To be completely honest, I am going to be very personal, to give you full disclosures. In my life, various medical professionals and therapists have determined that i have severe insomnia, sleep paralysis and night terrors (since about 6 years old), OCD, anxiety disorder, attention defecit disorder, severe depression, mania and so forth. Later, after puberty started at about 11, I experienced literally blinding migraines and cluster headaches and chronic head pains. I was put on large amounts of T3s (which I soon got addicted to) and antidepressants later, which made me very suicidal, as I felt nothing, so couldn't see a purpose in existing. To put in an 11 year old perspective, if I were playing Super Mario I'd have hit reset and started over with better odds. By about 23, I was determined to have bipolar or borderline personality disorder, and was generally using large amounts of vodka to induce sleep. Unfortunately, in an effort to cope and self medicate, I became a nearly daily polysubstance abuser. That aside, I have been on probably around 15-20 different medications, including injections and even ECTs. With these all came dire side effects, and the remedies that have helped the most with least cosequence used to ALL be illegal. Which makes me question whether modern medicine wants to cure, or whether it wants to prolong suffering and medication reliance endemic in societies, to keep patients as lifelong customers/consumers. Patience is right. Maybe some holistic medicines are frauds, maybe some are the real cures. As always, it's a bit of both. Be weary of the legal dealers claiming to be legal healers. It's hard enough to make it day by day anyways, facing the thoughts that on top of the eternal struggle to exist, we could be wiped out by an asteroid tomorrow, or a strange virus on Sunday, and so why should we do anything ever?? Why should I even care about finishing this rant/blog or songs or projects?? Also, what’s the point of life if we're just going to eventually die? Does any of this even matter? Welcome to the world of existential dread. It comes creeping up for pretty much everyone at some point in their lives. The pressures and pains of existence, those anxieties and fears associated with just living, press upon all of us, even when we are completely healthy and aren’t aware of them. While these feelings can come up at any time, certain things can trigger them, such as:*Feeling as if you’ve reached a standstill*Life transitions, particularly unwanted ones*Traumatic or life-altering experiences*A large-scale crisis (yes, this includes pandemics)*Anxiety or depression*A shift in identity*The loss of a loved one Existential thoughts feel very heavy, but it’s possible to cope with them before they spiral you into a looping self-destructive crisis. I've learned through this is all that matters is this present moment. And in this present moment, to love wholeheartedly without expectation. Also, to reach out in times of need, however possible. This is the key to not falling into Automatic Negative Thoughts Spirals, despair, and really ALL kinds of sick, addictive, cynical and cyclical sinking. You must have faith that this too shall pass, and I believe what you believe and its power to heal. So much so that I will not argue about names, details or semantics. As my belief is actually in your belief, in the powers of faith and ONE LOVE. Even science recognizes the placebo effect having power in a believing mind. So say we talk about numerology. Your thoughts of the number 11 may be vastly different than mine. We've come from separate perceptions. How you apply your belief is where the power is, I do not need your agreement of how the power affects me, and you don't need my judgements either. Inevitably so, mine would be to do as you please, so long as it doesn't harm anyone. Lets call this The One Commandment. In terms of meaningful coincedences, what I call Synchronicities, the more you believe the more they happen.*Is it True? *Is it Helpful?*Is it Inspiring? *Is it Necessary? *Is it Kind? In online posts I try to remember the accronym "T.H.I.N.K." shown in the image here. Presently in the online world, everything is glossed over, especially if it's not a one-liner, meme or strictly positive and nothing else. At the expense of scratching its rose-coloured glasses, this is how I've felt, since far before fakebook ever existed. Door-matting, scapegoating and becoming a whipping post only happen when you let them. This post is my way of cementing into my mind I will no longer accept such treatment, and will not tolerate intolerance and will use my voice, use my masculine throat chakra to express so. The difference between empathy and sympathy is that one helps and another drives disconnection. People don't want responses, they want connection and bonding. If people can't control their own emotions, they have to then start controlling other people's behaviour. When you are around overly sensitive people, you can not relax and be spontaneous because you have no idea what will upset them next. Sometimes I feel as if I'm seeing God. Not bearded white guy in the sky God (praise Jesus!), not weird moon goddess Luna (blessed be), not the hallucinogenic "I just took some mystery drug at a rave" god, but I have been thinking for three days straight completely wide awake and sober and have surpassed the extreme discomfort of sleep deprevation into a true understanding of Source and the interconnectedness of ALL with every sense, including the sense I'll never adequately be able to put it into words. Seeing symbols and patterns everywhere is something we train our brains to do. Finding meaning in them is a matter of faith. But they are there. Mathematics proves magic. Mathemagicks if you will. There's science to mysticism and mysticism to science. People need to stop arguing about semantics. It's only generally an assertion of ego. I used to believe people who saw auras physically saw colours, but I didn't understand that kind of (3rd eye) sight is not visual or physical. I can know someone for 5 minutes and have never been surprised by who theyve become 15 years later. Like seeing all beings at once, and all beings too. There is sentience and a soul. Theis soul, solely told in one sentence. You can see all of things by their eyes, teeth, lips, gait and their movements.Their treatment of other beings. That is ONE LOVE, and I think a true sense of understanding. Hopefully. But alas, I have FAITH.
