There’s this unexplainable thing about love that all of us cannot deny. Love makes us question things about ourselves. Love makes us think about things that are undeniably unhealthy.
Most of the time, even from dating to settling down, we ask questions like, “Am I good enough?”, or “Can I actually make this work?”, and a lot more. These questions all go down to one thing – security.
Love and security are two different things. We can feel love and not feel secured, and on the other hand, we can feel security without being in love. For instance, you can be in a relationship even when you don’t feel good about yourself. You can feel love even when you think you’re not beautiful or smart or funny or just you know, lovable. You can give love even when you don’t have it for yourself (which I will talk about more on another entry). You can make a person feel good about himself even when you don’t feel the same way about yourself.
Security is a way different story. Security is knowing your worth. Security is knowing what you deserve and what you don’t deserve. Security is being aware of your own value. Security makes you say, “No. I don’t deserve this, I deserve better than this.” Security makes you run away even from the things you love when you know it isn’t the right one for you.
Now, wouldn’t it be magical to find love and security into one person? Not that you need someone to make you feel loved and secured, but you know, who doesn’t wanna have someone anyway, right?
These two things doesn’t always come from yourself, especially security. When you’re in a relationship you must feel secured in the relationship. You should not feel the need to question yourself every time – or most importantly, you should not feel the need to question the relationship. You should not feel the need to ask, “What are we?”, or on a sadder note, “What if one day he wakes up and realize he doesn’t love me anymore?” and it goes down to questioning your worth. You start to think that maybe you’re not enough. You start to think that maybe you just isn’t the kind of person someone wants to be with.
A relationship isn’t just about love. It isn’t just about making the person feel like the happiest creature ever lived. It is also giving the person the assurance that despite all the bad things and all the odds, you love the person. It is not about having a great day, but it is also about letting the person sleep peacefully at night and not spending the night worrying and feeling insecure. I think, maybe, to feel secured is to feel something more than love.
These days, everything is about dating. You seldom find something real because not everyone is brave enough for a commitment which makes it hard for people to find security. I mean, at the end of the day, we cannot deny the fact that there will come a point where we wanna have someone for the rest of our lives and you can never have that unless you feel secured and loved at the same time. You cannot live your life stalking him on social media or checking his phone every time you get the chance just because you feel insecure.
Today, people who feel loved and secured are the lucky ones. And you know, if you are in a relationship, make your partner feel loved and secured even when that person fails to do so. You have to make that person feel loved and secured and maybe, just maybe, everything else will follow.
