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im so. so tired of adhd. like yeah theres some fun sides, but please please just let me function. the simplest of the tasks feel like im climbing a mountain. hate the feeling of being paralysed, begging myself to just do something but i simply cant. i just. sit and stare at the walls or at a screen for hours, yelling and crying in my head but unable to move. every fucking day. this is so exhausting

#lua vents #life is falling apart and all i can do is watch

ok but what about losing a friend and you miss them every single day, you see them everywhere, but then they try to reconnect and you just cant bring yourself to it because its not the same anymore

#or maybe because the disorder still makes me hold grudges even if they changed but still cant do it. 10 years go to waste ig #lua vents

i NEED my family to give me one day. one day without talking abt job, money and what i should be doing instead and "ik you have mental health issues and untreated adhd, but why arent you trying for this job opportunity thats gonna make you miserable and burnt out in a week??"

#:thumbsup:#doing awesome #lua vents #hhhh we're going down again fam bear w me

why does everything have to be a battle. why can't I have one easy thing for once. it's not fair. it's not fucking fair

#im stuck where i was 10 years ago and i watch everyone else get their life fixed and needs met #and im not angry at them. but im so. so fucking jealous #lua vents

god im so tired

#proud of myself for fighting against 3 diff destructive impulses during *that*#hate that my brain wont settle w dealing w one thing at a time and speedruns going through every bad thought and memory every breakdown #im beat #....yeah i need a timeout. of. everything ig #lua vents

whats up with this new trend my brain has of making me feel extremely lonely and insecure and making my rsd peak like crazy between 7pm-8am. its summer here, the darkness is shorter, whats going on

#lua vents #silly time over; back to horrors ig #why is this happening every single day now

what part of my personality do I have to change so these genres of people will stop approaching me. maybe I'm too kind or considerate or whatever. maybe I need to care less

#why do i always have to pretend to have my shit together; be cheerful and helpful and responsible and whatever else #i cant even act like myself near them bc i'm too worried abt their comfort #no wonder im so drained after every interaction jfc #its like theres only space for their issues despite them fully knowing im just as unwell #lua vents #/nbh

old habits die hard huh

#welp #lua vents

#lua vents

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