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Jason: *staring blankly into a streetlight* throwback to that time I didn’t realize astigmatisms existed and I thought everyone saw lights as the distant, brighter cousins to sea urchins Tim: *in the middle of bandaging his brother’s knife wound* *pauses* wait. You’re saying they don’t? Jason: Jason: we both need glasses

#When I got my glasses I didn’t know what an astigmatism was and so when they asked if I had one #I said no #but I have since then realized that not everyone knows the intense feeling of “that street lamp wants to eat me”#batfam #jason todd #batfamily #dcu #dc #tim drake #Red Robin #batfam shenanigans #batfamily shenanigans #Jason Todd wears glasses #Tim drake wears glasses #Jason and tim #batbros #incorrect quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batfam quotes

( Dick storming into the room )

Dick: I HATE EVERYTHING

Bruce: what happened this time

Dick: I entered a nightwing lookalike contest

Bruce: why ?

Dick: Roy bet me fifty dollars I would loose

Dick: and I did loos

Bruce:

Dick: TO JASON

Jason: ( cackling from the room next door )

Dick: ive been a vigilante since i was like 9 and im normal Cass: Jason: Tim: Steph: Duke: Damian: Dick: why arent you guys saying anything

Baby! Damian: *points at you*

You: why’s he doing that. Why’s he pointing at me.

Tim: that’s how he picks his opponents, he just points at them.

Dick: cut it out Tim, he’s- I’ve actually got no idea why he’s doing that.

You: *tries to move*

Baby! Damian: *keeps his finger pointed at you, face set like stone*

You: okay let’s see what happens if I do this *pokes Damian’s finger with your finger*

Baby Damian: *smiles as he firmly grips your finger, smiling*

Dick: you’re the baby Damian whisperer.

You: I must be…but now he won’t let me go, I’m stuck.

Tim: you brought that upon yourself *leaves*

Dick: have fun entertaining him *leaves*

You: guys? Guys?! I’m telling Bruce you’ve banded me!

You: …*looks at baby Damian* you’re not going to let go anytime soon are you little man?

Baby Damian: *tightens his grip on your finger*

You: I take that as a no.

Jason: It’s your spleen! You lost an ORGAN Tim, you should have told us!

Tim: So? You don’t have your tonsils, that’s an organ!

Dick: That’s not the same and you kn-

Jason: Jokes on you, my tonsils grew back in the Lazarus Pit so your argument doesn’t even make sense!

Dick, now fully turned toward Jason: Your tonsils did WHAT

Jason: Why is there a raccoon in the Batmobile?

Tim: His name is Steven and he's helping me commit tax fraud.

Jason: …I leave you alone for two hours.

Tim: Steven needed a getaway driver.

#tim drake #jason todd #red robin #dcu #red hood #batfamily #timothy drake #chaotic batfam #tim drake chaos incarnate #out of context batfam #incorrect batfam quotes #steven the raccoon #give my baby a pet

Damian: Father asked me. "If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

Damian: Father, it'd my idea. You birthed a leader, not a follower.

Dick: so if it’s you or the laptop-

Tim: me. 100%.

Dick: …your not even gonna pretend to think?

Tim: about what? I can always just rise from the dead but my laptop-

Dick: what?

Tim: what?

Dick: what made u think you can rise from the dead?

Tim: well Jason did it so it’s obviously not difficult

——

Jason, in his safe house reading a book: I feel a chill or disrespectful in the air.

——

Dick: alr can you at least lie abt it

Tim: ughhhh

Dick: for me *flutters eyelashes*

Tim: Fine. *says in monotone voice* If it were either me or my laptop to be destroyed I would choose … the laptop.

Dick: thank you Timmy

Damian, walking past: Richard even you know that’s an outright lie.

#after Tim hugs his laptop mumbling apologies for the next hour #this is the closest thing I’m getting to writing these days #batfam #incorrect batfam quotes #this qualifies right?#Tim drake #dick Grayson #jason todd #damian wayne #batfamily #dc #Batman #incorrect batfamily quotes #shut up san