I realized that I've never before considered how Karl Heisenberg would accept or perform roleplay with sex, and now I ask for your thoughts. Would he be willing to? What roles/dynamics?
Personally I think he would absolutely go to town on a trusting partner who asks him to be a fearsome Lord. But there have to be more creative situations that he would be open to... (This may or may not inspire future content in my story; I'm chewing on this idea like a dog toy.)
And inquiring minds need to know if Karl & Kris ever roleplay!❤️🔥 I would bet both of them have come up with adventurous ideas, what with Karl eager to learn about the modern world outside the village.
Ohhhh this is a good ask >:)
I think that Karl - regardless of if you think it's performative or his actual personality - has a theatrical streak, so roleplay would probably come very naturally to him with a partner he trusts. At first I definitely think it would be easier for him to take on a more "dominating" role, since that's what he's had to be in order to survive. But in this house we believe in Karl switch supremacy, so given a lot of time and patience and trust, he'd eventually crave the opportunity to let someone he loves take control.
He might... get a little too enthusiastic and you may have to reign him in (yes, Karl, the pyrotechnics display is a little too much) but I really believe this would unlock something in his brain.
I think predator/prey type scenarios would be an easy starting point for him. Every day I think about the supposedly deleted content where he was a stalker type enemy for Elena and I curse God for what was taken from us. Can you imagine playing "hide and seek" in the factory with him and oh nooooo he found you whatever will you doooooo.
But also like... I think he'd be super into the "pretending to be strangers" thing. You're at a masquerade at Castle Dimitrescu and you pretend to be off put by his advances and make him work for it. (He would hate the stupid masks until he realizes how fun it is to act like you don't know each other and he's stealing you off.)
OH and OF COURSE the classic "repair man/customer" situation lmao. It's cliche for a reason and he LOVES it. He gets to work on your car and then fuck you???? He's the happiest man on earth (just be careful he doesn't get lost in the repairs part and you end up sitting around waiting for him for 4 hours while he talks your ear off about catalytic converters.)
For my personal canon x OC ship (Ily for asking about them btw):
Yes. Yes they do. The neighborhood MILF and DILF are freaks and no one is safe.
The local motel has been converted into a "strip club VIP room" scenario at least ten times. The Renaissance Faire every year has to put out a statement about "erotic knight/Queen activities" because they use it as their personal playground. Karl has bought a suspicious amount of large dog muzzles/collars at the pet store and once complained to the cashier about one "not being comfortable."
I fear (at the risk of getting called a tradwife by weirdos lmao) he really would have a thing for a housewife roleplay. If he's as old as most of us HC him/if he's from the 30s/40s/50s I think he would uhhhh probably get off to a little vintage dress and heels and stocking-clad partner waiting for him when he "gets home from work" (read: walks ten feet from the garage.) I actually keep chickening out of writing this exact scenario for him and Kris because it turns out I sometimes do care what people think of me and I worry it will be assumed that because I wrote it, it must be what I support all the time/in real life, which... no. It's kink, you dipshits. Let me have Kris sensually feed him in her cute little fit while she praises him for being so so handsome and he tells her about his day and then rearranges her insides.
I'm curious what your thoughts would be for post-Chrysalis when Karl/Kris/Lottie all eat in a restaurant for the first time. :)
Does Kris bring along Brynne and Jane as reinforcements-slash-good examples for Karl and Lottie of how to process the many social cues of dining out?
Maybe Karl balks at the prices before feeling pretty much like a king when he sees his family seated together, excited and celebrating this little victory of being normal (and eating food they didn't have to cook!)
Maybe it goes the other way, and Karl gets a bit overwhelmed. (Lottie on the other hand is a tough cookie and usually up for anything, I figure, per Chrysalis) But they still salvage the evening maybe by taking the food to go, eating in the car somewhere with a view. Baby steps.
Maybe it's a buffet and God help anyone who steps in line after Karl, who takes some of everything, and uses all of the individually wrapped toothpicks in a cup at the register. (Lottie is a fiend for the little mint candies next to them?)
Dad!Karl is best Karl, and they have been sitting in a corner of my brain today. :)
Oooouugh this is such a cute ask! Thank you! :)
I think there's a number of ways it could go. I really don't think that Karl would integrate into "normal" life as well/quickly as he'd maybe like. The world has passed him by and I think as much as he craved freedom, he didn't actually have a concrete plan of what to do with it if and when he got it. I'd love to say that he'd immediately become the local Chinese buffet's menace (and he still very well might) but my gut tells me he needs to be acclimated first.
Anyway… did you say Karl/Kris/Lottie go to Waffle House ~2k words? Because I'm pretty sure that's what you said.
The last time Karl had seen a giant yellow sign, it had been in the village - and he'd made it with his own hands.
The show must go on! He could still see the twenty foot tall amalgamation of scrap and barely dried paint in his mind's eye, still feel the chill of that winter's wind nipping at the back of his neck. He hated going back to that day; even if he'd ultimately - mostly - gotten what he wanted, he was starting to think that there was no amount of time and distance he could put between himself and that accursed place that would make it so he could ever envision it without wanting to dig a hole and crawl into it.
His eyepatch suddenly itched terribly. One hand released its death grip on the steering wheel to rub at his face while he muttered curses aimed this way and that under his breath. Stupid. Fucking stupid. It's a goddamn building, you old geezer, not a venomous snake.
A hand came to rest gently on his thigh and he nearly jumped. Karl's head swiveled to look at Kris in the passenger seat, wearing the same plain, cautious expression she'd carefully curated for situations such as these.
"We really don't have to go in," she said calmly. He'd have almost preferred it if she'd screamed it in his face.
"I'm fine," he replied, too quickly.
"Seriously, I can just order at the counter and they'll have it ready in a few minutes-"
"I'm fine, pumpkin."
Kris exhaled slowly but didn't argue. She withdrew her hand and began digging in her purse for her chapstick, presumably in an attempt to buy him a few more seconds. He'd rarely felt so pathetic in his life.
"If it's called Waffle House, why is it made of brick?" Lottie demanded from the back seat.
Karl smirked in site of himself.
"Good question," Kris said while leaning close the overhead mirror. Karl's truck was missing the passenger side sun visor - item #462 on his ever growing list of repair tasks. "You should definitely ask the waitress when we get inside; I'm sure she'll have an answer."
Apparently unable to bear the not knowing a moment longer, Lottie flung open the back door and leapt into the parking lot, Kris scrambling to catch up. Thankfully, it was late, and there was no one here but the Heisenbergs and whatever staff had been unfortunate enough to be scheduled tonight. Karl killed the engine at last and swallowed.
It would be the first time he'd sat down in a restaurant in… maybe ever. He couldn't recall if Mutti had ever taken him out anywhere as a child or if she'd always fed him at home, and the miserable excuse for a tavern in the village certainly didn't count for anything. Even there he'd only ever shown up for a matter of minutes before scurrying off into the night, unwilling to endure the insult of having Miranda's flock fawn all over him when all he wanted to do was inhale a jug of whiskey and fall asleep at his desk.
It shouldn't have felt profound. And yet it was. He'd already chickened out twice before, opting instead to let his wife get take out and bring it home. He could not keep doing this - it was absurd, it was emasculating.
The summer night air was thick and humid as Karl stepped onto the asphalt, the distance between himself and the door seeming to stretch on forever like a blackened desert. Kris's silver curls bounced beneath the buzzing, fluorescent lights overhead as she chased Lottie into the building, unable to stop her before she marched straight up to the first person she saw to interrogate her about the structural integrity of a building made of breakfast food. Karl felt as though he was floating through a thick mud as he followed, eyes darting this way and that for any shadow that seemed out of place.
The interior was thankfully small; it reminded him a bit of the old diners he would see in pictures the Duke smuggled him, although it was a bit less… charming. The two cooks in the kitchen turned to gaze listlessly at him as the bell rang with his entrance, not unlike something out of a horror movie.
"Just the three of you? Right this way."
Karl didn't recall getting to the booth, only that at one moment he'd been scraping his boots on the welcome mat and the next he was crammed into a seat next to Lottie, the already barely holding on for dear life vinyl creaking with his every move. Kris gave him an easy smile from across the table, a move that slowed his heart to a steady but less furious thrum in his chest.
"Think of it as a step to better things." A phrase she'd used on him countless times ever since their escape; he hated that it was good advice. It made it harder to knee jerk react with annoyance. He rolled his shoulders before peeling open the suspiciously sticky menu that had been laid before him.
"Just don't want anyone… unsavory poking their nose around us is all."
"I know. But it's gonna be fine. They're always fast, and most importantly,"Kris said lowly, drawing her own menu closer to her face. "They ain't no snitches at the Waffle House. Even if someone were to ask questions, they won't tell."
Karl didn't want to know how or why she knew that, but he could do nothing but trust her. He was completely out of his element. Food. Focus on the food.
Dear lord… the food. He wasn't certain he would ever get used to the beautiful, terrible abominations found in even the most mundane seeming American restaurants. Where the village had been a land of scarcity, with something so simple as bread and butter being a luxury for many, here it seemed that there was absolutely nothing you could order that you couldn't load up with cheese and 14 lbs of condiments.
He loved it.
"Like I said, this is gonna be simultaneously the best and worst thing you put in your mouth," Kris said, already eyeing the pie case like a vulture peering down at roadkill. "It goes hard when you're hungover."
"Sounds like my kinda place," Karl conceded. Is that a plate of nothing but meat? Glorious.
"Papa."
Karl looked down at Lottie, a set of crayons that the waitress must have given her clutched in her fist with such ferocity he was shocked they hadn't snapped in half.
"Yes, baby doll?"
"What am I supposed to do here?" she pointed at a drawing on the activity mat before her, yet another gift he'd been too preoccupied to notice.
Brave, unbothered Butterfly. His instinct to protect her had only grown more ravenous now that they'd done the impossible and actually crawled out from beneath Miranda's heel. It was terrible, but now that he'd tasted freedom he was even more anxious to hold onto it; thus far there hadn't been so much as a whisper of the BSAA or that dickhead Redfield or anyone on their tail. Karl and Kris didn't know whether to be relieved or even more suspicious. It wasn't as though he didn't realize that even if they showed up he could decimate them without so much as a wave of his hand, but was it so awful to just crave normalcy?
…whatever that was. Maybe, at least for one night, he could give it a chance.
"It's a maze, bug," Kris chuckled when Karl didn't immediately respond before tapping her finger on the instructions. "You gotta get from one side out the other without getting caught in a dead end."
"But it's in the shape of a waffle," Karl pointed out.
"Yeah, babe, that's… that's the gimmick. Because it's Waffle House."
Karl's jaw tensed. "A maze made of waffle? You know how easy it'd be to escape from that? And where's the spike ceilings and the giant meat grinder?"
Lottie shook her head in agreement. "It's not a very good maze if there's no way to die."
"Fuck's sake…" Kris ran a hand through her hair, glancing at the waitress across the room to make sure she wasn't listening. "It's a kids' game… there's not supposed to be saw traps…"
"Here, gimme one of them crayons."
It had been a long time since Karl had needed to draw any schematics. Sure, he'd fixed up a couple cars and improved the front porch of the house, no matter what Kris said, but the mania that came with designing weaponry? It came to him like an long lost friend, slipped onto him like an old glove.
"Now... let's give this piece of shit some much needed improvements. Heisenberg style."
"What the fuck is Heisenberg style?" Kris teased. Karl ignored her after a brief flash of his tongue.
They hadn't been doodling long when a shadow fell over the table once more.
"Are we ready to order?" The waitress tapped her pen against the little clipboard she carried, nervously eyeing Lottie and Karl's project.
"That," Karl said, pointing to the Meat Plate and turning back to his task. "And whatever that freaky green ass soda is."
"Mountain Dew, sir?"
"Sure, whatever."
"Orange juice! And waffles with strawberries," Lottie said; after a look from Kris, she added, "please."
Kris ordered a black coffee and a BLT. Karl could have sworn there was also a hasty apology thrown in there - for what, he couldn't imagine. He quickly looked over his shoulder with a wide grin.
"By the way, you need to tell whoever's makin' these games that they gotta get more creative. My kid's extra smart like her old man, but still - there ain't even any kiddie murder mysteries on here…"
"KARL." Kris looked at him with a wild expression that fell somewhere between murderous and helpless exasperation. "S-sorry, my husband is uh. We just had a Halloween movie marathon and he's… worked up."
"…In August?" the waitress asked.
"…Yes."
Lottie and Karl worked together to upgrade the deeply pathetic waffle maze to the detriment of everything else on the paper. They argued back and forth about the logistics of inserting an anti aircraft turret to one of the walls before mutually agreeing that an aerial assault on a waffle maze was unlikely. The pair lost track of time entirely; Karl had no idea how long they'd been at it when Lottie suddenly frowned.
"What's the matter, Butterfly?"
"I don't know… it's missing something right here," Lottie tapped one of the few unscribbled areas. "We haven't added any rat soldats…"
"Soldaten," Karl corrected gently. "But you're right. How could we forget the most important part?"
"You can't put rats in there."
Kris's intrusion was as unexpected as it was sudden. Father and daughter gaped at her as though she'd grown an extra head.
"Well, it wouldn't make sense, would it?" she pointed out after a pause. "If the maze is made of waffle, you know from Pinky eating half the pantry that he'd just chew his way through the walls if he wanted. Can't have something that'll eat your maze in it. Gotta be something that won't be interested in a snack."
"Oh?" Karl teased. "Suddenly you wanna contribute to the master plan? Let's hear it then, cutie, what's your bright idea?"
Kris pinched her lips together, nostrils briefly flaring before she responded.
"Add a minotaur. Make it a proper labyrinth." After a quizzical look from Lottie, she smirked. "It's known that minotaurs hate waffles. Well established in Greek myth, trust me."
"Hell yes," Karl said, loudly enough to make the staff glance nervously in their direction. Their waitress appeared moments later, distributing their plates as quickly as possible so she could get as far away from them as corporate rules allowed.
"Enjoy," she announced cheerily before running off to the back. Karl was pretty sure she didn't mean it.
But this… this wasn't so bad, after all, was it? Karl couldn't stop himself from scanning the parking lot again, relieved to see that no one had joined them. It might be a long time before they ever were able to properly go somewhere without glancing over their shoulders - if ever - but Lottie's delight at the sight of the mountain of whipped cream before her was worth it. She'd even forgotten the meticulous plans they'd drawn that not sat beneath the plate.
Ain't no way she's gonna eat all that, he thought before swiping a strawberry and popping it in his mouth.
"HEY." Lottie's offense was palpable, her expression bordering on hilarious in its sincerity.
"Dad rules," Karl explained. "Gotta taste test for poisons. It's my job."
"You didn't test any of mama's food," Lottie pointed out.
"Yeah, 'cause I don't wanna get my hand bit off."
Kris flashed her too-sharp canines at him for a fraction of a second. Karl shuddered - though not out of fear.
"Erm. Cough. Anyway, a toast?" Karl raised his plastic cup of neon green liquid like it was a golden goblet at a feast of kings. "To the Heisenbergs' first restaurant experience. May there be many more."
Lottie raised her orange juice with a gap-toothed grin. Kris rolled her eyes in the way she always did when she was trying her damnedest to conceal amusement before her own mug joined them.
"And may we get banned from as few establishments as possible."
Crow, I have to tell you that your Heisenbergs Christmas fic yesterday made me dream about them. A literal dream. Here's what happened in it:
I was watching a terrible live action Resident Evil movie. They casted these two annoyingly conventionally attractive and young actors as Heisenberg and... Kris! "Heisenberg" wore a terrible grey wig.
So, Movie!Kris was trapped in the village but not yet living at the Heisenberg Factory. She only knew Karl as Lord Heisenberg, and as someone to be feared. But one day she had a dream about an unknown little girl who for some reason was incredibly important to her, and to Lord Heisenberg. It was so vivid and so full of laughter and tenderness that when Kris woke alone, she was heartsick and felt an acute echo of loss. So she set out to track down Lord Heisenberg and find out more about this girl.
...That's the dream! (My brain then moved on to other, much stupider things.) I have been grappling with residual angst and thought you ought to know about it. Maybe I'm officially crazy about Heisenberg/OCs now that they've invaded my sleep, but I'm also four years late to the Heisenhoe party, so, whatever💅
OHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDD
I'm obsessed with this. Kris straight up having her "Arwen in the forest having a vision of her son with Aragorn" moment. Doomed in every universe to be a good mom whether she likes it or not!!! Perhaps this will need to be explored further at some point...
Thank you for sharing. <3 I am so jealous tbh, I rarely get fandom-related dreams. Mostly just the "my teeth are falling out all at once" stress nightmares. Where is my magnetic scruffy bear man!!!!
Hello! Humbly suggesting Wolf House by Rabbitology as a Kris-coded song.
Maybe it is Kris reckoning with her Vârcolac form?🐺
kissing u and ur beautiful brain
The "silver-necklace-filled intestines" line goes hard. I imagine vârcolac (since they aren't really werewolves in the traditional sense) aren't killed any easier by silver. Mama werewolf is out here devouring her would be killers and she is not sorry. Karl is cheering her on with one of those giant foam fingers in the background.
Also HELLO I love indie/folk, quickly adding this band to my "to listen" list.
Saw your tag on the Captain Barbossa post - yes, I saw Dead Man's Chest in theaters and multiple people screamed when we saw him! Including myself. It's one of those "I was there" memories. SUCH an amazing reveal.
My high school's mascot was the Pirates and so every overnight school event (like Relay for Life) they would open the auditorium and play those movies (1-3, since that's all that was out before I graduated) and my ass was always the only one in there all night watching them for the 2048892342934th time lmao.
Here is my fun Barbossa fact: if you read the accompanying "The Price of Freedom" novel, you learn that Barbossa had a pet monkey prior to Jack! Her name was Polly and presumably he dressed her in little outfits too but she drowned when his ship, The Cobra, sank. :( (The book is like... weirdly good for a movie based piece? I actually strongly recommend it.)
I will admit that the OG trilogy has an issue with people Not Staying Dead which is a bit frustrating but a) Will was done really well and b) they ALMOST did something really cool given that Hector was alluded to only be alive at Tia Dalma's behest and if he fucked up freeing her he was toast, but they didn't get creepy and weird enough with it. Oh well. He's horrible and hilarious and I will never ever be mad that they brought him back, esp. because it gave us the iconic "Isla de Muerta, remember? You shot me." ":) No I didn't." interaction.
PotC 1 is still one of my top 3 movies ever. Barbossa was my original old man and will always have a special place in my heart for him; the odds of me one day posting adult fic for him (there's some stuff out there from when I was a teenager that I hope never surfaces) are small given my current schedule and devotion to Stink Magneto. But they're never zero.
5. what's your favourite piece of furniture and where did you get it?
I don't have a picture on me but probably my dining room table! It was given to me by our next door neighbors when we moved in because they were moving out at the same time, haha. It's like counter/bar height, dark wood, and has a lazy susan built into the middle, and then storage and two wine racks below. It probably cost A Lot of money and I have no idea where it came from but it's cool as hell.
13. what are your hobbies?
So I obviously love to write - you all are aware of this lol. I also crochet, needle felt, embroider, build models from kits, do stained glass, currently taking a pottery class, draw (BADLY), and of course play a metric shitton of video games. I don't particularly marry myself to one genre; I'll try anything that sounds intriguing. Currently balls deep in Palia and planning on finally playing the new Katamari game once I free up some time.
14. what's a hobby you'd like to get into?
I'd like to actually devote time to getting better at drawing for real instead of doodling shitposts. As you can tell I may have Too Many Interests disease, though, so it would require taking time from something else and the thought is terrifying. T_T
25. would you rather own a dishwasher or a laundry machine if you could only have one or the other?
DISHWASHER!!!! I am one of those people where if cold/wet/chewed food touches me in any way shape or form as I'm moving used dishes I will shrivel up like a raisin and perish. I would much rather have to take laundry somewhere/hand wash it and leave it out to dry. EUGH.
26. do you make a list before going to the grocery store or just wing it?
So, I sort of cheat and do both. If there's something I need 100% (like toothpaste or dog food) I'll write it down, but as for the weekly meals and snacks? That is "fuck it, we'll do it live" territory all the way. Keeps life interesting lol.
Aging Tumblr Population Asks
Thank you Lotus! :) <3
B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.
Donnaberg. Really, Karl/any of the other lords or Alcina's daughters. Any of the Lords together in any combination!
There was... frankly insane discourse when the fandom was new about shipping the Lords together. Like, unhinged "you must support incest IRL" type comments, doxxing, etc. I certainly am not about to tell people they have to like something, and I get that people have very real trauma around cult settings, but the entire drama storm around it turned me off so bad to the very concept that I just stopped engaging with the idea before I even really started. And when I read some fics that implied any sexual/romantic relationship between Karl/The Dimidaughters/Alcina/Donna/etc. I just kind of tuned out because people had left a bad taste in my mouth about it and I didn't want to invite any of that drama into my life. And because I'm vaguely still haunted by how ridiculous things were back then, I need to emphasize: I am not saying that certain subjects shouldn't be handled with care, but it also isn't right to automatically assume everyone who engages with a particular fandom ship/idea must inherently be brain dead just because they aren't essayposting about it or something.
But! Now that the fandom has "died" significantly and more rational minds prevail (although make no mistake, those people who want to win internet points and feel morally and intellectually superior to everyone are still around) I really, really have enjoyed a lot of art and fic exploring the potential relationships as more than "siblings," however you interpret that in the context of the story. Yes, even Karl/Alcina (I HC her as a lesbian but I am too old and have too many real problems to give a shit about what people like) and Karl/Donna in particular is just. Ooogh. My heart. I know the Karl x Plant Based Wife trope is very popular but it works, okay!!!! Angie calling him dad would be extremely funny and that's all it takes for me to get behind a headcanon!
Anyway, all this to say I am really not a shipper! I much prefer x reader and x OC, but canon x canon is generally not my thing most of the time. Which I know is weird, but it's how I've always been! So for me to actually like something like that is a big deal.
P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).
Okay hear me out. I have always liked the idea of an RE8 au post-canon where reader/OC/whoever is sort of "haunted" by the "dead" lords. Because we know they're alive in the mold hive mind or whatever, and of course we all cling to the Duke's shifty comments about feeling their "essence" or whatever, so like. Imagine them being able to sort of manifest to the main character and oh no what's this, there's a sexual/romantic tension developing but they can't actually touch each other until MC finds a way to extract them back into the real world!
Just. Imagine Karl, specifically, and how obnoxious he'd be as a "ghost" boyfriend. You're in the shower and you see him reflected in the mirror like a damn perv and you holler, then he just *poofs* out of existence and claims that you're seeing things when you bring it up next time.
W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.
High school AU. Oh my lord. Legitimately no hate to anyone who likes it, but I dunno about others but high school was one of the most tumultuous, confusing times in my life and I have no desire to go back there in any way, shape or form. I get it - it's probably popular amongst folks who are themselves younger or with people who had a good experience and/or find it helps them cope with their experience to play around in that AU. I love that for them. But if you tell me you've de-aged my faves to teenagers and wrote about them enduring the epic highs and lows of high school football, you are going to have to have a very good reason why I should do anything other than give you a thumbs up and a pat on the back.
X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.
I could be very obvious here and say "disheveled/sad/grouchy man literally or figuratively becomes a parent to a feral daughter" which is absolutely true lmao but I'm going to throw a curveball: ambiguous ending.
It could be a personal pet peeve for stories that yell what you're "supposed" to be thinking at you with zero nuance. It could be that I feel like ambiguity sometimes, ironically, gives me a sense of control. I dunno! What I do know is it's not clear what happened at the end of Black Sails, for example, and it's haunted me for over a decade. I love being able to come up with my own ending, then convincing myself that's not what happened, actually, and starting over. Endless hamster wheel for my brain.
