btw I do think the reason why lukey was so bitter about the death was because it was a relapse.
what I mean is, !lukey (and cc!lukey, but this analysis aint about him) has a common thread of trying to prove himself in every server he joins.
and being on lifesteal? if thats not the place to prove he's grown past being a hamster– that he's strong now, he's been training, he can fend for himself! this is the lifesteal pangi was constantly hyping up on the realm, the thing that made him Better, no matter what. any of lukey's past accomplishments or prowess paled in the face of the mythical Lifesteal.
so to survive– nay, to thrive on lifesteal– now that would be the ultimate proof of skill. this was his chance.
...and then he misses the start, and joins less than 10 minutes before the grace period ends, and fuck he's already at a disadvantage. but he brushes it off, despite resentment growing in his gut, because he can make this work.
and he meets up with his team, and maybe they're bullying him a bit but it's fine because he's going to prove himself and then everything will be okay. and he will be respected.
and then they go to spawn and he lowers his guard because he's meeting new people! and he's excited and zam comes over and he's excited and then zam starts attacking pangi
and his blood is rushing and his heart is going so fast and he rushes in because this is his chance, this is his chance to be more than a hamster and if he pulls this off he proves to everyone–
And here's the thing, stepping back: this was a Bad decision. Lukey was in iron with a stone sword. Zam had diamond and cobwebs and is a better pvper by far and away. Pangi only survived because he ate an enchanted golden apple. There was no universe where Lukey won this fight. But I don't think that's what he was thinking. I think he was thinking:
I won't be a failure if I do this, I'll be able to hold it over Pangi's head forever, I've been training I know what to do, I won't be a failure, I won't be useless, I won't be weak–
And then he died,
and respawned,
with a heart hunger far more powerful than it should have been.