I hate where I am in my life at the moment, and where I want to be is 100000 miles away from where I stand. But I'm not sure how to get out of this place, I've been stuck in a pointless rut for the past 8 months, go to school, produce uninspired, graded, half assed art pieces, go home, cry, sleep, eat, fuck, sleep, repeat. not complaining about the part where i get fucked, best sex ever and I just don't know how to get out of it, school is one of the biggest reasons I'm back into habits I thought I'd left in high school. The only reason i seem to go there is to see the lovely girls who get me out of bed everyday. It's making me hate myself because I'm just not producing the quality of work I know I'm perfectly capable of. All the work I'm doing is aiming for a stupid fucking A grade to make the fucking school look good. I'm just sick of it. My options at the moment consist of fail y12, drop out of y12 and have a few months respite and get a job, drop out of y12 and apply for college, or scrape a d grade and apply for a college course next year. and none of those options sound appealing to me
All I want to do is enjoy being 17, I want to dye my hair pretty colours and walk around my house in my undies eating fairy cakes and drinking tea and painting my face pretty with makeup at 3pm so I can go out and spend 2 hours walking through the meadows near my house with flowers in my hair and maybe go to the coffee shop and sit with an old women and ask her about her youth.
But no.
I've got to get A levels then a degree and scrape an office job and be in 30 grands worth of debt when I'm 29 and be a 'contributing' member of society. The thought of it all makes me want to put a bullet straight through my temple.
I just don't want to live this life anymore, I'm going to work my butt off, stressed as hell for the next 5 years, to end up with shitty grades and get no job because I'm stuck at home with the kids watching them grow up as I grow old and eventually die in my sleep to end a shitty mediocre life.
