#low vampires

[vampirefilmreview]

Vampire Academy (2014)

Date Watched: 6/23/2023

Gay: 8/10. Fuck you, they are real

Twilight Influences: A lot. Also Harry Potter?

Enjoyment: 9/10. I really enjoyed this movie which is ironic because I've avoided it for as long as it's been out. I wrote this off as another Twilight or Vampire Diaries but it's not. This is a good teen movie in other ways. I'll admit I was confused by the magic system and strange politics and a lot of the plot (mostly because I read the book directly after watching the movie) but it was fun. I haven't felt this strongly about a lesbian ship since fuffy and I think this sereis kinda lacks the lesbians it needs because of the same reason I never wanted to be a part of it. It feels twilighty but it's not and Zoey Deutch is amazing as my bisexual wife ~Rose Hathaway~

Vampires: Ok, to be honest they're pretty mid. It's all focused on "classy" and "civilized" vampires who would never kill AND blood whores are looked down on? Lame. The strigoi are cool but they're barely part of this one and the designs are boring. 1/10. Natalie was cool

No sire rule and vamps can be born

Representative of 2010s? Yeah

Relative Popularity? Most know about it

[vampirefilmreview]

Underworld (2003)

Date Watched: 6/28/2023

Gay: 2/10 for Pirates of the Caribbean looking Michael Sheen

Enjoyment: 7/10. I never really understood the story but I loved the vibes and the aesthetics which is strange because I hate blade. However, it is definitely a better werewolf movie than a vampire movie. I absolutely adore these werewolves and Lucian's goal of making a perfect mix is as compelling as it is confusing. There were some vampire stand outs like Erika and the one who looks like Baron Afanas or however you spell it but Lucian forcing bullets out of his body stole the show. I need to watch more werewolf movies (any.. besides gingersnaps). Anyways, I can tell wwdits took a lot of inspiration from this series.

Vampires: This is where the movie is like Blade. They're just not that interesting they're just worse and less transgender matrix characters. They have no design and they use GUNS?? Michael at the end (the character not sheen) looks pretty cool and I loved the fucked up look of the leader but overall? bad 3/10 (the werewolves would get 10/10)

No sire rule

Representative of 2000s? Yes

Relative Popularity? I'd say it's pretty big

[vampirefilmreview]

Rockula (1990)

Date Watched: 1/12/2023

Gay: 4/10. The vibes are IMPECCABLE

Enjoyment: 9/10. The ending was weird but I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It has vampires and rock music and tragic love stories and 80s hair. It's one of my favorite vampire movies now and I wish there was an official soundtrack, it deserves it.

Vampires: Practical but kinda basic besides the rock music. The outfits are amazing but I don't think they ever drink in the whole movie. They eat real food and reincarnation is real (but they get the cool virgin vampire mirror thing) 4/10

Representative of the 1990s? No but its very 80s and it's basically an 80s movie

Relative Popularity? None really

[vampirefilmreview]

Love Bites (1993)

Date Watched: 3/5/2023

Gay: 0/10. Not much there really

Enjoyment: 4/10. I'm... disappointed. For a movie that brags about Adam Ant it had no good music at all. The story is kinda similar to Rockula except also not at all. I didn't care for the becoming human aspect past the initial funny fis out of water scenes and I didn't understand the middle at all. Overall, the movie really kinda sucked and not in the good way. I had some fun with the love story but there wasn't much there.

Vampires: I liked the girl but she's no drusilla. The main vampire was cute but way lame. Idk if it's the accent or... everything else but he really fucking sucks and his look isn't that great but some points for hair. 2/10 it would be better if he sang.

No sire rule but vampires are turned after many bites (don't have to drink a vampire's blood)

Representative of 1990s? Meh

Relative Popularity? No one seems to care

[vampirefilmreview]

Liar, Liar Vampire (2015)

Date Rewatched: 8/5/2023

Gay: 0/10. Sorry weird, weirdo girl

Twilight Influences: All of them

Enjoyment: 9/10. I really love this movie I think it captures twihard energy perfectly through the lens of an awkward teen. This captures what it was like to be a kid in 2015 and I didn't even see it back then. I love the plot, I love the goofy van helsing, I LOVE all the visual references to Twilight. The woods scene is perfect and all of the videotaping is so real. It's a great story. Kaleidoscopes!!!!

Vampires: Technically, none in the film but I appreciate the ways he is mistaken for one. The hair and the mirror and the glitter. Plus once he goes all in its so fun. Still gonna give him a 4/10 for nailing the look

No sire rule, no sires

Representative of 2010s? Meh

Relative Popularity? Almost none