. A performance. Something your body tolerated, not something it needed.
A soft sigh slipped from Hannibal as he finally moved towards you, unhurried.
He reached into his coat, retrieving a handkerchief, and offered it to you without a word as he appeared beside you.
“Persistent hunger,” he said, his voice smooth, almost soothing in contrast to the violence of your condition. “You can’t starve yourself forever.”
He paused, the continued, “The body always wins.”
You leaned heavily against the car, one hand braced against it as you tried to steady yourself. When you looked up at him, your vision swam, the world blurring at the edges until he was the only thing that felt remotely in focus.
“What…?” you whispered, your voice barely there, your hand drifting back to your head.
You looked awful.
His gaze flicked briefly to the mess on the ground, then back to you.
“You don’t need bread,” he continued softly, tilting his head just slightly. “You need red wine.”
A faint smile touched his lips.
“Come for dinner.” he said quietly.
You forced yourself upright, wiping your mouth with the handkerchief, clinging to the small act of normalcy even as your body betrayed you.
“I’m fine, Dr. Lecter…” you breathed, though nothing about you supported the claim.
Your pupils flickered, widening, narrowing, your control slipping in and out, human and something other fighting for dominance.
“I’m just… sick,” you added weakly, your hand pressing against your stomach as if you could suppress the hunger twisting inside you.
Hannibal’s eyes narrowed slightly as he watched you.
Your stubbornness was… admirable.
And utterly futile.
His patience, while vast, was not without its limits.
“You’re not sick,” Hannibal stated bluntly. “You’re hungry.”
He leaned closer, and the shift in proximity was immediate, overwhelming. The scent of him wrapped around you, disturbingly familiar, sharpening every sense you had yet to learn how to control.
“Starving yourself with human sustenance won’t alleviate the cravings,” he continued, his voice low, measured. “It will only worsen your condition.”
You bit down on your lip, hard enough that it should have hurt more than it did, forcing yourself into silence.
You hated this. Hated the loss of control, the way your body no longer felt like your own.
And the smell…
God, the smell…
It lingered in the air, thick and sweet, the blood from the corpse still clinging.
But now, with him this close…
There was something else.
Your gaze flicked up to him, your breath catching in your throat as realization struck.
He smelled… different.
Not human.
Not like the others.
But like you.
“Who…” your voice faltered, barely more than a breath. “Who are you…?”
A faint, knowing smirk touched his lips, subtle but unmistakable. He didn’t step away.
If anything, he moved closer, closing what little space remained between you until there were only inches left, his presence impossible to ignore.
“I believe,” he hummed, “the question you meant to ask… is ‘what am I’.”
“You’re… like me,” you whispered, your eyes never leaving his.
A quiet hum of approval answered you, low and almost pleased.
Slowly, as if drawn by something inevitable, he lifted a gloved hand. His knuckles brushed lightly along your jaw, the touch deceptively gentle as it traced downward, following the line of your neck.
“That’s right.”
You straightened slightly under his touch, your posture tightening.
“Please, Dr. Lecter…” your voice softened, almost breaking despite your effort to hold it together. “I… I need this hunger to stop. I can’t sleep. I can’t think anymore…”
“Then stop fighting it,” he replied, his tone softer now, almost gentle.
Only then did he step back, just enough to fully meet your gaze again, giving you space without truly letting you go.
“There is no shame in feeding.” he continued, “Not all hungers must be suffered.”
“I crave things I have never craved before…” you admitted, your voice unsteady, your thoughts spilling before you could stop them. “I find myself staring at the pulse of others like it’s my saviour and–”
You cut yourself off abruptly, swallowing hard as you shook your head.
“No… I can’t–”
The words fell apart as you turned, reaching for your car door, yanking it open.
“And yet you will,” Hannibal said smoothly behind you, utterly unfazed. “Not because you want to… but because you must.”
His hand came down against the door, stopping it with ease.
“Denial is a luxury for the living,” he continued, his gaze steady on yours. “You’re not dead. But you are no longer quite alive either.”
“Come to my home tonight,” he said. “Dinner at eight.”
A faint smile curved his lips.
“I’ll make sure the wine is exquisite.”
And then, he let the car door go, and stepped back, turning away as though the decision was already made, as though he had simply placed the offer in your hands and was content to wait.
Because he was.
You lingered there for a moment longer, your grip tight on the door, your thoughts spinning. Then, you slammed the door shut.
─── ꒰ 🥀 ꒱ ───
hannibal nbc taglist . . .‧˚꒰🔦꒱༘‧ @ilovehorror-18 @kashimeowr @afw5
a/n: kind of loving all the vampire au stuff recently! thanks for the ask!
Every time I look at book 7 of twst, I realize that a lot of complicated parts got buried. The horrors of being trapped inside a dream limbo. Also, in Malleus's 'Lord of Malevolence' card, one of the lines were quite interesting and unsettling.
"Weaklings may fear overblotting. However, once this power is mastered… It actually isn’t so terrible after all."
Wonder what Prefect felt after hearing that. Because I know I would have taken several steps back. What do you think dear author?
"There is Nothing Left to Fight."
I. The Gravity of Comfort
The first thing you must understand about a dream is that it does not ask permission to hold you.
A nightmare—you can fight a nightmare. A nightmare has edges, jagged and cruel, and the part of you that knows it is dreaming can grab hold of those edges and pull yourself up through the throat of sleep and into the cold, indifferent mercy of waking. Nightmares are honest. They want you afraid. They want you thrashing and screaming and gasping, because fear is a kind of motion, and motion implies a direction, and direction implies a way out.
But a dream that loves you?
A dream that wraps its arms around your shoulders and tells you that you have done enough, that you may rest now, that the war is over and the fire is warm and there is nothing—nothing—left to fight?
That dream does not have edges.
That dream is a room with no doors, and the walls are painted the color of your deepest relief, and the floor gives beneath your feet like the yielding skin of something that wants nothing more than to swallow you gently, so gently, so thoroughly—
The Prefect had been walking for what felt like hours. Or years. In the dream-limbo of Malleus Draconia's making, the distinction had become theological. Time did not flow here. It pooled. It collected in the hollows of the dreamscape like rainwater in the footprints of something enormous and patient, and if you stood still too long, it rose around your ankles, your knees, your chest—
So the Prefect walked.
The corridor—if it could be called a corridor—stretched ahead in the manner of a gallery in a manor house that had never been built and would never be finished. Wainscoting of dark, oiled wood rose to a height that the eyes could not quite measure, because the ceiling existed in the same uncertain taxonomy as the floor: it was there when you looked directly at it and elsewhere when you didn't, perpetually rearranging itself like the thoughts of a host who cannot decide whether to offer you tea or seal the exits.
Portraits lined the walls. The Prefect did not look at them. They had learned early in this place that the portraits looked back, and that the faces in them were not paintings but windows—windows into other dreams, other prisoners, other souls wrapped in their own custom-made velvet and lowered inch by patient inch into the dark. Somewhere in the gallery, a clock was ticking. Or perhaps it was a heartbeat. Or perhaps it was the sound of a pen scratching across parchment—a sound the Prefect had come to associate with the quiet, industrious machinery of Malleus's will, writing and rewriting the rules of this place in ink the color of a starless sky.
Step.
The rug beneath the Prefect's feet was opulent. Persian, perhaps, or something older—something that predated the very concept of Persia and had simply been waiting in the architecture of the dream for someone with enough taste to imagine it into existence. The fibers gripped the soles of their shoes with an affection that bordered on possessive. Every step forward required a fractional act of will, as though the floor itself was asking, gently but with the unassailable logic of gravity: Why are you leaving? Where could you possibly need to be? Have I not been comfortable enough for you?
Step.
The warmth was the worst part.
Not heat. Not the blistering, charring heat of an overblot's furnace—the kind of heat the Prefect had felt radiating off Riddle Rosehearts in the Heartslabyul maze, the kind that made the air shimmer and the lungs seize and the skin feel like a garment two sizes too small. No. This was warmth. The warmth of a hearth in December. The warmth of a bed on a morning you don't have to rise. The warmth of a hand on your shoulder from someone who loves you and is telling you, with the pressure of their palm, that you don't have to carry this alone anymore.
That warmth was a cage.
That warmth was a maw.
And the Prefect walked through it, because the alternative was to stop walking, and to stop walking was to sink, and to sink was to be comfortable, and comfort in this place was indistinguishable from death.
II. The Architecture of Surrender
They found him in the study.
Of course it was a study. Not a throne room—Malleus Draconia had been raised in a palace of black stone and green fire, had walked corridors that hummed with the accumulated magic of a thousand-year bloodline, had sat upon seats carved from the ribcages of ancient dragons. He could have dreamed himself a cathedral, a fortress, a monument. He could have made the sky kneel.
Instead, he had dreamed a study.
It was almost modest, by the standards of a Draconia. Walls lined with books whose spines bore titles in languages that had never been spoken on any human tongue. A desk of dark, lacquered wood, its surface organized with the compulsive precision of someone who had been taught that order was a form of love and had never quite unlearned the lesson. A globe in the corner, slowly turning, its surface depicting a world that looked almost exactly like the one outside the dream except for the places where the cartographer's pen had hesitated—the places where borders were drawn in ink that still glistened, still moved, as though the countries themselves were uncertain where they ended and their neighbors began.
And the fireplace.
Gods, the fireplace.
It dominated the far wall the way a wound dominates a body—impossible to ignore, radiating a heat that was not entirely physical, a heat that pressed against the Prefect's sternum like the heel of a hand. The coals within it were not red. They were black. A black so deep it seemed to drink the light around it, to pull the warmth of the room into itself and metabolize it into something that was almost—but not quite—fire. They breathed. They pulsed. With the slow, deliberate rhythm of a heart that had learned to take its time, because the body it belonged to had stopped believing anything could ever hurt it.
And before the fireplace, one hand resting on the mantle with the casual proprietorship of a man standing in his own home, was Malleus Draconia.
He looked well.
That was the obscenity of it. That was the splinter beneath the skin, the note of discord in a lullaby, the hairline fracture in the foundation of a temple. He did not look corrupted. He did not look consumed. The black veins that had crawled across Riddle's skin like a parasitic ivy, the feral hollowing of Leona's cheeks, the desperate, sweating sheen on Azul's brow—none of that was visible here. Malleus stood as he had always stood: straight-backed, immaculate, his uniform crisp and his posture regal, his horned silhouette cutting a shape against the firelight that belonged on the cover of a storybook, not in the anatomy of a catastrophe.
The only sign—if it could be called a sign—was his stillness.
Malleus had always carried an electric tension in his frame, the coiled potential of a creature that could, at any moment and with minimal provocation, reduce the surrounding landscape to cinders and salt. It was not threat but temperature—the ambient charge of a being whose blood ran with magic the way the ocean ran with salt. You felt him before you saw him. The air changed. The light bent.
Now, that charge was gone.
He stood before the fire the way a statue stands before the weather: enduring, patient, and utterly indifferent to the passage of anything so common as time. The coiled spring had been replaced by something that looked, from a distance, like peace. And the Prefect, standing in the doorway of the study with the rug clutching at their shoes and the warmth pressing against their chest, felt their stomach drop through the floor and into whatever lay beneath it, because they recognized that stillness.
They had seen it before.
Not in a textbook. Not in a magical compendium. Not in the hushed, urgent lectures that Crewel gave when he thought the students weren't listening about the progressive stages of blot accumulation and the irreversibility of the third phase. No. They had seen it in the faces of people who had stopped fighting. People who had looked at the thing that was destroying them and decided—quietly, reasonably, with the full complicity of their own will—that it wasn't so bad. That they could live with it. That the prison was, after all, rather cozy, and the warden was so very polite, and the chains were padded with something soft, and really, wasn't it exhausting out there in the cold?
The Prefect had seen that stillness in the eyes of the hollowed-out, the surrendered, the people who had not been conquered but had simply stopped—stopped flinching, stopped hurting, stopped recognizing the difference between the flame and the moth.
Malleus turned.
"Ah," he said, and his voice was warm, warm as the fire, warm as the rug, warm as the slow-pulsing black coals that breathed behind him like the lungs of a sleeping god. "You've come."
It was not a question. It was not a surprise. It was the quiet acknowledgment of a host whose guest has finally wandered into the parlor after too long in the hallway, and isn't it nice that you're here, and would you like something to drink, and isn't the fire lovely this evening?
The Prefect did not step into the room.
They held the doorframe. Their knuckles were white around the wood—three hundred years of dreaming and the wood still felt like wood, still gave beneath the pressure of their grip, still creaked in that particular way that real wood creaks, because Malleus was nothing if not thorough. He had not built a prison. He had built a home. And that was the difference between a kidnapper and a lover, between a cage and a cradle, between—
"I've been thinking," the Prefect said, and their voice sounded foreign to their own ears, a thin, reedy thing against the bass-note hum of the fireplace, "about what you said."
Malleus tilted his head. The motion was birdlike, precise, and it carried the faintest echo of the draconic—a predator's inclination, the better to aim the eye at the source of a sound. But the echo was buried so far beneath the surface of his composure that the Prefect might have imagined it. Might have. And the not-knowing was its own kind of horror, because the question was never Is the monster still in there? but rather Has the monster always been the same thing as the man, and have I simply refused to look?
"I have said many things," Malleus replied, and there was something almost playful in it, something that in another context—on a moonlit walk through the Briar Valley, perhaps, or in the safety of the Ramshackle dorm with Grim snoring on the sofa—might have been charming. "You will need to be more specific."
The Prefect's throat was dry.
"Weaklings may fear overblotting."
They said it the way one handles a live coal: with tongs, at arm's length, fingers already flinching from the heat that hadn't yet reached them but was absolutely, inevitably coming.
Malleus did not flinch.
He smiled.
It was a small smile. Private, almost. The smile of a man who has just heard a joke that no one else in the room is clever enough to understand, and who is generous enough not to explain it. He turned back to the fire, resting both hands on the mantle now, and the firelight caught the planes of his face in a way that made him look simultaneously ancient and ageless—a creature out of myth, which, of course, he was.
"Ah," he said again, and this time the syllable carried the weight of a confession, though he did not seem to know it. "Yes. That."
III. The Word "Mastery"
Let us pause here, you and I, and examine the word mastery.
It is a word that carries within it the architecture of a lie. Mastery. From the Latin magister—teacher, leader, the one who commands. The one who stands at the front of the room and says this is how it is done and is believed, because the word itself implies that the speaker has crossed the terrain they describe and has returned to report that the terrain is navigable. That it has been mastered.
But consider: what does it mean to master a poison?
Does it mean to drink it and survive? Any fool can do that. Riddle survived. Leona survived. Jamil survived, and Vil, and Idia, and Azul—they all drank the poison and walked out of the hospital wing with scars and tremors and the haunted, hollow eyes of people who had seen the inside of their own dissolution and had been forced to live in the body that remained.
Does it mean to drink it and not suffer? This is a different proposition entirely. This is the proposition of the nerve ending that has been severed so cleanly that the hand on the stove does not burn. This is the proposition of the soldier who can march past the bodies without his pulse rising, the surgeon who can cut into living flesh without his hand shaking, the tyrant who can sign the order and sleep soundly, so soundly, the sleep of the truly just, the truly masterful, the truly—
The Prefect looked at Malleus's hands on the mantle.
Steady. So steady. The fingers of a pianist, a calligrapher, a prince who had been taught from birth that the tremor of uncertainty was a species of weakness that the Draconia line had bred out of itself centuries ago. But steadiness is not the same as stillness, and stillness is not the same as peace, and peace—
Peace is what you call the silence after the last scream has been swallowed.
"Mastery," Malleus said, as though reading the etymology of the word across the Prefect's face, "is not what you imagine it to be."
He did not turn around. He spoke to the fire, and the fire listened, and the black coals pulsed in rhythm with his words as though they were the backup singers to a song he had been composing for longer than the Prefect had been alive.
"You have seen it," he continued, his voice low and contemplative, carrying the unhurried cadence of a lecture, a fireside chat, a bedtime story for a child who was never going to leave the room. "Overblotting. The transformation. The loss of control. You were there for Riddle's tantrum. Leona's self-immolation. Azul's desperate, grasping consumption." He paused, and when he spoke again, there was something in his voice that might have been pity, if pity were not so often the mask that contempt wears to polite society. "They fought it. They struggled. And in their struggling, they made it ugly. They made it painful."
He turned, then. Slowly. The firelight cast his shadow across the study, and the shadow was long—too long, too many-angled—but it moved with him, and that was somehow worse than if it had moved on its own, because it meant that even his shadow had surrendered.
"Weaklings fear overblotting," Malleus said, and the words landed in the room like stones dropped into still water, sending ripples through the silence, "because they experience it as a violation. Something foreign. Something that takes from them what they cannot bear to lose." His green eyes, those ancient, too-bright eyes, found the Prefect's and held them with the effortless gravity of a star. "But what if there is nothing left to take? What if the thing you fear losing has already been offered freely? What if the door was not broken down but opened—not from without, but from within?"
The Prefect's hand on the doorframe was shaking. They could feel the tremor in their wrist, the fine vibration of a tuning fork struck against a frequency that the body recognizes as wrong even before the mind catches up. The fight-or-flight response was screaming—flight, flight, flight—but the corridor behind them stretched into an infinite, velvet-dark corridor that led only to more corridors, more rooms, more warmth, more surrender, and the dream was so vast and so patient and so terribly, terribly loving—
"What if," Malleus said, and his voice dropped to something almost tender, almost intimate, the register of a secret shared between two people who have known each other for a very long time, "it isn't a violation at all? What if it is simply… an acceptance?"
He stepped toward them.
One step. Just one. The rug absorbed the sound of his footfall the way it absorbed everything else—the doubt, the resistance, the memory of cold. He moved with the unhurried certainty of someone who had never been denied a room, a conversation, a moment of attention, because the world had learned long ago that denying Malleus Draconia was not a strategy but a diagnosis—a diagnosis of foolishness, of short-sightedness, of the failure to understand that the dragon does not ask permission to enter because the dragon has never recognized the concept of a door.
"Weaklings may fear overblotting," he repeated, and this time the words were close enough that the Prefect could feel them—the warmth of his breath, the resonance of his voice in the space between their bodies, the way the air seemed to tighten around the syllables as though the dream itself were leaning in to listen. "However, once this power is mastered… It actually isn't so terrible after all."
He smiled.
The Prefect did not step back.
Not because they didn't want to. Not because every nerve in their body wasn't screaming for distance, for the safety of the corridor, for the cold, hard, honest air of the world outside this suffocating cocoon of warmth and light and love. They didn't step back because the floor had decided they wouldn't. The rug beneath their feet had thickened, its fibers climbing around their ankles with the slow, inexorable patience of a vine that has all the time in the world, because in this place, it did. In this place, time was not a river but a bath, and Malleus had drawn it to the perfect temperature, and the water was rising, and it was so, so warm.
"I can see it in your face," Malleus said, and the tenderness in his voice was not feigned—that was the worst part, that was the part that made the Prefect want to scream, because it was genuine, he genuinely believed what he was saying, he had genuinely made peace with the thing that had unmade him, and there was no malice to fight, no villain to oppose, only the gentle, suffocating pressure of someone who loves you so much that they will bury you in it—"you're afraid. You still think of it as the enemy. The thing that takes. The thing that destroys."
He raised his hand.
For a single, crystallized moment, the Prefect thought he was going to touch them. Thought he was going to place that steady, unblemished hand on their shoulder, and that the warmth of his palm would be indistinguishable from the warmth of the room, and that the room would be indistinguishable from the dream, and the dream from the prison, and the prison from the grave, and they would never, ever be able to tell where one ended and the other began—
He did not touch them.
He raised his hand to the level of his own chest, and he pressed it flat against his sternum, over the heart, the way one does during an oath. And the Prefect saw—there, in the gap between his cuff and his glove, in the sliver of skin above the pulse point—the black. Not veins. Not the crawling, insidious webbing of blot that they had seen on every other overblot victim. Something else. Something that had been absorbed so completely that it no longer lived in the skin but was the skin. The black had become him. Or he had become it. And the distinction, which should have been the most important distinction in the world, had ceased to matter.
"Do you know what it feels like?" Malleus asked, and his voice was not the voice of a monster. It was the voice of a boy who had spent his entire life in a castle with no one his own age, who had learned to make friends with the gargoyles because the gargoyles didn't flinch, who had grown into a man who could command the thunder but couldn't convince a roomful of teenagers to stay for his birthday party. It was the loneliest voice the Prefect had ever heard. "To stop fighting? To stop clenching? To simply… let go?"
The fire hissed behind him. The black coals breathed.
"It feels like breathing after a lifetime of drowning."
IV. The Catalogue of Suffering
The Prefect closed their eyes.
This was, in retrospect, a mistake. Because the dream had ears and the dream had eyes and the dream had a memory that was longer and more generous than any memory had a right to be, and when the Prefect closed their eyes, the dream showed them things.
Not nightmares. Never nightmares. The dream was too kind for that, too considerate, too committed to the architecture of comfort to resort to something as vulgar as a scare. Instead, it showed them memories. Their own memories, dredged up from the depths of their exhausted consciousness and presented to them with the care of a curator handling priceless artifacts, each one polished and lit and arranged in a sequence that told a story the Prefect had never wanted to read.
Heartslabyul.
Riddle Rosehearts, suspended in the air above the flamingo garden, his body a puppet of his own unmade rage. The way the ink had poured from his skin like the bleeding of a manuscript—words, rules, edicts, the entire oppressive architecture of a childhood spent memorizing the laws of a mother who had loved him the way a warden loves a prisoner: thoroughly, obsessively, and with the absolute conviction that the cell was for his own good. The blot had not been a stranger to Riddle. It had been the translation of him—the moment when the boy who had been told his entire life that his feelings were off-schedule and unauthorized and against the rules finally, finally found a rule that said he was allowed to be angry.
And it had nearly killed him.
The Prefect had watched him fall. Had watched the crimson drain from his face and the light leave his eyes and the magic shudder out of him like the last breath of a dying animal, and they had caught him—or tried to, because you can never quite catch a person who is falling from that height, not really, not all of them, there is always a part that hits the ground—and they had held him while he shook, and the shaking was the most human thing about him, because it meant that something inside Riddle Rosehearts still cared that it was breaking.
Savanaclaw.
Leona Kingscholar, who had chosen to destroy himself rather than lose. The blot had been a kind of grim alchemy for Leona—the transmutation of apathy into annihilation, the moment when the prince who had decided that nothing mattered was forced to confront the fact that he cared so much that the caring had rotted from neglect. His overblot had smelled like the Savannah after a kill: copper and dust and the acrid smoke of grass fires. The Prefect had watched him on his knees in the sand, the dark magic pouring from his body in waves, and the expression on Leona's face had not been rage or despair but something far worse: relief. The relief of a man who had been waiting for something to take the choice out of his hands, because making choices required caring about outcomes, and caring about outcomes required admitting that you were still alive.
Octavinelle.
Azul Ashengrotto, who had made a business out of desperation and a prison out of contracts, and whose overblot had been the logical conclusion of a life spent acquiring other people's pain as though it were a currency that could buy him immunity from his own. The ink had turned his tentacles into something from the deep—something pressure-crushed and luminescent and wrong, the kind of wrong that the ocean specializes in, the wrong of creatures that have evolved in the absence of light and have decided that the absence of light is a kind of freedom. He had wept. Azul Ashengrotto, who had not wept since he was a child hiding behind the rocks while the other merfolk pointed and whispered, had wept through his overblot the way a house weeps in a storm—through every crack, every seam, every place where the structure had been hastily, frantically, desperately sealed against the rain.
Pomefiore.
Vil Schoenheit, whose overblot had been the most beautiful thing the Prefect had ever seen, which was exactly the problem. Vil had turned his own poisoning into a performance, because Vil could not exist outside the frame of a performance, because Vil had been performing since before he could speak and would continue performing until the curtain fell and probably after, because the alternative—stepping off the stage, removing the makeup, looking in the mirror and seeing not a character but a person, with all the terrifying vulnerability that personhood implies—was more than he could bear. The blot had made him gorgeous. The blot had made him statuesque. And the Prefect had watched him calcify in real time, had watched the poison set like plaster in the lines of his face, and had understood with a clarity that still woke them at 3 AM that beauty, when pursued with the fervor of a drowning man pursuing air, is just another word for asphyxiation.
Ignihyde.
Idia Shroud, who had not overblotted so much as uploaded himself into the void. His overblot had been a digital ghost story, the haunting of a boy who had loved the dead so much that he decided to join them—not in body, but in bandwidth. The blot had flowed through his hair like neon through fiber optics, and his face had been a screen, and the screen had been blue, and the blue had been the exact shade of a loading bar that would never, ever reach one hundred percent. The Prefect had watched him disappear into his own creation, and it had been quieter than the others—no screaming, no fire, no grand theatrical gesture of self-destruction—just the soft, pathetic whimper of a server powering down, and that quiet had been the loudest sound the Prefect had ever heard.
Scarabia.
Jamil Viper, who had been possessed by his own overblot in the most literal sense—not the slow creep of blot overwhelming the soul, but a hostile takeover, a coup, a violent reordering of the hierarchy of self. The blot had worn Jamil's face the way a thief wears a stolen coat: casually, carelessly, with the implicit assumption that the original owner was never coming back to claim it. And Jamil—the real Jamil, the one buried beneath layers of servitude and suppressed resentment and the kind of quiet, corrosive fury that builds when a person is told from birth that their purpose is to serve—had fought. He had fought from the inside, clawing at the walls of his own consciousness, and the Prefect had heard him screaming through the blot's mouth like a voice through a wall, and the wall had been so thick, and the voice had been so small—
Every single one of them had suffered.
Every single one of them had broken, and in the breaking had revealed the thing that made them human: the flinch. The involuntary, undeniable, ungovernable flinch of a soul encountering its own dissolution and rejecting it. Not mastering it. Not accepting it. Rejecting it. With every terrified, trembling, beautiful fiber of their being, because the pain of the overblot was the proof that they were still there, still themselves, still capable of looking into the abyss and feeling the abyss look back and saying no, no, I am not you, I will not be you, I refuse—
And Malleus Draconia stood in his study with the black coals breathing behind him and the black skin on his wrist and the black calm in his voice, and he called them weaklings.
The Prefect opened their eyes.
V. The Step Back That Never Comes
"Step back," said the Prefect's body. Every muscle, every tendon, every individual strand of fascia from the soles of their feet to the base of their skull was shouting the same instruction in the same voice, a voice that predated language, predated thought, a voice that lived in the brainstem where the lizard still dwells and the lizard knows—knows with the unshakeable conviction of a creature that has survived every mass extinction in the history of life on this planet—that the thing in front of you is not a friend, not a host, not a lonely boy in a castle, but a predator, and the only correct response to a predator is distance.
The Prefect's heel lifted.
The rug tightened.
It was not a dramatic motion. It was not the tentacles of a horror movie erupting from the floor, not the spectral hands of the damned reaching up to drag the living into the underworld. It was simply—pressure. The soft, yielding, affectionate pressure of the rug's fibers against the Prefect's ankles, pressing just firmly enough to suggest that moving backward might not be the best idea, that staying might be more comfortable, that the fire was warm and the company was pleasant and really, really, what was out there in the corridor but more walking, more struggling, more of that endless, exhausting, thankless trudge through a dream that would not end and a war that could not be won?
The Prefect pulled harder. The rug held.
And the terrible, gut-wrenching, soul-splitting truth of it was this: the rug was not restraining them. It was comforting them. It was doing exactly what a rug is supposed to do—providing warmth, providing softness, providing the sensation of being held by the ground beneath your feet. The rug was a good rug. The rug was doing its job. The rug loved them, in the way that all things in Malleus Draconia's dream loved the people within it, which is to say: completely, unconditionally, and without any regard for whether that love was wanted, or needed, or survivable.
"Your heart is racing," Malleus observed, and there was no mockery in his voice. There was only the clinical attention of a doctor noting a symptom, or a field guide author noting a marking on a butterfly's wing. "You needn't be afraid. Not of me. Not of this."
"I'm not afraid of you," the Prefect said, and their voice was steadier than they expected, which surprised them, because they could feel their heartbeat in their teeth and their pulse in their eardrums and the fine, persistent tremor in their hands that was the body's way of saying I know something you don't, and what I know is that we are in danger.
Malleus's eyebrow lifted. A single, elegant arc. The expression of a man who has been told something so patently absurd that he is not sure whether to be amused or concerned. "Then what," he said, "are you afraid of?"
The Prefect looked at him.
They looked at the steady hands and the calm eyes and the faint, contented smile that played at the corners of his mouth like a child swinging on a gate. They looked at the black not-veins beneath his skin, the black not-fire in the hearth, the black not-shadows that pooled in the corners of the room like standing water in a basement that had never been waterproofed and never would be. They looked at the boy who had been so lonely that he had turned loneliness into a kingdom and crowned himself its sovereign, and they looked at the king who had been so powerful that he had turned power into a cradle and rocked himself to sleep in it.
"I'm afraid," the Prefect said, "that you're telling the truth."
VI. The Anatomy of Adaptation
Let me tell you what the Prefect meant. Let me tell you what anyone means when they say they are afraid that the monster is not lying, because the lie is the lifeline, and when the monster tells the truth—when the monster says I have always been this way or this doesn't hurt me anymore or it actually isn't so terrible—the lifeline dissolves, and you are left treading water in a darkness that has no bottom and no shore and no lighthouse, only the slow, inexorable drag of the current pulling you toward the place where the warmth comes from.
If Malleus were lying—if his claim of mastery were a mask, a bravado, a whistling in the dark—there would be something to fight. You can fight a mask. You can crack it, peel it away, reveal the terrified boy beneath who is drowning in magic he cannot control and screaming for help in a language he no longer speaks. That is what the Prefect had done before. That is what the Prefect knew how to do: find the crack, drive in the chisel, and pull the person out of the wreckage of their own making.
But if he was telling the truth—
If the mastery was real—
Then there was no mask. There was no terrified boy beneath. There was only Malleus, standing in the wreckage of his own making, and the wreckage had been renovated into a home, and the home was beautiful, and the home was warm, and the home was a tomb, and the tomb was a home, and the distinction had ceased to matter because Malleus had stopped making the distinction, and that—that right there, that cessation, that surrender dressed in the robes of sovereignty—that was the horror.
Because the human mind—the person mind, the soul, the self, whatever you call the thing that looks out from behind your eyes and knows that it is looking—that thing is not a fortress. It is not a wall. It is not a barrier that either stands or falls. It is a process. It is the ongoing, never-completed, eternally renegotiated project of looking at the world and deciding what to let in and what to keep out, what to accept and what to resist, what to call home and what to call threat.
And when a person stops resisting—when the process of renegotiation is declared complete and the soul says enough, I will live with this, I will make peace with this, I will call this home—what dies is not the person. What dies is the flinch. The reflexive, involuntary, ungovernable no that is the birthright of every conscious being, the no that says this is not me, this is not mine, I will not be this, I will not be—
The no that Riddle and Leona and Azul and Jamil and Vil and Idia all screamed with their breaking voices and their breaking bodies and their breaking, breaking hearts.
The no that Malleus Draconia had stopped saying.
Not because he was too strong to break. But because he had been breaking for so long—alone in his castle, alone in his power, alone in the intolerable weight of being the last of his line and the first of his kind and the only person in any room who could reduce that room to ash with a thought—that he had learned to call the breaking by another name. He had called it mastery. He had called it acceptance. He had called it peace.
And the most devastating, bone-crushing, soul-rending truth of all was this:
He believed it.
The Prefect could see it in his eyes. Not the vacant, glassy stare of the possessed, not the manic gleam of the corrupted, but the calm, clear, rational gaze of a person who has examined the evidence and reached a conclusion. He had weighed the cost of resistance against the comfort of surrender, and he had found resistance wanting. He had decided—consciously, deliberately, with the full authority of his considerable intellect—that the blot was not his enemy but his ally, not his destruction but his evolution, not his tomb but his chrysalis.
And the chrysalis was so warm.
And the fire was so bright.
And the room was so safe.
"I know what you're thinking," Malleus said, and the gentleness in his voice was the gentleness of a hand smoothing a blanket over a sleeping child, which is to say it was the gentleness of someone who has already decided that the person beneath the blanket will not be getting up. "You're thinking about the others. About Riddle. Leona. The rest." He shook his head, slowly, with the patient sorrow of a teacher who has watched a student make the same error for the hundredth time. "They fought because they didn't understand. They resisted because they were afraid. And fear—" He took another step forward. The Prefect could not step back. "—fear is the domain of the weak."
The word hung in the air between them like a guillotine blade.
Weak.
The Prefect had been called many things since arriving at Night Raven College. Magicless. Strange. Reckless. Foolish. Persistent. But no one—not Crowley, not the teachers, not the students, not the enemies who had tried to kill them on seven separate occasions—had ever called them weak. Not because they were strong—by every metric that mattered in this world, they were the weakest person at the school, a candle flame in a forest fire—but because weakness, as Malleus defined it, was not about power.
Weakness was about fear.
And in Malleus's framework—twisted, draconic, seductive—fear was not a survival mechanism or a warning system or the body's way of saying this will destroy you. Fear was a failing. Fear was the sound of the door rattling on its hinges when it should have been opened. Fear was the tremor in the hand that should have been steady, the flinch in the eye that should have been calm, the no in the throat that should have been a yes.
And the Prefect understood, with a clarity that felt like a knife sliding between the ribs and finding the heart with the precision of a surgeon who has been practicing on cadavers and has finally, finally been given a living patient, that Malleus was not threatening them.
He was converting them.
Not to the blot. Not to overblotting. The Prefect had no magic to overblot with; this was the one advantage of being the only empty room in a hotel full of powder kegs, the one cruel mercy of their displacement. No. The conversion he was attempting was subtler than that, more insidious, more human. He was converting them to the philosophy of ceasing. The gospel of enough. The prayer of the exhausted and the overwhelmed and the simply, tragically, unforgivably tired: It doesn't have to be this hard. You don't have to fight anymore. You can let go. You can let go. You can let go—
The room was so warm.
The Prefect's eyes were burning. Not from the smoke—there was no smoke, because the black coals did not produce smoke, because the dream was too polite for smoke, because Malleus would never be so inconsiderate as to make his guests' eyes water—but from exhaustion. The bone-deep, soul-deep exhaustion of a person who had been fighting other people's battles for so long that they could no longer remember what it felt like to have a battle of their own, or to have no battle at all, or to simply sit down in a warm room by a warm fire and close their eyes and not worry about what was breaking while they slept.
"I know," Malleus said softly, and the two words were a door opening, a hand extending, a net settling so gently around the shoulders that the shoulders could not tell the difference between the net and an embrace. "I know how tired you are."
VII. The Seduction
This is the part where most stories make a mistake.
Most stories—and the Prefect had read enough of them, in the lonely hours of the night when Ramshackle dorm was quiet and Grim was snoring and the only sound was the creak of a building that was as old and as tired as its sole human inhabitant—most stories make the mistake of making the seduction obvious. The villain smiles a villain's smile. The trap springs with the theatrical snap of a bear trap in a cartoon. The darkness announces itself with a fanfare and a thunderclap, and the hero says I'll never join you, and the villain says we'll see, and the battle is joined, and the outcome is never really in doubt, because the hero is the hero and the hero does not surrender.
But the real seduction—the one that has claimed more souls than all the villains and all the traps and all the darknesses in the history of the world—does not announce itself. It does not smile. It does not spring. It does not make demands or issue ultimatums or draw lines in the sand.
The real seduction says: You've done enough.
The real seduction says: No one would blame you.
The real seduction says: It isn't so terrible.
"You have spent the entire year," Malleus continued, and his voice was not a lecture anymore, not a fireside chat, not a bedtime story—it was a lullaby, the oldest and most dangerous form of music ever invented, because a lullaby does not command sleep, it invites sleep, it makes sleep feel like the most natural, most reasonable, most inevitable thing in the world—"fighting battles that are not yours. Bearing burdens that were placed on your shoulders by people who should have carried them themselves. You have stood between your friends and their own destruction seven times—seven—and each time, you have walked away with nothing but bruises and nightmares and the faint, persistent suspicion that the next time, you might not be fast enough, or clever enough, or stubborn enough to pull them back from the edge."
Each word was a thread. Not a chain—chains are obvious, chains can be broken, chains leave marks that the prisoner can point to and say see? I am being held. Threads are subtler. Threads can be woven into a garment so fine that the wearer does not realize they are dressed in their own captivity until they try to move and find that the fabric will not give, that the seam does not stretch, that the beautiful, beautiful coat they have been given is also a straitjacket, and it fits so perfectly, and it is so warm, and the color is so flattering—
"You are the only person in this school who cannot do magic," Malleus said, and the words landed with the precision of a scalpel, cutting through the layers of exhaustion and fear and desperate, clinging resolve to the raw, bleeding thing beneath. "The only one. You walk through corridors filled with people who could reduce you to ash with a thought, and you do not flinch. You watch your friends transform into monsters—literal monsters—and you step toward them, not away. You have no power, no magic, no defense, and yet you carry the weight of every overblot, every aftermath, every 3 AM panic attack and every scar that will never quite heal, and you carry it alone."
He paused. The fire pulsed. The room breathed.
"Tell me," he said, and his voice was so gentle that the Prefect could feel it in their chest, could feel the vibration of it resonating with something deep and desperate inside them, something that had been screaming for rest for so long that it had gone hoarse and could now only whisper—please, please, I'm so tired, please let me stop— "does it not exhaust you? Being the only one who is still afraid?"
The Prefect's mouth opened. Closed. Opened again.
They wanted to say: Yes.
They wanted to say: God, yes, it exhausts me. It exhausts me the way the ocean exhausts the shore—constantly, completely, and with the absolute certainty that the tide will come back tomorrow and the day after and the day after that, and there is no version of this story where the shore gets to stop being the shore and the ocean gets to stop being the ocean, and the only thing that keeps the sand in place is the stubborn, irrational, idiotic refusal to dissolve.
They wanted to say: Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am afraid. Yes, there are nights when I lie in my bed in Ramshackle dorm and I stare at the ceiling and I think about what it would be like to just—stop. To stop being the person who steps toward the monster. To stop being the person who holds the chisel. To stop being the person who says no when everyone else in the room has already said yes.
They wanted to say: I understand.
And that was the horror. That was the splinter, the wound, the crack in the foundation. Not that Malleus was wrong. Not that his philosophy was repugnant or his logic was flawed or his argument could be dismantled with sufficient effort. The horror was that he was right. The horror was that the Prefect—the magicless, exhausted, traumatized, so goddamn tired Prefect—could feel the truth of his words resonating in their own body like a tuning fork struck against a frequency they had spent their entire life trying not to hear.
It wasn't so terrible.
Wasn't it?
Wasn't there a kind of peace in the surrender? A kind of mastery in the acceptance? The addict does not lie when he says the drug makes the pain stop. The tyrant does not lie when he says the bloodshed brings order. The drowning man does not lie when he says the water is warm. They are telling the truth. Their truth. The truth of the person who has stopped swimming and discovered that sinking is so much easier—
The Prefect's heel touched the floor.
They had not stepped back. They had not stepped forward. They had simply… stopped. Stopped pulling against the rug, stopped fighting the warmth, stopped clenching their muscles against the gentle, gravitational pull of Malleus's presence and the dream's hospitality and the siren song of rest, just rest, you've earned it, you've more than earned it—
"That's it," Malleus said, and the words were not a command. They were a sigh. The sigh of a person who has been waiting for a very long time and has finally been given permission to stop waiting. "Stay. Please. Stay."
VIII. The History of the Flinch
Somewhere—far away, impossibly far, on the other side of a membrane so thin it might as well be made of tissue paper and wishful thinking—a body was lying in a bed.
The Prefect's body. The real one. The one that had been carried—by Lilia, or Silver, or perhaps by the dream itself, which was capable of a tenderness that would have been touching if it were not so terminal—to a place where the sheets were clean and the pillow was soft and the air smelled like roses and old books and the faint, ozone crackle of dragon fire.
The body was breathing. Slowly. Evenly. The breath of deep sleep, the kind of sleep that the body falls into when the mind has been talked out of its objections and the soul has been tucked in with the careful, loving hands of someone who genuinely, genuinely believes that sleep is the best thing for you, that rest is the cure, that the problems of the waking world will still be there when you wake up and can't they wait, can't they just wait, for once in your life can't you simply—
But beneath the breathing, beneath the stillness, beneath the closed eyes and the relaxed jaw and the hands resting open-palmed on the sheets like offerings on an altar, there was something happening. Something small. Something that the dream could not see because the dream did not know to look for it, because the dream had been designed by a man who had forgotten what it looked like and would not have recognized it if it had been placed in his palm and labeled in the common tongue.
The flinch.
The no.
It was buried so deep that it could barely be called a thought. It was more of a reflex—a muscular contraction at the level of the soul, the last-ditch, emergency-generator, backup-battery refusal of a consciousness that had been pushed to the very edge of the cliff and had looked down and had decided—contra all evidence, contra all logic, contra the warm, loving, reasonable voice of the person standing behind them saying it's okay, you can fall, I'll catch you—
No.
Not because the fall wouldn't be soft. Not because the landing wouldn't be gentle. Not because the dream wasn't beautiful or the fire wasn't warm or the company wasn't the closest thing to home that the Prefect had found in this strange, magic-saturated, impossible world.
But because the flinch is the proof.
The flinch is the evidence that the self is still selfing. That the soul is still souling. That the irreducible, indestructible, unconquerable core of what makes a person a person—not a subject, not a subject of a dream, not a guest in a prison, not a resident of a tomb—is the thing that looks at the abyss and says I am not you. Even when the abyss is warm. Even when the abyss is kind. Even when the abyss is wearing the face of a lonely boy who just wanted someone to stay for his birthday.
I am not you.
The Prefect's eyes snapped open.
IX. The Second Step
The study was the same. The fire was the same. The rug, the books, the globe, the walls, the ceiling—the ceiling that was there when you looked at it and elsewhere when you didn't—all the same. Malleus was the same. Standing three feet away, his hand still pressed to his chest, his expression still caught in that terrible, beautiful, genuine tenderness that was worse than hatred because hatred could be opposed and tenderness could only be refused, and refusal felt like cruelty, and cruelty felt like weakness, and weakness was the thing that Malleus had taught them to fear—
No.
The Prefect pulled their foot up.
The rug resisted. Not with force—never with force, force would be impolite, force would be an admission that the dream was a prison and the prison was a dream and the distinction had been erased by the very person who claimed to have mastered the erasure—but with persuasion. The fibers clung to the sole of the Prefect's shoe with the tenacity of a lover's grip, the kind of grip that says please don't go and means I'm afraid of what I'll become if you do, and for a moment—one terrible, eternal, infinitesimal moment—the Prefect almost stopped. Almost let the foot settle back down. Almost let the warmth close over them like water over a stone, because the stone does not mind the water, the stone does not fight the water, the stone simply is, and after enough time the stone and the water are the same thing, and the river doesn't remember which of them was supposed to be the river and which was supposed to be the—
NO.
The foot came up. The rug released its grip with a sound like a sigh—the soft, disappointed, heartbroken sigh of a thing that had tried so hard to be what the Prefect needed and had failed, through no fault of its own, because the Prefect was broken, was damaged, was incapable of accepting the love that was being offered to them, and wasn't that the saddest thing, wasn't that the most tragic thing, that a person could be so committed to their own suffering that they would reject the very thing that would save—
The Prefect stepped back.
One step. Just one. The floor beneath their foot was solid—it had to be solid, the dream could not afford to have the floor be anything other than solid, because a dream that could not hold the weight of its guest's doubts was a dream that was losing control, and Malleus Draconia, the Lord of Malevolence, the Master of the Storm, the Boy Who Had Made Peace With the Dark, did not lose control—
The floor held.
The Prefect took another step.
Malleus's expression changed.
It was subtle. A fraction of a degree, the tightening of the skin around the eyes, the slight—slight—narrowing of the pupils, the almost imperceptible shift in the set of his jaw from contentment to something that was not contentment, not yet, but was the possibility of its opposite, the seed of a question that had not been asked because Malleus Draconia had never needed to ask questions, had never needed to wonder whether the answer would be the one he wanted, because the world had always been arranged in such a way that the answer was yes—
"Where are you going?" Malleus asked, and his voice was still gentle, still warm, still the voice of the fireside and the lullaby and the hand on the shoulder, but there was something beneath it now, something that the Prefect could hear because they had trained themselves to hear it—trained themselves through seven overblots, seven confrontations, seven nights of standing in front of people they loved and watching those people disappear behind a wall of dark magic and darker despair, and learning to hear the thing beneath the thing, the sound the monster makes when it realizes that the prey is not going to cooperate—
The Prefect took another step.
"Tell me," the Prefect said, and their voice was their own, not the dream's, not the rug's, not the warm, seductive, suffocating echo of Malleus's lullaby, but their own—cracked and shaking and not nearly as steady as they wanted it to be, but theirs, theirs, theirs—"about the weaklings."
Malleus's eyes narrowed. "I already told you—"
"You told me they were afraid," the Prefect interrupted, and the interruption itself was an act of defiance, because you did not interrupt Malleus Draconia, you did not speak over the dragon, you did not raise your voice in the presence of the storm, unless you were the kind of person who had nothing left to lose, or the kind of person who had never had anything to protect, or the kind of person who was simply, stubbornly, irrationally, unforgivably committed to the proposition that the truth was worth more than the comfort of its absence. "You told me that fear is the domain of the weak. You told me that mastery means not being afraid."
Another step back. The corridor was behind them. The infinite, velvet-dark, endless corridor that led to more corridors and more rooms and more warmth and more surrender. But the Prefect was not looking at the corridor. They were looking at Malleus. At the way his hand had dropped from his chest to his side. At the way his fingers had curled—not into a fist, not yet, but into the shape of a fist, the idea of a fist, the memory of what a hand looks like when it is preparing to close around something and hold on—
"So let me ask you this," the Prefect continued, and their voice was shaking now, shaking like the voice of a person standing on the edge of a cliff, not the edge that overlooks the water but the edge that overlooks the void, the edge where the ground simply stops and the air begins and there is nothing between you and the infinite but the decision to stay— "If the weaklings are the ones who are afraid, and the masters are the ones who are not—then what do you call a person who has stopped being afraid of something that should terrify them?"
The fire crackled. The black coals flared.
And Malleus Draconia went still.
Not the stillness of composure. Not the stillness of the statue before the weather. A different stillness. The stillness of a mechanism that has encountered a gear it was not designed to accommodate. The stillness of a mind that has been asked a question it has never asked itself, because the question was not relevant, was not permitted, was not part of the architecture of a worldview that had been so carefully, so lovingly, so masterfully constructed to exclude the possibility that mastery might be indistinguishable from—
"You call them a master," Malleus said, but the words came slower than before, and the certainty that had undergirded them—that bedrock, granite, mountain-range of conviction that the Prefect had felt in every syllable he had spoken since they entered the room—was not gone but cracked, hairline fracture, invisible to the naked ear, but the Prefect could hear it the way a sailor hears the change in the wind, the way a doctor hears the skip in a heartbeat, the way a person who has spent an entire year listening to the sound of people breaking hears the sound of someone who is about to break—
"No," the Prefect said. "You call them numb."
The word landed in the room like a coin dropped into a well. A small sound. A trivial sound. But the well was deep, and the coin was still falling, and the sound of it would echo for a very long time.
X. The Mathematics of Loss
Malleus Draconia had lived for a very long time.
Not by human standards—eighteen years was nothing, a blink, a single page torn from a book that had ten thousand more—but by the standards of his own perception, which had been calibrated in childhood to the rhythm of a bloodline that measured time in centuries and grief in epochs. He had lived eighteen years in the same way that a fire lives in a hearth: burning, constantly, consuming, without interruption, without the possibility of pause, because the fire does not decide to burn, the fire simply is, and the fuel is placed before it and the fuel is consumed, and if the fuel runs out the fire does not stop, the fire dies, and the difference between stopping and dying is the difference between choosing and being chosen, and Malleus Draconia had been chosen—by his blood, by his history, by the accumulated weight of a thousand years of Draconias who had burned before him and who expected him to burn with the same steady, unwavering, unbearable intensity—
He had lost things.
This is important. This is the thing that gets buried, the thing that the narrative shovels dirt over and walks away from, whistling, because the narrative has places to be and does not have time to stand around in the graveyard of a dragon's grief, counting the headstones. But the Prefect had time. The Prefect had nothing but time, in this dream, in this warm, soft, merciless limbo where the hours pooled like bathwater and the minutes dissolved like sugar and the only constant was the sound of Malleus Draconia's voice, and the fire, and the breathing of the black coals.
He had lost his parents. Not to death—that would have been simpler, that would have been a story with a shape, a beginning and a middle and an end, and the end would have been sad but it would have been finished, and finished things can be mourned and mourning can be completed and completed mourning can be set on a shelf and left alone, which is not the same as healing but is at least the same as moving. No. He had lost his parents to absence. The more insidious loss. The loss without a funeral. The loss that does not end but continues, perpetually, the way a shipwreck continues to exist at the bottom of the ocean—preserved, intact, right there, if only you could hold your breath long enough to swim down and touch it, but you can't, you can't, no one can hold their breath that long, not even a dragon, not even a Draconia—
He had lost his peers. Not to distance—that would have been manageable, that would have been a problem with a solution, and Malleus Draconia had been raised to solve problems, had been taught that every wall has a door and every door has a key and every key can be forged by a sufficiently determined mind and a sufficiently steady hand. No. He had lost his peers to fear. The fear that walked into a room before him and announced his presence in a language he did not speak and could not translate, the fear that made eyes widen and steps retreat and conversations stop—always, always stop—just a moment too soon, a moment before he reached them, a moment before the distance between himself and another living person was closed for long enough to have a conversation that was not about his power, his lineage, his responsibility—
He had lost his home. Not to destruction—the Briar Valley still stood, its towers still pierced the sky, its forests still whispered with the voices of the fae who had dwelt there since before the human race had learned to write its own name. No. He had lost his home to time. The slow, grinding, impartial machinery of time, which was carrying away the only people who had ever looked at him without fear. Lilia, whose centuries were written in the frailty of his wrists and his shrunken stature. Silver, whose name was a reminder that every dawn might be his last, that the curse that gave him breath could revoke it without warning, without permission. Sebek, whose loyalty was fierce and genuine and loud, but whose human blood was a clock that the Draconias could hear ticking even when Sebek himself could not—
He had lost. And lost. And lost. And the losing had accumulated in him the way the blot accumulates in the soul—not all at once, not in a single catastrophic flood, but drop by drop, loss by loss, grief by grief, each one too small to be worth mentioning on its own but each one adding to the weight, and the weight adding to the pressure, and the pressure adding to the darkness, until the darkness was not something that had entered him from the outside but something that had grown inside him like a vine, like a garden, like a forest, and the forest was so dense and so deep and so quiet that it had its own climate, and the climate was warm—
And the warmth was safe—
And the safety was final—
And in the finality, the flinch had died. Not with a scream—Malleus Draconia did not scream, had not screamed since he was a child, had learned at an age so young that he could no longer remember learning it that screaming was a waste of breath, because the people who could hear him scream were the same people who had caused the pain, and they were not listening—but with a whisper. The whisper of a thing that has been saying no for so long that the word has worn away to a shapeless breath, and then the breath has worn away to silence, and the silence is so comfortable, and the silence is so warm, and the silence is not so terrible after all—
The Prefect saw all of this. Not in the way that one sees a landscape or a painting or a scene in a film—flat, external, observed—but in the way that one sees a wound: intimately, viscerally, with the sympathetic twinge of a body that recognizes pain even when it is not its own. They saw the mathematics of Malleus's loss, the arithmetic of a soul that had been subtracted from so many times that the remainder had stopped being positive, had stopped being negative, had simply ceased to be a number at all and had become something else—something that looked, from the outside, like mastery.
And the Prefect—
The Prefect, who had no magic, no power, no ancient bloodline, no dragon's fire, no centuries of accumulated knowledge, no nothing, nothing, nothing but the stubborn, irrational, infuriating refusal to look at a person who was breaking and call the breaking by any name other than what it was—
The Prefect flinched.
Not away from Malleus. Not backward, into the corridor, into the warmth, into the dream's open arms and waiting grave. Forward. Toward him. The flinch of a hand reaching for a flame it knows will burn but reaches anyway, because the alternative—standing still, watching the fire consume the person behind it, and calling the consumption mastery—is worse than the burn.
"You're not a master," the Prefect said, and their voice cracked on the last word, cracked like ice on a river that has been frozen for too long and is beginning, beginning, to remember what it feels like to move. "You're not a master, Malleus. You're just—"
"—just what?" Malleus asked, and his voice was different now. Stripped of the lullaby. Stripped of the fireside gentleness. Raw, the way a wound is raw when the bandage is pulled off not by a doctor but by the patient, in the middle of the night, because the bandage was too tight and the air was too scarce and the itch of the healing was worse than the pain of the cut. "Tell me. What am I?"
The fire flared. The walls trembled. The dream—Malleus's dream, Malleus's kingdom, Malleus's careful, loving, meticulous construction of a world where nothing hurt and nothing changed and nothing was lost—shook, and in the shaking, the Prefect felt the most terrifying thing they had felt since entering this place:
They felt the dream doubt.
"You're lonely," the Prefect said. "You're so lonely that you've turned loneliness into a palace and crowned yourself its king, and the palace is beautiful, and the crown is magnificent, and the throne is comfortable, and you are still lonely, because a palace is not a home and a crown is not a friend and a throne is not a person who stays—"
"Be quiet—"
"You're afraid," the Prefect continued, and they were stepping forward now, forward, into the warmth and the fire and the space between themselves and the dragon, and every step was a war, every step was a battle against the dream that was pulling at them and the rug that was reaching for them and the air that was begging them to stop, to rest, to surrender—"you're afraid of losing the people you love, and instead of admitting that you're afraid, you've built a world where no one can leave, and you've called it protection, and you've called it love, and you've called it not so terrible—"
"I said be quiet—"
"And you're breaking," the Prefect said, and the words were not a weapon. They were not a chisel. They were not the instrument of attack or the tool of rescue or the instrument of any of the seven previous battles that the Prefect had fought in the spaces between their friends and their destructions. They were simply words. True words. The kind of words that hurt not because they wound but because they illuminate, and the light they cast shows you a room you have been sitting in for a very long time without ever looking at the walls, and when you finally look at the walls you see that they are not walls at all but windows, and beyond the windows is a world that you had convinced yourself did not exist—
"You're breaking, Malleus. And the blot isn't saving you. It's just making it so you can't feel the break anymore. And that's not mastery. That's anesthesia. And anesthesia isn't healing. It's just—the pause before the surgery. And the surgery is coming. And when it comes, you're going to need to be awake for it, because the only thing worse than breaking alone is being put back together by someone who doesn't know what you're supposed to look like—"
"ENOUGH."
The word was not a word. It was a force. It hit the Prefect like a physical blow, driving the air from their lungs, sending them staggering backward—not by choice, not by the body's decision to retreat, but by the simple, inescapable physics of a mortal body standing in the path of a dragon's fury. The fire exploded. The black coals erupted from the hearth like a fountain of ink, and the ink splashed against the walls and the ceiling and the floor, and the study—that careful, loving, meticulous reproduction of a home—began to dissolve at the edges, the books running like watercolors, the desk sagging like a body that had been holding its breath for too long, the walls becoming transparent, then translucent, then absent, and beyond the absent walls was—
Nothing.
Not darkness. Not void. Not the terrifying, empty, howling nothing of the abyss that philosophers write about and poets fear and theologians name as the opposite of creation. A different nothing. A warm nothing. A nothing that felt like closing your eyes on a summer afternoon, like the space between one heartbeat and the next, like the soft, velvet-dark moment between waking and sleep when the world has not yet reassembled itself and you are not yet a person with a name and a history and a weight to carry—
The nothing that Malleus Draconia had chosen.
And in the center of it, suspended like a star in a sky that had forgotten it was supposed to be dark, was Malleus. Not the prince. Not the Lord of Malevolence. Not the boy in the study with the steady hands and the gentle voice. The dragon. The thing that lived beneath the boy the way the ocean lives beneath the ice—vast, and ancient, and patient, and so, so tired of being cold.
The dragon looked at the Prefect.
The Prefect looked at the dragon.
And the dragon—
The dragon flinched.
XI. The Flinch That Saved the World
It was not a large flinch.
It was not the dramatic recoil of a monster confronted with its weakness, not the theatrical stagger of a villain whose armor has been pierced, not the operatic howl of a demon dragged into the light. It was small. A tightening of the jaw. A fraction of a degree of widening in those ancient, too-bright eyes. A catch in the breath—the breath, the proof that the dragon was still breathing, that the boy was still inside the beast, that the flinch had not been mastered out of existence but had simply been buried, buried deep, buried under years and centuries and epochs of loneliness and power and the accumulated sediment of a soul that had been told so many times that it was too much and too dangerous and too different that it had started to believe the telling and had built a tomb for the part of itself that disagreed—
But the tomb was cracked.
And through the crack, the flinch escaped.
And the Prefect saw it.
They saw it the way they had seen it seven times before—not with their eyes, which were still streaming from the force of Malleus's roar and the dissolution of the study and the sheer, overwhelming pressure of standing unprotected in the presence of a being who could unmake them with a thought—they saw it with the part of themselves that had been built, layer by painful layer, in the aftermath of every overblot they had ever witnessed. The part that knew what it looked like when a person's soul was fighting for air. The part that could hear the no beneath the yes, the help beneath the leave me alone, the I'm still here beneath the I'm fine.
Malleus Draconia was still there.
Not mastering the blot. Not conquering the blot. Not wearing the blot like a coat or wielding it like a weapon or domesticating it like a pet. Holding it. The way a drowning man holds a piece of wreckage—not because the wreckage will save him, but because the wreckage is something, and something is better than nothing, and nothing is what waits in the water when you let go, and Malleus Draconia had been holding his piece of wreckage for so long that he had forgotten it was wreckage and had started to call it a ship, and the ship was sinking, and the water was warm, and the water was so deep—
"Malleus," the Prefect said.
The dragon's eyes were on them. The weight of that gaze was geological—the pressure of a tectonic plate, the gravity of a collapsing star, the patient, immovable, unbearable attention of a creature that had been ignored for so long that it had forgotten what it felt like to be seen, and being seen, even now—especially now, in this moment of raw, unguarded, unmastered vulnerability—was almost more than it could bear.
The Prefect took a step forward.
The nothing beneath their feet held. Not because the dream was supporting them—not because Malleus was supporting them, not because the architecture of the limbo had decided to cooperate—but because the Prefect had decided to step forward, and the step was real, and the realness of it was a kind of magic that the dream could not absorb or redirect or make comfortable, because it was the magic of a choice made without coercion, without seduction, without the warm, suffocating permission of the dream's embrace—
"You asked me what I'm afraid of," the Prefect said, and their voice was barely a whisper now, barely a thread of sound in the vast, warm, nothing of Malleus's inner world, but the thread was strong, the thread was unbreakable, because it was made of the only substance in the universe that does not yield to pressure, does not soften in warmth, does not dissolve in water or burn in fire or bow to the weight of a dragon's grief—
"I'm afraid that you're right," the Prefect said. "I'm afraid that it isn't so terrible. I'm afraid that if I sat down in this warmth and closed my eyes and stopped fighting, it would feel like peace. I'm afraid that I would like it. I'm afraid that I would choose it. And I'm afraid—"
Their voice broke. The thread held.
"—I'm afraid that if I chose it, I would stop being able to tell the difference between the peace and the grave. And that's not mastery, Malleus. That's just dying with your eyes open."
The dragon stared at them.
The nothing breathed.
And then—so slowly, so carefully, with the trembling, tentative precision of a hand reaching for a flame it has been taught to fear but has not yet been taught to hate—
Malleus Draconia reached back.
XII. The Difference
What is the difference between a person who has mastered their pain and a person who has simply stopped feeling it?
The difference is the flinch.
The flinch is the proof that the pain is still real. That the boundary between the self and the suffering has not been erased. That the soul still knows—on some level beneath language, beneath logic, beneath the seductive, reasonable voice that says this doesn't hurt anymore—that the pain is a violation, not an accommodation. That the wound is still a wound, even if the blood has stopped flowing, even if the skin has closed over it, even if you have learned to walk on the leg that was broken and call the limp normal and call the ache quiet and call the scar healed—
Malleus Draconia had not healed.
The Prefect could see it now, in the cracks that spread across the dragon's form like frost on a window, in the way the blackness that had become his skin was peeling—not falling away, not shedding, but pulling back, like a curtain being drawn by a hand that was not sure it wanted to see what was behind it. Beneath the black was not light, not purity, not the clean, unblemished surface of a soul that had never been touched by darkness. Beneath the black was Malleus. Just Malleus. The boy with the green eyes and the horned silhouette and the laugh that was too rare and too quiet and too surprised, as though he had not expected to find something funny and was not sure what to do with the discovery.
He looked horrified.
That was the thing the Prefect had not expected. In all their imaginings—in all the 3 AM scenarios they had constructed in the safety of their creaking, drafty, beautifully uncomfortable dorm, running through every possible outcome of this confrontation like a general running war games—they had not imagined this. They had imagined rage, or denial, or the cold, sweeping dismissal of a being who had been challenged and found the challenge beneath his notice. They had not imagined the expression of a person who has just been handed a mirror and has looked into it and has seen, for the first time in years—or perhaps for the first time ever—the thing that lives behind their own eyes.
"I didn't—" Malleus started, and his voice was not the voice of the dragon or the voice of the prince or the voice of the lullaby or the voice of the master. It was the voice of a boy. Eighteen years old. Alone in a castle with no one his own age. Talking to gargoyles because the gargoyles didn't flinch. "I wasn't—it wasn't supposed to—I was only trying to—"
"I know," the Prefect said. "I know you were."
"The dream was supposed to be kind—" The word cracked in his mouth like an egg, spilling something raw and wet and alive into the space between them. "I didn't want anyone to hurt—"
"I know."
"I didn't want to be alone—"
The word hung in the air. Alone. The original wound. The wound that had never closed, had never scabbed, had never been allowed to heal because the bandage had been replaced by the blot and the blot had been replaced by the mastery and the mastery had been replaced by the dream and the dream was a room with no doors and the walls were painted the color of deepest relief and the floor was the yielding skin of something that wanted nothing more than to swallow you gently, so gently, so thoroughly—
"I know," the Prefect said, and they were crying now—not from fear, not from the residual terror of standing in the presence of a being who could unmake them with a thought, but from the simple, devastating, unbearable recognition of a pain that they understood, because they had felt it too, in the lonely hours of the night in a world that was not their own, surrounded by people who were not their kind, carrying a weight that was not their burden but which they had chosen to carry because the alternative—the empty room, the silent phone, the void where a home should be—was a kind of mastery they were not willing to learn.
"You're not a master," the Prefect said, for the second time. "And you're not a monster. And you're not weak—not because you're not afraid, but because you are. You're afraid right now. I can see it. And the fact that you're afraid means that you're still here. Still you. Still the boy who—"
Their voice caught. The thread held.
"—still the boy who invited me to his birthday party. And I came. And I would come again. But not like this. Not in a dream. Not in a cage. Not in a room where the walls are painted the color of my own surrender and the floor is soft and the fire is warm and the door has been removed, because you were afraid that if there was a door, I might walk through it, and if I walked through it, I might not come back—"
"I wouldn't have kept you—" Malleus started, and then stopped, because even he could hear the lie in it, the lie that was not a lie but a wish, and the wish was not malicious but desperate, and the desperation was not weakness but honesty, and the honesty was the thing that the blot had been trying to bury and the Prefect had been trying to unearth and the dream had been trying to smother and the fire had been trying to burn and the warmth had been trying to drown, and it was all here, all of it, all at once, in the cracked and trembling voice of a boy who had turned loneliness into a kingdom and discovered that the throne was cold—
"You would have kept everyone," the Prefect said, and the words were not an accusation. They were a diagnosis. "Because keeping is the only way you know how to love. And that's not—that's not evil, Malleus. That's not monstrous. That's just—"
Sad, they wanted to say. Human, they wanted to say. The same thing that every person has ever felt when they loved something so much that they wanted to build walls around it and fill the walls with warmth and stand at the gate and say NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM, THEY'RE MINE, THEY'RE SAFE, THEY'RE HERE—
"That's just what it feels like to be afraid of losing the people you love," the Prefect said.
The dragon shattered.
Not outward—there was no explosion, no rain of black glass, no dramatic cataclysm of darkness and light meeting in a final, operatic collision. Inward. The way a person shatters when the thing they have been holding together with nothing but will and pride and the accumulated, masterful pressure of a soul that has been told its entire life that breaking is not an option finally, finally, finally—
Allows itself to fall.
Malleus Draconia fell to his knees.
The sound was not the thunder of a dragon's landing or the crash of a titan's surrender. It was the soft, human sound of knees meeting a floor that had not been there a moment ago—the floor of the study, which had reassembled itself around them with the quiet, industrious efficiency of a dream that was no longer being held together by will alone but by something more fragile, more honest, more dangerous: grief.
The fire was out. The black coals were dark, and still, and cold for the first time since the Prefect had entered the room. The rug beneath their feet was just a rug. The books on the shelves were just books. The globe in the corner had stopped turning, and the borders on its surface were fixed, settled, final, the way borders are when someone stops trying to redraw them and starts admitting that the map is not the territory and the territory is not the home and the home is not the person, and the person is standing in front of you, and they are real, and they are here, and they are not leaving—
"I'm afraid," Malleus said, and the words were the quietest, smallest, most devastating sound the Prefect had ever heard. Not because they were a confession—Malleus Draconia had confessed many things, in his way, in the language of half-spoken sentiments and carefully timed silences and the way he looked at the people he loved as though he was trying to memorize them for a loneliness he had not yet been forced to endure—but because they were an admission. The difference between a confession and an admission is the difference between a statement of fact and a statement of need, and Malleus Draconia—the last of the Draconias, the Lord of Malevolence, the Master of the Storm, the master of the blot, the boy who had made peace with the dark—had never, in his entire life, admitted that he needed anything.
"I'm afraid," he said again, and the words were repeating, the way a pulse repeats, the way a breath repeats, the way the no repeats—the unmastered, ungovernable, unconquerable no that lives in the deepest part of every soul and says I am still here, I am still hurting, I am still afraid, and the fear is not a weakness, the fear is the proof that I am still alive—
The Prefect knelt.
The floor was cold. It was the first cold thing they had felt since entering the dream, and the cold was wonderful—the cold was real, the cold was the temperature of a world where things could hurt and could heal and could be lost, and the possibility of loss was the price of having something worth keeping, and the price was worth it, the price was always worth it, even when the keeping was hard and the losing was inevitable and the grief was the only evidence that the love had ever existed at all.
"I know," the Prefect said, for the third time, and the words were not a dismissal and not a reassurance and not the warm, seductive, suffocating comfort of the dream. They were the truth. Plain, cold, unmastered truth. The truth that said: I see you. I see the fear. I see the pain. I see the boy who talked to gargoyles and the prince who commanded the thunder and the dragon who swallowed the dark and called it peace, and I am telling you—
You do not have to be a master.
You just have to be afraid.
And that is enough.
XIII. The Waking
The dream ended the way all dreams end: not with a bang, not with a gradual fade, but with the decision to open your eyes.
Malleus made the decision. Not the Prefect. Not Lilia, who was standing guard outside the chamber with a hand on his sword and a fear that was older than the castle around him and a grief that had been rehearsed so many times it had worn grooves in his soul. Not Silver, whose sleep was always one breath away from the permanent kind and who had been dreaming his own dreams in a room down the hall—dreams of a father's voice and a fire's warmth and the sound of a lullaby that he had never been able to remember upon waking. Not Sebek, who was shouting at someone about something, because shouting was Sebek's way of praying, and the god he was praying to was the boy in the bed who had stopped breathing for a moment—just a moment, just the space between one heartbeat and the next—and had then, impossibly, stubbornly, unmasterfully, started again.
Malleus opened his eyes.
The ceiling of the infirmary was white. Not the endless, uncertain, ambiguous ceiling of the dream, which was there when you looked at it and elsewhere when you didn't. Just white. Flat. Boring. The kind of ceiling that a person looks at when they are lying in a bed in a room that was designed for healing, not for dreaming, and the design shows—shows in the harshness of the light and the stiffness of the sheets and the coldness of the air, which smells like antiseptic and old wood and the faint, chemical tang of the potions that the nurse had left on the bedside table with instructions that were clearly written for someone who was not a Draconia and therefore could not be expected to heal by sheer force of will—
It was the ugliest room Malleus Draconia had ever seen.
He looked at it for a long time.
And then, very slowly, with the careful, tentative, unmastered precision of a person who is feeling something for the first time and is not sure what to call it—
He smiled.
Not the smile of the Lord of Malevolence. Not the smile of the boy in the study who had called overblot not so terrible. Not the smile of the dragon who had turned loneliness into a kingdom and crowned himself its sovereign and sat upon a throne that was cold, so cold, and called the cold peace.
A different smile. Smaller. Fragile. The smile of a person who has just been handed back a piece of themselves that they did not know they had lost, and is holding it in both hands, and is looking at it, and is afraid—genuinely, terribly, beautifully afraid—that it might break again, and is deciding—choosing, not mastering, not conquering, not domesticating—to hold it anyway.
The Prefect was asleep in the chair beside his bed.
They had not gone back to Ramshackle. They had not been carried, or guided, or dreamed into the chair—they had walked, on their own two feet, through the corridors of the castle, past the portraits and the gargoyles and the suits of armor that had been standing guard for longer than the Prefect had been alive, and they had found the infirmary, and they had found the chair, and they had sat down, and they had waited.
Their hand was on the edge of the bed. Not holding Malleus's hand—they had not been that bold, or that presumptuous, or that certain that the touch would be welcome—but near it. Close enough that the warmth of their skin was a promise, not a prison. Close enough that the distance between them was not a wall but a choice, and the choice was theirs, and the choice was free, and the choice was not so terrible after all—not because the distance didn't hurt, but because the hurt was honest, and the honesty was real, and the reality was the only thing that had ever saved anyone from the warm, suffocating, loving embrace of a dream that had wanted nothing more than to make the pain stop—
Malleus looked at the Prefect's sleeping face.
He looked at the dark circles beneath their eyes. He looked at the way their head had tilted to one side in the exhaustion of a person who had not slept—not really slept, not the kind of sleep that restores and heals and prepares the body for the battles of the waking world—in far too long. He looked at the slight furrow in their brow, the one that was there even in sleep, the one that said I am carrying something and I am not sure I can put it down and I am not sure I want to, because putting it down might mean admitting that it was too heavy for me, and admitting that it was too heavy might mean asking for help, and asking for help might mean trusting someone, and trusting someone might mean losing them—
He understood that furrow. He had worn it himself, for longer than the Prefect had been alive. He had worn it so long that it had become a feature of his face, a line in the geography of his expression, and he had mastered the mastery of it, and the mastery had become the numbness, and the numbness had become the peace, and the peace had become the cage—
And the Prefect had taken the cage apart. Not with magic. Not with force. Not with the dramatic, theatrical shattering of a hero in a storybook who breaks the enchantment with a true love's kiss or a sword of light or a clever, clever word that unravels the spell.
With the flinch.
With the stubborn, irrational, unmasterable flinch of a person who looked at the warmth and the comfort and the not-so-terrible embrace of the dream and said:
This is not peace. This is not mastery. This is not healing. This is just the place where the pain stopped being loud enough to hear, and the silence is not the same as the music, and I would rather hear the music—even when it breaks my heart—than live in a world where the heart has forgotten how to break.
Malleus reached out.
His hand was trembling. Not much. A fraction of a degree. The kind of tremor that a lesser observer would have attributed to exhaustion, or to the residual effects of the overblot, or to the simple, physical weakness of a body that had been pushed to its absolute limit and was only now beginning to understand how far past that limit it had actually gone.
But Malleus knew the truth.
The tremor was the flinch. The same flinch that the Prefect had seen in the study, the same flinch that had cracked the mask of mastery and let the light—the cold, honest, unmasterful light—pour through. The flinch was not weakness. The flinch was not failure. The flinch was the proof. The proof that the soul was still souling. The proof that the pain was still paining. The proof that Malleus Draconia—the last of his line, the lord of storms, the boy who had made peace with the dark and called the peace mastery—
Was still afraid.
And being afraid—
Being afraid was the first step.
Not the step back. Not the step forward. The step inward. The step toward the thing that hurts, not because you have mastered the hurt, not because you have conquered the hurt, but because you have looked at the hurt and said: You are mine. You are part of me. And I will not give you to the dark, because the dark does not deserve you, and I will not give you to the blot, because the blot does not understand you, and I will not give you to the dream, because the dream will only make you comfortable, and comfort is not the same as healing, and silence is not the same as peace, and the absence of pain is not the same as the presence of life—
His fingers brushed the Prefect's hand.
The Prefect stirred. Not awake—not yet, the sleep was too deep and the exhaustion was too heavy and the body was too tired to be disturbed by something as gentle as the brush of a dragon's fingertips—but toward him. Toward the warmth. Not the dream's warmth, not the coals' warmth, not the suffocating warmth of the rug and the fire and the walls that were painted the color of deepest relief. A different warmth. The warmth of a living person. The warmth of someone who had chosen to stay—not because the dream would not let them leave, not because the door had been removed, not because the floor was holding their feet and the air was pressing their chest and the love was so heavy that it had become indistinguishable from a grave—
Because they chose to stay.
Because staying was hard. Because staying was scary. Because staying meant being awake in a world where things could hurt and could heal and could be lost, and the possibility of loss was the price of having something worth keeping, and the price was worth it—
The price was always worth it.
Malleus closed his eyes. Not to sleep. Not to dream. To rest. The real kind. The kind that comes after the flinch, when the body has finally admitted that it is tired and the soul has finally admitted that it is afraid and the mind has finally, finally stopped trying to master the exhaustion into something presentable and has simply—
Let it be.
The infirmary was cold.
The light was harsh.
The sheets were stiff.
And Malleus Draconia, for the first time in longer than he could remember—
Was not comfortable.
And that—
That—
Was the most beautiful thing he had ever felt.
Epilogue: The Step Back That Was a Step Forward
The Prefect woke to the sound of Sebek shouting.
This was not unusual. Waking to the sound of Sebek shouting was the Twisted Wonderland equivalent of waking to the sound of birdsong—the birdsong of a very large, very enthusiastic, very loyal bird who had been raised by a very small, very ancient, very fond bat and had never quite learned the concept of an indoor voice.
What was unusual was the content of the shouting.
"—THE YOUNG MASTER IS RESTING, AND YOU WILL NOT—"
"I just need to check his vitals, the nurse said—"
"THE NURSE CAN WAIT! THE YOUNG MASTER'S REST IS SACROSANCT—"
"Sebek, mate, I don't think that word means what you think it means—"
"DO NOT MATE ME, SAVANA CLAW—"
The Prefect groaned and sat up. Their neck was stiff—spectacularly stiff, the kind of stiff that only comes from sleeping upright in a chair that was designed for visitors, not for the overnight vigils of a person who had once walked through a dragon's dream and told him that his peace was a lie and his mastery was a mask and his not so terrible was the most terrifying thing they had ever heard.
Malleus was awake.
He was sitting up in the bed—a minor miracle, given the state he had been in when they'd brought him in, the state that the nurse had described with the kind of carefully neutral clinical terminology that doctors use when they are trying not to say we don't know if he's going to wake up—and he was watching Sebek's confrontation with what appeared to be half of Night Raven College's student body with an expression that the Prefect had never seen on his face before.
He looked amused.
Not the distant, regal amusement of a prince observing the antics of his lessers. Not the sardonic, world-weary amusement of a being who had seen too much to be genuinely surprised. A warm amusement. A human amusement. The amusement of a person who is watching the people they love make fools of themselves and finding it endearing, not because they have mastered the art of affection but because they are feeling it, for the first time in a long time, without the buffer of the blot or the shield of the mastery or the warm, suffocating blanket of the dream—
He looked at the Prefect.
The Prefect looked at him.
And for a moment—one terrible, eternal, infinitesimal moment—there was nothing between them but the truth. Not the dream's truth, not the lullaby's truth, not the not-so-terrible truth. The cold, hard, uncomfortable truth. The truth that said: I am afraid. I am hurting. I am not okay. And I am going to be, not because I have mastered the pain, but because I have admitted that it is there, and the admission is the first step, and the first step is the hardest, and the hardest step is the one you take when you are not sure the ground will hold—
Malleus smiled.
The Prefect smiled back.
And in the space between them—in the cold, harsh, uncomfortable space of an infirmary that was not a dream and not a prison and not a tomb but simply, gloriously, unbearably real—
The flinch lived.
Not as a weakness. Not as a failing. Not as the domain of the weak.
As the proof.
As the proof that they were still here. Still afraid. Still alive. Still capable of looking at the warmth and the comfort and the seductive, reasonable voice that said it isn't so terrible and saying—
No.
It is terrible. It is supposed to be terrible. And I would rather feel the terrible than feel nothing at all.
And that—
That—
Was the most masterful thing a person could do.
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"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."
"The thing that heals the wound is not the absence of the wound. It is the decision to keep walking with it." — The Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm, probably, at 3 AM, to a gargoyle who was not listening but did not flinch
Whumpee waking up inside Whumper's wet dream about them.
Are they scared? Do they try to escape? Or does it make sense to them in the strange, twisted way that dreams always do?
Most importantly, does Whumpee enjoy it?
Kyle Crane x f!Reader Smut: California Sober
Summary: You're one of the first people Kyle runs into after escaping the Baron's lab. Instead of treating him like a weapon, a soldier, or something to be feared, you treat his wounds and feed him. He finds himself coming to see you again and again, bringing food, supplies, unable to stay away but unable to let himself get too close in fear of hurting you. You eventually get under his skin and he gives in to his urges, not expecting to lose full control with you in your own bed. Warnings/Mentions: Unprotected sex, mentions of violence, blood/wounds, a little angsty, Kyle cries at one point, beast mode sex, biting/marking Notes: First time writing Kyle going into beast mode during sex, was kinda hard tbh I didn't wanna make it too rough but at the same time I wanted to make it realistic. Hope you enjoy either way! (Yes Kyle just pissed on your tree to mark his territory leave him alone)
The last thing you needed right now was this.
The last thing you needed right now was a mountain of a man standing in front of you, shirtless, broad chest heaving, hands covered in blood and twitching at his side. His teeth were bared at you like you were the threat. His eyes were laser focused on every move you made.
You didn't expect to run into him, it just happened. You were out in the woods near the Monastery when he came barreling through the treeline, chasing down a group of the Baron's men. He tore them to shreds and ate their bullets like they were made of cotton. Roared so loud it echoed off the mountainside. Then turned on you when the men were dead and you were the only thing left breathing in a one mile radius.
You'd somehow managed to convey you weren't a threat. Held up your hands and backed away. His posture relaxed and he stopped snarling at you, but he didn't stop that ragged, out of breath panting.
Your caring nature didn't let you leave that man when you saw the injuries covering him. Even though he didn't look in pain, you still stepped forward, slowly drawing out a bandage from your bag.
He calmed down enough to let you bandage the worst wound. He even spoke.
“I'm sorry.” His voice was deep and hoarse, as if he hadn't used it for a while. “I didn't mean to scare you.”
You shook your head and offered a shaky smile as you clipped the bandage into place around his shoulder. “It's okay. You're from the lab, aren't you?”
He nodded. His right eye wasn't glowing red anymore, it was that same silvery blue you'd seen in the eyes of the others the Baron had experimented on.
“I have clean water and food at my place. It's only a few miles from here.” You offered, something that most people would never do after seeing him tear those armed men to shreds.
You thought you would feed and help him and he'd be on his way to get the hell out of Castor Woods. That's what most of the others did after escaping the lab. Took off and never looked back.
He came back a day later with a bag. You didn't see him, you weren't home at the time, but you knew it was him when you got back and saw the contents of the bag laid at your front door. Bandages, bottles of water, and food. Much more than what you'd given him.
He was repaying you, that's all.
That's what you thought, until the next day, when he was back again.
“Hey, listen….” He sighed after you'd stepped outside to join him on your porch.
He sounded like he was still trying to figure out what to say to you.
“I just wanted to thank you for the other day.” He continued, his voice low, looking you straight in the eyes as he spoke. “I was in a bad spot. And you- you really don't know how much I needed that.”
“Of course.” You murmured, looking him over. His wounds were all healed. He barely had a pink scar on the wrist that had that gash you'd nearly considered stitching up.
He nodded once, his eyes drifting downwards as he reached in the pocket of his coat. He pulled out a radio and held it out towards you with that rough, scarred hand. “Take it. If you ever need anything…”
You took it.
“Name's Crane, by the way. Kyle Crane.”
You ended up helping Kyle Crane again soon. It was late, you were almost home after a trip to Town Hall to trade foraged plants for medicine when you heard it- that same deafening roar that echoed in the valley.
He sounded close. You ran towards the sound, and twenty minutes later, you found him.
He was kneeling in the middle of a field with blood all over him again. More of the Baron’s soldiers laid limp around him, arms and legs and heads torn off and strown in different directions. The heels of his palms pressed into his eyes. His chest shuddered with each breath he struggled to take in.
He was hurting. He'd only been free man a few days now, after thirteen long years of torture. Most of that was spent in agony, unconscious, or so drugged up he could barely breathe on his own. His body and mind had been warped into something he barely recognized anymore.
Now that he was out, the sheer gravity of it was hitting him hard.
He heard you running up to him. He smelt that it was you. He didn't bother trying to pretend like he wasn't crying. He was too tired.
“Kyle?” You dropped to your knees in front of him, your voice so heavy with concern it made him choke up. “What happened?” You heard that strangled sound in his throat and reached for his wrists. “Hey, hey… What happened?”
He let you pull his hands away from his face. Just seeing you in front of him, looking at him with that much compassion in your eyes, made him feel better and worse at the same time.
He hadn't had a woman look at him like that since… he couldn't remember.
“I'm gonna kill him.” Kyle's voice came out all wrong. It trembled with fury. He sounded weak. He felt weak. “I'm gonna f-fucking kill him if it's the last motherfucking thing I do.”
You took him back to your place again that night. This time, you didn't let him leave after.
You cleaned the blood off of him with a wet rag. Washed out his wounds with alcohol and bandaged them even though you knew now that they'd be healed by tomorrow. You directed him to your bedroom and let him sleep on your bed even though he protested and insisted he could sleep on the couch.
He was gone before you woke up the next morning. Your back ached from sleeping on the couch.
That evening he brought you more items; bandages, rubbing alcohol, food, water, even new clothes.
You turned the soft sweater over in your hands, running your fingers over the fabric. “You don't need to-”
“I want to.” He cut you off. “Let me. Please.”
It didn't stop at supplies.
He stuck around a few hours after dropping them off and reinforced the fence around your house. The next morning, he came back and added another set of locks to your doors. He came back again at night and installed UV lights over all your windows.
You were starting to feel like this wasn't about paying you back anymore.
One evening you heard over the radio that he killed a Chimera a few miles south of you. He was sharing the channel with someone else, the woman that lived in the Monastery, and she was asking him to deliver a sample to her. A few hours later, at dusk, when a group of survivors from the nearby settlement were at your house, Kyle came back.
He was bloody and tired. He didn't knock- he didn't need to anymore- he just walked inside. The exhaustion left his body when he saw there wasn't just one woman standing inside, there were four people he didn't recognize standing around her.
His nostrils flared and he stood up straighter, not expecting to be around more than just you. His eyes scanned the room and locked on you. You didn't look scared. You looked like you might have been laughing a moment ago.
The room fell silent as all eyes shifted to the large bloody male standing in the doorway.
“Kyle.” You breathed. You glanced around your friends, looking just as caught off guard as he did, then looked back to him. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He managed a curt nod. He studied the two men standing close to you and shut the door behind him without turning around.
“Kyle? Kyle Crane?” The only other woman raised her brows, throwing a look in your direction.
“Holy shit.” The male standing behind her whispered.
“Okay, guys-” you cleared your throat. “It's getting dark. You should get back before it gets too late.”
They were all still looking at Kyle, who stood unmoving. He realized he was standing directly in front of the door with blood all over him and he stepped to the side, grabbing the knob and twisting. He opened the door and held it open.
They filed out one by one, quiet and uneasy from the thick tension in the air, only the woman glancing back to say goodbye to him and you. Kyle gave her a polite nod in return before closing the door behind her. He looked back to you the second the lock clicked.
“Who were they?” He asked.
“A few friends from that settlement in the mountain.” You set down the bag you'd been holding onto the living room table.
He grunted in acknowledgement and took a few steps forward. “...Everything okay?”
You looked up, nodding, and gave him a soft smile like the one you'd given him the day you met. “Mhm. They come every Friday and bring me chicken and eggs and I give them vegetables.”
He nodded. He'd seen your garden when he fixed your fence, it was large and impressive, full of fresh food. You were living on a goldmine, of course you'd be trading it.
You didn't know why Kyle was acting like that. You assumed it had something to do with the way his mind had been altered from the Baron. He wasn't like most men anymore. He was a lot more direct- not verbally, at least, it was more of the way he behaved.
Bringing you supplies, not to repay you but to provide for you. Securing your home, not to repay you but to keep you safe. Kyle was almost instinctually masculine in the way he treated you.
Not traditionally in the chivalrous way some men were- which he was, but that wasn't the point- it went further back than that.
Like leaving signs of him around your place as if to ward something off. A torn shirt that was clearly from a man hung at the corner of your fence, an extra pair of his shoes he ‘forgot’ at your front door, and something else that he didn't know you saw.
Kyle thought he was being discreet when he did it. He went outside, stood behind the tree right at the entrance to your fence, and left another… sign that you doubted humans would pick up on. Maybe animals, if they were still around. Or maybe Volatiles, if they even cared about the smell of male pheromones marking territory.
You'd caught a glimpse of his posture from your window and raised a brow in disbelief and amusement, but you didn't comment on it later. You knew he knew what he was doing, you weren't going to question it.
Even if he did remind you of a dog.
Kyle was still having trouble getting used to his new… everything. He was a lot bigger and stronger than he used to be. Taller, wider, faster. He could smell things he never even knew had a smell before, like how people smell when they're scared, or angry, or happy.
He loved the way you smelled when you were happy. He loved the way you smelled all the time. He came by the next morning to bring you something just to breathe you in when you smiled.
Your eyes lit up when you saw the military grade rifle. He inhaled deeply, watching you turn it over with a neutral expression on his face.
You smelled happy for a moment, and then it shifted into something that made his heart drop.
“Kyle?” You finally spoke, looking up. Your expression made that feeling in his chest worse.
“You don't like it.”
“No- I love it. It's just…” you swallowed, shifting the gun in your grip, “you're not just doing this because you think you owe me or- or feel bad for me, are you?”
For a heartbeat, he was too caught off guard to respond. Then his jaw clenched and his eyes widened. “What? The hell makes you say that?”
“I don't-”
“You think I'm doing this out of fucking charity?” He gaped at you, brows furrowed. “I'm keeping you alive because-” because if something happens to you, he won't have a single reason to stay human.
He forced his voice to lower and soften, taking a deep breath. “I just wanna make sure you're taken care of. Can I do that? Will you let me do that, please?”
You were momentarily taken aback by the intensity. You nodded. “I'm sorry. Thank you. I just-” want to know he's doing this because he feels the same way you feel. You didn't finish the sentence. You just set the gun down and invited him in for breakfast.
He came back that same night covered in blood again.
You'd only known Kyle maybe a week now. It felt like years, at this point. You knew so much about him. You knew even more just from subtext, things he never actually told you verbally but told you with his actions.
You knew for sure he was still more beast than man. You knew he didn't have control of himself yet. He got shocked by your fence once when he was fixing it and the sudden jolt sent him into that Volatile state you'd only ever seen that first day. You were just grateful you'd been inside when it happened.
You were making dinner over the pot in your fireplace when he stumbled in. He barely got the door shut behind him before you were pulling him to sit down in your dining room chair.
“What happened?” You asked as you helped him get his jacket off. “Did you find another Chimera?”
He shrugged the fabric off with a wince. “There was an ambush.”
Your eyes widened. “The Baron?”
He nodded. His eyes wouldn't meet yours.
There was a long stretch of silence as you cleaned the blood off his face and arms.
Kyle broke it.
“A group of survivors heard the gunfire and came to help.” His voice was weak and began to tremble the more he spoke. “They w-were… they were on my side. They were trying to help me.”
He couldn't say the rest, but he didn't need to. Your heart dropped and the rag on his knuckles fell still in your grip. You didn't speak. What could you even say? It's not your fault? That was true, but Kyle didn't believe that.
It was the Baron’s fault he ripped those innocent people to shreds. It was the Baron’s torture that gave Kyle the ability to turn into a blind, feral beast with a single minded lust for blood.
One day he would get a hold of it. A few more Chimeras, more practice, more training. You knew it, he knew it. That didn't make him feel any better now, though.
“He broke everything inside me.” Kyle breathed, his eyes locked on some non specific point on the floor. “My mind. My body. I don't even-” he sucked in a breath, “-I don't even know whose voice is in my head anymore.”
You set the rag aside and placed your hands over his, lowering yourself to kneel on the floor between his spread legs.
Kyle pulled them away, his face twisted in pain that wasn't physical. “Don't.”
“Kyle-”
“Do you know what these hands have done? Today alone?” He gave a humorless scoff, shaking his head. “Can't even fucking call ‘em hands anymore. They're weapons. How am I supposed to hold you with weapons?”
You froze, looking up at him with widening eyes. He seemed to realize what he'd said at the same time and cursed under his breath, his gaze immediately breaking away from you.
“I shouldn't even be here.” He sighed. “I'm putting you in danger just fucking talking to you.” That wasn't debatable. You knew it, he knew it. If those soldiers ever saw Kyle here they'd wait until he left and take you in for leverage. Maybe even worse.
“No.” You shook your head. “Don't leave.”
His eyes dropped back down to you between his knees. They softened. He couldn't leave. Not when you were looking up at him and asking in that sweet, soft voice. He was too selfish to leave. Too greedy.
He hated himself even more at the realization that he'd rather stay here and put you in danger than never see you again.
“I'm not gonna leave.” He murmured, reaching down to brush a piece of hair out of your face. His hand, the same hand he'd ripped that survivors arm off with, caressed your cheek so carefully it made his teeth ache. He rubbed his thumb over your cheekbone and sighed at the way you leaned into his touch like you weren't scared of him at all.
He stayed the night again, sleeping on your couch. He stayed and ate the breakfast you made for him, over easy eggs and potatoes from your garden. He left around lunch and promised he'd be back after he tracked down intel on some scientist.
It happened again.
He'd gone into that beast state three times that evening. He was getting better at controlling it, somewhat. He still went into it involuntarily, but at least now he was learning how to force himself to come out of it.
At least, he thought he was learning.
He found another Chimera. It was massive. He fought until he couldn't fight anymore, and then he turned. Even after the Chimera was nothing more than a bloody pile of flesh he was still turned. He mindlessly tore through everything that so much as twitched, and came to his senses surrounded by bodies.
Biters, Virals, humans. They were just Bandits, but for one heart stopping second he thought he saw your mutilated form lying there at his feet. It shocked him so bad he vomited after realizing it wasn't you.
He ignored Olivia on the radio and went straight to your house behind the Monastery. He shouldn't be going there after that.
That had to have been a sign from a higher power that he wasn't only putting you in danger of the Baron. He was the danger.
He needed to leave while he was ahead. Break two hearts and be done with it.
He opened your door. He didn't even realize he had tears in his eyes until you looked at him with that pained expression.
He didn't object when you came to him with comfort. He let you comfort him on your couch, neither of you caring about the fact he was staining it red. He leaned into your touch and spat venom about himself and the Baron while his hands shook in his lap.
“I'm fucking terrified.” His voice trembled. “I'm fucking terrified one day I'm gonna turn and not turn back.”
“That's not gonna happen.” You murmured.
“It might.”
You shook your head. “It won't. Not if you keep fighting. Keep working with Olivia.” And even softer, you added, “keep coming to me.”
Kyle let out a sharp breath, his eyes closing. He breathed in deep. You smelt like you were hurting, but you didn't smell scared. You didn't smell conflicted or uneasy.
He exhaled and opened his eyes. “You're ridiculous, you know that?” The words came out choked, but the corner of his mouth twitched up.
You smiled softly, raising a brow. “Am I?”
“Anyone else with half a brain would have told me to fuck off the day I ran up on you in the woods. But you…” He gave a shaky breath of a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “You tell me to keep coming back.”
You nodded, your smile growing. “I do.”
His own smirk widened, before suddenly fading. His eyes scanned over your face before he spoke again, his voice coming out quieter than he expected. “Why is that?”
Your smile faded, and you shrugged one shoulder. “Because I like you.”
“You like me.” He repeated, giving a gruff, self-deprecating chuckle. “Yeah. You're even stupider than I thought.”
“Maybe.” You grinned. “Maybe I just see more than what you think you are now.”
He watched you for a moment.
“It's been… God.” His breaths came out a little faster now and he swallowed hard, his throat bobbing as he tried to speak without breaking again. “I don't even know how long it's been since I've had someone look at me the way you do.”
You didn't look at him like he was a threat or a weapon or a tool you could use to your advantage. You very well could use him as a tool for your protection and he would absolutely let it happen. You could give him a post outside your house and he'd spend the entire night out there just to see you look at him like this again.
You were the first woman to look at him like a man since before Harran.
“Back then I was a normal guy.” He chuckled then. “Well. As normal as a Green Beret can be.”
You listened carefully as he spoke, not wanting to miss any of it. It was rare that Kyle spoke about anything like this for more than a minute at a time. You knew he had to have a military background, but you didn't know he was an elite soldier.
Kyle continued after a moment. “I don't know how to do it anymore.”
“Do what?” You asked quietly.
He gestured vaguely between you. “This. I'm not a man anymore. I'm one bad day away from turning into one of those things that keeps you scared at night.”
“That's not going to happen.” You repeated.
“But what if it does?” He looked back at you beside him, his gaze suddenly intense. “I don't want to hurt you. I'm- I'm fucking scared to death I'm gonna hurt you, sweetheart.”
You opened your mouth to object, but he cut you off.
“No, listen to me.” His voice dropped to a desperate whisper. His hand trembled near your knee, dying to pull you closer but terrified of what he might do if he did. “I haven't held a woman in so long I forgot what it feels like. I haven't been like this with one since I was human. I'm-” he inhaled, shaking his head, “Jesus Christ. I'm fucked up now. I don't remember how to be gentle.”
You reached for his big hand and wrapped your fingers around it, stroking the inside of his palm with your thumb. “You haven't been anything but gentle with me.”
It had barely been more than a week since you'd met him. Barely over a week since he escaped from the lab. But he had never hurt you, not once, not even by accident. You doubted he would start now.
His eyes followed his hand as you pulled it up to your neck. He didn't pull away when you guided him to caress the side of it, and he didn't pull away when your hand slid down to hold his wrist.
You closed your eyes when you felt his thumb give your neck a gentle stroke, back and forth over your pulse point.
Kyle forced himself to take a steadying breath, terrified that if he moved more than this that he'd snap your neck without meaning to.
Beneath his callused hand, nothing happened.
“Forgot how soft women are.” He murmured, his voice cracking. “You're so soft. Jesus. You feel perfect.”
“Kyle?” You whispered, your fingers traveling up his arm, brushing over the dried blood caught on his hair.
His eyes flicked back up to meet yours. “Yeah?”
“Will you kiss me?”
Instead of answering, he let out a shaky breath and dipped down to bury his face in the crook of your neck. He inhaled deeply, drawing your scent into his lungs and holding it there.
A low, raw groan rumbled deep in his throat and his hand tightened slightly on the other side of your neck. His lips brushed against your skin and he pressed a soft kiss right over where your scent was the strongest.
Another kiss higher up, and then another at the edge of your jaw.
Your breath hitched when his lips pressed against the corner of your mouth. You closed your eyes when they pressed against your lips.
Kyle kissed the same way he held onto you- with great restraint. Feather light pressure, almost chaste in the way his lips moved against yours. His free hand settled on your knee and he squeezed, earning a quiet noise in return that he eagerly swallowed.
You cupped his cheeks, turning your body to directly face him, the movement causing his hand to slide up along your thigh. You tilted your head and deepened the kiss, kissing him back firmly, more heat behind your lips.
Kyle groaned again. His hand slid down from your neck to grab your side and he tugged, pulling you into his lap with no effort. It didn't surprise him, he'd killed ripped Volatiles in half before. Lifting you into his lap with one hand was as difficult as it was for you to lift up a bottle of water.
It did surprise you, though. You'd never felt his strength first hand like this. It made you shockingly aware of just how strong he was. If he could do that without even trying…
Your heart raced as you imagined what else he could do with you as effortlessly as that.
Kyle's breathing grew more excited as he smelt the thick scent of your arousal, hot puffs of air tickling your upper lip as he kissed you with more intensity, his tongue slipping past your lips. He licked into you like a man starved, pulling you in closer until you sat directly on his lap.
Your breath caught in your throat when you felt how hard he was beneath his jeans. Your hands slid down from his neck to plant firmly on his chest, and you pushed yourself back.
Kyle looked up at you through half lidded eyes, breathing through parted lips as he watched you tug at his jacket. He barely pulled himself together long enough to help you take it off of him before he was pulling your shirt over your head. It hit the floor on top of his jacket, and then his own T-shirt followed suit.
Dilated eyes dragged over your bare chest.
“Jesus.” He rasped. The word came out all wrong from the heavy huffing of his breathing.
He didn't touch you with his hands first. They stayed on your hips as he leaned forward and buried his face in the skin between your collarbones. He took in a long, sharp drag of air, his skin feeling feverishly hot against your chest.
His mouth dragged up your throat, his teeth and tongue grazing the skin in the crook of your neck.
When he bit you, it wasn't soft or gentle like he had been so far. It was firm, a deep pressure that held you in place. The tip of his tongue licked over the dark mark his teeth had left right after.
“Mine.” He murmured against the bite, the word slipping out before his brain could catch it. His jaw flexed and he closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to leave more than the one mark.
You shivered, your jaw dropping slightly, your eyes closing. Kyle had just marked you. The same way he marked all around your yard with himself. The thought made your hips shift in his lap.
His hands gripped your waist a little tighter and he lifted his head from your neck, looking up at you through half shut eyes. They were full of hunger as he raked them over your face, pupils blown wide, lids heavy.
“You're driving me fucking crazy.” He choked on the word, his voice dropping into a rasp as his right hand slid down to the button on your jeans.
It was shaking. Not from fear anymore, but from the overwhelming desire to take away all the layers separating your skin from his. He needed to feel all of you, right now, or he was going to lose his fucking mind.
Kyle was efficient with undressing you while continuing to make out with you. It was impressive. You knew he must have had plenty of experience if he could remember how to take a woman's clothes off without even looking after all these years.
He took off his own clothes with less care. He actually ended up tearing his zipper open when he was just trying to pull it down. His pants joined the pile on the floor and then his arms were wrapping around you, not bothering with his boxers. He stood up from the couch, keeping you pressed tightly against him, and walked towards the open doorway of your bedroom.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, and your arms around his neck. You buried your nose in his hair and inhaled, the same way you'd felt him do to you. All you could smell was the faint traces of shampoo and the stronger scent of male sweat.
Kyle could smell every emotion running through you.
He laid you down on your bed and wedged himself between your legs. His waist was wide, nudging your thighs further apart, heat coming off of him in waves as his heavy body hovered inches above yours.
“You're perfect.” He rumbled against your neck as he peppered kisses up to your ear. “I don't deserve this.” He slid his hand down your thigh to hook his fingers in your panties and pull. “Don't deserve you.”
“Yes you do.” You argued, your voice weak as he tugged the fabric down your legs. Your breath caught in your throat when his fingers slid up the inside of your thigh, lingering there before finally making contact with you.
Kyle groaned, the sound loud and raw. His fingers pushed through your slick folds, spreading your wetness around, taking a moment to just feel you.
It had been so long since he'd felt something like you. It took his breath away.
“Wanna do this right.” He whispered, tugging down his boxers just enough to free himself. His cock was heavy and hot as it bumped against your inner thighs, the tip leaving a smear of his own slickness over your skin. “Wanna take my time. Taste you. But- f-fuck- I can't.”
He wrapped his hand around his length and pushed his hips forward, sliding the head of his cock between your folds. The action drew sharp noises of pleasure from both of you.
“I can't.” He repeated, the words butchered by his heavy breathing. “I need you. Now. Tell me I can.”
You nodded breathlessly. “Please.”
A shaky sound left his lips and he glanced down where he was pressing himself against you. He spread your wetness over his length with his fingers, giving your clit a few deep strokes before his impatience won and he notched himself at your entrance.
He braced one hand on the mattress beside your head, the other holding his cock steady as he gave a tiny, gentle push forward. His eyes darted back up to your face, scanning for any signs of pain. When he saw none he gave another tiny push, the tip of him slowly stretching you open, his eyes remaining locked onto you.
It took him a while. Even though he couldn't think, he knew what he needed to do. He knew he needed to take his time to ease you into it.
Every time you gasped or winced he would stop. He'd wait until you relaxed around him to give you more. He would freeze, wait, draw back out slightly, and push in deeper.
You were drenched. The sheer intensity of the emotions coursing through you coupled with being so intimate with a man like him had turned you on to no end. That made it a little easier, but he was still so big.
Every part of Kyle was so strong. Even his restraint, even now, even like this, when his new instincts were roaring at him to hurry.
Kyle was drenched with sweat when he finally bottomed out. His entire body shook with the effort it took to hold himself back from slamming into you.
He pulled his hips back a few inches before slowly pushing back in. You moaned softly, your hands gripping tighter onto his biceps.
Somehow, he found the strength to speak. It came out strained and harsh, but it came out nonetheless. “I need you to be honest with me.” He pleaded. “If I'm too heavy, if I push you too hard, you tell me. Understand?”
You nodded, still dizzy from the feeling of having him inside you.
“Don't let me hurt you.” He rasped. “I don't know my own strength anymore.”
Kyle leaned down, bracing himself on his elbows around you, and kissed you. It was shockingly gentle despite the way his body trembled to hold himself back. “Please. Just… tell me.”
You nodded again, sliding your hands up his biceps to his shoulders. “I promise.”
Kyle let out a shaky breath and nodded, finally allowing himself to move. His eyes squeezed shut and his jaw clenched, the muscles in his thick arms trembling violently as he gave you slow, steady thrusts.
The bed creaked softly beneath you. You wrapped your legs around his waist and he grunted in response, one hand coming to grip your thigh to hold you closer.
“Jesus Christ.” He choked out, sweat beading on his forehead. “God… you feel so fucking good.”
Your heart ached when you realized this is the first time Kyle had felt pleasure and not pain in a very long time.
“So do you.” You whined, tightening your legs around his waist as he pushed even deeper inside you. “Oh-”
He let out a breathy laugh of disbelief, tilting his head back up to look down at you. His eyes were brighter than you'd ever seen them.
Kyle didn't believe something like this could exist anymore. Not when something as cruel and evil as the Baron existed. Yet here he was, so deep inside something so warm and pure. Something that he loved, and something he knew loved him.
“Look at you.” He praised, his voice dropping as a heavy sigh left his lips. “So fucking beautiful for me.”
He shifted his weight and put a little more pressure behind his thrusts, drawing more noises of pleasure from you. He felt on top of the world hearing that. He didn't feel like a monster anymore.
For a while, he wasn't. He was Kyle Crane, the man who would go through hell to protect the people he cared about, worshipping the woman who'd treated him as such. The woman who'd saved him.
He trailed open mouthed kisses along your neck and collarbones. His hands mapped your torso, gently squeezing your breasts, fingers pinching and brushing over your nipples while he licked and sucked on the mark he'd left on you.
The muscles in his back rippled under your hands as he rolled his hips in steady waves, dragging the thick length of him inside of you with each easy movement.
Your sounds of pleasure spurred him on.
“Oh, God- Kyle-” you whimpered, shifting your hips up higher, subtly begging for more. “Please-”
“Yeah?” He breathed, lifting his face from your neck, half-lidded eyes dragging over your face. “What is it, baby?”
“More.” You pleaded. “Please.”
An involuntary groan left his lips and he clenched his jaw. “Fuck. You have no idea what you're asking for.”
You shook your head, using your legs around his waist to pull him deeper. “I do. Please- Kyle, please-”
He let out another groan, squeezing his eyes shut. He adjusted his grip on your waist, pulled his hips back, and slammed into you.
A sharp sound caught in your throat that sounded almost pained. Kyle froze, his eyes snapping open, until he caught the scent of strong arousal coming off you. His breath stuttered in his lungs and he drew back before snapping his hips forward again.
Your nails dug into his back. You were melting beneath him, hips twitching towards him, desperate for more. The tip of him had jabbed right against that spot deep inside you that had your legs shaking around his waist.
Kyle let out a long, shaky breath of relief and repeated the action, drawing out another sharp moan from you.
“That's it, sweetheart…” He whispered, setting a steady pace of quick thrusts. “...take every fucking inch of me.”
Those words coming from the man who never so much as touched you unprompted before had your head spinning. You clenched down around him, a jolt of pleasure shooting through you, and Kyle groaned, giving a particularly rough thrust.
His walls were coming down. No- you were tearing them down with a fucking sledgehammer.
“Fuck, Kyle…” You gasped, struggling to keep your eyes open as he thrusted into you with that quick pace. He was going so deep it was making you stupid.
As if he read your mind, he spoke. “Feel how deep I am?” His voice was a rumble in his chest as he gave an even deeper thrust. “Yeah? Tell me how good it feels.”
You groaned. “So good. So good- can't think. Please don't stop-”
“Stop?” He leaned down, bracing himself on his elbows again, and placed a heavy kiss to your open mouth. “I couldn't stop now if I fucking tried.” He panted between messy kisses. “You don't ever have to ask me that.”
You kissed him back the best you could in your state, which wasn't very well. You gasped and moaned into his mouth as he kept giving you fast, long strokes that made you see stars.
His walls were coming down faster than he realized.
When he turned you over onto your side, he didn't just move you. His hands slid around you and he lifted you, effortlessly manhandling you into the spooning position before you could process it. His body quickly laid down behind you, his rough hand grabbing your thigh to lift it and spread you back open for him.
You moaned into your pillow when he slid back inside. He groaned into the nape of your neck.
If it was possible, he somehow felt deeper like this. He hitched your leg over his thigh and fucked into you with incessant snaps of his hips, one arm sliding under your neck to band over your collarbones, his other hand holding your thigh with a firm grip.
He held you flush against his front as he drove into you, his arms and hands almost acting like a seatbelt to keep you in place against his intense thrusts.
At one point, when the tip of him dragged right against that same spot, you cried out and arched your hips back. The angle had you taking him even deeper and he tightened his grip around you, his hand sliding down from your thigh to grab your waist.
“Yeah, stay just like that.” He panted, his voice choppy from the force of his thrusts. “Don't move. Take my whole fucking dick.”
Your jaw dropped and you keened, squeezing the arm he had banded over your chest. You kept your hips angled back just like he'd wanted, earning a low growl at your ear in approval.
“F-fuck, Kyle,” your voice trembled as he continued giving you deep, quick thrusts. “I'm, h-oh God-”
“Yeah? You gonna come for me?” He panted against your ear, his breath hot as it fanned across your skin. He gripped your hip tighter and gave you a little more, snapping forward in a relentless rhythm. “Do it, come on, baby. Come on.”
You squeezed your eyes shut as that blinding wave of pleasure broke inside you, shooting through your torso, jolts of it making you gasp and clench around him. Your hips moved on their own accord, grinding back against him.
"You're mine now. You hear me? Every fucking inch of you.” He growled in your ear, thrusting harder. His pace was turning aggressive without him even realizing it. He didn't even realize he could hear his blood pumping in his ears, his pulse skyrocketing, his hands tightening their hold on you to the point of bruising.
You were too lost in it to notice it, your own pleasure deafening you to it. All you cared about in that moment was how good you felt, how good he felt inside you.
His breathing had grown heavier, faster, each inhale and exhale rising in octave right at your ear until the air going through alone was louder than the sound of his growling.
The growls on each exhale rumbled against your back. Every rushed exhale came with a deeper, louder rumble, until the arm around your collarbones slid up to lock around your neck.
You whimpered, still trembling as the last pulse of your orgasm rippled through you, and opened your eyes. His arm wasn't holding you against his chest anymore to keep you steady. It was locked around your neck like he was trying to subdue you.
His thrusts had slowed, you only noticed that now, the same way you only now noticed the way he was growling and almost hyperventilating behind you.
“Kyle?” You exhaled, your fingers digging into the thick forearm over your throat. You caught a glimpse of the black veins spiderwebbing across the skin in real time and your heart lurched.
You didn't dare move. You didn't even breathe. You just relaxed your muscles and tried to stay quiet.
Kyle's worst fears ran through your brain as you felt him turn behind you. Was he about to rip you to pieces the way he'd done countless others? He'd killed innocent people yesterday when he turned. Yesterday.
You were mostly scared for Kyle. What if he did hurt you? What would that do to him, when he came to his senses? The image you conjured up in your mind of him coming to and seeing you in pieces on your bed made you nauseated.
It felt like hours before something finally happened, but in reality, it had only been about five seconds.
Kyle buried his face in the crook of your neck and inhaled, dragging your scent deep in his lungs with short, greedy huffs. He growled on each exhale. He smelt the sharp tang of fear, something he was accustomed to smelling in the state.
This time, though, the fear didn't fuel his bloodlust. It dampened it, because through it all he could still smell you. Your scent was familiar. He associated it with something other than anger and hatred.
The arm around your throat tightened, but not to choke you. It didn't cut off your breathing or the flow of blood to your brain. He tightened it enough to keep you very, very still, as the hand on your hip shot back down to your thigh with a quick jerk. He gripped it and hitched it back up over his own thigh, opening you up after you'd squeezed your legs together during your climax.
Kyle gave a sudden, deep thrust that knocked the breath out of you.
The fear started to subside. It didn't fade completely, but the thrill that replaced it was twice as intense.
The hand on your thigh adjusted its grip and he hitched your leg up, lifting it off of him to hold it in the air, opening you up completely before he delivered one long, harsh stroke that sent him balls deep.
You choked on a ragged groan, your eyes rolling back.
Kyle growled in response, giving you another thrust, driving himself deep again before he decided that wasn't enough.
In one smooth motion he used his weight to roll you over on your stomach. You gasped, caught off guard. His body followed you down, burning hot and overwhelmingly heavy on top of yours. He crushed you into the mattress without even meaning to.
He slid his arms under you, one wrapping around your waist to angle your hips up, the other around your ribs to hold you flush against his chest.
The sound he let out when he bottomed out was completely animal. He buried his face in your neck again, taking in short, deep huffs of your scent as he resumed his aggressive thrusting. He let out another growl and nuzzled his nose against your jaw, something that almost felt like signaled satisfaction.
The position was on the line between intimate and claustrophobic. Your entire torso was covered by his large form, his skin hot and slick against yours. Hot flashes washed through you as he rutted into you quick and harsh.
You whimpered beneath him, your heart rate quickening as sweat formed on your face again. His arms tightened around your body and he delivered a sharp snap of his hips, burying himself in as deep as he could go, forcing a choked grunt from your chest.
Somehow, even in this state that usually left him violent and brutish, he was able to comprehend the position wasn't optimal anymore. He couldn't get enough friction. He couldn't pull himself out far enough. He could only give you shallow, quick thrusts, and that wasn't cutting it. It wasn't enough.
So he moved you into something better.
The room spun as he manhandled you onto your back. The cool room of the air hit your chest and you shivered in relief, blinking up at the man settling back in between your thighs.
For a second, he faltered when he saw your face again. He blinked back down at you, his right eye that bright, blood red you'd only seen twice before. All the veins in his arms were visible, black from the change, creeping up his pecs and lightening the closer they got to his neck. His chest heaved with rapid, shallow breaths, his gaze darting over your form like he was assessing you for the first time.
Your hands came to rest on his forearms and he snapped back into it. The moment you touched him, his body reacted with terrifying speed. He jerked your thighs apart and rutted forward, fucking himself back into you so quickly it made you cry out in surprise.
He hooked his thick arms under your knees and slid them over his shoulders. You sucked in a sharp, deep breath as he forced his body down, bending you into a tight press. You groaned, feeling him sink in even deeper, and Kyle let out a similar sound.
In this position he was able to pull out until only the tip of him remained inside you before he slammed back in, buried to the hilt.
You could barely breathe with the pace he set.
He was baring his teeth again, but not to threaten or intimidate. It was from the sheer power he was using to fuck you like a beast without killing you. His hands twitched in their tight grip on your sides, the tips of his fingers digging in hard enough to bruise.
Even in this state he was able to keep you safe. The state that was forced upon him solely to hurt and kill. Something about that sent you over the edge.
Kyle sensed it and growled again, the sound sharp and loud in the room. He pressed his body down harder, forcing you to open up wider, and moved his hands down to your ass to lift it off the bed to take him deeper.
It was too much. Your body felt like it was going to break from the intensity of it. He was driving in so fast and so deep and with so much force that you couldn't even breathe right. Each thrust knocked the air from your lungs.
Your jaw dropped and you came around him, your nails digging into his forearms, your back arching as the second wave of white hot pleasure scorched through you.
Kyle let out a sound that was close to a snarl, raw and thick in his throat, and his thrusts turned desperate. He lifted your hips higher, fucking his cock deeper, faster, desperately chasing down his own release as quickly as possible.
It didn't take him long at all. His body went rigid and he slammed into you four more times before he buried himself balls deep and locked into place over you. His mouth found the crook of your neck again and he bit down hard, clamping his teeth into your skin to hold you still.
Kyle pinned you to the mattress, his hips jerking forward even though he wouldn't pull them back. He gave these tight rolls as he emptied himself inside you, his body moving to push his cum up deeper with every grind.
“Oh- oh God-” your voice was nothing but a trembling whisper as you shivered beneath him.
He groaned around your skin in response, grinding his hips forward again, his cock throbbing violently. His heart rate started to slow from its inhumane pace, and his grip on your hips loosened to let you lay flat on the mattress.
Still, he didn't pull away. He stayed pressed tightly on top of you, your legs still hooked over his shoulders. He relaxed his jaw and panted against the dark red mark his teeth left against your neck, right over the much lighter mark from earlier.
The first mark had almost faded. This second one will stay for a long time. He sighed in satisfaction at the sight of it and rolled his hips again.
You trembled beneath him, clenching down at the feeling of him still so deep. Your neck burned and throbbed from the bite, and your hips ached from his brutal thrusts.
You'd never felt anything so deeply satisfying. This intense feeling of belonging hit you like a train and you wrapped your arms around his neck, nuzzling your face against the side of his head.
A rumble vibrated against your chest in response. He slid your legs off of his shoulders just so he could get closer to you, moving down until his chest laid flush against yours. He was still somehow able to brace his weight in a way that didn't fully crush you.
While he breathing slowed and you relaxed beneath him, he dragged his nose along your throat and breathed you in again. He pressed gentle kisses along your skin.
You closed your eyes and took a steadying breath.
Kyle didn't speak for a while after coming back to you. He had started breathing heavily again, almost terrified, pulling his head up from your neck to look down at you with panic in his eyes. The red in the right one was gone, replaced with that familiar silvery blue.
When he saw you were still breathing and unharmed aside from the bite, he let out a sharp breath of relief. That relief shifted into something devastating.
“Jesus Christ, baby.” He choked out, his voice wrecked with fading heat and panic. His eyes tracked over the deep purple mark on your neck and the first signs of bruises on your hips and thighs. “Oh, God. Look at you.”
You refused to let him go down that route. You refused to let him pull away.
“You were completely out of control, Kyle.” The words came out uneven and hoarse from the intensity of it all. You grabbed onto his biceps and squeezed. “And the worst that came of it was a little bruise.”
His eyes flicked back down to the mark on your neck, the skin around it an angry red. There was no blood. Not even a blood blister. His eyes met yours again, a fraction softer.
“Even out of your mind you took care of me.” You continued, stroking his arms with your thumbs. “You need to start realizing you're not what you think you are.”
He didn't speak for a moment. He just stared down at you, his eyes scanning over your face like he was waiting for the illusion to break. For the last thirteen years- no, longer now- one absolute truth had been pounded into his head. You're not human anymore. You're dangerous. You hurt everyone you care about. The Baron solidified those thoughts until it was the only thing Kyle knew for a fact anymore.
But he had turned. He'd turned into the thing that rips Volatiles apart, the monster that killed those innocent people, right here, in your bed, between your legs, and he hadn't even broken your skin when he bit you.
“How do you do that?” He murmured, his voice thick. “How the fuck do you do that?”
The two of you stayed like that for a while longer, wrapped up in each other's arms, deeply satisfied just holding each other. There was a heavy weight in the air, though not in the heartbreaking sense. It was the weight that came with realizing there was more hope to something someone once thought to be the end of the world.
He got busier after that first week. Things were escalating with the Baron, and more and more of Castor Woods’ people came to him for help. Kyle being Kyle, was never one to turn someone down in need.
On the nights that he wasn't desperately needed, he came back to you the same way he did that first week, minus the blood and shaking hands.
He would come through your door right before sunset and sit on your couch while you tended to wounds you knew would heal in a day. He talked more as the days went by, telling you about the people he met in that cave that were experimented on like him, about the missions he went on and the information he learned. He told you about The Beast and how he and Lydia planned to capture it and use it against the Baron.
He got even busier one week, so busy to the point where the only confirmation that he was still alive was his voice over the radio he gave you. He told you The Beast’s name was Aiden and that you might not hear from him for a while. He promised he'd be okay.
His assumption was wrong.
Instead of not hearing from him for a while, it was the opposite. He came home the next night, exhausted, drained, with a bruise on his side the size of a pillow. He didn't need to tell you the Baron was dead, you could see it in the way he didn't stand so rigid in your doorframe.
The next week was a blur of new people when he brought you to the Exile's cave with him to celebrate the Baron's death. You met Lydia and Aiden, and Starchild and Olivia.
Kyle wasn't so busy after that week. For the first time since after killing Rais, he didn't have anywhere he absolutely needed to be. You could see it made him restless some days. He'd still go out; hunt down the remaining soldiers, track down the Chimeras that had escaped after the Baron's death. He would help people that needed help.
Every evening he'd come home with some funny story or bearing gifts; weapons, food, shiny trinkets he knew you'd enjoy. Sometimes he'd bring Aiden with him for dinner and the younger man would knock out on your couch immediately after finishing his food.
After dinner he'd slip into bed with you like it was that first night all over again and made sure that mark never faded.
THIS DREAM IS NOT OVER (+18)
I’m not a trailer person… but here we are anyway... 😅😅
⚠️ DISCLAIMER & CONTENT WARNING: This is a transformative fanfiction inspired by The Sandman (Netflix / DC Comics). All canon characters, settings, and concepts belong to their respective creators and rights holders. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is a Dream x Reader work featuring dark themes, psychological tension, power imbalance, and morally ambiguous dynamics. The Reader character is not idealized and is written with full agency, complexity, and darkness of her own. This is not a fix-it, not fluff, and not a soft portrayal of Dream. Romance, if and when it develops, is intended as slow-burn, unsettling, and mutual, not redemptive or comforting. Content warnings may include: psychological manipulation, surreal dream logic, loss of control, obsession, and emotionally intense situations. Please read responsibly. If these themes are not for you, this may not be the story you’re looking for. ⚠️ This work is intended for audiences 18 years and older. Reader discretion is advised.
Prologue
It doesn’t happen all at once.
That is the first thing he notices.
There is no rupture, no jolt, none of that familiar pull that announces entry into foreign dominion. Dream is with Lucienne in the library. The Realm is stable. The records are open. Everything is in its place.
And yet, something slips.
A minimal pressure, almost polite, settles over his awareness like a hand that does not ask permission because it knows it will not be stopped.
It is not force. It is decision.
The ground changes before he can react.
Marble turns to metal. The air thickens. Sound arrives first as a distant murmur, then as a blunt impact: wheels, iron, overlapping breaths.
A train.
Dream stands in the middle of an impossible carriage, absurdly long, packed with bodies. Men and women pressed against one another, too close, too aware. They do not look at him. Not quite. Their eyes slide past him as if he were a focus error.
Their thoughts, however, brush against him. Not like prayers, but like friction.
The air is dense. Suffocating. It smells of sweat, anxiety, unresolved desire. Every thought here seems to graze the next, invading it, contaminating it.
For a moment, he considers the obvious possibility.
Delirium?
There is something of chaos, yes. Of irreverence. Of that broken logic that never fully breaks. But there is no color. No laughter. No childish irony.
This is not his sister’s realm.
It is worse. It is human. A mundane dream.
Too human. Too coherent in its desperation.
The train moves without windows. There is no landscape. No direction. Motion exists only to insist upon itself. A loop of emotional inertia.
They are not traveling anywhere. They are traveling inward.
Then he closes his eyes for a second. He feels. He searches for the center of the dream. The anchor. He looks for the dreamer.
Nothing.
The dream evades him. That should not be possible—yet it is.
A human dream always leaves traces. It always begs, even if it doesn’t know it. This one does not.
He moves among the bodies with the precision of one who has walked nightmares since before humans learned to name them. No one resists. No one opens a path. He simply… is.
And yet, something follows him.
Not a presence. An intention.
A will that does not ask for help. That does not want to be saved.
Then it happens.
Space folds.
Morpheus does not see the chains appear. He feels them. Cold. Conceptual. They do not bind his body; they bind his authority. His place. His weight within the dream.
They do not immobilize him. They question him.
The carriage warps. The walls throb. Faces begin to lose definition, as if the dream can no longer sustain them.
The collapse has begun, and it does not come from fear, but from a poorly contained choice.
He raises his hand.
The gesture is automatic. Ancient. An order inscribed in the very structure of the Dreaming.
“This dream is over,” he says—but nothing responds.
The collapse does not stop.
For the first time in a very long while, it is not resistance. It is indifference.
Then you appear.
You do not emerge from the air or the shadows. You are simply there, leaning against one of the carriage bars as if you had always been part of the setting.
Then you look at him.
Not with fear. Not with fascination. But with assessment.
You do not recognize him as myth. You look at him as an obstacle.
“You like to step into everyone’s dreams and control them,” you say to him. “But you don’t like it when someone controls you.”
Your voice does not vibrate with the environment. It is not affected by the collapse. Chaos does not brush against you—it obeys you.
Not because you command it. But because the dream chose you.
He watches you closely now. There are no obvious marks. No clear symbols. Nothing he can immediately classify. That alone is alarming.
You are human. He knows it by the imperfection. By the fracture you do not try to hide.
“This domain does not belong to you,” he replies, with surgical calm. “You are exceeding your reach.”
You smile faintly. It is not a pretty smile. It is precise. As if you had been waiting for exactly those words. As if that reproach were part of the script.
You push yourself away from the bar and walk toward him.
The chains tighten.
Not because you move them, but because he reacts.
The dream fractures into overlapping layers: foreign memories, unfinished desires, impulses that never became actions. Everything tries to occupy the same space at once.
“No,” you say, stopping in front of him. “What you don’t like is not knowing who’s in control.”
There is no challenge in your tone—only certainty.
The carriage tilts. The noise becomes deafening. The dream screams without a mouth.
Morpheus leans slightly forward, the darkness of his mantle absorbing the impossible light of the place.
He does not retreat. Nor does he advance. That amuses you.
“This dream is over,” he repeats, and this time it is not a warning.
You do not step back. You do something worse—you step closer. Too close.
You invade his space without touching him, the way humans do when they want to provoke a reaction.
“No,” you whisper to him. “This dream is not over... yet.”
Because you are still dreaming, and for the first time in centuries… it is not with him, but against him.
And the train keeps moving.
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