Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday ... another topsy-turvy Tuesday in Tuesdayville.
The grass here really is as high as an elephant’s eye … (rolls eyes, scrunches face, smiles) … well, OK, but only because the elephant is a pygmy elephant. ;-)
Yes folks, you heard it here first, the Lost Postman has decided to become an elephant keeper. Not sure when this decision was taken and I only discovered this yesterday when I fell over her trunk. At first I thought it was merely some kind of weird native garden wildlife that I simply hadn’t discovered yet (not surprising considering just how wild and woolly it is out there) … but then, when the rest of small Nelly came into view, I began to think otherwise.
So … the Lost Postman’s bag is now stuffed to the max with peanuts, buns and fruit. All the (rather dessicated) post that he’s been carrying around for all this time has finally been flung hither and thither in favour of Nelly’s noms. Naturally, whilst they were otherwise occupied cavorting through the various grasses, I made off with what was left of the envelopes and their contents and shut myself in the old charabanc to see what was what.
Not much to be seen really. Old pizza coupons that I can probably use as colourful snowflake decorations this Christmas (the slugs and snails have really lent their artistic bent to these) … neighbourhood letters regarding events long since past (hmmmm … I wonder if I would have enjoyed an evening’s re-enactment of the The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, with enough real potato peel pie available for everyone?) … all manner of offers for replacement windows, tree surgery and psychic assistance regarding unidentified items at the back of your fridge that may (or may not) have gained sentience and intelligence.
However … the most interesting item was a partially eaten letter (the teeth marks look suspiciously human) declaring my castle to finally be ready. Really??? My castle is ready??? I … am … so … excited!!! Just aswell I’d automatically put the seat belt on whilst I was sat inside the car … the amount of enthusiasm on my part upon reading this could have resulted in all manner of contusions and concussions such was my limb flailing and whooping! Ah bliss, I thought to myself, finally the long lost, much misplaced, several times removed and very little known rich (and highly generous) relative has actually come good and the palatial des res I have long since thought I was deserving of will soon be mine.
Now then … hmmmmmmm … where’s the address? (flips letter back and forth) … (scans every inch of it) … (look of horror comes upon my face) … aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! The missing piece!!! (throws furious glance in the general direction of the leaping Lost Postman and his pachyderm pal) … the buggers eaten it!?! But when? Hmmmmmm … (eyes flick back and forth) … would it be worth giving him a few doses of syrup of figs? And, having done so, who can I employ to sift through the ensuing ‘soup’? ………….. The castle must be mine!
And now, tis time for breakfast (hope I haven’t put you off yours) and I’ll keep you posted as to developments … of all kinds.
PS: Help wanted … hours long, pay reasonable … please provide own gloves ;-) ...