i've been reading a self help book to cope because i've been having a hard time ever since winter started. an exercise i did today was based on comparing your "true self" (who you truly are) with your "role self" (who you've learned to be) and suggests thinking about yourself from fourth grade or earlier for the true self section.
art was my first love. ever since i was little i was passionate about it and loved expressing myself creatively and looking at others' work. in middle school i decided i wanted to go to art school after overcoming the depression and adjustment process of immigrating. my family ended up moving again that year and i got very depressed so i stopped making art in the same capacity. by high school i had given up on art school and didn't bother taking any art classes or joining the art club. in college, despite the hardships that came with my newfound independence and autonomy, i started making art again (greatly in part due to falling in love and also dealing w a mental health episode) and ended up pursuing a studio art minor. although i was a terrible student mostly bc of my untreated depression.
i graduated in the spring of 2023. the end of my art classes was the end of my artistic practice for a long time. it is now the end of 2025 and i have been working to get back into art as a therapeutic practice. i think i put too much pressure on myself back when i was a teen and would constantly put myself down to the point where i developed a mental block that stops me from making art. it used to just flow out of me. no matter what i was always doodling and drawing. now i am often daunted by the blank page staring back at me. my skills have deteriorated somewhat due to lack of practice.
I am sharing these pieces because I was always too anxious, self conscious and afraid to share my art with people. all of these pieces are years old. the first two are from high school and the rest are from college. I am trying to let go of my inner critic and find joy in my art regardless of its technical flaws and imperfections.
Looking back on these, I can now see the good I had in me. Turns out i was never all that bad. I just never believed in myself but I definitely had a voice. I'm not sure where it's gone since now looking at the pieces it feels like i had the juice but it is now dried up lol. I know that is just the pessimism talking. I hope I can continue to heal and grow and return to myself. If, for some reason, you've read all of this: thank you. I wish you all the love, light, healing and warmth you could ever wish for.