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nightmares || not accepting
In his dreams he is standing on the edge of Heaven, looking down as vertigo makes his stomach twist in a painful way. All he has to do is jump to the emptiness, let himself fall into the void and let go of the place he once called his home.
In his dreams, he trembles and takes a step back, afraid of what will happen, too aware of how painful it will be. He knows this path all too well, he has crossed it before and his bones still ached from it, he can still hear the wind howling in his ears.
In his dreams, he doesn’t have to it, he doesn’t have to jump. He can go back home and pretend everything is okay, that there is no danger in staying with Him, that the clouds can still be his playground. There is no need to feel pain.
In his nightmares, however, sunshine is swallowed by darkness and His hand is gripping his shoulder so tight it hurts, His nails dig into his skin and it feels like hot metal is being pushed into his skin, breaking it, leaving a hole in the muscle, right down to the bone.
In his nightmares he begs for forgiveness, for the sins that he has yet to commit and cries helplessly as he pleads for a second chance, for mercy to be shown towards him just this once. He will behave, he will do anything He asks for. Just name it, name it and he’ll do it. But please, please don’t do this, don’t do this to me, please....Papa, please don’t do this, you are hurting me, please....
In his nightmares He doesn’t even look at him and his silence makes him feel desperate. Prayers leave his lips in a babbling mess, words leaving his mouth in a trembling voice until he is sobbing and there’s nothing left to say, the decision has been made, no matter how much he might plead, how much remorse or fear he feels. There is no way to change the story.
In his nightmares, He rips his wings off and pushes him out.
He wakes up screaming, the smell of burning flesh in his nose, apologies leaving his mouth in desperate cries.
In his nightmares....He relieves memories in twisted pain.
