#lots of personal stuff

[jamieaiken919]

honestly june has been an awful month for me and I cannot wait for it to be over

[tianshiko]

☕,🍩,🎀 (what got you into rwby? :3)

1- Tea. I have a tea or two everyday! I absolutely love it~

2- Hmmm I'm pretty much good. Not too happy, but I'm feeling fine. A good mood. Today was good, I'm having dinner with my classmates now and I had fun in the end! It was overall a nice day!

3- A few years ago I came across some whiterose fanarts. I loved the white haired girl and the way she was, how Kuma portrayed her with Ruby. So I decided to watch the show, but stopped at v2.

After a bad break up I had 3-4 years ago, scrolling through Tumblr I found again this show, but this time I fell in love with this blondie. I loved her so much--I wanted to be as strong as her. She was somehow my model during that dark period of depression. I fell in love even more when I saw her relationship with Blake. It was the kind of relationship I wanted to have with someone even if it was really subtle back then. Rwby helped me recover a bit during that horrible time, the break up just made me explode into depression. And it still does!

[pinnithin]

Sometimes I feel like I’m... seriously a screwed up person and a terrible friend.

I have this innate need for physical contact so I fool around with people even when I know they have feelings for me and I don’t.

Like I tell them up front I’m just wanting some human contact and only see them as a friend but I still hurt them anyway and I’m still using them anyway even if I’m honest. Honesty doesn’t always make you a good person. Honesty isn’t the same thing as integrity.

My god damn life is just... one big shitshow of me fucking up friendships and relationships because I’ve talked myself into thinking I’m in the right for being honest to the point where it hurts people I care about.

Which... I don’t really want to lie to them because it makes me feel horrible on the inside but I don’t know how to not hurt them.

But I can’t stop myself from using people because if I go too long without physical intimacy it’s just a super bad time for me and idk how to cope with that.

I don’t know how this dude just cut things off with me like that because even if I were in his shoes and wanted to go looking for a relationship I’d still keep me as a safety net in case it didn’t work out after a while. It boggles my mind that he’d turn away from a near guarantee of sex literally whenever.

I feel sick and sad and I think I’m a bad person. But I don’t even want to work on being a good person and that’s objectively worse.

[flameheartsyou]

odds

Oh shit I got this late I’m so sorry

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

I genuinely don’t remember the first time I watched Finding Nemo, but it absolutely is my favorite movie!

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

Oh she’s so wonderful, she’s sweet, kind, funny, cute, beautiful, nerdy, but she’s also really sad. She has the most beautiful smile in the world and a laugh that could make the stars shine brighter than ever. She’s so amazing and I’m so glad that she’s such a big part of my life, even when she’s sad or scared, she’s amazing :)

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

Going on a road trip with two of my best friends to play in a huge magic tournament for 3 days, oh it was so great! I can’t wait to go to my next GP

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

I am incredibly insecure about my face, specifically my acne bothers me a lot, I know it’ll go away but there’s so much, ugh, I hate my face a lot, it’s just gross. I’m really insecure about a lot of things but I think that’s the biggest

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

I think my hips are cool, they’re weird though. I also have little freckles or moles or something in a lot of places, I think they’re cool I guess?

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

I have a lot of trouble remembering dreams, it was probably something sappy and gay

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

It’ll probably be super awkward, I’ll probably have trouble putting on the condom, and I’ll be constantly thinking if I’m doing well or not. It’ll probably be really nice despite all of that :)

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

I was young and naïve.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

Oh, there’s this one person I think is super cool and really cute that I wanna be friends with, but she’s like, intimidatingly pretty and we probably have very little in common, but I see her around and I wish we were friends tbh

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

My mom got married when I was in middle school, that was pretty amazing. I was a bit overwhelmed with it all, but ultimately everything was so nice and beautiful, I hated the suit, but other than that everyone looked so nice and happy, and we had smores on the beach that night, that was nice :)

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

I wasn’t ready for a relationship tbh, I was having fun being stupid and partying and I told her that, and we’re still good friends thankfully, I think it wouldn’t have worked out well anyways

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

Oh a good story was the last day of middle school, the first time I ever asked someone out, I was so nervous omfg, I tried to be all sly and cool about it, but I was so scared, ultimately I asked, I’m glad I did tbh, but she said no, but she was very nice about it and we stayed friends for a little bit :)

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

Oh there was this one guy, he was so cool, we were really close and played games and made jokes all the time. I helped set him up with this girl he was in love with, but ultimately some stuff happened between us and I was too scared to talk to him anymore. It’s a shame, he was pretty fun

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

I love lips and eyes so much, I think eyes are just so gorgeous and fascinating, like I could look into someone’s eyes for so long and just love it. Also lips, soft lips are so great, and kissing soft lips is so fun.

29: Talk about what turns you on.

Consent is the biggest turn on tbh, also confidence, sexy talk, flirting. I really like being a dom so tbh the biggest turn on is that the other person is comfortable enough to let me explore and play with them

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

Damn, intense. I think a lot about this, and ultimately I think when you die you either are reborn as a new life, with loose connections to those who are important to you, I believe spirits are tied and stay with each other through lives. Or I think that after we die we stay and we watch and help those who need it. Honestly that’s a little unrealistic but it’s a much more comforting thought

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

Listen to certain songs, talk to certain people, or play games. I love playing games when I’m sad, like cloudbuilt, magic, or melee always make me feel a lot better when I’m really sad.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

The main two are being so scared and apologizing so much

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

I thought I was in love with her because she was so great, and she was the first person that made me feel good about myself, but ultimately I got tired, and realized just cause someone loves you doesn’t mean you love them

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

Stop being so scared, live your life in the present and stop overanalyzing everything, it’s going to be okay. Also it’s okay that you think you’re a girl, there’s nothing wrong with that

Sorry for answering this so late ;~; Thank you so much friend <3 I love answering this!!

[floatingaroundinmymind]

Tagged by: cakeywakeyc!

Rules: Tag 9 followers you’d like to get to know better.

Name: Elizabeth

Nicknames: Lizzy, Hannah, nerd, weaboo

Birthday: December 4th

Star sign: Sagittarius

Gender: Female

Height: 4'11

Favorite color: Red

Hours of sleep: 3-7???

Lucky number: 6

Last thing I Googled: faking it season 2b episodes

I tag: ciiphers  verrypoo serialxperiments rawrimmabunnydragon sakurastardust dreamilyenchanted imdefinitelyamadmaninablueblog wordswideopen sea12turtle

[letromefall]

I feel so fucking good right now. Three years ago I was just some stupid 14 year old playing at love who didn't know anything past the fucking walls of school and home. Three years ago I cried over some boy who made me jump hoops for his attention. Three years ago some stupid fucking school election was the most important thing in my life. Three years ago I couldn't look in a fucking mirror without hating myself.

Now, though, now things are different. I have control, man. I have fucking control of my life and it feels so good. Now, I fucking now manipulation when I see it. Now, I can fucking picture college and getting out of this place. Now, I know I'm worth more than what people whisper in the halls or some stupid fucking piece of paper with 8 letters on it. Now, I like looking at myself in the mirror because I know I am beautiful.

Three years later, I am still young and still a bit lost but everything is a bit better. And yeah, shit happens and sometimes it might feel like I'm drowning but I fucking know I'm also learning to swim. 

Fuck. Everything's kind of overwhelming but I'm fucking here. I'm here and I'm alive and my voice doesn't shake when I talk to my parents and I don't have to avoid meeting people's eyes. 

I'm not fucking 14 years old anymore. I'm not another sad story. I'm not a fucking broken toy who thought she needed fixing. I'm whole. Still a bit bruised, but I am so fucking whole and it feels so fucking good. Wow.

[itsawasabee]

After you receive this, you must share 5 random facts about yourself then copy and send to your ten favorite followers :)

Well look what I found in the dark recesses of my inbox. Phew, let’s do this shit:

1. I was adopted at the ripe age of 4…months old. Yes, I was four months old. Pretty damn fortunate for that, although I know no Mandarin and apparently, the tape of Chinese nursery rhymes given to my mom is gone now. That would’ve been awesome to listen to now. My complete look of utter confusion would’ve been a glorious selfie.

2. I have no dad. Never have and at this point in time, I probably never will. My mom didn’t go through a divorce, she just never married. I’ve thought to myself multiple times about life with a dad. I’d keep imagining him as someone I could relate to, someone who shared my interests and could actually ease me out of my usual introverted nature at home and get me to be the loud, obnoxious person I am around friends. But fantasies always remain fantasies and I should be thankful for what I have. I am thankful for who I have. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t change it for the world, but I have a good life with a good family and good friends. I am thankful for that.

3. I hate face paint and heavy makeup. I don’t know why or what it is, I just don’t like things on my face. Once when I was three, I got this giant-ass balloon paint thing on my face at a fair or whatever. I mean, it took up my entire cheek. Once we got home, the paint started peeling and I kept trying to get it off and damn it, it hurt. Ouch. And just the feeling of peeling paint and skin… *shudders* I’ll pass thank you.

4. As much as I try to keep positive, this one has been left in the dark long enough. When I was about eight or so, my mom got a call. It was either winter break or a weekend or whatever, but mom wasn’t working that day and I must not have been doing much of anything. But she walked into her office and shut the door. She came out a few minutes later. My best friend had died. She was in the process of being airlifted to a different hospital in the city, but there was a blood clot in her leg and it did its thing. She died before she reached the hospital. I miss her and often times, I think I’m the only one. I never knew how my other friends were affected by her death, but I was a little fucking bitch to people who knew her because there were some who probably knew her better than me. I’ve been to more funerals than weddings, way more. But I’m not the only one and it’s really fucking time I stop pretending that I am. But for my friends from high school, college, and wherever else, I hope this explains a few things. Oh, and a few months later my grandpa died, so that fucked me up for life. Now that I’m older, it explains a lot.

5. And now we transition into something happy: I can remember when both of my cousins were born. I have four first cousins, two guys and two girls. The girls are sisters and live not too far away from me. I’ve been with them since the beginning and oh boy, I can’t wait to embarrass them on their dates later in life. But they are the little sisters I never had and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I get all the admiration of being the unofficial big sister while shouldering none of the responsibility. Call me an asshole, but it’s a fucking sweet deal. I love them and they definitely played some part in recovering from the losses. I’ve been to more funerals than weddings, but it breaks even when you add the births of my cousins. And it’s taken years but suddenly, I’m ok with that.

[cliffsofthecry]

Tuesday is fall picture day its also the day we're getting student ids? We arent a dangerous school, so why do we need ids? I have 3 forms of id already. If im found dead, youll know who i am. Also im determined to like v v nice on this id cause my other ids suck. My college id looks like im on drugs.