Friendship is Vital, More than Necessary
Affection (noun): Often, affections.
a. emotion; feeling; sentiment:
over and above our reason and affections.
b. the emotional realm of love:
a place in his affections.
Eros (noun): Originated from the ancient Greek god of love, identified by the Romans with Cupid.
a. physical love; sexual desire.
a. having the same belief, attitude, or feeling:
We are kindred spirits on the issue of gun control.
b. related by birth or descent; having kinship:
C. S. Lewis, "Friendship--the Least Necessary Love"
According to C.S. Lewis and his discoveries, contemporary life styles are incapable of understanding the value of a friendship, in relation to love, if it can be accepted as a love at all. By first accentuating on the biological insignificance of friendship, he evaluates the distrust and dislike a community may endear based upon the idea of a simple friendship.
Most interestingly and perhaps the most identifiable argument presented by Lewis, is the idea that two species (humans in particular) are nearly prone to being more than just friends. He states ".. we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a friendship than a love-affair." So to say that your best friend may soon become your lover just because of the way life works. This could go to show that although friendships are built upon a common ground and trust, the likelihood of it not developing further, is very slim. Arguments are vicariously made that men and women can just be friends, but biologically, and scientifically proven it is not so. Lewis rectifies the idea that while Eros lasts, it must be between two and not ignored. Here is where love and friendship collide. It could also stand as evidence against non-believers that friendship is in fact necessary, as a gateway to other relationships vital for our survival and well being.
Lewis also contends, in which I agree, that while friendships come in pairs they thrive as the number expands outward. In order to sufficiently establish a lasting friendship you must arise out of mere appreciation for the same thing. You must trust, love and believe in a common factor, which can be something as simple as the love for the color pink. However, by doing so and agreeing with the person you are building a mutual trust and bond formed amongst this shared 'evil'. The value and realism of the idea that a friendship can open based upon a unique quality you thought was only your own, is so very true.
"What? You too? I thought I was the only one." (page 42)
Often times, we get too caught up in ourselves or our own insecurities and unconsciously stifle our ability and desire to build relationships. When a discovery is made that there is a human on the planet with the same burdens, desires, dirty secrets or fantasies, etc. it becomes easier to identify and build a real relationship. Lewis builds on these main ideas and gives examples near and far for how they work or why they're misbelieved. However, the main argument lies that although according to biological studies and non-believers, it has no survival value, friendship is one of those things that give value to survival.The idea that resonated most closely with me was the number of friends and the way in which, as Lewis describes, A, B and C ALL bring out different qualities, aspects and pieces of an individuals personality to make them whole. This is entirely true and seen everyday in all types of relationships.
"In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity.." (page 41)
Its safe to say that this is one of the most accurate things Lewis says. People can bring out the best or worst in another, or get the person to reveal or break through a side they may have never shown before. The idea of having a trio or foursome of friends elicits the idea that to be whole and fully identify with yourself you must have such friends. The friendship lies on the grounds of "nearness by resemblance" and the friendship group is not to be envious or jealous of another. The friendship should not rely or have anything to do with the persons social life, or anything outside of the boundaries that the relationship was formed on. A true friendship is just that. Every friend I've ever had did not start because of their looks, or how much money they had. We created a bond based upon a common interest, and sometimes even a common dislike. In many cases the hatred for the same person, place or thing can begin the greatest discussion starter. After talking about the original statement you form a bond and all other personal aspects about the person come later.
Lewis gives a compelling argument and sufficient evidence as to why people feel friendship is the least necessary love. However, what he actually argues and his main point is that friendship is in fact VITAL, as love, a want and a necessity of life.
