I had never seen her smile like that, I pondered as I sat in the cafe with Toma and MC. Not in all the time I had known her had she ever smiled like that at least not to me. Her smile touched her eyes making them sparkle. What is going on here? Why does it feel like my heart is being gripped so tightly? Why do I feel irritation and sadness all at once?
I looked at MC sitting across from me. Her cheeks were slightly flushed. I always that she was pretty, sure, but suddenly she seemed so beautiful to me. No, this can’t be she has been my friend for so long and suddenly these jealous feelings arise. Why now?
As we all walked back to the office, the sunlight glistened in her hair and at that moment I knew these weren't familial feelings these weren’t because I love her like a sister. This was something entirely different I just couldn't put my finger on it. “ what’s wrong Natsume?” MC said worriedly “ Hmm? oh, nothing.” I replied trying to sound indifferent “really? because you haven’t said more than five words this whole time. You know you can talk to me right?” She said as she touched my shoulder, and butterflies materialized in my stomach at her simple gesture. “ Leave him be MC I’m sure he hooked up with some girl and can’t get her out of his head, haha.” Toma rolled in laughter. Annoyed I smiled. I wish, don’t get me wrong I have my fair share of women fawning over me, I've had many sleepovers, but when I’m with MC it’s different she understands me she sees the real me. This is quite unsettling.
I see her and Toma flirting. Teasing each other back and forth. As soon as we get back to the office I grasp her arm and Toma looks back “ I need to ask you something.” She waves Toma off and gives me her full attention “ Is there something going on with you and Toma?” I had to just come out and ask it no beating around the bush about it. I want to hear it from her mouth.
She smiled awkwardly “ Uh. No. W-why do you ask?” she said quietly, I cocked an eyebrow. “ Are you sure because from my standpoint it sure looks that way.” She took a deep breath as if to settle herself. “ No nothing’s going on Natsume, I don’t know why you’re so insistent, we are just friends I mean we work in the same department.”
She was fidgeting with her blazer while she spoke. It can’t be “You’re sleeping with him aren’t you?” Her eyes grew wide as saucers. I hit the nail on the head. “YOU ARE!” She looked away “ Quiet Natsume!” She said in a hushed but stern voice. I glared at her “You aren’t one to sleep around, what’s going on with you?!” She looked me straight in the eyes, her ears and cheeks red from anger, her forehead crease deepening.
“ What’s it to you NATSUME! I don’t belong to you, and just so you know I’m not just casually sleeping with him!” She shouted as she stormed off, and left me alone with my thoughts. Jesus, that woman pisses me off.
Why didn’t she just tell me the truth from the beginning? That also begs the question of why I care so much if she’s with Toma or not. He seems like a good guy so why is it bothering me so much. No, no, no this can't happen. I couldn’t have developed feelings for her after we’ve spent basically all our lives together, and especially after she’s found someone she likes. Man, my timing is way off. It’s not supposed to be like this What am I supposed to do with these feelings now that I know that I have them?
I was leaving for work when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder so I looked behind me and it was MC “ Can we talk?” She asked shyly I nodded and we walked to the bar in silence. After we ordered our drinks she finally spoke “ Look Natsume I think I was probably a little out of line I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that, but even so, you shouldn’t have shouted at me.
I don’t know what’s going on with you but I am genuinely concerned.” I sighed “ Nothings wrong MC I just worry about you. I don’t want you to get into a situation that you regret. I want to see you happy, I mean what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t worry?” She giggled at that. Finally, a smile it seems we are back to the way we used to be.
Toma had come to pick her up and as I watched them walk away I saw them instinctively lace their hands together and he laid a tender kiss on onto her lips. She waved at me
“Goodnight Natsume be safe getting home!” That’s my MC always worrying about someone other than herself. I may not be able to be with her, but I can support her love with Toma and remain her best friend. The friend I always have been. I’ll keep my feelings locked deep within my heart so that I can protect her happiness. Then maybe just maybe I will find love one day, and MC can cheer me on the way I’m cheering for her.
Hoping my feelings vanish with the night as I watch them walk into the darkness. Of course, that will never pass. I’ll have to live with this burden on my own and cheer for her happiness, that’s all I ever wanted anyway.
