How
How do I explain why I don't want a relationship without seeming like a worthless piece of shit? How do I explain that I can't trust anyone enough to get that close to someone? How can I tell them about how I lost a kid how I was lied to and used? The aggression I've had and the things that have been said to me? What am I supposed to tell them about when my dad tried to kill me? Or that he's an unconvicted murderer? What do I say? What can I say? What do I do.... I care about this person... I do... But I can't even trust myself from everything I've been through... Im 19 and I've already been homeless and lost a kid and had someone try to kill me and self harmed and tried to kill myself over 500 times yet failed every time because im a world class fuck up... Im not even 20 and I've given up on making it to tomorrow a thousand times and will do it again a thousand more.... How do I tell someone all of this without seeming like an ass hole? Like im dumping my problems on them? How do I say this without invoking sympathy and upset in who im telling? I just want them to feel safe with a smile on their face... Like everyone deserves.... Except apparently me...
