#loveyoume

[sagittariusdesigner]

[putainamant]

I've been trying to find my home

Moving 8 hours away from LA has forced me to rely on myself. I've been trying to make myself my permanent home. I know I'm not staying in SF forever, but I'm definitely not moving back to LA after college. I love those cities both, but my ass can't stand still. Travelling my shi. Like it's everyone's shi. Everyone wants to be in a world they've never been to. I love doing that but I really think before starting that chapter in my life, I need to find myself or at least a big chunk of who I am. I really want to love every detail of me. I love me and I need to continue to practice that everyday. It can't only be when my skin is clear or my booty b lookin good in some pants. I need to love me every single second of my life that's all I wanna do (in the most humble way possible). How can I let people inside my life when I'm not taking care of myself? I know ppl who are hella insecure still have a lot of friends, but I feel like it stops me. Like would I want others to be in dis wild ride of mine that isn't even safe or functional enough to get in? Like I'm hella indecisive. I don't know what the fuck I want. I don't know what I'm doing here in San Francisco, but I'm also not just sitting here. I'm hustling. I'm alive because of my mom. I'm living for both of us (she ain't dead but u know she deserves all the credit in the world). I'm genuinely happy. A stranger smiling back at me makes me happy. Noticing a healthy relationship makes me happy. Understanding homework makes me happy. (I hate math fuk that shit) I'm just happy bro like I know I don't got a lotta friends and that's something I need to work on. I need to work on not being embarrassed or ashamed of telling my other friends that I haven't really made close friends other than my roommate and her best friend. They're great people. I love them. I use to... well I still sometimes think that I if I don't have plenty of friends that means it's because I'm boring and having nothing to bring to the table. I'm cute asf!! I can talk about life or death! I can talk about the strokes or how I have a middle finger with a funny story tied to it! I'm a depressed boo who continues to fight for her life! Everyday I get up and try to be a better me for the sake of my health and for the sake of others. If I'm a better me then I can be stable enough to help others when they're in need. How beautiful does that fucking sound? So I mean like I ain't hurrying my self love treatment but I think I'm almost there. Almost to a point where I can be comfortable in my home and am able to take my home with me wherever I go and wherever I live

[bamboo02-th]

23小時短暫重逢Q 但是拍了250張照片好驚人(大笑)

terminal 21/腳底按摩/海南雞飯/JJ Green/拷山路 一下飛機就揹著重重的行李搭機場快線轉MRT來到termianl 21，帶著豬呆逛了很多自己的愛店；入手了好穿的手工鞋一雙!

樓上的food court是我覺得曼谷百貨公司裡CP值最高的，路邊攤價格好吃不減而且還有冷氣，連芒果糯米飯都一次蒐集到了;) (吃到豬豬都感動得要哭了，不愧是我從小到大最愛的甜點之一)

走 來不知道什麼時候裝潢得這麼高級的Health Land，但果然因為充滿(台灣和大陸)觀光客必須等45分鐘才能做腳底按摩(鬼臉) 查地圖的同時看到路邊公車立馬跳上前往BTS Phrom Phong站，吃我最愛的海南雞飯還有欽點按摩店。(豬豬的按摩初體驗大成功!!並且終於來這裡吃了我到這一個多月都還沒吃到的海南雞飯嗚嗚)

雖 然比預定的晚回家放東西，但還是在八點多驅車前往JJ Green。帶著豬體驗曼谷公車和BTS，成功讓豬豬在23小時內體驗大部分曼谷交通工具(拇指)。兩個多小時後手上多了大包小包的搭計程車回到拷山路， 但既然有夠討厭這地方就不多說了，但是喜歡的酒吧間餐廳居然半夜就關門了嗚嗚嗚Q____Q 調酒行程殘念

回到家都已經幾點了啊，還要把各種戰利品塞進已經很重的行李袋裡，弄好可以睡覺好像都三四點了(死)隔天早上7.30要起床吃早餐收拾準備去機場的…..

第 二天其實沒什麼，一起下樓吃了湯麵當早餐、在7-11買了一大袋泡麵當備糧以後就搭車去機場惹。哦然後因為人太多，笨豬差點沒搭上飛機，嚇死我了。所以根 本也沒來得及好好說再見然後起飛Q___Q 害我一個人在observation deck痴痴看著轉個彎就不見的飛機然後落寞走掉嗚嗚嗚。

雖然短的讓我隔天起床覺得整個周末像場夢，可是每次跟豬在一起又熟悉平常的不過；甚至有種這一個月以來其實我們還是每天黏在一起、昨天才把豬送去倫敦的失落感。很開心至少在去倫敦前能有這麼一段時間 :)