She cringe in her seat as her Big Cousin who is an owner of his things as he tells her how he dislikes excuses. She wanted to say hey chill. She knows she can't be irresponsible with her dreams anymore. She can not lie at the fact that she is thirty years old.
She knows she has to start working. Writing. Believing in her own capabilities again. Searching. She leaned back in the broken recliner chair. Reaching a certain satisfaction through her self reality check.
A mirror showed her reflection. She looked upon it, she seen beauty. Broken beauty. She seen a soul searching to make money. She wants to make her own money.
Lip gloss? She wants a lip gloss line. Clothes! She loves fashion she believes in the art of fashion. Shoes she loves shoes. She wants a shoe line.
Land she had spoken to him the night before. She wants land. A grave yard. She believes she will be able to succeed.
She honestly know she has no other choice whatever it is. Her family was becoming very weary of her. Beginning to look upon her as inadequate.
Honestly, she could not argue. She had somehow become unknowingly due to the unhealthy consumption, which had exceeded to a level that slighted her, when it came to her ideals an beliefs of the art of love.
She still found good in the world. She was able to witness the evil ways that attacked peoples goodness. She witnessed it . She became it. She followed it. She followed him a lover an friend. She become lost a summer ago. . . again.
This time over a more personal issue. She lost a lot the summer before but today she realized just like she has been always taught as a child to believe that a new blessing is on the way.
In fact it had already begun.
See her goal was to come back to her grandmother's house which now her big cousin lived in it, to seek some spiritual healing.
Just come to a place where nothing ever went wrong unless it was a disciplinary action. As of today.
She got up from the chair an walked into the front room of the house. The room where before she was not allowed to sit in an or play and it always stayed with plastic furniture in it. She remembers always sneaking in it from time to time to just sit down on the couch when her grandmother was in another room. Now she sat on her big cousin couch reminiscing about where she started to lose sight of her own life.
"Man", she thought twenty-eight she really stood alone. She forgot to seek her Heavenly Father's Son for advice, for guidelines, and guides. Instead she seek self an other humans beliefs an satisfactions. She had to get right to the point of things. All things is possible through Christ that strengthens me she thought then she went to search for the exact scripture. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 KJV.
"Yes", she thought, "that is my next step" she thought. Her big cousin asked her what was her next step into working, making her self her own money or just money but most importantly find a passion. Then he politely yelled "figure it out! "
So with that alone she understood her family concerns. Friends an anyone else that has come a cross .
She could still hear his voice echoing in her mind saying excuses can not work anymore. She could not even reminisce. He is right but a nap was sounding alright to her mind and all that cigarette smoke from her working Uncle was tiring her body out. Just her allergies and asthma acting up a little bit. Nothing she could not handle.
She refused the sleep and instead decided to go pray for the next step and the opportunity to succeed at it and to succeed period.
All she needs is just to be noticed all she has to do is really notice her self. Then it's step two, three and next thing she will know it's money, money and more money.
