Lately I've been thinking a lot about Bradward Boimler. But no, not like that, sorry.
It's just that he's set up as kind of a "Loser" archetype, especially in the beginning. A square, follows rules to the letter, has trouble being flexible, seeks validation through achievement. A Starfleet nerd, as Mariner puts in.
But here's the thing. Every time Boimler falls, he keeps getting up. When he fails, he's dissatisfied, yes, and he might even take time to be upset about it, but then BUT THEN he tries again.
Like, watching it happen, it's funny, right, this noodly skinny guy, failing time and again at things other people breeze through, often with a shrill shriek accompanying it. And it took me a while to see it, but once I did, I couldn't unsee it.
Hi I'm a former gifted kid and if I do not get it perfectly the first time, I consider it a shameful failure. Probably a familiar story on this webbed site. So watching Boims fail and then take that as a cue to just try again and again until he's satisfied with the result, not until he meets other people's criteria, it's... eye-opening, actually. Because make no mistake he's a perfectionist too, but it doesn't slow him down -- instead it's the driver behind his constant strive.
I just... wow? The resilience, the perseverance, the strength it must take to keep at it no matter what. Because that's what you want. And on the ~Fliiip~ side, that means that if something doesn't interest you anymore, you can just... stop. No harm no foul, maybe you learned something and maybe you didn't, but now you're moving on, and you don't consider that to be wasted time.
The way Boimler is set up, how is he not a blubbering mess on the floor? How is he not being destroyed by his own neurotic anxiety?
(Part of the answer, per the show, is the friends, because seeing William handling things, and how he reacts to seeing Mariner, it's just... oof. Not only is the Cerritos staffed by competent people, and he has to learn to put his trust in them, but his friends are actually his strength. Yes duh that's the main theme of the show but man it's hitting me in the meow meow)
Unlearning shame is such a complex journey but the thing about Bradward Boimler is there is no shame in learning.
It's one of those things you know as a child but you learn, time and again, to tamper it down. You asked something everybody knows. You tried and made a mistake. You embarrassed yourself or, even worse, you embarrassed someone else. You dared to exist as a flawed human. May the ground open up and swallow you!
The pain, the discomfort, becomes survival-level instinct. So you don't get beaten, or deprived, or whatever punishment you had to endure for being imperfect.
Real life isn't Starfleet. It's organic and messy and contradictory and yes, sometimes there will be losses and consequences to your failures and they might even be spectacular, but then what?
I think, maybe, that perhaps then I could stand up and say I can do better, hit me again.
It wasn't possible before, but it might be possible now. I'm in a safer place, with safer people. It's safe to fail.
