Perhaps this is the wrong time to type this up, when the wound is still fresh. God teaches us love and forgiveness, and to truly forgive someone when they've hurt you so badly is a difficult task. I am, however, not someone who blames someone fully for an issue. Lately, I have had a lot of built up anger which can be so hard to keep in check. Anger is such a toxic emotion that can eat you up from the inside out- I never wanted to be this person.
What causes this anger? I'm not sure, I guess I'm just another one of these broken people. One of the things my priest constantly says, which I think is so beautiful, "much like people go to the doctors for physical ailments, we come to church for a spiritual ailments, we are all broken and God loves us and can help us be well." Such a beautiful thing to say. Having that spiritual guidance in my life helps, and having a church, as well as the community that comes with it, gives me a sense of calm- rest from this constant bubbling anger that really is like a ticking time bomb.
I guess its our flaws that make us human, but I assure you I was never this way inclined in the past. Perhaps the pressure and heartache catches up, and while yes I am human, I cannot this negativity and despair engulf me. That darkness, it feels, will interrupt my path to God, and all I want is for him to be that best friend and to feel his love in my very broken heart.
So my message to you this evening is that, whatever is making you feel down and making you despair. Know your worth my love, Jesus died on that cross- that is your worth and you are loved and beautiful. God is never angry at us, only sad for us. Open your heart to him, feel the fullness of his love.