#love's affect

[mona-the-monkey]

Me to Me

“Love me, like me, hate me, kill me, anything.  Just let me know.”

[mona-the-monkey]

Me to Me

You know, Me, the only true love I’ve ever known created one of the very best renditions of The Joker that I’ve seen.  I would like to post it, but don’t wish to do anything that may bother her, 

(”...?”)

Yes, my memory of her is still sharp, and every time I see the Joker I am filled with loss and sadness.  I miss knowing her very much.

[mona-the-monkey]

Me to Me

Well, Me, last evening around dinner time I went down to Carolina Beach near my new home in NC.  I think it looks like kind of a fun hangout.  And I really think Nicole would love it here.  I couldn’t help but think of that.  I wish I could gift it to her.  With no request in return, of course.

But the area also made me think of a certain little movie:

(”...”  “...”)

Ha-ha, Yeah, right?  I didn't hear any blood-curdling screams or anyone yelling, "Sh-shark!"  while there, though.  So it just might be okay to go in the water.

[mona-the-monkey]

Me to Me

Well, Me, it’s been exactly two solid years now since the only woman with whom I’ve ever truly fallen in love vanished from my life and the lives of all those who knew and cared about her.  Today marks that second anniversary of her disappearance.

(”...?”  “...?”)

Yes, I suppose I will never forget her and will always wonder, care and even worry about her.  I just moved to the other side of the country largely because of her, yet she remains with me internally.  I’ve never felt the complete fool over anyone before, but I really tripped up over this somewhat pained angelic soul.

As for your second question, Me, I guess I chose the images I did because she is a very avid reader and admire that about her.  The TARDIS traveling through time and space represents the journeys I wish I could have taken with her as her friend and supporter.  And as for the 3rd and 4th images, I rather see her as my beautiful Clara Oswald -- that someone who is quietly loved from afar, but with whom the Doctor can never truly be.  She is also my Elise McKenna.  If you’ve ever seen the heart-on-its-well-intended-sleeve “Somewhere in Time,” then you know exactly what I mean (and the score to that film musically describes my feelings for her near perfectly).

I so wish her well in all things and I do pray that she will not be significantly hurt by anyone.  I will continue all my prayers for her.

[mona-the-monkey]

Me to Me

Well, Me, close to two years ago, after two years of being in true love for the very first time in my somewhat lengthy life and trying to keep the most powerful feeling I have ever known buried, I finally had to confess it to the precious soul I esteemed (and still do) so highly.  It has now been over four years since I met her and I am still lost in her.

When I met her I was struck firmly and I felt much like Mr. Spock here.  I’d never known that kind of depth of care and connection... or desire to exist.  All of that was foreign to me.  When I finally experienced it I found it meant so much that I had to honor her by telling her.  I couldn’t leave this earth without telling her how much I cared for her and respected her, how very special and rare I found her.  Besides, I felt that she felt that I felt something for her, and so I felt I should be fair to her character by telling her.  I guess you could say that I felt I should warn her that I had feelings for her which I should probably not have.

(”...?”)

Oh, due to my life circumstance I knew we couldn’t be together and I told her there was nothing to do about it and that I wanted nothing from her.  But, her reaction was much like the below imagery -- she must have felt I needed to be “straightened out.”

Sadly, I only had a few moments to try to–rather awkwardly--open up my very soul to her.  It was the very first time I have ever done anything like that and I believe I handled it badly.  That was last time I ever got to see or speak to her.  I will never do anything like that again.  She will always be my first and only.

(”...?”)

You have no idea of the level of shame and guilt that has plagued me on several levels since the very day I met her, Me.  And a specific sense of torture has followed me since that last day.  In truth, I will soon be moving clear across the country because of it all.

Even so, part of me is grateful to her angelic spirit for showing me that true love was possible for me to feel… even near love at first sight, which is something else I never believed in.  To me there is a sincerely special purity in her that is hard found in temporal darkness.

My birthday is merely a few days away and I would give anything I possibly could just for a kind, understanding word from her or to be allowed to be a friend and to care.  Even just to know how and what she’s doing would be enough.

(”...”  “...”)

Yes, Me, I do still worry about her and pray for her.  I always will.  I want to see to it that she is properly taken care of, and if I could I would always serve her as a valiantly loyal friend, regardless of what she may feel of me after my confession.  I wish she understood the truth of it.  She will ever be the only one to receive such depth of care, love, honor and confession from me.  I understand that it must mean nothing to her.  Still, it has meant everything to me, even as it has laid me waste... and even as I have been “straightened out.”

[mona-the-monkey]

Yet I said them anyway, awkwardly, but with the deepest sincerity and care, while asking for nothing.  I merely needed to pay her heart-felt tribute, to explain.  But brother, was that the wrong thing to do.  She simply disappeared from everything and everyone.  I never believed I could be with her, though I did hop we could be close and supportive to one another.

I will always hurt much over that devastating mistake and the fact that she didn’t say good-bye.

[outfits-of-the-days]

Sans titre #5394 par kina-ashley utilisant bague ovale

Hollister Co. tassel sandals, €41 / Lauren Ralph Lauren faux leather bag, €54 / Love s Affect tassel jewelry, €21 / Boohoo beach kimono, €27 / Ariella Collection bague ovale, €8,41 / Earring jewelry, €2,53

[outfits-of-the-days]

Sans titre #5329 par kina-ashley utilisant boucles d’oreilles pendantes

Lace up flat / Brown purse, €9,11 / Love s Affect beaded jewelry, €22 / Humble Chic boucles d oreilles pendante, €33 / Marc by Marc Jacobs ring, €20 / White hat