Can I pls have "You give me butterflies" + Lu Fox?
Butterflies
Pairing: Lu Fox x f!reader
Word Count: 1700+
Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!
Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.
Notes: Sorry this took a bit to get to! Life happened and I got pulled away from writing for a bit. I love that you asked for Lu - he's not a commonly written for character. I hope you like it! Also this isn't beta'd - just yeeted!
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Main Masterlist
Lu Fox Masterlist
Growing up in a small town on the west side of Australia meant that I knew pretty much everyone in town.
It's also a fishing town, which means everyone is obsessed with fishing. Which gets pretty old pretty quick.
I met Lu in 3rd grade and was instantly drawn to him. He was different, had a tight family, and didn't seen to give 2 fucks about fish. The other kids only seemed to tolerate him, so naturally I made it my mission to be his friend, whether he wanted one or not.
We were close, but as we grew, my parents wanted me to keep my distance from "That Fox boy". Saying he wasn't from a good fishing family and that he and his musician family ways would only lead to heartbreak. I reminded them that they knew Lu, but that didn't stop them from criticizing every move he made, even going to far as to try and set me up on dates with boys from some of the bugger fishing families, grounding me when I'd refuse to go out with them.
Lu also changed once we started to grow up. He spent less time with me, saying he was working on his music. But I think my parents spoke to him and told him to keep his distance. And Lu being Lu, he listened so as to protect me. As if I gave a shit about my reputation in this town.
Thing is, when Lu started to distance himself, it really hurt me. I figured it was from losing my best friend, but it wasn't until years later that I realized the fluttering feeling in my stomach that all of a sudden appeared one day when I was talking to him didn't mean I was sick.
I was in love.
Which made his loss of friendship more difficult on me. I mean I did fine in school, went out to college, got some sort of degree that is virtually useless only to move back to the small town I had found so oppressive.
I was back about a month, thankfully finding a small studio to rent in town over the grocery store, when I decided to head into the local bar. After the shit that happened at school and having to move back here, I could definitely use a drink.
Sitting at the bar, I place my order, scanning the room while I wait. A small group of girls, well women my age, were sitting at a booth. One of them spotted me and I recognized Stacy, one of the queen bitches from high school. She smiles large at me and scoots out of her booth, making her way around the small crowd of people.
"Mouse? Is that really you?"
Mouse was the nickname they had given me in school when I turned into myself and stopped talking so much.
No way to escape her so I give in, ready to get this interaction over with.
"It's me."
She laughs and claps her hands together. "I knew it! I told them it was you but they didn't believe me!"
"Good for you."
She sneers at me and I just want to slap her. "Listen, it's not my fault you flopped at school and came back here-"
My head snaps up at that. Is that the rumor going around? "I didn't flop. I have the degree. I just…" I taper off. I don't have to explain shit to her.
She smirks. "Whatever you need to say, Mouse. I'll see you around I'm sure."
I don't like her tone but she promptly turns on her heel and nearly runs back to her table, no doubt informing her friends of how far I've fallen.
I turn back to the bar, my drink being set in front of me and I take a sip, the liquid warming me as I swallow, fanning out into my muscles and relaxing me. Slightly.
I hear a guitar tuning from the tiny stage I had made note of when I came in. Live music can go one of two ways, and I'm hoping it's the good one.
A woman's voice comes on the microphone, saying the band name but I'm not paying attention, too interested in the drink in front of me.
And then, I hear him. A background vocal in the band that had started playing, he's singing.
Lu.
I whip around, nearly falling off the barstool, eyes scanning the room for the stage and looking for him.
There he is, arm muscles nearly bulging out from under the button up shirt he has on. He's tan, his blonde hair brushing down against his eyes and he jerks his head back a few times to move it from his face.
He's still beautiful after all these years.
The crush I had on him comes roaring back to life, making me feel warm and bashful like a damn school girl all over again. I never thought I'd see him, assuming he'd skipped town the moment he could. I never dreamed he was still here.
I watch him from my seat at the bar for a bit, getting lost in his voice as I had so many years ago.
After a few songs, some people at a table in front of the stage get up and leave so I decide to move closer, temporarily emboldened by the alcohol that's making me feel warm. He doesn't see me as they get set for the next song, but about halfway through, his bright blue eyes land on mine, recognition and shock fanning across his face and he stumbles on his part before regaining his composure.
He's beautiful. I really hope he knows that. I hope he has someone to tell him, although I'd be a big liar if I said that thought didn't make me a little jealous too.
The set ends and they start packing up. I recognize the other man in the band as Lu's brother. The woman must be his wife or girlfriend, something close judging by the way they touch each other.
Lu is trying to pack up his guitar but he keeps fumbling with the case, the latches not opening as he pulls at them.
"Shit," he whispers as he starts to yank on them.
"Need some help?" I ask, quietly walking up beside him.
The case latches pop open and Lu lets out a nervous chuckle. "Hey Mouse! Haven't seen you in a while."
I don't mind when he calls me Mouse. It's endearing and the way he says it makes me melt.
"A really long while."
He starts to put his guitar away, closing the latches. "I figured you'd be in Sydney with some fancy job by now."
I shrug. "Not in the cards for me I guess."
He grabs his case off the table and turns to me. "What happened?"
"Well… I got the degree but didn't want to use it, so-" I gesture around "- I'm back here."
"Slumming with us locals, huh?"
"Not if I stick with the right people."
"Like those girls?" He nods his head in the direction of the table of girls I knew in high school.
"Oh yeah. We're great friends."
Lu chuckles and a silence falls between us. It had been years since I really saw him and even then, our last official conversation was him saying he couldn't hang out with me anymore because of my reputation. Or whatever my parents told him to say.
"Well…I don't want to hold you up, Mouse. It's good to see you."
"Yeah you too."
He gives me a small smile and walks out the back door, guitar case in hand, leaving me standing there, a sadness dropping over me at his loss. I turn to head back to the bar and make it about halfway before I say "fuck it" and head out the back door that Lu had taken.
He's by a truck, just closing the passenger door when I get close enough.
"Hey, Lu! Wait up!"
He slams the door and drops his keys, blush creeping up his cheeks as he rights himself, keys dangling from his fingers.
"What's up, Mouse?"
I glance down at the keys in his hand. "You ok with those keys?"
He mumbles something about tired fingers from playing but I don't buy it.
"Did…did you…" now that I'm standing in front of him, I can't say it. I can't ask him if he wants to be friends again, or more. I get so nervous just being around him, like I was in high school before our split.
We both stand there, Lu dropping his keys one more time while the tension between us builds. It was there all those years ago and it apparently hasn't changed despite our time apart. Lu drops the keys again, swearing under his breath. I take another step towards him, stomach in nervous knots as he looks at me.
We both move at the same time, closing the last bit of distance between us, lips meeting and kiss deepening, his tongue sliding into my mouth as he cradles my head in his hands, keys dropping to the ground once more. I pause the kiss to giggle at the keys.
"You really can't hold onto those keys, can you?"
Lu pulls back just enough to look at me, tucking hair behind my ear. "What can I say? You give me butterflies. I can't help it. You always have."
"Then why leave me?"
He's silent a moment. "Your parents said I'd ruin your life and I was young and stupid. I wanted to keep you safe."
I kiss him this time, fingers winding into his hair before he spins me, pushing my back into the truck door.
"Why did you come back?"
I'd be lying if I said it was because I didn't know what yo do with my life. It was for him. To see if anything could be rekindled. I never got over him and I knew I never would unless I tried.
"For you, Lu."
He smiles against my lips as he kisses me gently, fingers brushing my cheeks as we held onto each other and made up for lost time.
All I can think of right now is Lu Fox meeting an eccentric writer who's just the oddest person he's ever meant and always seems to make him laugh or smile. They both end up helping each other (the reader helping pull Lu from the edge and Lu helping the reader voice their ideas and get their book written) and maybe falling for each other along the way. Who knows? Just an idea. Also, Garrett Hedlund is very attractive.
I'm Here
Pairing: Lu Fox x f!reader
Word Count: 5500+
Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!
Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.
Notes: Anon, I’m so sorry this took so long! I hope it’s what you were looking for. And you are correct - Garrett Hedlund is very attractive. I hope you follow him on Instagram if you need further proof.
**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!
Main Masterlist
Lu Fox Masterlist
“Oh fuck this!” I shout, as I shove the computer away from me. Not enough to break it but enough to let out a little of the frustration I have with not being able to write anything.
Not a single word.
My friend’s husband had inherited a home in the middle of nowhere Australia, some small fishing town on the west coast. He had convinced me that what I needed to finish writing this God-forsaken novel was a change of scenery, set away from the city. Since nothing else was helping, and I would be able to stay in the house free of charge, I figured why not?
I arrived 2 weeks ago and have written exactly 23 words. And that was my name with a series of expletives after it.
I’m putting too much pressure on myself, I know it. It’s just that I’ve been trying to write this thing for what feels like my entire life and I know people are waiting for me to just get it out already.
That’s the problem with imposter syndrome when it teams up with your crippling perfectionism.
I know this place has beach access, having briefly seen it in the distance when I hauled my suitcases inside. Changing into my bathing suit with a simple tank top and shorts, I pulled on some shoes and headed outside, pausing only to grab my sun hat and to make sure my phone was in my pocket.
It took me a few minutes to find it, but the little “private” beach was there, white sands and beach grass swaying slightly in the wind coming off the water. I walk close to where the surf comes up on the sand, tossing down my beach towel that I had remembered at the very last second, sprinting back to the house to grab it.
I settle down on it, taking in the view briefly before pulling out my phone. Flipping to the voice recorder app, I make sure it’s working before simply holding it in my hand, eyes turning back to the beautiful water view. Several minutes pass before I finally put the phone to my face, holding it close to my mouth.
“Day…I don’t even know. Same story. Should the main character go off on some quest to find herself? No that’s too cliche. What if they return the stone but it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to?”
Groaning, I stop the recording and hold the phone away from my mouth for a brief moment before speaking into it again.
“Or maybe they would tell everyone to shove it in their asses and leave them the fuck alone.”
“Sounds like a cheerful story.”
A deep voice speaks from slightly behind me and to my right and I jump, brandishing my phone like a weapon at the intruder. He’s tall, about 6’3 or so, sandy blonde hair that comes down to about his eyes, his annoyingly bright blue eyes. He’s tan but not overly so, has some muscle to him and I can see the swell of a small stomach beneath his nearly form fitted white t-shirt, paired with a simple pair of shorts and…are those flip flops?
“Who the fuck are you?”
He’s put his hands up in a surrender position, trying to show he means no harm. At least that’s the vibe he gives off.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“I’m the fuck who’s private property this is.”
He tries to hide a chuckle at my choice of words, but I wave the phone at him in what I hope is a menacing way and he at least tries his best to choke back the laugh.
“You’re staying at the old Allen house?”
Shit. I didn’t think this through and now he knows where I live. Not that I’d kick him out of bed. Not the point.
“Does it matter?”
He doesn’t answer me right away. Instead I see his eyes rake over me, but more in an assessing manner than being attracted to me, and it wasn’t threatening.
“It hasn’t been lived in for a while. Everything still work or you taking cold showers?”
“They keep me clear headed.”
He laughs now, his teeth on full display as he lights up the entire area with his smile, shoulders bouncing slightly with his laughter.
“It’s gotta be freezing.”
“I’ve survived worse.”
“I’m sure you have.”
“Why are you on my beach?”
His laughter fades but the smile lingers slightly, but only slightly. “I uh…I go fishing sometimes and my truck is parked just over that sandhill.” He gestures behind him towards a sand bank.
“Aren’t there docks you could park at?”
His eyes suddenly don’t meet mine and it clicks - he’s not supposed to be fishing whatever it is that he fishes. I know the people in this town are weird about their fishing spots so I’m not surprised.
“I like the fish on this side.”
I put my arm down, deciding that he wasn’t a threat. “Or you’re not supposed to be fishing here.”
The smile is gone and the light that had been in his eyes fades. “Used to be we could fish wherever. But then they went and made you get a license. Little piece of paper that says you could do what everyone’s been doing since the beginning of fishing.”
I nod. “So…get a license?”
He chuckles, but there’s no laughter in it. “I tried, but they wouldn’t let me.”
“What? Why not?”
He studies me again befire speaking. “Does it bother you that I use the beach?”
“Should it?”
“It should if you intend on making friends here.”
“With these people? Pssht. They don’t want to be my friend. I’m an outsider. And an American at that, no matter how I try to assimilate.”
“Yeah, they don’t care for me either.”
“And why’s that?”
He sticks his hand out. “Name’s Lu. Lu Fox.”
I shake his hand and give him my name. “But everyone calls me Jane.”
“Jane?”
“Yeah. I’m a writer and was always a big reader. First big book I ever read was Pride and Prejudice and I was sort of obsessed. Wrote my own stories about it. The nickname stuck.”
“Oh that’s why you were talking into your phone. Makes sense. You writing out here?”
I laugh darkly. “I’m trying to. Writer’s block is a bitch.”
“Might help if you could take a nice shower instead of a cold one.”
I chuckle again. “Well…you may have a point there, Lu.”
His blue eyes are like the water behind him and he looks at me again, as if he’s finally fully judged me. Or seen me.
“Well…it was nice to mee you, Jane.” He turns to head back over the bank, his broad shoulders flexing slightly as he runs his fingers through his hair. He disappears and my beach feels a little more empty without him here.
I head back inside and write the most I’ve written in a very long time.
—----
I don’t see him again for a couple of weeks, but then again, he could be hiding from me. Or whomever told him he’s not allowed to fish.
God I wish he’d come back. Not just because I find myself suddenly able to write when being around him, but his presence just…I’m not sure. There’s also this layer of sadness and guilt to him, hiding just behind those baby blue eyes. It’s fascinating, from a human study perspective. Although I’m sure he wouldn’t want to hear about that.
Sitting on a towel on the beach is getting old so I explore more of the house. Opening a small shed outside, I find some old patio furniture, a small table with an umbrella and a couple of chairs. They’re a little banged up and dirty, but a quick inspection and cleaning tells me that I won’t fall through the chairs. At least not yet.
I bring both of the chairs to the beach, intending to use the other one to rest my feet on. Or to offer to Lu if he happens by. The table, however, is the bane of my current existence. It’s heavy as fuck and my arms are straining with the effort of pulling the damn thing towards the beach. Once I hit the sand, it all but gives up, the groaning of the metal mocking me.
“Need a hand?”
I jump, not realizing anyone was there let alone watching me.
“You gotta stop sneaking up on me, Lu.”
He smirkls. “Next time, I’ll just watch you suffer then.”
I roll my eyes but I can’t hide the small smile that creeps up. “Next time?”
He blushes, pink cheeks radiating out from his beautifully tanned skin. “I..uh…d-do you need help?”
I watch him for a moment, deciding now wasn’t the time to push the topic. “Fuck, yes please. This table has it out for me, I swear.”
He grabs one side of the table and I grab the other. Together, we manage to get it by the chairs, Lu sinking it slightly into the ground to help stabilize it. After, I gesture towards the second chair.
“Have a seat? I can go grab us some drinks.”
It’s my turn to be analyzed, and he does it well. I feel like I’m being judged, but not in a harsh way. More like someone trying to figure out any hidden agenda.
“Sure. I got a few minutes.”
I head back inside and make up a quick tray of small snacks, sandwiches, and drinks, heading back out and placing it on the table. A small bowl containing food for his dog is placed on the ground, with an additional bowl for water and the dog looks extremely grateful as he chows down.
“So what made you drag all of this down here?”
I shrug. “There was too much crap in storage. And I was getting tired of sand in my lady bits.”
He laughs but it almost looks like his body isn’t familiar with the action, shoulders tensing with the unnatural release.
“You’ve got a point there.”
“I don’t want anything in me that I didn’t invite to come inside.”
The words leave my mouth before I realize the double meaning. I take a quick drink, trying to see him out the corner of my eye, hoping he didn’t read too much into it.
No such luck.
“Invited in, huh?”
Ok, trying to play it cool here. I wave my hand as I swallow my sip. “Sand? Not invited. You? Open invitation.”
What the fuck did I just say?
Apparently I’ve left my mouth under the control of someone else but now they’ve turned control back over to me after saying basically, “you can fuck me whenever you want.”
Lu chokes on his drink as the words leave my mouth, coughing and sputtering, but also holding back a smile as he regains his composure.
Before he can say anything I stand, knowing my cheeks are burning and my confidence in myself has been swept away into the water. I almost start to run, anything to get away from the situation that I have opened myself to. I mean, I would never say no to that situation coming up but…that’s so not the point.
I make it to the screen door, pulling it open and letting it slam behind me as I walk the 2 steps to the main door, fumbling with the handle. Suddenly, I feel him, standing on the outside of the screen, hesitant to open it to make me feel obligated to something, but wanting me to know it’s ok, that I didn’t just embarrass the hell out of myself and that he’s ok with moving on. It’s almost as if he enjoys his time with me too, despite how limited it’s been. Why else would he put up with me?
I turn, slowly, bracing myself to meet those piercing blue eyes that can actually see me. And when I do, I can’t stop myself.
I open the screen door, staring up at him as he looks down at me, his eyes flicking between mine, trying to read my intentions, letting me know nothing has to happen. Ever. He’s content with just being around me. But one thing’s for sure - he’s leaving it all up to me.
Gently, I take his hand and pull him inside, the screen door slamming closed behind him. He’s still watching me, his eyes studying my entire body for cues, not wanting to push. But there’s a growing intensity there, a need, a desire that he’s trying to push down in case nothing happens.
But I need his consent too. And silently I receive it with a quick raise of my eyebrows and a small nod from him.
I have to stand on my toes to meet his lips, which are surprisingly soft and gentle against my anxiety bitten ones. His hands find my hips and lightly settle there, a soft grip on them as he pulls me closer to him. His tongue licks lightly at my lips, still asking for the permission I have already granted him, not wanting to overstep. My tongue darts out to meet his and I feel his fingers tighten on my hips, his body trying to close any space between us.
I take a step back, my fingers finding his belt loop and pulling him along with me. He gets the hint and moves me forwards, pushing my ass into the door behind me as he deepens his kiss. I shift my leg up his thigh and he swings his arm around it, pushing it up higher to loop over his own hip as he lightly grinds into me. Breaking the kiss, I whine into the humid air, Lu taking full advantage of my exposed neck to kiss and bite me there, groaning when my fingers find his hair at the back of his neck, tugging slightly.
Then the tension pops.
He slides his hand up my leg, feeling for the ties at the hips of my bathing suit, quickly undoing them and letting it drop to the floor. My hands fumble at his shorts, but I manage to pop the button open and slide them down just enough for him to spring free, dick lightly slapping against my wet cunt.
He grips the back of my other thigh and pulls it up around his other hip, helping me to straddle him as he pushes my back into the door. One arm wrapped around his broad shoulders, I use the other to grip him, lining him up as he slides me down onto him, both of us moaning out as he inches his way inside me, stretching me in the best way possible. Our mouths are still attached, open and breathing into the other as he pulls out and pushes back in, setting a pace that has him hitting some spot at the very back of me, stars erupting in my vision as I come, crying out his name as he prolongs my release. A few more hard thrusts from him and he moans into my shoulder, coming hard as his hips sputter, trying to fill every corner of me.
We stay like that for a few minutes, just breathing heavily and feeling the other. He quietly slips from me, placing my feet back on the floor before gripping my hips and pulling me to him again, kissing me deeply against the door.
It’s now that I realize the groan isn’t coming from me or him, but from behind me.
Lu must relize this too as he pulls me off the door and to him, just as the door takes one last creak and falls backwards into the house, the bottom hinge attempting to hang on, the top half of the door slamming loudly on the wood floor.
“I can fix that.”
I look at Lu and we both start to laugh, his smile just barely reaching his eyes as it stretches across his face, lighting up the porch.
“I’ll hold you to that, Lu.”
—-----
True to his word, Lu repairs the front door that day, taking some additional time to see what else needed repairs. I’m not sure how much of a handyman he is, but I decide I don’t really care because that next day he fixes my hot water heater and I can finally take a hot shower again.
Lu takes his time fixing up my place. I assumed it was just for the amazing sex, but when I ask him, he says he likes hearing me mutter to myself about my book because nothing ever seems related as i only verbalize less than half of what I'm actually thinking. He likes watching the process.
I’m just glad there’s an actual process to observe.
Lu’s presence inspires me and I find myself able to write more and more with every passing day. It’s not that he’s in my book, but more that he somehow gives me the confidence I need to actually write something that’s not entirely shit.
I wish I could do something similar for him. The sadness in him is still very much there, always present in his eyes and hunched over posture, like it’s literally weighing him down. I don’t dare ask him outright, not wanting to intentionally hurt him.
—----
The townspeople are talking now. Before, they’d mostly ignore me, maybe giving me a rolled eye here and there, but mostly just smiling long enough to take my money. But now, it’s like they’ve all taken an interest, telling me I need to “Stay away from that Fox boy” because he’s bad news. But when I ask how, no one can really give me an answer. They glance around and say something about “Buckridge”. I’m pretty sure that’s the top fisherman around here and he’s some sort of local celeb.
Like I give an actual fuck.
—----
A few months after my arrival, I’m sitting on my back porch towards evening, sipping on some homemade lemonade I’d managed to perfect, gazing out over the sand banks towards the beach. Lu was off fishing or doing whatever it is he does to make money, which always gives me time to sit and think without the presence of another human or animal. I thought I’d hate living so far from a city, but it’s growing on me.
Or at least a certain someone is.
I hear rustling in the brush near my house and it sounds big. I know Australia has some very unique animals, but I’ve been here a while and I’ve never heard anything this big. I still my movements, thankful I’d been sitting out here a while for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Those movements are definitely not an animal. They sound like a person. Is someone from town lurking around my house?
Silently, I reach for the baseball bat Lu had placed next to my front door a few weeks ago in case I needed to look larger to local wildlife. I never thought I’d have to use it on a person.
Just then, a body falls out from the brush, hitting the dirt with a pathetic “oomph”, barely moving after the fall. I grab my flashlight and shine it towards the person.
“Lu!”
I dart out of the porch door, full out running towards him, dropping the bat to his side where I also lay the flashlight down, touching his shoulder to get him to turn. He jerks back, unsure of who I am.
“It’s me. It’s Jane. You’re at my place.”
This seems to calm him down, his eyes finally able to actually see me and take me in.
“Jane?”
I hate how forced his voice is, hate the violent cough that follows. I coax him to stand, having him lean on me as we shuffle to the house. I manage to get him inside the porch on the patio couch. He stretches out, taking some sharp breaths and groans as he grips at various parts of his body.
“Let me look at you. Ssshh it’s ok. You’re gonna be ok.”
He’s already shirtless, cuts and scrapes and bruises adorn his torso, matching his face. His shorts are torn in places and I realize now that he doesn’t have on any shoes. His feet have major blisters on them, as if he’d been walking barefoot for a while.
“Let me call an ambulance-”
“No.”
It’s quiet, and choked out, but it’s a strong reply regardless.
“Lu, I don’t know if you’re bleeding internally or something is broken, I-”
“No hospitals. Nothing broken.”
I’m not going to win this one, so I make do with what I can.
“Well if you get worse, you’re going. No fighting. Now, I’m going to grab the first aid kit, hold on.”
Sprinting inside, I grab a small first aid kit that I’d stocked up when I got here, fully knowing my own clumsiness would require me to have a good supply of ointments and bandages. I also grab a bowl and fill it with warm water and toss in a clean rag. I set the bowl gently down on the floor next to Lu, taking the cloth and wringing it out.
“I’m going to clean you up a bit but we need to get you in a bath. Ok?”
“Mmm.”
Gently, I dab at all of the cuts, taking note of the ones that looked deeper and the bruises he winced over. It’s obvious he’s exhausted, his muscles probably on fire from doing whatever he needed to to survive. I get him as clean as I can before tossing the rag in the bowl. I take his hand carefully and give it a light squeeze, waiting for him to turn to me. He does but he keeps his eyes closed.
“We have to get you in the bath, Lu.”
He groans but nods, knowing he’s going to have to endure some amount of pain. I help him up and he nearly falls on me. Luckily, I have my feet planted and am able to support a little more of him as I guide him inside and down the hall, grateful for the giant soaking tub in the bathroom not too far from the front door. He sits on the closed toilet seat as I pour the water, making sure it’s a nice warm temperature before turning to him.
“Let me help.”
He nods and attempts to stand, but I place a hand on his shoulder.
“Just lift your hips when I say, yeah?”
He nods again, waiting as I undo his shorts and pull them and his boxers open. He lifts his hips so I can slide them down and off his legs, tossing them by the bathroom door. He pulls himself up and I help him in the tub, listening to his whimpers and groans as his body aches and screams out at him.
Finally, he’s seated in the tub and I can clearly see all of him. He’s got more cuts and scrapes than I saw before, bruises springing up almost before my eyes. His feet are more of a mess than I anticipated and I know he’ll be out a few days recovering. I grab a washcloth and some soap and get to work, gently scrubbing away the dirt and grime from his skin and the saltwater from his hair.
“It was some of Buckridge’s men.”
There’s that name again.
“What?”
“Was out fishing and I saw 2 boats heading my way. I looked in the binoculars and saw them. Buckridge’s men heading straight for me. I tossed my shirt and dove in, swimming far and deep. They destroyed my boat.”
Anger courses through me at this. “They could’ve killed you, Lu.”
“I don’t think they’d have minded if they did.”
Silence for a few minutes before he speaks again.
“I wound up on shore but a lot farther out from where I started. No boat. They probably got my truck. But I knew you weren’t too far. Or I thought you weren’t too far-”
“Wait. You swam for miles, then walked here?”
“Mmm. Had to take the brush in case they found me on the road.”
“Fuck, Lu. We gotta go to the police-”
“No. It won’t help anyway.”
“Lu, this was attempted murder! They could’ve-”
“Wouldn’t be anything I didn’t deserve.”
It was so quiet, nearly whispered, and I almost missed it.
“You don’t deserve any of this.”
“You don’t know what I’ve done.”
“Is it why you’re always so sad?”
He doesn’t say anything, but the tears building in his eyes confirms his answer. I don’t say anything, quietly washing his hair and the rest of him before helping him out of the tub and to my bedroom, helping him to laydown after I dried him off. I get him under the blankets, propped up slightly on some pillows.
“You need water.”
I get him a glass of water and grab some extra bottles along with a light snack and bring it to my room. Setting everything on the table, I help him sit up slightly to take some sips of water before he lays back, groaning into the pillows. I go to stand up but he places his hand on my thigh, silently asking for me to remain seated at his side.
“She died. And it was my fault.”
“Who?”
“Bird.”
Then he tells me everything. How he used to be a singer and played in a small folk band with his brother and his brother's wife and their daughter Bird. There had been an argument between his brother and his wife one night after a show, his brother getting in a physical fight with Jim Buckridge himself. Bird was allowed to attend that show, so she and Lu sat in the backseat, the silence between the two adults in the front seat thick with tension and accusations of infidelity. His brother tried to put on music but she yanked the tape from the deck.
Suddenly, there were honks and bright lights coming from behind them and his brother sped up. Lu tried to get him to stop but he wouldn’t. Before Lu could get Bird’s seatbelt on, the car flipped and he blacked out. When he woke, he realized he’d been thrown from the car, which was now laying on it’s roof. He found his brother and his wife in the car, upside down and already gone. That’s when he saw Bird, thrown several feet away from the car. He had stumbled towards her, promising her to get help. Help eventually came, Bird having to be hooked up to several monitors. Many doctors repeating the same thing, about how she was physically here but she would never wake and how he needed to decide whether to pull the plug or not. Eventually, he did, but instead of feeling like he let her move on to the next life, regret came pouring into him.
“It’s my fault. My fault she’s…she’s…”
He sobs, turning his head into the pillow as years of regret and anger towards himself flow out. Without thinking, I slide under the covers near him, pulling his face to my chest while cradling his head and lightly rubbing his back with my free hand. I let him cry, wailing into the night for the guilt he thinks he deserves for several minutes before I start to hum, some mindless tune. Eventually his shoulders stop shaking and his breathing levels out and I pull him just a little closer.
“It’s not your fault, Lu.”
“I pulled the plug. If I didn’t, maybe she’d…”
“No, Lu. She was only there because of the assholes in the other car.”
“If I could only have gotten help sooner-”
“Look at me.”
He turns his head, looking up at me with eyes red and puffy with tears.
“You did absolutely everything you could do. You took care of her as best as you could. Better than anyone else, I would say. Pulling the plug…that was a selfless act and you allowed her to move on. Death is hardest on those who remain behind. But you can’t live your life with the what-if’s. And I’m sure if Bird were here now, she’d tell you that exact same thing. The only one who has to believe it, is you.”
Silent tears well at the corners of his shining blue eyes, and he nods, slowly.
“When they came after me today, part of me thought I should just lay down in the boat. Let them take me. But….but then I saw her. I saw Bird. She basically told me it was time to move and I realized I didn’t want to die. So I swam. And swam and swam, all the while hearing her. And when I got to shore, all I could think about was getting to you. I think she’d have liked you.”
A sigh of relief leaves his mouth, his entire body relaxing from it and I realize he’s falling asleep. I let him hold onto me for a while before I quietly leave the room, cleaning up the porch and making sure I have food lined up for breakfast.
—----
I know he’ll be sore this morning. How could you not be after swimming that far and then walking even farther? I make a light breakfast for him, not wanting to overload him with food, and arrange it on a tray with some juice, water, and painkillers, heading to my room. He blinks awake when I enter, a small smile appearing when he takes me in.
“You brought me breakfast?”
“It’s nothing big. But if you want more, just say so and I’ll whip something else up.”
Setting the tray on the side table, I help prop him up, setting the tray on his lap once he’s comfortable.
“You gonna sit here too?”
“I don’t want to impose.”
He gives me a look. “Sit.”
I perch myself on the side of the bed, picking the skin on my fingers.
“Jane?”
“I finished it.”
He sets his fork down and looks at me. “You finished?”
I nod. “Yup. Last night. I couldn’t sleep and got inspired to write. And…I finished. I mean, I’ll have to get it edited and such but-”
“Can I read it?”
I know my face is hot again. “Oh you- you don’t have to-”
“I want to. If it’s ok with you?”
His bright blue eyes find mine and they’re genuine. They also seem…lighter? Than normal. Like he’s not weighed down with as much grief as he was last night.
“I- yes. Of course.”
I bring my laptop over and sit next to him on the bed, pulling up my finished work. As I pass him the laptop, I feel open, on display, like he’s inspecting every corner of me.
“Don’t worry about accidentally deleting anything. I have it backed up in several places.”
“Smart idea.”
I can’t sit here while he reads it. Not just because it’s long but I’m nervous. I always get this way when people read my work, published or not. I just want to hide sometimes.
Lu takes the rest of the day to read and to relax and heal. I bring him meals and helped him walk to the bathroom once before he waved at me and said he’d be ok. That night, I fell asleep next to him as he was still reading, and I have to admit that I love the feeling of him in my bed.
Even if I do want to throw up at the idea of him reading anything I’ve written.
—----
Soft lips brush against mine as my eyes blink awake. Lu pulls back and studies my face, pushing hair out of my sleepy eyes.
“I finished it.”
I’m awake now.
“You..you did?”
“It was amazing, Jane. I’m not just saying that, I mean it.”
He goes on to give me a surprisingly in depth analysis of it, offering feedback and what his favorite parts were. He also left comments if he saw any typos, which I profusely thanked him for.
“So I guess this means you’ll be heading back to the States?”
“What?”
“To get it edited and printed or..or whatever happens.”
I honestly hadn’t thought that far ahead. I wasn’t even confident I’d start writing, let alone finish.
“I’ll send the manuscript to my agent and they’ll pass it on to the editors and all of that.”
“And then what?”
Then what, indeed.
“And then I have to head back to the States.”
He offers me a sad smile. “I’ll be sad to see you go-”
“Come with me.”
He sits up more, his eyes flicking between mine, searching for any sign of a joke. “What?”
“I’m serious. Come with me.”
“Jane, I-”
“You’ve been telling me how you’ve wanted to get out of Australia. That…that you don’t have any ties here any more. Come with me. And if you decide you hate it, then…then you can come back and I’ll buy this house from my friend’s husband and-”
“Wait, wait. You’d really want me to come with you?”
Time for a confession.
“I can’t imagine my future without you in it, Lu.”
That following week, we close up the house and pack our things, ready to close the chapter on our past and move on to the next one together.
