All-Knowing And All-Agony
days passed and you haven’t been out of your shared room almost at all, which luka, your roommate, pointed out annoyed, more than concerned.
you couldn’t help but notice the familiar glint of worry swimming somewhere beneath his cold, degrading eyes.
you grew up together after all.
the curtains where drawn and you reveled in the warm comforting bedding and blanket that draped over your body, finally keeping you warm instead of just being a cover like back then. there were many plush pillows and stuffed animals thrown about the bed and carpeted floor, the room in a manageable mess. a comfortable one, it felt lived in, warm.
not sterile, white or soft blue, that felt so harsh on your eyes.
you stared into nothing, the slight gap beneath your door let in light from the hallway. it has been hours.
your phone, apparently, was probably flooded with messages, mail, and notifications you couldn’t possibly keep up with, so you put it on silent and set it away.
your throat was dry, your last glass of water you drank last night, your lips probably chapped aswell. and you continued staring.
minutes passed, hours maybe, before the distinct noise of keys in a lock and a door opening and closing, muffled through your walls and doors, sounded around the flat.
there was some more silence, you were barely hearing some shuffling, and then footsteps, light and almost shaky feeling, you‘d compare it to a fawn, sneaking closer and closer to your door.
you then saw the shadows in the gap, and the door opened slightly. you couldn’t muster up the strength to look up, so you kept your eyes on the floor.
„you still haven’t left your bed?.“
luka hissed, his eyes narrowed as he stepped into the trashed room, the air was stale and the heater turned up way to high.
„you didn’t even clean up, can’t you do anything on your own now…“
he mocked and you could almost hear his eyebrows raise. he probably found you pathetic, he used to tell you that all the time at least, and right now? you honestly were.
to think you used to kill, to survive, and now you couldn’t even get out to piss.
there was just so much going on that didn’t make sense. people you thought were dead, now living and breathing, thriving, right infront of your eyes. anakt garden didn’t exist, now being a college of the arts, nor did the whole sing well or die thing that ruined your life and every one else’s.
luka kneeled down infront of you, and just as his eyebrows narrowed, his cold fingers grabbed your hair lifting up your head, it hurt, yes, but you found even the slightest touch of his ice cold fingers on your skin soothing, the yelling and screaming in your mind clearing out with alight breeze.
„you look so awful, really..“
the air of superiority that always surrounded him made him look down on you, and you gave him a lazy ghost of a smile.
„you don’t…have to look at me if you don’t want to, no ones forcing you…“
you said with a bit to much enthusiasm.
you were so happy he was finally free. his fingers weren’t as cold as they were before and he was slightly taller and had just a bit more healthy weight on his bones, not underfed anymore.
from what you gathered even his sickness was being treated, you were ecstatic, elated, worry falling off of your shoulders.
you didn’t know wether you were dreaming or nor, you hoped to someone you weren’t.
luka continued staring, and his eyes softened just for you, he huffed, scoffing quietly.
„aren’t you funny..“
he teased softly, his fingers running through your hair before ghosting along the side of your face and you closed your eyes, indulging in the sudden vulnerability of the other that you didn’t get to see often, especially with others around.
but right now it was just you and him, and suddenly, everything didn’t seem so complicated anymore, for now only you could exist on this stage, with him in the spotlight and you admiring.
„why must you worry me so…?“
he whispered and you swore you could hear angels sing through his voice, a choir of the divine grazing your ears even with the quietest words.
„i‘m sorry-“ you started absentmindedly but he interrupted you, snapping a sharp „don’t.“
he took a breath and his words weakened.
„just… don’t… we-… you will get through this..“
he bit back, and his tone left no room for disagreement.
and you couldn’t help but smile.
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also on ao3
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