#lwin

[melaancholicmess]

Lwin, I hope you see I’ve grown into a better woman now. The girl you dropped 2 years back isn’t the same in 2020. I’ve glo-ed, even for a bit. Thanks for being my wakeup call.

[melaancholicmess]

What do you do when you used to really love someone and even now, you’re still holding onto bits and pieces of memories, hoping that maybe, just maybe, things may get a little better someday and he’d text you and things would be better soon. But... you know that’s never happening because he’s so much better off without you in his life. And that makes you wonder... why. Why do guys move on from me like it’s nothing, when I've given my all to love them? Why.

[melaancholicmess]

13 December 2018 l 00:05

Overnighted at Lwin’s place from 11/12-12/12. 2 days, 1 night. Did sexual stuff apart from ex of course. But more than that, we managed to talk about how we felt genuinely for one another and had dirty talks in between HAHA. I fucked up recently and last night, Lwin’s friend fetched us to the nearest Mac and mund called me. I cried again, needing to recall everything that happened and it was sad. :’) And I sat at the back of the car alone and I was quite quiet and Lwin could tell, like I kept looking at the floor and I was silent. And at the lift, he touched my hair and asked if I'm okay and I just nodded, and when we were in his room, I laid down because I had a fucking bad headache and he asked if I wanted to talk about it and I did. He assured me that everyone fucks up and that it’s fine as long as I change. And he gamed while I slept, and he woke me up from time to time to hug me or cuddle. :’) I love sleeping with him and cuddling with him. We woke up late and slept again at 4pm till 8pm, Like I had my arms around his neck while he laid on my boobs and it was so comfortable since it was raining and we had aircon, and we just toh-ed. 

this was us cuddling and him worshipping my boobs HAHA. it was damn comfortable ah tbh.

I'll always... always... remember and love you. 

thank you lwin. 

161018 1901 -- 031218 :’)

[melaancholicmess]

5 December 2018 l 03:51am l Day 0 

The talk went well, I would probably remember what exactly happened so I won’t bother updating here. But it’s almost 4am and I’m just kinda breaking apart now. I’ll really really really miss you alot, Lwin Moe Aung. I hope you come back, I really do. I miss you so bad, you were literally the best. And I still see us together in the future though I know it’s probably not possible anymore. It’s breaking me apart, really. It’s hurting me so bad, having to know about how your feelings for Tongyu came back. I really tried you know, I really did my best to love you with everything left within me. I fucking never saw this coming. I hope you’ll miss us, I hope you do. Because I really fucking do miss you and you mean so so so much to me.... I don’t want you to leave. But at times, it’s not about whether you want to or not, but it’s about having to take the action. I trusted that your feelings for Tongyu wouldn’t come back just by chatting with her but that trust was broken, and it hurts so fucking bad I'm fucking breaking.

[melaancholicmess]

4 December 2018 l 3:33am

D-Day. Today is our last time meeting one another. It’s funny. It’s funny how “feelings faded” is such an easy excuse. Don’t give me all of that “you deserve someone better” excuse as if you’ve been doing your best loving me. It was all about me all along. I was always the one who put in effort for you. You treated me like nothing after we got together. You stopped putting in effort. I thought long before I opened up to you and this is how it goes. It’s funny, I thought we’d go long, like 6 months or even longer. But now, there isn’t a point in trying anymore. I know very well I deserve so much better than a guy who treats me like trash. I know my worth very well. Goodbye, second.

[melaancholicmess]

21 November 2018 l 01:00am

Been rough the past few days. Honestly, being single is better than being in a relationship. Being in a relationship means an extra problem. Well, the guy I chose is the issue. I still want to believe you’re good, really. I want to. But I can’t. Why does outfit mater so much? Even when I dress nice, I need to improve on my outfit. Really? Does dating means I need to uphold a certain standard of looking good. If you knew at the start that my fashion sense was shit, would you have dated me? I honestly don’t think my fashion sense is of shit like how you exaggerate it to be. I need to dress well each time I meet you and it’s not my standard of “dressing well”, it’s your standard of dressing well. Forgive me for not having enough money to get clothes like yours. Honestly, even if I have the money, I wouldn't change my style of dressing just for you. I want to dress comfortably, not needing to worry about impressing you. I wish there wasn’t a need to impress but every time I dress up, you’ll have comments to add onto it. And it gets on my fucking nerves. Stop changing me, let me be who I want to be. I’m comfortable with me, I don’t need an extra person to tell me things or to judge me, especially if it’s every damn time I meet up with you. And you tell me to be confident yet you’re adding comments like I'm fat now? Oh, thanks for contradicting. I think it’s fucking toxic, who are you to judge me like that. Who, seriously? Why am I wasting my tears like that? Why do I do this to myself? First QD, now You. Get out. 

[melaancholicmess]

14 November 2018 l 03:06

Reached home at 02:45am. We celebrated Lwin’s birthday today, it was quite fun honestly. I mean most of the time I was alone but I really enjoyed the company a lot, just watching my boyfriend getting drunk, hanging out with his friends... woah. I think I probably overdressed today but fuck that. It was kinda awkward at first, because I knew no one except Angela and Yuhan. But thankfully Yuhan talked to me and it was easier getting along with Yuhan than Angela tbvh. 

Then when we were at the carpark, they blasted songs and I was telling my clique, “confirm police come one sia.” and legit, they did HAHA. And they were like:

#1 surprise was the birthday celebration 

#2 surprise was me appearing and 

#3 surprise was the police appearing

#4 surprise is that if we waited longer, Halimah Yacob might’ve personally come down 

HAHA, dieded. Lwin took 19secs of alcohol and seh as fuck. I had to be the mother of the day tbvh - Making sure he didn’t vomit in the car, holding a plastic, taking his phone, taking his bag, making sure he’s alright and ensuring that he got home safely (with the help of YH) 

Got home and got scolded by mum, I just kept quiet because I know it’s really my fault for returning home this late all the time, wasting her money on grab (and cigg). Not only these but meeting Aung late at night all the time X( I should stay home for few days and stop worrying her. I really want to apologise for being the way I am... Sorry mum, for worrying you with everything I'm doing :’) 

All in all, great 19th birthday surprise for lwin. :) I enjoyed today. Was it worth it? Yeah, quiet.. very actually. 

Thank you for being in my life, Lwin Moe Aung. I’m not the best girlfriend but thanks for being the best I can ever ask for. Happy 19th.

[melaancholicmess]

27 October 2018 l 02:16am

been long since I've chilled with my guys. Been always w lwin, and schedules clash so couldn’t meet my guys. But we finally met today, quite impromptu but really enjoyed it. Brought Lwin to meet them. Lwin came to find me because I was bawling my eyes out in school for 2hours, and it was better with him, at least a form of distraction and... just love. He stayed with me for approx 11hours? :’) so very thankful. Am actually fucking dizzy from the ride back home so I'll type these, and hopefully will remember to update soon. 

Anyways... booked appointment at polyclinic tomorrow, for referral letter for kkh again.... Kinda sian but whatever....