#lyna's post

[lynaferns]

Beautiful sketch & lineart.

Evil and intimidating color.

[lynaferns]

Well, can't say I watched an eclipse, but I can say I witnessed one 👍

I looked out the window with my brother and saw the sky turn dark for less than a minute and then bright again. The building in front of us was shielding us from the deadly laser of blindness, so even though we had no glasses we were safe.

[lynaferns]

I'm so tired of this drawing, man.

I was thinking to myself "well, I only have an arm and the legs left, which shouldn't take me too long cuz it's almost all the same texture, and I'll be done" and then I remember I have the other group layers for a second version with a jacket, and I have to render that too.

I'm never doing another 'more than one clothes versions' drawing in this artstyle ever again, dear god.

I can't abandon it now, it's too close to being finished.

I don't even feel embarrassed anymore, for my mother that y'all gonna see this TV's shinny ass. Idc, I have put too much effort in the colors and I need to share it now (when it's finished).

[lynaferns]

Referring to your last venting post, i've felt something similar about my own art. Personally, I didn't even try for a long time I literally disappeared for years because I was so burned out. So honestly, I think you've already gone above and beyond just by continuing to post your art.

For me it's simple at least, if i don't feel like creating, then i just don't force myself. Of course, I know your situation is different. In a way, we're kind of opposites; art is my hobby and not my main job, so it helps me keep a balance. I don't want to spend all my time thinking about work, so I just escape into art.

I'm not saying you should distance yourself from art if that's no what you want, i just think it might be worth exploring other interests. For example, I love languages. I find it fascinating how certain expressions or ways of speaking/writing came to exist. Sometimes it's fun discovering tiny details or words that aren't what they seem at first. little things that nobody else notices but you. it's fun for me at least.

Maybe that's what you need too, something that's just yours, something you can enjoy without any pressure.

I'm not pretending i have the answer or that this is the solution. But if it feels like you're stuck because art is your job, maybe trying new hobbies could help. The best part about hobbies is that you don't have to be good at them; you can just enjoy the process, and learning something new is already rewarding on its own.

Sorry if this isn't very helpful. I just couldn't let your venting post go by without saying anything. It didn't felt right to me to let it be forgotten, especially as someone who genuinely enjoyed your art at one point. I just thought i could say smt.

I think there was a misunderstanding here (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠), my art is not my job, in fact, I'm still trying to finish highschool education (on my third attempt) so I can have it easier to get a job I'm able to do (-> so then I can have money for hobbies and live somewhere else).

I decided a couple of years ago I wouldn't work of art because I have a hard time drawing on demand by others, I literally cannot force myself to draw something I don't want to and I really only like drawing stuff related to my taste and fixations. But the counselors, teachers, and people I've met from irl just in general tent to ignore that part and want me to turn my hobby into a job.

A couple of months ago I asked for class tuitions for bakery and/or sewing related jobs and I saw how the counselor completely ignored my petition and straight up jumped to anything related to graphic design. It was a back and forth between me not wanting anything art related and them insisting on finding me something to do with art because "I'm too talented not to". I couldn't get any class in the end (for a different reason).

It's true that I should get other things to do, you are kinda right in the part that I'm stuck, but it's not my art itself that's stuck but my life as a whole, which results in me not doing ok and it reflects in my relationship to art among other things, haha.

So even though there is a list of things I would love to try or go back to (piano, bookbinding, languages, braille, sign language, fencing, sewing, plushie making, doll making, rollerskating, figure sculping...), I'm just not in situation to do any of that. I have nowhere to go outside, I have no space in my room even for my own stuff, a family situation I'm not gonna get into, there's the mental disabilities part and there not being help for it on top of that.

Drawing is the only thing I have available until I'm able to change my life for a better place. And I can't do that until I finish up some things I have been dragging on for too long.

My only option is waiting right now.

Regardless of all of this, thank you for reaching out and writing this response. You are right on what you say, and I wish I could just do it and get out of the loop, but my situation is weird and not the best.

[lynaferns]

Having thoughts about why I'm posting on social media, and venting, again.

Like, I want to share my art, yeah. But sometimes it feels pointless, like, idk why do it or why I keep doing it.

In the last few years I feel like I can't do anything OC related anymore without feeling bad. Like I messed up my motivation somehow. I don't seem to be able to put effort into any other thing that isn't fanart of my current fixation and it's been frustrating me for a while.

Because my stupid brain sees social media numbers as grading exams in a school. And it automatically grades my own art before I even think of posting anything. So why post the "bad grade" art.

And now I'm thinking why post at all. If I'm going to feel bad regardless of the results.

If I post something I put thought into and it gets ignored my brain is gonna punish me by not letting me draw for a while. If I make a fanart I'm gonna feel bad because "why didn't I put those hours in a drawing for my OCs?".

Up until recently my family would push me to post all my art even when I told them I didn't want to post some of them. We talked about it and it turns out they wanted me to keep posting because I don't go outside to meet people, so they wanted me to use my art to connect with others through the internet. They don't push me with it anymore after we talked, but I still feel bad because I really didn't need to post some of the stuff I have drawn. There have been times I got an instant artblock and couldn't do anything all day right after I posted something. But I also feel bad deleting art posts, specially because they are never completely deleted.

Sometimes I feel like people don't really care for my art. Like they only care for the potential of it but not really for what I feel about it or what I want to do. Like if I don't draw a pretty picture/character it's not worth looking at. If I don't draw what people want to see then I'm not worth paying attention to. If I don't study art/get and art related job then I'm wasting my talent. And no matter how many times I say I would like to have something else as a job, people are just going to ignore me and search me an art related job/class first.

I don't want to hate drawing. I don't want to feel dread when I struggle to start a drawing.

I feel like art is the only thing I'm good at and if I can't keep drawing then I'm useless.

There's no other thing I'm skilled at that I also fully enjoy.

And I still want somewhere to share my art with others. But man... Why is it getting hard?

[lynaferns]

Kinda sad that that post I rebloged about what people consider "valuable" in art, and the fact that there being sexual intent in an art piece doesn't strip it from being art, has been flagged as mature content for having a picture of a well known antique artwork of a naked woman.

The whole rant is very well put together and interesting to read but it's gonna be hidden away from most people with mature content filtered because of an artwork that's literally in a museum.

Which is also funny that tumblr is censoring that, considering what the post says about known sexual art pieces being in animal crossing lol.

[lynaferns]

...Something's wrong 💀

[lynaferns]

Y'know, it's pretty funny reading that one post about "Americanization of things" and "losing your own culture and language, exchange it for the popular one" when you are someone that lives in a place that... Has already lost its original language, sort of lol.

What we have now is a "frankestein monster" version of the original with some spanish words.

I know that it will probably develop in the future and become an actual language some day, but being at the beginning stage where the language they are making you speak is a badly made clumsy copy introduced a few decades ago after it became legal to speak it again, after the original was erased.

I don't understand texts and songs written in original Basque. I can understand half of a text and/or song written in current Basque because they taught me when I was a kid but I stopped speaking it because I couldn't use it to communicate. Not even the teachers could use it well.