for @etvdes || continued from here || rhiannon & lucy
it felt as if it had always been inevitable. a lifetime of carrying everyone's pain, everyone's hurt and turning it into sunshine and pretty things. from her parents' divorce to rhiannon being back in her life, lucy had always tried to see the good side, to keep things hopeful, to be there and be fine and make sure no cracks showed. because if she wasn't there to care, to nurture, to help - who would? her breath was shaky as she exhaled, head in her hands, sitting on her couch. it was wrong to put this on rhiannon, after everything that had happened, but lucy was glad it was her, and not some random customer in the shop. it was fine,she was allowed to cry, she'd done it plenty. that didn't mean she wouldn't get up and go back to work afterwards. only this time it felt as if it wasn't one crack, but the whole shape of herself shattering under the pressure of it. she'd seen it before, with one of her favourite vases. full of water, overflowing with a bouquet and it had just burst. maybe she'd missed a crack, maybe she'd filled and emptied it too many times. but just like that it was gone, and she'd felt its loss as if she'd lost a friend.
her head leans into rhiannon's shoulder, hand finding the fabric of her shirt and holding onto it tight, trying not to shatter. "i know. i- you're here, and i'm sorry i still treat you as if you're going to run away, it's just -" a choked sob before she swallows it down, wiping at her cheek with her free hand. "i feel like every time i allow myself to not be okay, everything falls apart. my parents, the shop, you. it's as if - as if." she has to take a moment to catch her breath before she finishes. "it's as if i'm the last one standing and if i break, it's over for everyone i love." she still can't look at rhiannon, but holds onto her tighter. "i'm sorry. i just don't know how not to be okay without falling apart."