edaniellefm

we are a bunch of fucked up people in a fucked up world

[edaniellefm-blog]

if you can't appreciate it while it's there, maybe you would appreciate it when it's gone.

[edaniellefm-blog]

maybe that’s the thing about being alone - you learn to live on your own; you learn to be happy on your ways; you learn to enjoy things by yourself. you do what you want and you’re happy. being alone doesn’t always mean loneliness. sometimes, you get to know who you really are and you get to love yourself even more. it may not be as happy as having someone by your side but you’ll learn that it isn’t as bad as it seems. you find peace. you find silence in the middle of this world’s chaos. you find your home inside of you. and the best part is - being alone again after some time doesn’t scare you anymore.

[love-diaries]

I wish I could re-live some nights.

(via poemswords)

and I wish I could forget some.

[innerpeaceonly]

I got my heart broken and I survived, I failed 3 courses in university and graduated, I got rejected in the very first job I applied for and got promoted yesterday, I went through hard times with my family but then two years later, we laughed our hearts out over lunch, The closest friends disappointed me several times but I made new friends and loved them with all my heart. I did it once, I can do it again.

[edaniellefm-blog]

Stop imagining about love, thinking it could fix you.

[edaniellefm-blog]

and so, instead of doing it, i decided i could just write about it

He opened her bedroom door, and there it was: the last place she set foot on. The last place she has and will ever set foot on. He could picture the horror of last night. He could still smell her - the scent of her menthol cigarettes, her vanilla-scented perfume mixed with the smell of her blood that she used to write on her now-stained-lilac-colored wall that says, "I was here."

With his legs shaking, he managed to walk towards her bed and sat on its side. He saw the pile of suicide notes she had written over the last years of her life that she never had the courage to use. Slowly, he traced the hand print blood stain on her pillowcase.

How could he not see it? How could he not think of what she really meant when she told and promised him over the phone last night that she was writing her last suicide note? How could he be so dumb and not realize what she meant? How could he not hear the sound through her whispers the scream of help? How could he let her hung up? How could he manage to just say good night and tell her he was sorry he was just drunk and wanted to sleep when she was on the other end with a knife kissing her flesh? How could he?

He opened the letter above the pile with yesterday's date imprinted outside. This isn't the first time he reads a suicide note from her, but this is the first time he reads a real one. He's seen all her suicide notes and this one was the shortest one she's ever written.

"This is the last one. The first real one. I'm keeping my promise this time."

He felt his body tremble. In his mind he could see her smiling, her mouth curved beautifully across her face and her eyes almost half shut as she says, "At least I have finally kept a promise, right?"

[edaniellefm-blog]

had another semi-lucid dream where i was trying to run, (not from anything and not to something) and it felt like there's something dragging me and i couldn't run no matter how hard i try. it's like i'm exerting all my energy and effort but i still couldn't run. i woke up and i could remember every single thing in my dream. less than an hour later, i collapsed. idk. it's weird. i wasn't even tired or whatever. i slept for like 11hrs; however, not continuously.

posting this with the hopes that maybe someone knows how to interpret dreams or at least know some psychological explanation about this thing. it happened to me twice. the first one was also in a semi-lucid dream, and it was a horrible one.

[edaniellefm-blog]

the night is lonely - and so are we

[edaniellefm-blog]

after all, we are all just in search for the happiness we think we deserve

unspoken realities

[poemswords]

[amargedom]

In love with myself.

[edaniellefm-blog]

You are enough, a thousand times enough.

Atticus

[goodreadss]

She was one of those stars, a bright dot in blackness, without home, without a companion, in eternal cold and silence.

Maxine Hong Kingston, The Woman Warrior (via goodreadss)

[edaniellefm-blog]

3 AM Thoughts | August 14, 2017, Monday, 3:22 AM

There are nights like this; when I suddenly wake up from a really good sleep for no apparent reason. It feels weird and great at the same time. Weird because one minute I was so asleep and now I am wide awake. Great because it feels like I am holding time right in my hands; I am feeling the long night, every second of this long night in my hands that no one will ever get to savor except me.

Times like this, everyone’s asleep. The world seems so quiet and peaceful and it’s crazy to think that at the other side of where I am, it’s probably busy and everyone’s probably rushing - the complete opposite of this, right now. So, I like going outside the house at this time. I light a stick of cigarette, and feel its warmth against my lips with the crispness of the cold early morning breeze touching my flesh.

It’s crazy to think how everything could be a whole lot different on another time zone, how different everything must be for someone miles away from me. But here, right now, it’s just me, my pack of cigarettes, the moon and the stars, thinking about all the people I’ve never met and would probably never meet.

It’s just me, whispering all my thoughts, my love, and all my worries unto the stars, knowing they don’t even have the slightest idea that I exist.

[goodreadss]

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

Thich Nhat Hanh (via goodreadss)

[quotesofallkinds]

[poems-and-word]